


Strings Attached

by JeanJacquesFrancois



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends With Benefits, M/M, One Night Stands, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 96,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanJacquesFrancois/pseuds/JeanJacquesFrancois
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So?” Brienne said mildly in the kitchen one morning. “Is it official with this guy?”</p><p>Renly pretended not to hear, glancing down at the newspaper on the table and digging his spoon into his cheerios.</p><p>Brienne cleared her throat, evidently about to ask again.</p><p>Renly sighed. “No, it's not. What makes you think that it is?”</p><p>Jaime raised an eyebrow. “Of course, because it's completely irrational to assume that you might be in a relationship with the guy who sleeps over at least three times a week and who has his own set of keys.” He glanced sideways at Brienne. “The girl might be stupid but she's not that stupid.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To clarify for foreign/non UK readers:  
> 16 - Age of consent  
> 17 - You can drive  
> 18 - You can drink

 

September 2012

The club was crowded and hot, and despite spending what seemed to be forever looking for them, Renly couldn't find Brienne or any of the others he'd arrived with. He sighed, taking another sip from his drink and wincing when the vodka burned his throat and he remembered quite why he'd left it only half-drunk in the first place. He briefly contemplated renewing his search for Brienne, but glancing at his phone, he reckoned there was a definite possibility that she'd have already been tracked down by Jaime and taken home; she was never a fan of this sort of thing anyway. Instead thus, he headed over towards the bar, the bass pounding through his chest and his vision swimming slightly from the drink that was definitely too much vodka and not enough orange juice.

Renly had to force his way through the crowd to get there, weaving in and out of people that seemed too drunk to stand. Every now and then, a girl would try and catch his eye, one even pressing herself up against him so that he could see down her top. Renly sighed. He had no desire to buy her a drink, or take her home, and he especially hadn't wanted to find out first-hand that she most definitely wasn't wearing a bra.

There was a queue to get drinks, and Renly was almost at the front when a row broke out between some girl and a guy who'd apparently tried to put his hand up her skirt. Moments later, the girl's boyfriend got involved, and before Renly could see what was going on, people were pushing and shoving, yelling for the two guys to fight. Renly winced as a girl's stiletto landed painfully on his foot; he'd only wanted another drink. 

He stopped complaining, however, when he happened to glance up and find that the crowd had pushed him up against someone who by all standards was devastatingly attractive. He was tall, not quite as tall as him, but tall enough Renly thought. And unlike the last guy he'd met in a club that Renly had thought to be passing attractive, he was sure that this one would still be drop dead gorgeous in the morning, when there was no vodka interfering with his judgement.

What surprised him more however, was that he seemed to be interested, not even complaining when the crowd pushed him up against Renly for a second time. Renly grinned. Usually, he loathed nightclubs like this one; everyone he seemed to think was attractive always turned out to be straight, or on the off chance that they were interested in guys, more often than not they were already involved. Sadly, it was never something he'd thought to consider when trawling through university league tables, and whilst he'd been advised to check out the student satisfaction statistics and the ratio of tutors to students, nobody had thought to tell him to also look into the proximity to gay bars.

This guy however had no stumbling girl, or guy for that matter, hanging onto his arm, and judging from how attractive he was, Renly wouldn't have expected that. He decided to test the water, not stepping back even when there was clearly room to do so. Instead, he looped his fingers about the guys wrist.

The guy just smirked, and not breaking the eye contact until he really had to, turned around and headed out towards the smoking area, evidently inviting Renly to follow him.

Renly did, downing his drink and following him out. It was cooler outside and Renly pushed his hair out of his eyes, breathing in the smoky air.

The guy was standing by the wall, rolling up a cigarette.

“Got a light?” He asked when Renly approached and Renly was pleased to see he was still gorgeous even under the harsh light of the street lamps. He had the most amazing hair, Renly thought. It fell over his eyes in corkscrew curls. They looked like they would be fun to play with and Renly had the sudden urge to tug on one and see if was as springy as it looked.

Instead though, he fished in his pockets and pulled out a lighter, handing it to him. “What's your name?” he asked, trying to sound casual. 

“Loras.” the guy replied, lighting his cigarette and taking a drag. “What's yours?”

“Renly.” He took the cigarette when it was offered and inhaled deeply before handing it back. “You a student here?”

The guy looked thoughtful for a moment, rolling the cigarette in between his fingers before answering. “Yeah.” he said. “First year, English Lit.”

Renly was half way through telling him that he was a second year lawyer when he was cut off rather shortly, the guy pressing him up against the wall and leaning in to kiss him. He tasted of vodka and smoke, and something faintly sweet that Renly couldn't quite put his finger on. 

“Yours or mine?” Renly panted when they parted for long enough for him to get a few words out.

“Yours.” The guy grinned up at him as he wrapped an arm around Renly's waist and leant in to kiss him once more.

…..............................................................

It took Loras a few moments to remember where he was when he woke up. Daylight was streaming through the curtains and it was only when Loras glanced sleepily around and saw his clothing still strewn about the room, that it all came flooding back to him; the shared cigarette, the drunken kisses, the rather awkward walk back to the guy's house. He remembered it all, even the part where he'd been pushed up against the opposite wall and fucked so hard that he'd panted the other guy's name into his mouth. He grinned, _especially_ that part perhaps.

The name was slow in coming to him now though and it wasn't until he glanced up and saw the guy in question sitting across from him on a tattered old desk chair and wearing a battered University hoody that Loras managed to recall it. _Renly._ Renly, the second year lawyer who could do truly amazing things with his tongue in fact. Loras formed it silently in his head. The name felt good on his tongue.

He grinned and sat up, hopeful that Renly, or whatever he was called, would come back to bed and fuck him again. Glancing at his expression though, Loras didn't think it likely somehow. He had a small frown on his face and, unless Loras was sorely mistaken, was looking at him rather disdainfully. He was holding something too, something small and rectangular that he kept glancing back down at before looking again back at him.

Looking closer, Loras' heart sunk when he realised it was his fake ID. It had done well enough to get him past the bouncers yesterday, but that had been in the dark, and the doormen had only casually glanced at it before stamping his hand. In broad daylight, however, Loras reckoned it would be painfully easy to see that his photo was glued on with Pritt Stick and that the fake holographic sticker was peeling off slightly at the sides.

“What's this?” Renly's tone was mild but Loras reckoned he was the sort of guy who probably wouldn't show it if he was angry.

He just shrugged. He'd lied to a lot of guys about his age. This one just happened to be the first one who'd called him out on it.

“ _What is this?_ ” Renly repeated when Loras didn't answer.

Loras rolled out of bed, fishing around for his clothes. “You know full well what it is.” He pulled on his boxers. “Look, I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

The guy's frown deepened. “Are you even a student?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters.” He put the ID back on the floor. “You're seventeen right?”

Loras winced. It looked like this guy was going to take this badly, which was a shame, Loras thought, because he'd really have liked to see him again. He briefly contemplated lying again and confirming that he was seventeen but he thought perhaps that to lie twice about the same thing in twenty four hours would be pushing the boundaries.“I'll be sixteen in April.” He said eventually, not meeting the guy's eyes. 

“ _Sixteen in April_.” He looked mildly horrified. “You do realise that's illegal??”

“What's illegal?” Loras yawned.

“ _This_.” Renly hissed. “What we did last night.”

“Oh that.” Loras grinned. “Well nobody actually cares about that sort of stuff anymore.”

Renly seemed to think otherwise. He'd picked up one of the large textbooks on his desk and was brandishing it in Loras' face. “I'm a lawyer. I care.” He rifled through the text book. “Ashby 2001. Stevens 2006. Wilson 2010. _See._ People do care. You can get prosecuted for this.”

Loras resisted the urge to laugh. It was quite endearing somehow, the way he was flipping through the pages and reeling off various cases to try to prove his point.

He must have done a poor job at hiding his amusement, for Renly ran his hands through his hair despairingly. “This is statutory rape, what I just did.”

Loras shrugged. “I was up for it. It was hardly without my consent.”

“That's not the point.” Renly hissed. “You're not old enough to give consent. And I should know, half of my first year exams were on this sort of stuff.”

“A pity.” Loras said. “Because last night was really good.” He couldn't hold back the laughter this time at Renly's expression. "No chance of a repeat of that this morning?”

The guy's eyebrows disappeared into his hair. “Obviously not.” He snapped. “Get your clothes on.”

Loras sighed and pulled on his jeans. He hadn't had all that many one night things with guys, but this would definitely mark the first time that he'd ended by being reprimanded the morning after.

“That's it.” Renly hissed when Loras was fully dressed. “I'm taking you home.”

And with that, Loras was ushered out of the room and down the stairs. He could hear people chatting in what he assumed was the kitchen, but Renly didn't stop to speak to them and Loras very much got the impression that Renly didn't want any of his housemates to see him leave.

Renly's car was a rather beat up red thing with a large dent in the front. Loras resisted the urge to sigh as he was pushed almost forcefully into the passenger seat. He'd thought previously that he'd hit an all time low as far as embarrassing situations went that time in year seven when his grandmother had decided to accompany his mother to parent's evening, but he thought this might just top it.

“Seatbelt.” Renly instructed, not even looking at him as he put the key in the ignition. It took several tries to start. “Where do you live?”

Loras rolled his eyes and recited his address.

They drove for a while in silence, Loras watching the people passing by and trying to work out quite where they were in relation to his house. It wasn't long before Renly had turned onto a road he recognised and Loras guestimated it to be a couple of miles perhaps between his own house and where Renly lived.

“So,” Loras started, thinking he had nothing left to lose here. “I'm guessing there isn't any chance of me seeing you again?”

“Certainly not.” Renly said curtly, though Loras was pleased to see him hesitate slightly. As much as he was claiming now to be horrified, Loras knew that he'd very much enjoyed last night too, he'd certainly given that impression at the time at least. Loras grinned, remembering. At nineteen, or maybe even twenty or twenty one, depending on whether he'd taken a gap year, Renly was the oldest guy Loras had been with, and it had certainly showed. 

“Suit yourself.” Loras shrugged and they didn't speak again until Renly had pulled up on his road, thankfully a little way down from his house, for which Loras was grateful. This morning could only be made worse, he reckoned, by his parents finding out that he most certainly hadn't been staying at Robb's house like he'd told them.

He sighed as he made to get out the car, mildly surprised when the guy put his hand on his arm.

“Here's your ID back.” He handed it back to him seemingly rather reluctantly, black hair falling over his eyes and making Loras' stomach do back flips. “”And nobody can know about this.”

“Alright.” Loras shrugged.

“Nobody” He repeated

“I said _alright_.” Loras got up and shut the door behind him, sighing slightly. He supposed it was only ever going to have been a one night thing, but even so, he reckoned that this particular guy, with his silky black hair which felt so good knotted around Loras' fingers and his sparkling eyes which had seemed so green in the bar and yet were so clearly blue by the light of the street lamps, was going to be rather difficult to forget. All the same, he didn't turn around to say goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the date slightly because I realised I'd made the time period of Loras being fifteen too short. September 2012 is what we shall go with, with Loras turning 16 in April 2013 :)

Renly watched him walk away until he'd turned the corner, disappearing from sight and hopefully for good. He had had half a mind to drive him to the door and thwart whatever lie the kid had no doubt told his parents, and probably would have done so too had it not been a rather self-incriminating thing to do; he imagined he could certainly do without the accusing questions the boy's parents would no doubt ask.

He leant his head against the dashboard for a moment, sighing deeply and trying to ignore the dull throbbing in his head. Of all the awkward one night stands he had had, this one had no doubt been the worst. He didn't know whether to feel guilty, or angry, or even humiliated. It stung a little to know now that during at least half of the little conversation they'd had last night, the boy had been lying shamelessly to his face, and that he'd lapped it all up.

All the same though, he couldn't quite help his curiosity getting the better of him despite his injured pride, and instead of turning round and going back the way he had come, he decided to drive a little further and see if he could see where the boy lived.

He spotted him a couple of hundred metres down the road, on the front step of a large white house with a rather impressive front garden. He seemed oblivious to his presence, instead busy searching in his pockets for keys.

The house surprised Renly, as had the address the boy had given him earlier. This was a nice house in a nice area, a very expensive area nonetheless, and it seemed at odds somehow with the way the boy had behaved last night. He wouldn't have expected a kid from an evidently well-to-do family to be even out last night, let alone looking to go home with someone.

Renly sighed as the boy continued his search in his pockets. He was undeniably gorgeous despite his youth, and yet now Renly knew better, he could see the tell-tale signs that he probably ought to have spotted yesterday. He hadn't filled out properly yet and neither did he have even a hint of stubble.

The boy had just found his keys when the door opened anyway and a girl who Renly assumed to be a sibling appeared. She had curly hair like him, except hers fells to her waist instead of just over her eyes. Renly had no idea what kind of lie the boy had told his parents last night but whatever it was, the girl seemed in on it, for they whispered intently to each other on the front step for a few moments, evidently making sure their stories matched. Eventually they both laughed and they disappeared inside.

Renly drove off as the door shut behind them, not wanting to risk anyone looking out of the window and seeing him there. It was a rather miserable drive home, a vague sense of guilt still hanging over him despite him being safe in the knowledge that it wasn't his fault the boy had lied to him.

He bit back a sigh as he pulled into his road. Despite what he'd said to the kid earlier, he knew it was unlikely that he could actually get in any serious trouble for what had happened last night. For one, the boy would never press charges, and even if he did, the case wouldn't even get to court. The boy had clearly lied and Renly had been completely within his rights to assume that all of the clientèle at an over eighteen bar would in fact be over eighteen and let alone under sixteen.

What did worry him though was the impact such an incident could potentially have on any future career he wanted to pursue. He had had hopes of becoming a judge and yet that would be out of the question if such an incident came to light. It was the sort of thing that he could definitely be rejected from the bar for, even accepting that he hadn't done anything wrong on purpose.

Brienne was in the kitchen making lunch when he came back in and Renly couldn't help but sigh when he saw that Jaime was over. Whilst the blonde Lannister had grown on Renly slightly over time, right now he couldn't be bothered with him. Brienne would understand if he had no desire to make small talk this particular afternoon. Jaime certainly would not.

Indeed, Renly had no sooner entered the kitchen and Jaime was already badgering him. “Had a good night last night?” He cocked an eyebrow and leant back on his chair lazily.

Renly just sighed and went to start on his washing up that had somehow piled up to an extraordinary height over the last week. “Yeah it was alright.” He said, sounding awkward even to his own ears.

“Sounded more than alright.” Jaime pressed, smirking slightly as Brienne set down a plate of scrambled egg in front of him and handed him a spoon.

“Mm-hmm.” Renly mumbled. He couldn't really dispute that he supposed. For all the revelations this morning, he couldn't deny that he had very much enjoyed last night. There seemed something rather shameful however about admitting that fact even to himself.

“What?” Jaime laughed at Renly's lack of a response. “What was wrong with the poor guy?”

Renly shrugged. He had no intention of telling anyone that he had unwittingly bedded a fifteen year old, and even if he had, Jaime Lannister would certainly have not been first on his list.

“Are you going to see him again?” Brienne asked as she spooned baked beans onto Jaime's plate. Renly resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ever since Jaime had injured his hand playing tennis, Brienne seemed to do everything for him, driving Renly crazy with the way she'd watch over him in her quiet way, just in case Jaime couldn't tie his shoelaces, or brush his hair, or had to spend an extra ten seconds struggling to unlock the door with his left hand. A small voice told Renly often that his irritation was probably more due to the fact that Brienne had used to dote on him like that and didn't anymore rather than anything particular to do with Jaime, but Renly was rather good at ignoring that particular little voice.

Brienne glanced down at him when he didn't answer, her big blue eyes full of patience.

Renly laughed. “You ask this every time I bring someone home.” He sighed dramatically. “And every time I give you the same answer. You know I don't have time for anything serious. I barely get all my essays done as it is.”

Jaime grinned. “You should just admit you're commitment-phobic. We all know it's true.”

Renly rolled his eyes. “I am not commitment-phobic. I'm just not interested.” Inwardly though, he had to concede that Jaime probably had a little bit of a point. Even if the kid hadn't been so young, there would never have been any question of Renly seeing him again on anything other than a strictly casual basis. The idea of actually dating someone made him inexplicably nervous. He'd never had a serious boyfriend and he imagined that all sorts of feelings could get hurt. There'd been a rather dismal time last year when Brienne had wanted to date him and he could still remember with horror the nights that she'd spent desperately trying to make him notice her before he'd eventually swallowed his pride and admitted to her that he wasn't interested in women.

Jaime laughed. “So dating is out of bounds, but fucking is ok?”

Renly gave a small laugh. “Pretty much. Much less hassle, nobody gets their feelings hurt, and I still get my work in on time.”

“One day.” Jaime said, “One day you'll meet someone and like them enough not to care whether it's a hassle, or whether it'll make you get a third.”

Renly grimaced. If there was one thing that terrified Renly more than dating did, it was getting a third. He thought about pointing out to Jaime that most people couldn't get by merely by swinging a tennis racket every so often and walking home with a cheque for a ridiculous amount of money in their pocket and a trophy under his arm.

Instead though, he just nodded and reached for a tea towel. It was filthy but he found he didn't particularly care at the moment.

He dwelt rather too much on the boy that evening, but it was only when he'd gone to bed that night that a rather worrying thought struck him and he found himself wondering rather anxiously whether that had been the boy's first time. He liked to think he would have been able to tell, and indeed the boy had seemed far too comfortable with everything to be quite that inexperienced, but all the same Renly couldn't help but feel rather agitated about it. He'd been quite drunk last night and he easily might not have noticed if he'd hurt the boy, especially at the beginning with the kid facing away from him.

He sighed and rolled over, trying to put it out of his mind. He supposed it wasn't his problem really anyway.

.................................

Loras was almost asleep when he heard the door creak open and the soft pad of his sister's footsteps on the carpet. He opened his eyes sleepily, and indeed Margaery was hovering over him, her hair in a long plait that hung over her shoulder. He yawned and moved over so she could climb in beside him.

“What is it Margaery?” He sat up in bed and pushed his hair out of his face.

“You promised to tell me all about it.” She whispered insistently. “That was the deal.”

Loras grinned. That was the agreement he and Margaery always made. Whenever one of them had to lie to their parents, the other would back them up with whatever story they told on the condition that they'd get the gossip later.

He laughed. “How do you know there's even anything decent to tell you?”

She raised her eyebrows and looked pointedly at his neck. Loras rolled his eyes. The guy had had rather rough stubble and it had left a rather faint rash all up his neck. He'd thought it virtually unnoticeable, but he should have counted on his eagle-eyed sister picking up on it.

“Not very clean-shaven was he?” Margaery laughed. “Did you have a good time?”

Loras shrugged. “The sex was good. Bit embarrassing in the morning though. Obviously I'd told him I was a student and he sort of found out that wasn't true in the morning.”

Margaery grimaced. “What did he say?”

Loras sighed. “Well he's a law student, so he wouldn't shut up about how did I know it was illegal et cetera and did I know he could technically go to jail for that. I felt quite bad by the end of it.”

Margaery laughed. “Sounds a bit over the top if you ask me, you can't really argue with it though I guess.”

Loras nodded. “I didn't. He was quite adamant about it. A bit wound up to say the least. Attractive though.” He sighed. “Really really attractive.”

“What? More attractive than you?” Margaery said, mock disbelief lacing her voice. “Surely not?”

Loras rolled his eyes. “He'd definitely give me a run for my money.” He admitted rather reluctantly.

Margaery looked genuinely surprised now. “Well that's a first. Was he nice as well?”

Loras shrugged. “Seemed so.” He grinned. “I can't say we talked all that much though, so it's hard to say.”

Margaery laughed. “Spare me the details. I can do without that sort of mental images.”

Loras poked her hard under the covers. “Well leave me in peace then.” He was rather tempted to tell her anyway just to make her squirm but remembered just in time that Margaery would no doubt be able to tell him things he had no desire to know details about either.

She didn't stay long after that and Loras was rather relieved when he was able to stretch out in bed and close his eyes again. He was exhausted; he'd had hardly any sleep last night and the little bit that he had got had been interrupted every few hours by one or the other of them waking up and feeling that sleep was rather a waste of time.

Sleep didn't feel like a waste of time now however and Loras found himself thinking back to something Margaery had said as he drifted off. She'd asked whether the guy had been nice and dwelling more on that now, Loras began to feel slightly uncomfortable. He'd very much seemed like a decent guy and whilst his fretting this morning had been highly amusing, he'd seemed rather agitated to say the least.

It was rather a foreign feeling for Loras, and for one of the first times in his memory, it was with a slight sense of regretting how he'd acted last night that Loras eventually fell into rather a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Late October 2012

Renly was still in bed with the curtains firmly shut and his duvet pulled over his head when he was rudely awoken by someone knocking loudly on his bedroom door. He briefly considered calling for them to come in, and yet his head was still spinning far too much for him to face the world just yet, and so instead, he tried to drown the noise out, burying his head under his many pillows.

Whoever it was, Brienne or Jaime he supposed, must have been feeling rather persistent that morning though, for they knocked again, loudly. 

And so reluctantly, Renly sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, feeling his head pound as the room span around him, courtesy no doubt of the house party one of the other lawyers had invited him to yesterday. His memory of it was blurry to say the least, and yet he was sure Brienne and Jaime had come too, Jaime of course complaining loudly and often that he was too old to be drinking Tesco-value Vodka and watching students throwing up all over themselves, and so how either of them were up quite this early was beyond Renly.

He was just about to lie back down and stubbornly ignore the knocking when the door flew open of its own accord however and he found himself staring up into Jaime Lannister's smug face.

“Rude to keep a lady waiting,” he called, smirking as he ushered a distinctly embarassed-looking Brienne forward. 

Renly groaned and pulled the covers back over his shoulders, suddenly conscious of the fact he didn't seem to be wearing much despite the fact that he supposed Brienne probably had little to no interest in seeing him without his clothes now that she had Jaime to fawn over. Once he was suitably covered though, he turned to glare at Jaime.

“Have you never heard of a little thing called _privacy_ Jaime?” Renly shot through the open door. 

Jaime laughed. “Someone's touchy this morning.”

Renly yawned. “ _Someone's_ rude this morning. I might have had company for all you bloody well know.”

Jaime snorted. “Fat chance of that. You'd still be passed out on the kitchen table if Brienne hadn't taken pity on you and put you to bed yesterday.” He grinned condescendingly at Renly before then swanning out of the room, leaving Brienne standing alone in the doorway.

Renly groaned and lay back down. That would be why he had no recollection of coming home yesterday. In fact, the last thing he remembered was challenging Brienne to a drinking competition, an idea that Renly knew to be a ridiculously stupid one now, but that had seemed like such a brilliant one yesterday after a few glasses of wine. He was mildly worried for a few moments that Brienne had undressed him too, and that Jaime had watched on and filmed it or something, but glancing around, he couldn't see any of his clothes meticulously folded anywhere as Brienne would no doubt have done. Thankfully, on further inspection, he found yesterday's outfit in a crumpled heap under his duvet, a sure sign that he had probably undressed himself drunkenly after Brienne had put him to bed.  _Probably,_ he thought with another groan, as for all he knew, Brienne may well have undressed him whilst Jaime filmed it before Jaime then screwed up his clothes in an attempt to make him think he'd taken his own clothes off. He wouldn't put it past Jaime to do something like that, and yet he liked to think that Brienne liked him enough not to let her boyfriend post naked pictures of him on facebook. 

He was pulled from his musings, however, when the woman herself stumbled forward, a large tray balanced in her arms.

“Morning.” Renly mumbled as politely as he could manage. He supposed it wasn't her fault her boyfriend was such an arse who had no respect for privacy.

“Morning?” She looked confused. “It's half past one Renly.”

Renly just groaned and pulled the pillow back over his head. “Can't be.”

“Well it is.” To Renly's annoyance, she drew back the curtains, letting the light stream in. His annoyance faded though, when he glanced up and saw that the tray she had in her arms was carrying breakfast and it was quickly coming his way.

He sat up rather quickly then. “Is that for me?” he asked hopefully, grinning when she nodded.

“Don't thank me,” she mumbled, rather embarrassed. “I was making some for Jaime anyway.”

Renly laughed. He should have known there had been a reason behind her bringing him breakfast in bed. He tucked in eagerly though. “Brienne?” he asked presently, in between mouthfuls of toast. “How is it that you're never hung over?”

She just shrugged and Renly sighed. It was one of the great mysteries of Brienne. She didn't often drink, but when she did, she seemed more tank than human, drinking them all under the table and never seeming to suffer for it afterwards. More than once, she had dragged both himself and Jaime back from various parties where they'd drunk too much. 

“What you up to this afternoon then?” Renly asked, once most of the breakfast had disappeared. He grinned. “Though I suppose if Jaime's around, then you'll probably just be...?”

Brienne blushed furiously, turning the same colour as her freckles. “Actually, he's agreed to come to the courts with me. Try to play with his left hand.”

Renly raised an eyebrow. For months now, both Brienne and Jaime's coach had been trying to convince Jaime that just because he'd lost decent use of his right hand, it didn't mean his tennis career was necessarily over. It wasn't until now though it seemed, that Jaime was willing to take her up on her constant offers to practice with him.

Renly grinned. “Can I come watch?” He'd seen Jaime play countless times, usually on television winning some grand slam or another, and whilst it usually bored him to death to see Jaime collect trophies like other people collected stamps, he imagined that watching the infamously talented Jaime Lannister struggle to hit a ball with his left hand might be a good way to spend a hung-over afternoon.

Brienne though, being Brienne and without a dishonest bone in her body, seemingly didn't notice his ulterior motive, for she nodded and smiled. “If you like.” she said. “Though only if you're supportive.”

Renly grinned widely. “ _Of course_ I'll be supportive.”

She looked a little suspicious then but didn't withdraw her offer and so after she left, Renly dragged himself out of bed, stumbling into the shower before dressing. 

Brienne and Jaime were bickering by the time he got downstairs, Jaime insisting adamantly that he was perfectly capable of driving to the courts one-handed whilst Brienne duly recited the Highway Code at him, even despite the fact that she didn't hold so much as a provisional driving licence. 

If Jaime hadn't gotten on his bad side this morning, Renly might have considered offering to drive them, but as it was, he'd spent his last tenner on wine last night anyway and his petrol was a little on the low side. For not the first time, he wished that Stannis wasn't quite so adamant that Renly learn to be financially responsible rather than sponging off him and Robert.

“We'll walk then.” Brienne insisted, wrapping a stripy scarf around her neck that definitely had once belonged to Jaime before opening the door and ushering them outside as if both he and Jaime needed help crossing the road or something.

It was a twenty minute walk to the tennis courts that Jaime and Brienne favoured and yet every step proved to be worth it, Renly thought, for the afternoon was as amusing as he'd hoped. He'd settled himself down on a bench at the edge of the courts, where he had a perfect view.

Jaime and Brienne together was usually an odd sight by any standards, and yet today they looked even more ridiculous for Jaime had decided to don a rather odd tweed cap which must have originally belonged to either his father or someone who evidently played more golf than was advisable. He'd pulled it low over his eyes, the peak shading his face and supposedly keeping any of the other players from recognising him. It was working, Renly thought. The hat, combined with the fact that he was currently playing rather like a particularly competitive twelve year old schoolgirl might, meant that Renly reckoned it was highly unlikely that anyone would recognise him as the three year running Wimbledon champion.

Brienne and Jaime were standing talking now, Jaime's hands in Brienne's own large ones in a rare display of public affection as she no doubt told him he was doing well despite the fact that even Renly with his piss-poor knowledge of tennis could have told him that wasn't the case. He was quite enjoying listening to her feeble encouragement and yet when Brienne lifted her hand to Jaime's face and she tenderly started stroking his hair, Renly quickly changed his mind, having a sudden urge to vomit that had nothing to do with the fact he'd been drinking last night.

Looking away, he contemplated getting his textbook out of his bag and doing some reading for his next essay, but his head was throbbing a little too much still for that. And so finding nothing better to do, he glanced around instead at Jaime and Brienne's tennis-playing peers. 

The people on the courts around them were looking rather better than Jaime had been, most darting around the court with such an energy that Renly would have thought they were in a grand-slam final rather than merely practising on a cold autumn afternoon. One girl Renly even found he recognised; she'd been in the US open quarter-finals last year and was practising serving, the ball moving with such a speed that Renly could barely track it. Every now and again though, she'd take a break, casting suspicious looks in Jaime's direction. 

It was the boy on the court next to her though that caught Renly's eye. He was standing with his back to Renly, hitting backhand after backhand as an older man threw a constant stream of tennis balls at him as if he was some kind of tennis ball machine. Renly was sure he'd seen the boy somewhere before, and yet it wasn't until he turned around and pushed his very curly hair out of his eyes that Renly put his finger on quite who it was.

Their eyes met and Renly quickly looked away, turning pointedly back to watching Jaime and Brienne, wishing very much now that he was wearing the ugly cap Jaime was favouring today.

He only glanced back over when it was clear the boy had turned back round and had resumed hitting tennis balls into the corner of the court. Renly didn't know much about tennis and yet he thought he looked good. Whether this was because he was anything decent with a racket or because his polo shirt was sticking to him slightly though, Renly wasn't sure.

He was enviably graceful, like Jaime had been before he messed up his hand, and Renly had to shake himself a little to stop his thoughts becoming rather too inappropriate.

He tried to be discreet with his watching but he must have failed miserably for Jaime caught him looking and raised a mocking eyebrow. “He's good.” he commented grudgingly, following Renly's gaze. “Very good in fact.” He smirked. “Though I doubt you were watching his tennis.”

Renly rolled his eyes even though Jaime's words were rather true. To be quite honest, he didn't really care in the slightest if the boy was any good. But he was hot, hotter than Renly would have liked to admit. A very disconcerting thought considering that Renly still felt mildly uncomfortable when he thought back to their first encounter.

Sighing, he opened his bag and got out his textbook, turning to an inanely dull section on tax that he had to read before even attempting his next essay. He supposed though that even if he only managed ten or twenty pages, it would still be more productive than staring at a fifteen year old he wasn't allowed to sleep with. 

It was only when Brienne, quite clearly in Renly's opinion even despite most of his attention being focused on his textbook, began missing shots on purpose to save Jaime's pride, that Renly noticed that the boy had stopped playing and was approaching him. He sighed and had to laugh a little. The boy either had a lot of nerve, absolutely no shame, or perhaps both, for he was walking over to him without even a hint of awkwardness.

“Fancy seeing you here.” The boy laughed when he reached him, his tennis racket still in his hand.

“Mm.” Renly returned non-committally with a smile, not really knowing what to say for once. A sensible part of him told him that he should probably have as little as possible to do with the the kid and yet the rest of him was insisting that there was no point being rude. 

Eventually, he decided on a compromise and figured there couldn't be any harm in just talking to him, and staring at him a bit perhaps. It wasn't like he could fuck him on the side of the tennis courts or anything. So he smiled and shuffled along the bench. “Do you want to sit down?”

The boy, _Loras_ , Renly recalled vaguely, took him up on his offer and sat down beside him. He must not have forgotten Renly's irritation at him though for he left a decent amount of room between them.

“So are you a tennis fan then?” He asked, pushing his hair out of his face and gesturing over to Jaime and Brienne, where Jaime, presumably having become embarrassed at his performance, had reverted back to coaching Brienne as he usually did. 

Renly laughed. “Not particularly. Just here for the show.”

“But you're on a tennis court with Jaime Lannister?”

Renly laughed. It seemed that Jaime's ugly cap had achieved nothing save for making Jaime look like he bought his clothes in dingy charity shops. “He'll be disappointed he was recognised.”

The boy raised an eyebrow, folding his arms and frowning up at Renly. “Is that what that ugly hat is for then?”

Renly laughed. “I assume so. He's dating my friend over there. We don't get on very well.”

The boy looked puzzled. “I never knew Jaime Lannister went that way?”

Renly rolled his eyes. He supposed it was rather easy to mistake Brienne for a man, especially when she had her straw-like hair scraped back against her scalp as she always did when she played tennis. She towered over Jaime by a good five inches and hit the ball as hard as most men did. And even Jaime at his two-handed best had struggled often to return her serves. It didn't help either that she even dressed like a man too, refusing to deviate from her simple wardrobe of jeans and some boring top or another, most of which Renly would like very much to burn, for any occasion save for weddings and funerals.  

He laughed though. “He's not. My friend's a girl.”

The boy looked again and shrugged nonchalantly, not seeming in the least ill-at-ease for having mistaken Brienne for a guy. “So how's law going?” he asked when he'd finished looking Brienne up and down. 

“You remember what subject I study.” Renly laughed. He'd thought at the time that the kid hadn't paid any attention at all to him rambling on about all the laws and constitutions that he'd broken by sleeping with him. He was rather pleasantly surprised.

Loras shrugged. “You spent a good ten minutes brandishing one of your text books at me. It would be hard to forget.”

Renly grinned. “Right... sorry about that. I probably did overreact a little.”

The boy laughed and shrugged. “Nah it's alright. I probably had it coming to be honest.”

Renly smiled. It wasn't a proper apology and yet the kid didn't seem like the sort that much went in for grovelling and so Renly supposed he would do well to accept it.

Even that rather poor apology cleared the air rather quite a bit though, and they chatted for a good long while after that, the kid mainly asking him about uni and other banal stuff that Renly was rather good at talking about, and Renly was just beginning to think that the kid was pretty decent company when Loras turned to him and grinned suddenly. “Would you get coffee with me?” he asked, quite clearly aware of the fact that he was pushing his luck here.

“Coffee.” Renly echoed blankly. He then caught properly what he'd said. “You want to get coffee?” He clarified. “With me?” He considered refusing the request entirely, just to avoid the temptation of taking him home, but then again caffeine was a very very tempting prospect... And after all, he supposed that getting a coffee with Loras would be no different really from getting coffee with any of the other people he did so with on a regular basis and didn't sleep with. 

Loras shrugged. “Well, I would suggest something else entirely.” He laughed. “But I was led to believe you didn't desire a repeat?”

Renly laughed. “Definitely not.” he rolled his eyes. “But I guess we could get coffee. _Just_ coffee mind you, no euphemisms.” He added hastily, in case the kid got any ideas.

Loras just laughed and zipped his tennis racket into a bag before standing up and pulling a jumper over his head. “Don't worry. I'm not going to seduce you in Starbucks.”

 

…......................

To Loras' slight disappointment, it did turn out to be nothing but coffee, Renly ordering an cappuccino with three extra shots of coffee and then digging around for what seemed like ages in his wallet like a typical student and paying in mainly twenty pence pieces.

The cashier didn't seem to mind though, in fact quite the opposite. She laughed and waited patiently for him to hand the money over, smiling as Loras imagined most people probably couldn't help smiling at Renly.

They sat by the window, Loras watching the leaves swirling around in a haze of red and gold and sipping his mochaccino absent-mindedly until Renly returned with his own coffee.

“That's not real coffee.” Renly laughed as he took a seat opposite him, cappuccino in hand. “That's more like a warmed up chocolate milkshake.”

Loras rolled his eyes. “And what you have tastes nice does it?” He eyed it warily. As far as he was concerned, nothing with three extra shots of coffee and hardly any milk could taste decent.

Renly shrugged and grinned. He didn't disagree with Loras but neither did he seem at all fazed by the taste as he sipped his drink steadily. “I'll confess,” he laughed. “I'm a little bit of a caffeine addict.”

Loras laughed. “Lots of all nighters then?”

Renly sighed. “Too many.” He grinned. “Though all of my own making. I don't have exams this year and so going out four times a week seems like more of a sensible option than it ought to be.” He laughed. “And what about you? How are the GCSEs going?”

Loras rolled his eyes but decided to let the jibe at how young he was slide. “They're great thanks.” he replied flatly, gritting his teeth slightly as Renly's grin widened.

“And what about the tennis?” Renly asked, “I'm guessing that's not just a hobby?”

Loras laughed. “I'll probably take it up full time when I'm done with school.” He contemplated telling him quite how many junior tournaments he'd won, but managed to stop himself, remembering what Margaery always told him about being modest until you knew somebody better. “Unless I fail Maths or English or something, I'll probably go to the states of something.” 

Renly laughed. “Why is it that nobody who's any decent at tennis stays over here?”

Loras grinned. “Because coaching over here is shit?”

Renly laughed at that, before fishing in his pockets this time instead of his wallet and looking delighted when he found a couple of pound coins which he then used to buy as much coffee as he could afford. To his credit, he did offer to share it with Loras, but Loras took one look at the thick coffee-overloaded concoction Renly had ordered and figured he'd politely decline.

They didn't stay long after Renly had finished his second coffee, and because it was dark, to Loras' embarrassment Renly insisted on walking with him all the way to his road, as if Loras was some child he'd been entertaining for the evening and not someone he'd just happened to have coffee with.

They swapped numbers though which Loras supposed was nice, even if Renly did make a, rather unnecessary in Loras' opinion, point of telling him that this didn't mean he was thinking of sleeping with him again anytime in the near future.

He did seem happy to go with Loras to get coffee again though, and before long, Loras found that they were meeting up at least once a week, usually on a Wednesday evening which was the day Loras was led to believe Renly handed in his weekly essay. As such, he would often text Loras on wednesday morning, or sometimes, rather worryingly Loras thought, very very late on tuesday night when he was no doubt rushing to finish his work, to tell him that he would soon be in dire need of his caffeine fix.

Usually they went to coffee shops, the locations of which Renly seemed to know like the back of his hand, and yet once or twice, when Renly confessed that he'd spent the money he'd allocated himself for that week on some new pair of jeans, or a new shirt he simply couldn't not buy, they'd go to his place. Loras had been hopeful the first time and yet that feeling had quickly faded when Renly had laughed at his expression and insisted that they stay in the kitchen, a rule he adhered to flawlessly, for there was never even once a hint that they might go upstairs.

And it was easier than Loras had expected, being nothing but friends with a guy he'd like nothing better than to slam against the wall and kiss senseless. For whilst Renly was hot, ridiculously hot in fact, he was more than that, he was irresistably charming. There was no other word for it really, Loras supposed. Renly just exuded the sort of charisma that left Loras unable to feel even vaguely frustrated with him for refusing him anything more intimate than sharing the occasional coffee between them, and instead made Loras desperate for Renly to like him.

That charm of his must have worked on everyone else too, for from a quick glimpse of Renly scrolling through his contacts on his phone, he seemed to have thousands of people he evidently knew well enough to have their number. And from their weekly coffee trips, it indeed seemed that Renly did literally know everybody. More often than not, there'd be some acquaintance of his who'd spot him in the Starbucks queue, or some friend who would yell his name from across the road and wave as they walked back. He always seemed pleased to see them, and yet when Loras asked who they were afterwards, he'd always laugh and tell him that it was just some guy he sat next to him in lectures, or some girl he'd met at a party last week.  _Nobody_ he'd always insist.

And so, aside from the rather masculine girl who Loras still refused to believe was dating the best tennis player in the country, Renly didn't seem to talk about any of the other people he knew. And Loras didn't really know what to make of that- this evidently popular guy who on closer inspection actually seemed to have no close friends.

It was odd. When he'd first met Renly, that morning in his bedroom when he'd brandished a text book at him, he'd thought him easy to grasp, as easy to read as an open book. And yet the more time Loras spent with him, the more confused Loras became. There were a very few things that were rather evident about him; he was obviously very ambitious for instance, and smart too, Loras guessed, seeing as he seemed to get firsts on all his essays despite seeming to spend a decent portion of his week drunk, but as for for the most part, Loras found himself coming up entirely blank where Renly was conerned. 

He was a walking contradiction, Loras thought, as friendly and easy going as they came and yet insistent on keeping everyone at arm's length. He'd smile at everyone and share a joke with anyone, and yet never share anything more personal than his self-professed addiction to caffeine.

And it drove Loras crazy, knowing that however hard he tried, he'd most likely never get any closer to _really_ knowing Renly than that boy who sat next to him in lectures or the girl he'd met at a house party that one time, people Renly always casually told him were nobody important. And sometimes, after they'd gone their separate ways for the evening, Loras would find himself wondering what Renly would say about him if Loras happened to bump into him while he with another one of his acquaintances. He could hear his words now. _That's just some guy I sometimes get coffee with_ would no doubt be the reply.

And yet the more Renly pushed him gently away, the more desperate Loras found himself becoming to be different from all those other people, to be the person that Renly _did_ tell things to, that he  _did_ let through those walls of his.

As it happened though, that seemed very very unlikely. 


	4. Chapter 4

 December 2012

Loras and Margaery had never intended the party to get out of hand and they had intended even less that their parents return early from their weekend away to find the house still in an absolute state. And whilst he and Margaery had managed to get _most_ of the red wine stains out of the carpet, there had been no time to clear away the empty bottles or even usher out the friends of Margaery's that had been too drunk to go home.

Loras supposed that it was fair enough that his parents were shouting at him now, but what wasn't fair was how he was getting all the blame for what had essentially been all Margaery's idea. He wasn't going to enlighten them to this though, he cared for his sister too much to do that, and yet he couldn't help losing his temper as his usually gentle mother shreiked about the carpets for the fiftieth time at him. Resisting the urge to grab the bottle of wine from the table and pour yet more on the carpet, he stormed from the room, slamming the door loudly behind him and snapping that he wouldn't be coming home tonight. 

It was only when he'd got to the end of his road and cooled down a bit that he realised that that probably hadn't been the most sensible idea. Snow was already lightly falling and he'd left without even a coat. Nor did he have anywhere to go. He imagined that any of his friends would be happy to let him stay and yet Loras had little doubt that his parents would waste any time before phoning round every single one of his friend's parents and demanding they send him back. 

The sensible part of him was telling him to go home and yet his pride wouldn't allow it. Fishing in his pockets, he wondered whether he had enough money on him to get to either Garlan or Willas, each a couple of hundred miles away at university but in different directions. Seeing as he found only about ten quid in coins and spare change, he didn't imagine he'd even get even a tenth of the way to either of them, unless of course he resorted to hitch hiking and granting sexual favours, something Loras reckoned he wasn't desperate enough to do quite yet. 

Instead he sat himself down on a bench, pulling his thin jumper around him as he busied himself feeling sorry for himself. 

He sat there for a good couple of hours, watching the people pass in their thick scarves and woolly hats and wondering how Margaery was defending herself back home. The snow was falling harder now and as much as Loras hated to admit it, he didn't think he could bear the cold much longer. 

He was half way to Robb's house before the idea occurred to him and he quickly changed direction without much of a second thought. He wasn't overly sure Renly would still be around with it being so close to Christmas and he was even less sure Renly would let him stay even if he was in, but he reckoned he had a decent enough chance if he begged and offered to sleep downstairs to give it a try.

It took him a good half an hour to walk all the way there and he knocked on the door before he could think better of it and waited impatiently, wishing dearly he was wearing more layers.

He was mildly surprised when Jaime Lannister opened the door, for whilst he'd caught glimpses of the famous tennis star from time to time when he'd had coffee with Renly, he'd never actually spoken to him. 

“Yes?” He drawled, leaning easily against the door frame as his blond hair flopped over his forehead. There were several suitcases in the hallway behind him and Loras wondered if it was Renly who was getting so obviously ready to go home for the holidays.

“Is Renly in?” 

“I imagine so.” He turned around and yelled Renly's name up the stairs.

There was the sound of movement upstairs and after a few moments the sound of someone swearing loudly. “What is it Jaime?” Renly called down the stairs, sounding distinctly pissed off, Loras thought.

“Door.” and with that Jaime was gone, disappearing into the kitchen and leaving Loras standing shivering on the doorstep.

Renly appeared on the stairs moments later, and Loras realised why he was probably pissed off for he looked like he'd climbed straight out of the shower. His hair was completely sodden, dripping into his eyes. He'd evidently too thrown on the first clothes he'd found and Loras felt his pulse quicken to see that he was only in jeans and that even those Renly was doing up as he came down the stairs. 

He laughed when he saw him, stopping on the stairs and running a hand through his wet hair. “Loras Tyrell.” He grinned. “What's the occasion?”

Loras tried not to sigh at that. He couldn't stand the way Renly insisted on using his full name whenever he saw him, as if he knew a hundred people called Loras and he just happened to be one of them. 

“Can I come in?”

“If you like.” Renly had reached the bottom of the stairs now and he pulled the door open a little wider, stepping back to let him through. “You want some coffee?” He then looked Loras up and down, taking in no doubt the fact that he was hardly dressed for the weather and that the layers he was wearing were soaked through with snow. He grinned. "Or some more clothes perhaps?"

Loras shrugged. “Coffee would be great. If you're making some.”

Renly laughed. “Come with me then.” He peered round the kitchen door quickly before ushering Loras further down the hall and into what Loras supposed must be the living room. This was another one of Renly's habits that beyond frustrated him. He seemed intent on never introducing him to his housemates, going to great lengths to avoid them meeting, which was ridiculous, Loras thought, considering that one of them had already opened the door to him.

The room was surprisingly nice and tidy for a student house and aside from the pizza boxes stacked up in the corner, he'd never have guessed that students even lived here. One of Renly's housemates must have been rather tidy, Loras had to assume, as from what he'd seen of how untidy Renly was, there was no way a room could stay this neat without someone to balance him out.

Indeed, in classic Renly style, Renly started digging around under the cushions of the sofa, lifting them up one by one and chucking them on the floor until he'd pulled out a hoodie. "Here." He threw it at Loras. "I'll be back in a sec."  
  
He disappeared out of the door and Loras heard the sound of him going back upstairs. He was back a few minutes later, fully dressed now and with yet more clothes over his arm. "I found some jeans for you. You'll probably have to roll the legs up a bit but they'll have to do." He pressed a t shirt and some socks too into Loras' hands. "You can change in here if you like. And the radiators don't actually work, but they're as good a place as any to hang your wet things." He grinned at him then before disappearing once more into the hallway.

Loras did as he was told, pulling off his wet clothes and hanging them over the radiator. He then pulled on the clothes Renly had given him. The jeans were indeed too long for him and as Renly had told him he'd need to, he leant down to roll up the legs. They were too big around the hips for him too and yet Loras supposed they would have to do. He sighed deeply though as he pulled the hoody over his head. It was obviously Renly's university one and he evidently spent a lot of time in it too as it smelt exactly like him, a fact that made Loras want to not ever give it back and instead spend each night curled up with his head against it.

Renly returned soon with two steaming mugs for which Loras was glad. He didn't think he'd ever been more cold in his life even with the dry clothes. 

Renly passed his to him with a grin. “I even stole some of Jaime's hot chocolate for you.” He laughed and sat down in an armchair. “I know you're not fond of my coffee.”

Loras wrinkled his nose and sat down on the nearest sofa. “Nobody should be fond of your coffee.”

Renly just laughed and leant back against the cushions. “So what is it then? Christmas holidays boring you already?”

Loras shrugged. “I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?”

“Ask away.”

Loras bit back a sigh. “I've had a bit of an argument with my parents." He hesitated, feeling a nervousness that was quite unlike him. "And I was wondering if I could stay here with you for a couple of days?” 

Renly's smile faltered ever so slightly and he raised an eyebrow. “You want to stay here?” he clarified.

Loras nodded and glanced up at him hopefully. “Not _with you_ with you. I'll sleep on the sofa if you like, on the floor even. You won't even know I'm here.”

Renly seemed to contemplate Loras' proposition for a moment, bringing his legs up onto the sofa and tucking them underneath him. Eventually he nodded and his grin was back as if it hadn't even crossed his mind to say no. “Alright, but I warn you it's probably not any warmer inside than outside.” He laughed. “Jaime managed to break the boiler last week. Insisted he knew what he was doing when he tinkered with it.”

Loras laughed. He'd thought the house had felt cold. He was all too grateful though when Renly fished around in one of the cupboards and tossed a blanket at him. He was even happier when Renly came to sit down next to him on the sofa although he tried not to dwell on that too long. He was quite aware that Renly was giving him the benefit of the doubt here letting him stay and he didn't want to abuse that trust by trying anything. And if that meant that he had to jerk himself off in the bathroom mid-evening to stop himself doing something stupid, then so be it.

"So those suitcases in the hall aren't yours then?" Loras didn't think Renly would delay going home just to let him stay and yet he just had to be sure.   
  
Renly laughed and shook his head. "Nah, they're Brienne's." He raised an eyebrow. "The poor girl's spending her first christmas at Jaime's this year. His father's an evil piece of shit. And his sister too." He reached over and stole a portion of the blanket he'd given to Loras, tucking it around his legs. 

"So when are you going home then?"  
  
Renly laughed. "I'm not." He picked up the tv control and turned on the TV. 

"You're not?" Loras frowned. "You're going to stay here on your own then? _At Christmas?_ "

Renly laughed. "Here is home for me." He flicked through the channels seemingly absent-mindedly. 

"But don't you have a family home?" Loras pressed. He was unable to believe that somebody would want to stay on their own throughout christmas. 

Renly shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. "I guess, of sorts. But I'd rather stay here."

"But why?" 

Renly laughed and leant over to ruffle his hair in an infuriatingly condescending way. "You're terribly curious aren't you?" He lounged back against the back of the sofa and grinned. "I'd rather stay here. And before you ask, there's really nothing more to it than that." 

"But-" Loras bit back his protests as Renly merely laughed at him. He couldn't understand how Renly was so blasé about it. His parents would be devastated if either Garlan or Willas decided they'd rather stay at university than come home for christmas. He was rather desperate to ask why Renly didn't want to go home and yet he knew that would be met with just more casual laughter and veiled comments from Renly's side and so he just sighed and turned his attention to the christmas special Renly had put on. 

It was rather amusing and yet Loras stopped paying all that much attention a few minutes in, instead unable to get away from the fact that Renly was sitting almost close enough that their thighs were touching. He couldn't help but stare at him a little bit too much, watching how every now and again Renly would brush his still damp hair out of his face, or scratch absent-mindedly at his jaw. He evidently hadn't shaved today and he looked quite a bit older with stubble, Loras thought. He could easily get away with passing for twenty three or four instead of nineteen. 

Loras sighed. Nobody ought to be allowed to be that attractive. Even with so many layers on that he looked a little like an overstuffed soft toy, he still had the ability to make Loras knees feel weak just by looking in his vague direction and smiling. And he wished it was just that Renly was hot. As it was though, it was everything about him that Loras couldn't help but find captivating. And recently, he'd stopped merely imagining Renly's lips against his throat or his hands pushing down his jeans, and more often than not he'd find himself daydreaming about other sorts of things entirely, taking Renly home to meet his parents or going out to dinner with him and then coming home and doing nothing more than curling up on the sofa and watching a film, Renly's hands in his hair.   
  
He harboured very secret hopes that when he turned sixteen Renly would let them do exactly that, that he'd take him on dates and maybe even let them be a couple. He knew that Renly found him attractive, that much had been evident the first night he'd met Renly, and he seemed to enjoy his company well enough. And surely those were good enough reasons to date someone, Loras thought. 

He was just wondering how good it would feel if Renly were to ask him out when Renly himself interrupted his musings, nudging Loras' shoulder and grinning. 

“Food?" He made to grab Loras' wrist and pull him to his feet, laughing when his hands grasped only empty sleeves. "Too big for you too is it?" 

Loras just rolled his eyes and pushed back his sleeves. "It's not my fault you're ridiculously tall."  
  
Renly laughed and padded through to the kitchen which was empty now. "I'm not _ridiculously_ tall." 

"You're what, well over six foot?" 

Renly shrugged and grinned. "Six foot three, six foot four, there round abouts." He opened the freezer, rooting through the drawers for a while. “Pizza ok?” he asked eventually.

Loras nodded. It didn't look like Renly did much cooking. The drawers were labelled with either large _R_ or a large _B_ and all the ones with an _R_ seemed to have little more than pizzas and oven chips with the occasional potato waffles or potato smileys thrown in for variety. And ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream, Loras saw as Renly pulled the drawer out a little further. 

It was the potato waffles that Renly chose, shoving them onto a baking tray with the two pizzas. Loras thought about offering to help but how much help did one need with oven pizzas and chips? As it was, he was much happier just standing and watching Renly, lost again in imaginings of how lovely it would be if after the pizzas were done Loras could have curled into Renly's side on the sofa to stay warm and have him feed him ice cream on a spoon. 

...............................

Renly ate his pizza absent-mindedly as he wondered where to put Loras for the night. He contemplated leaving him down here on the sofa but he imagined that that would be a little cruel. The house was always cold and yet now that the radiators were broken, Renly suspected that the kid would all but freeze downstairs on his own. His own room on the other hand had a small heater and Brienne had had Jaime, which made it just about bearable in their rooms. 

He sighed. Part of him still thought he was out of his mind to let the boy stay, irregardless of the fact that he'd rather enjoyed having him around this evening. He hadn't had the heart to say no though. Loras had looked all too pitiful when he'd turned up on the doorstep earlier, shivering slightly and soaked to the bone. He'd looked rather lovely too though, Renly had had to admit, with his wet things clinging to him a little and with snowflakes in his hair. And he looked perhaps even lovelier now, with his sleeves that were too long for him and his curls that were more than a little awry.

Glancing over at him, he seemed lost in his thoughts, staring absent-mindedly at Renly but not appearing to see him. 

Renly bit back a sigh. It was rather flattering how the kid was so obviously infatuated with him and yet he couldn't help feel a little sorry for him. The boy must have realised Renly wouldn't so much as touch him whilst he was still fifteen, and even once he was sixteen, Renly thought sleeping with him would be a little dubious. He'd be almost twenty by then and his friends at uni would never let him live it down if they knew he was sleeping with someone still in school. He was hot though, that much Renly had to admit, and from what he did remember of that night he'd taken Loras home he'd been pretty decent fun between the sheets too. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of more suitcases being brought down the stairs. Most likely Brienne and Jaime getting ready to leave. 

"I'll be back in a moment." He said to Loras, getting up and closing the door behind him. 

Indeed, Brienne was hauling a large bag into the hallway. Renly grinned at her. "You off now?" 

She nodded solemnley. "And you're sure you're ok to stay here on your own Renly?"  
  
Renly shrugged. "I stayed here last year, and it was fine." He laughed. "I'd much rather be here on my own than go where you're going. Shall I say good luck?" He grinned. "I've only ever spent one christmas with Tywin Lannister and yet I warn you, he doesn't get much into the christmas spirit."  
  
Brienne shifted a little from one foot to the other and Renly regretted his words. He knew all too well that she was nervous about going to Jaime's for christmas. It was no secret that Cersei hated her and that both her and her father thought her too ugly for Jaime. That was an easy conclusion to come to Renly thought though. As much as he liked Brienne, it was clear to see that Jaime was beyond attractive and she would always be more than a little plain. Still, they made a better couple than Robert and Cersei did and those two had been a perfect match for each other in looks. 

"Enjoy yourself." Renly told her gently. "And it'll be fine. Jaime evidently doesn't care what his family thinks."

She shrugged and busied herself zipping up bags and rearranging suitcases, a faint pink blush coming to her cheeks. She straightened up though when Jaime came downstairs with the last bag in his left hand, a large plastic one filled to bursting with presents. She took it when he handed it to her and pulled out one of the wrapped boxes. "For you." She said, her face breaking into a smile as she pushed it into Renly's hands.

Renly grinned and took it. "I'll put it under the imaginary tree." He leant back against the doorframe. "And Jaime's got the things I got for you."  
  
She laughed and leant in to hug him, and Renly smirked over her shoulder at Jaime as she wrapped her large arms around him. 

Jaime just rolled his eyes and clapped Renly hard on the shoulder. "Call us if you get lonely. You can keep Cersei's bed warm for her." He smirked. "She's coming round on boxing day with the kids and yet sans husband. Want to take bets on how long before they divorce?"

It was Renly's turn to roll his eyes. Robert and Cersei was usually a banned topic in their house and yet at Christmas it seemed that mentions of the two of them couldn't be avoided. He was tempted to take Jaime's offer of a bet up though; it was a miracle to him that Robert and Cersei hadn't yet done exactly that years ago. He laughed. "Give my love to my sweet sister-in-law. No doubt she'll miss me diffusing the tension as Robert and her fight." He grinned. "But as for warming her bed, well, she has Robert to do that for her. I believe I would be quite unnecessary."  
  
Jaime grinned. "Perhaps. And I see you've got your own bed warmer here tonight." He laughed. "That one's a regular isn't he?" He smirked. "And good on you Renly, he's hot. Almost as hot as me."  
  
Renly sighed and ignored Jaime's arrogant remark. "He's just a friend actually."

"Is he?" Jaime grinned and opened the door, ushering Brienne out. "Well have a good christmas Renly. Part of me does actually envy you."  
  
Renly laughed and watched them leave, rolling his eyes as Jaime complained loudly for the hundredth time that day that Brienne had forced them to get a taxi when he was perfectly capable of driving. He didn't seem happy either that she'd insisted on taking all the bags, loading them into the back of the cab herself. 

Within a few moments though they were ready and Renly waved goodbye until the taxi disappeared down the road, closing the door when they were out of sight and shivering from the cold. He was sad to see them go to be honest, even Jaime, and whilst he had told Loras earlier that he was happy to stay here on his own, he supposed that that wasn't quite true. It would be cold and lonely in the house and he imagined that on Christmas day, he'd feel a little less than cheerful. Yet then again, he was quite sure he'd rather spend every single christmas alone than spend another one with Robert or Stannis and the women they called their wives. There was always fighting at Robert's and Joffrey never seemed happy with any of the presents he'd been given, whilst at Stannis' there would always be an awkward silence throughout the whole meal until Stannis managed to be offended by something and then the silence would be replaced by the grinding of his teeth. 

Renly was only glad that Robert and Stannis hadn't decided to have christmas together this year. When they did that, he couldn't really avoid going then. As it was though, nowadays they didn't bother trying to even seem like they were on good terms and so he didn't see why he had to go either. He'd had quite enough of being shunted between the two of them when he'd been at school. They'd sent him to a boarding school since he'd been old enough to be eligible to go and he'd spent his holidays alternating between the two of them, being driven half crazy at Robert's and being driven bored at Stannis'. 

He laughed though as he headed back to the living room, quite happy that both Robert and Stannis and him seemed ready to admit now that none of them actually enjoyed spending any time with each other. 

Loras was still sat on the sofa when he returned and after much deliberation Renly took him upstairs with him, making up a bed on the floor out of cushions and pillows. He tried to make it as comfortable as possible, finding as many blankets as he could in the airing cupboard and making a makeshift duvet out of them. He had to admit that he felt a little guilty not suggesting that Loras merely share his double bed and yet he imagined that being overly cautious was probably the more sensible option.

Once the bed was made up, he rifled through his wardrobe for some pyjamas for him, chucking some checked bottoms at him that were now too short for Renly. "Can't sleep in jeans after all." he laughed as Loras caught them. "And they are really nice and soft." 

Loras smiled then and Renly bit back a sigh as he saw how his face lit up as he ran his hands over the fabric. He had the decency though to go to the bathroom to get changed even though they both knew that they'd seen each other naked before.

Renly laughed as he changed his own clothes,trying to see if he could remember what Loras had looked like naked. His memory of that night was a little hazy and yet he definitely remembered being pleased with what he saw, guiltily so. And that, Renly thought, combined with that pretty face of his, made the kid a walking temptation on legs, even if he did appear to be behaving himself tonight. He had to hand it to Loras actually. When he'd turned up, he'd wondered whether this was merely a ploy to be able to stay the night and yet he'd been very good, and aside from staring at him a little too often, he had done an admirably good job at hiding the fact that he was quite clearly desperate for Renly to fuck him again. 

His behaviour had been impeccable so far and yet Renly's self control was not so. And so sighing, he pulled open the drawer by his bed and rooted around for the box of condoms he always kept there. He only had about four left and yet it still felt like a great waste of money as he took a pair of scissors and cut through them all. It did give him a little peace of mind though and with Jaime gone now, he wouldn't even be able to swallow his pride and beg him to borrow a few if he did momentarily decide later on that sleeping with Loras was a pefectly acceptable idea.

Loras came back a few minutes later, in the pyjamas Renly had given him and with his university jumper on top, the sleeves rolled up now so they were the proper length. It would be odd, Renly thought, to have a guy in his room and yet not sleep with him. He was reminded somewhat of his schooldays, when the boys there had used to stay up and talk well into the night until someone had come to tell them off.

“You can have the bed if you like.” Renly offered. “And I'll take the floor.”

But as promised, Loras shook his head and settled down on the floor quite happily, pulling the blankets Renly had found him up around his neck. "I'm fine." he insisted. "You won't even know I'm here."

And so Renly climbed into bed. It was freezing even in there and Renly thought his feet likely to drop off despite the thick socks he had on. He leant over to turn the light off. "You sure you don't want to call your parents or something? Let them know you're not outside in the snow?" He thought back to all Loras had told him about his family. He was quite clearly besotted with all of them and Renly wondered what they had argued about. Knowing Loras, it was probably something very petty, for the kid seemed to have a temper that was more volatile than a jack-in-a-box.

"I'm alright." Loras laughed. "I texted Margaery when you were saying goodbye to your housemates.I figured I couldn't ignore them forever and I'd already had fourty seven missed calls by then."  
   
Renly smiled and wondered if Loras realised quite how lucky he was to have a family that cared about him. He imagined Robert or Stannis probably wouldn't even have noticed if he'd ran away for the night, let alone called him fourty seven times until he answered. He laughed. "It seems they miss you rather a lot Loras."  
  
To his surprise Loras didn't laugh back, merely frowned and looked at him with a puzzled look on his face. "Won't _your_ parents miss you? When you don't go home for Christmas that is?" 

Renly smiled wryly and bit back a laugh. "I doubt it." he said, pulling the covers up over his shoulders. 

That made Loras' frown deepen and so Renly laughed again and leant down to ruffle his hair in that way he knew he hated. "Now come. Go to sleep." 


	5. Chapter 5

The heater did little to warm the room and yet Renly fell asleep easily as he always did, wrapping his duvet tightly around him and burying into it like an animal preparing to hibernate for winter.

He woke a few hours later though, his feet feeling like ice even despite his many layers of woolly socks. They were so numb in fact that Renly found himself having to check that they were still attached to his legs, rubbing them with equally frozen fingers. Reassured, he leant over to check now that the heater was still working, shuffling along the bed with the covers still wrapped around him.

The little orange light was still blinking and so Renly supposed it was still working. Chancing sticking an arm out of his covers though, it didn't feel like it was working and shivering, he withdrew his arm back into the warmth of his duvet.

One peek behind the curtains told him all he needed to know. The snow was swirling wildly outside the windows, coating everything in a white blanket than shone under the dim glow of the street lamps. Renly rather liked snow when it was like this, untouched yet by the trampling of morning feet and perfectly pristine. Still though, if he'd had the choice between the snow and being on some beach somewhere in Australia, he'd probably have chosen the latter right now, preferably with a hot Australian surfer to go with it.

With that on his mind, he shuffled along the bed again and glanced down at Loras, wondering if the poor thing was awake. He'd made him a decent enough bed out of blankets and cushions and yet Renly feared he should have pushed a little harder for Loras to take the bed and for him to take the floor. The kid still had his hoodie on and had the blankets pulled up tightly around his neck too and yet even so Renly was rather sure that he must have been frozen solid.

Braving the cold again, Renly reached down and gently nudged his shoulder. “You awake?” He whispered.

Loras nodded sleepily and Renly laughed, running a finger across his cheek to see if he indeed wasn't frozen solid.

He was alarmingly cool to the touch and so against his better judgement, Renly muttered that Loras could come up and share the duvet with him if he liked. He supposed that seeing as Loras seemed to have been on his best behaviour all evening, it was probably a risk he could afford to take.

Loras didn't really respond though, just mumbled something incoherent and rolled over. And so, sighing, Renly got out of bed and bent down, wrapping his arms around him and lifting him gently as he could up onto the bed. He was surprisingly heavy and yet Renly just about managed not to drop him, surprising himself with quite how elegantly he managed it. The kid was even still half-asleep when Renly had finished. Smiling, Renly tucked the duvet about his sleeping form, rather proud of his handiwork for the kid looked rather cosy now.

He then ventured downstairs, taking one of the blankets that had been Loras' and wrapping it around himself to try and stop himself shivering. The house felt oddly empty now that Brienne and Jaime were gone and Renly was suddenly rather glad he had company even if he wasn't allowed to sleep with it.

He found what he was looking for easily though, a hot water bottle in the shape of a lion that Brienne had bought for Jaime's last birthday. Renly loathed to take anything that belonged to Jaime into his bed and yet it was soft and once filled with water from the kettle, it would be warm too.

Renly hugged it to him as he crept back up the stairs, laughing softly under his breath when he saw that Loras was now fast asleep, curled up under the covers with eyes his closed.

Gently, Renly slid the hot water bottle between his arms, wondering if it would be cruel to take a picture. The kid was a proud little thing and Renly didn't imagine he would appreciate pictures of him hugging anything that remotely resembled a soft toy in the slightest. That made it a very tempting prospect and a prospect that Renly probably would have taken up had he not feared that the flash needed to take a picture in near darkness would probably wake the poor thing up.

It was bliss to get back under the covers and yet Renly couldn't resist lying awake and watching him for a while. He really was quite gorgeous, Renly thought, in spite of being so young. His curls had fallen over his eyes and every time he took a breath one of them would flutter slightly. The overall picture was quite a sweet one really and it made Renly laugh slightly. Loras Tyrell was many things when he was awake and yet _sweet_ was definitely not one of them. That all changed apparently when he was bundled up under a duvet like this, with his hair fanned out against the pillow and a few strands still falling over his face.

It would be so easy, Renly thought, just to roll over and have a bit of fun with him for the night. He supposed it was a good thing indeed thus that he'd sabotaged all of his condoms, for no matter how good the sex was, he knew he'd regret it in the morning. And so, with more than a little regret, Renly turned to face away from him, burying back into his side of the duvet and settling down for the rest of the night.

Renly awoke rather confused. He was no longer cold, quite the opposite in fact, for there was something distinctly warm pressed up unfamiliarly against him. Yawning, he opened his eyes, realising quickly and with some discomfort that the warm weight against him wasn't the hot water bottle as he had assumed, but was in fact Loras. The kid was tucked under his chin like he belonged there, with one arm wrapped tightly around Renly's waist.

Renly frowned. He had men over rather often and yet he'd never _cuddled_ any of them. It was rare that they even stayed the night, usually getting up and going on their way after they were both satisfied. It was better that way, Renly found. It avoided all sorts of awkward scenarios in the morning and he just didn't see the point of having to make uncomfortable small talk over toast when you both knew that all either of you had wanted was a decent fuck.

Loras of course had stayed over that night when they'd hooked up and yet there definitely hadn't been any cuddling then either. A lot of tangled limbs and rummaging around in the dark for yet another condom, but a distinct lack of cuddling.

Renly sighed. There was no suggestion in the way Loras was tucked into his chest and yet he couldn't help but feel more than a little uncomfortable. The only time people got this close was when he was fucking them and that was something he wasn't allowed to do at the moment.

Awkwardly, he tried to untangle himself, doing his best not to wake the kid up. He didn't want another awkward situation like that on his hands.

Loras woke up though as soon as Renly pulled his arm from around his waist and looked sleepily up at him, pressing himself further into Renly's chest. He was quite clearly still half-asleep and yet Renly couldn't help but stiffen slightly. He was usually half hard in the mornings and today was unfortunately no exception. He dared say too that having Loras pressed against him all night probably hadn't helped. The way Loras was still pushing himself against him now wasn't helping either, as he wrapped an arm sleepily back around Renly's waist and pressed his face into the crook of Renly's neck.

There was still nothing suggestive about these touches of Loras' and yet Renly found he was still way too close for comfort. He gulped, torn between grinding up against him and pushing him away. The sensible option was quite clearly to push him away and yet Renly had never been particularly good at being sensible.

And so, within seconds, Renly had nudged one of his knees between Loras', his breath hitching as he pushed his cock up against one of Loras' thighs. Loras opened his eyes then, looking a little confused. He didn't withdraw his arm from around Renly's waist though and before long Renly felt Loras grow hard against his own leg, the press of him warm even through the very thick pyjama bottoms Renly was wearing. And with that, the last of Renly's resolve melted away as he claimed Loras' mouth with his own, feeling Loras' hands knot in his hair as Renly bit down on his lower lip.

It was easy to forget how old Loras was when he was hard against Renly's thigh and Renly found too that he didn't care any more, pulling the hoody he'd lent Loras yesterday unceremoniously over his head and onto the floor as he moved his kisses down to Loras' neck, determined to move further and further down until it was Loras' cock he had in his mouth.

He supposed though that it was fortunate that he'd given Loras quite so many layers to wear to bed yesterday, and upon pulling off the third layer that Loras was wearing, Renly finally came to his senses. It took all the resolve he had and more, but eventually, taking a deep breath, he pushed Loras gently away from him. 

“Come Loras," He panted. "I'll take you home.”

25th December 2012

Loras awoke early, to Garlan thumping down on the end of his bed and grinning at him. "Wake up." He laughed. "There's presents downstairs." He reached out and dragged Loras from his bed before he could even answer, pulling him from the room and almost knocking poor Willas and his crutches into Margaery and down the stairs.

He somehow kept his balance though and Garlan steadied his older brother sheepishly.

They all went downstairs together then and sure enough there was a huge pile of presents under the tree, many of which Loras could see had his name on them. It was a glorious sight, everything wrapped in brightly coloured paper with bows and ribbons and just waiting to be unwrapped. As much as Loras was ashamed to admit it, this was possibly his favourite part of Christmas. They were all thoroughly spoiled and yet Loras could never find it in himself to mind even one little bit.

As the day went on though, Loras couldn't help but wonder what Renly was doing today. Loras had texted him Merry Christmas and Renly had replied with those exact same words, but Loras feared he wasn't having a _Merry Christmas_ at all. He hadn't seen Renly since his rather disastrous attempt at staying over and yet it had been late into December even then and there had been nothing to suggest Christmas was on the horizon: no tree, no lights, not even any tacky tinsel or fake holly.

And from what Loras had seen of Renly's cooking, most likely he'd be sitting down today to a dinner of oven pizza and chips, eating it all alone in that cold empty house with no-one to even pull a cracker with. The thought made Loras feel a little miserable in spite of how wonderful it was to have Willas and Garlan finally home.

He thought of Renly even that evening, with all his presents piled up on the end of his bed, wondering if Renly had thought of him at all today. Probably not, Loras decided with a sigh, and if he had done it would only have been to lament how awkward their last meeting had been, with Loras sat silently in the passenger seat of Renly's car as he'd driven him home once more. To give Renly his due, he'd been really nice about it, even trying to make conversation on the way home, and yet Loras had been unable to do anything save curse himself for being stupid enough to give Renly yet more reason to think badly of him.

Loras' game plan had been to play it cool and yet he only lasted to noon on Boxing Day before he found his feet taking him down the familiar route to Renly's road, rather desperate to see if things were still awkward between them and if Renly's Christmas had indeed been as miserable and lonely as Loras had imagined it to be.

Tentatively, he knocked on the door. It was a long time before Renly answered it, almost long enough for Loras to decide Renly somehow knew it was him and didn't want to see him. 

He laughed though when he opened the door and saw Loras standing there. “What's up?” He asked casually, as if it wasn't Boxing Day and as if he'd completely forgotten the awkwardness of their last meeting. The heating was obviously still broken and Renly had obviously still been in bed for his duvet was wrapped tightly round him. He grinned. "I was thinking about you the other day."

Loras smiled, fearing he looked all too delighted at that. When Renly said something like that, Loras' immediate response was to assume that Renly had been contemplating how into him he was, and yet knowing Renly, it was more likely that he'd happened to see someone with curly hair on the street and had fleetingly been reminded of him.

He took a deep breath. “I was just wondering how you are?”

Renly grinned and stepped back to let him pass. “I'm fine. Good Christmas?”

“Yes.” Loras said, thinking of all his siblings and all the lovely presents he'd had.

Renly laughed. “Good. And have your family forgiven you for whatever you'd argued about?”

“Yes.” Loras took a deep breath.“And have you?”

“Have I what?" Renly grinned and opened the kitchen door.

"Forgiven me?"

"For...?" Renly prompted, already filling the kettle with water and getting the coffee out of the cupboard.

"You know?" Loras forced himself to get this over with. "I promised you I wouldn't try anything."

Renly laughed and seemed to get what he was talking about. “That was as much my fault as yours." He scratched his head. "Come to think of it, it was probably more mine." He grinned at Loras and nudged his arm playfully. "Lighten up Loras, I only kissed you and that isn't even against the law." He filled two mugs up to the brim, one with hot chocolate and the other with disgusting amounts of coffee. "It's not a big deal. Don't worry about it.”

That made Loras breathe a sigh of relief and he relaxed a little, accepting his mug with a smile and glancing around the kitchen. His worst fears were confirmed though with a quick look round. It was obviously either Brienne or Jaime who was the tidy one in the house, for now the kitchen was an absolute state. Empty pizza boxes lay everywhere and Renly evidently hadn't done any washing up since they left. It was quite clear too that Renly had eaten pizza for Christmas Dinner, for that plate was still on the table, a few crusts left uneaten, an empty glass of wine and many many mince pie foil cases next to it.

Renly pushed it aside though and made space for them to put their mugs down. He seemed to have forgotten all about their earlier conversation now and instead started telling him about how little work he'd done over Christmas, the opposite apparently of what he'd promised himself he would do.

Loras listened absent-mindedly, losing the thread of the conversation every now and again when he couldn't help but stare at Renly a little too much. He was still in his pyjamas, his hair all ruffled from sleep and with even more stubble than he'd had the last time Loras had seen him. It was odd seeing Renly like this- he was usually so well turned out whenever they met up for coffee- and yet the dishevelled look sort of suited him, Loras thought. That said though, Loras imagined that Renly could turn up at the door in platform shoes and a leopard-print fur coat and Loras would still think him the most handsome man he'd ever laid eyes on.

Unfortunately though, Renly didn't seem as oblivious to his adoring gazes as he usually was. The first two times Renly caught him staring he just smiled and let it slide. The third though he laughed, looking thoughtful for a few moments.

"You know Loras," He grinned and looked Loras up and down, making Loras' knees feel weak. "This is just getting silly."

"What is getting silly?" Loras asked, feeling his cheeks threatening to turn pink.

" _This._ " Renly laughed “You can barely keep your hands off me and well... you must know that I think you're pretty hot yourself.”

Loras felt a smile creep to his face. “What are you suggesting?” He threw back, thinking it better to play coy than let Renly know how happy those words and all they implied made him. He was quite sure now that the next words out of Renly's mouth would make him smile for weeks.

Renly laughed. “Well, I was thinking that maybe when you're sixteen-" He grinned, virtually confirming Loras' hopes."-that we might be able to come to some sort of arrangement.”

“An arrangement?” This sounded like an odd way to ask him out and Loras frowned, thinking he may have grasped the wrong end of the stick here. The hope that he'd let himself feel was coming crumbling down like a pyramid made out of playing cards.

Renly laughed and sipped his coffee. “Yes an arrangement.”

“What does that mean?” Loras swallowed his pride and forced himself to ask, feeling all too much like a schoolboy who didn't understand what Renly was suggesting.

Renly laughed. “It's exactly what it sounds like. Something casual between friends.”

Loras forced himself to laugh, feeling the hot chocolate in his mouth turn to ash. “You mean just for sex?”

“Well no need to put it so bluntly, but yeah that's what I meant.” Renly grinned and handed him a mince pie. “It'd be fun. It means I don't have to spend ages trying to work out if that hot guy at the bar is straight or not, and you don't even need to bother with that fake ID of yours.” " He frowned a little when he saw Loras' face. "Although of course you can bother with it if you like." He laughed, evidently not understanding the reason for Loras' expression. "Don't worry. I'm not going to be one of those ridiculous guys who insists fuckbuddies be exclusive."

Loras laughed, wondering if Renly noticed how hollow it sounded. He wanted to ask if that was the only option and yet the way Renly was grinning at him told him that it probably was.

“Alright.” He said, forcing a smile. It seemed that was as good as he was going to get. And maybe, just maybe, Renly would change his mind in time. 


	6. Chapter 6

April 2013

It felt somewhat odd walking to Renly's house a couple of days after his sixteenth birthday, Loras thought, turning into Renly's road. He had always assumed, before Renly had suggested this arrangement of his, that the next time he slept with Renly, if indeed there was a next time, that it would be spontaneous and in the heat of the moment, kisses that quickly turned into more. And he'd have liked that, Loras thought, he'd have liked that a lot.

This, on the other hand, felt altogether quite strange to him. Whilst Renly had not _explicitly_ said that they would sleep together the next time he saw him after his sixteenth birthday, it was rather evident that this would be the case. Indeed, the last couple of times Loras had seen him, it had been rather difficult to keep their hands off each other even then, and Loras had found himself wondering often whether Renly had been tempted to not bother waiting the last few weeks until he turned sixteen.

They had waited though and now Loras didn't really know what to expect. He'd slept with people casually before, but only ever on nights out, when it was quite clearly a one night stand. This was organised casual sex though and Loras found himself wondering if after today he'd find himself pencilling in _sex with Renly_ on his calendar.

The girl opened the door to him and to Loras' surprise she seemed dressed to go out. Instead of the shapeless jeans and top she usually wore, she had a dress on, a deep blue one that was rather short and showed off the only arguable assets the girl had- her very long if very chunky legs. She looked a lot better than she usually did, Loras thought, although much more uncomfortable. Even as she invited him in Loras saw that she pulled down uneasily on the hem of her dress at least three times.

Jaime Lannister was standing by the stairs, also dressed to go out, and Loras had to stop himself staring at him as the girl invited him in. He was undeniably gorgeous, even if Renly insisted he was a idiot. His blonde hair was falling into his eyes with the sort of casual elegance Loras knew his own hair had, and he looked every inch the tennis star in his grey suit even if Loras knew that the man was barely capable of picking up a tennis racket nowadays.

“Here to see Renly?” Jaime raised an eyebrow and leant back against the bannister, looking a little unimpressed when the girl handed him her handbag for him to hold as she evidently rang for a taxi.

Loras nodded, resisting the urge to laugh at the small black bag Jaime was dangling from his fingers. “Is he in?”

Jaime shrugged. “I think he's in his room. He hasn't surfaced today yet though.” He laughed wryly. “That either means that he's writing an essay or he's hung over, perhaps both.”

Brienne had put down her phone by now and she reached back to take her handbag, a rather ugly black thing that must have been bought in some dingy charity shop somewhere. “Isn't he supposed to be coming tonight?”

Jaime shrugged and turned to her. “Who knows with Renly. I won't be surprised if bloody Robert doesn't turn up, and it's his god forsaken anniversary.” He sighed. “Fifteen years of hell that marriage has been.”

They seemed to have forgotten about him then and so Loras merely shrugged and ventured up the stairs. He assumed Robert must be some mutual friend of theirs and yet how they'd all know somebody old enough to be celebrating their fifteenth wedding anniversary was quite a mystery to him. He'd assumed Renly had met Brienne at university and that he'd met Jaime through her, all of which he'd thought to be rather comparatively recent events.

He shrugged though and supposed that it didn't really matter as long as Renly was indeed in. He wasn't hopeful though as he reached Renly's room. If either of Jaime's predictions were true, indeed if Renly was either working or hung over, he imagined that Renly might very well turn him away.

He knocked on the door and crossed his fingers.

“Come in?” Renly sounded a little cautious.

Loras pushed open the door. Renly was lying on his stomach with his laptop in front of him. He grinned when he saw him though. “Loras Tyrell.” He sat up and continued to beam at him. “I thought you'd turn up sooner or later. How was the birthday?”

“It was good.” Loras smiled. Garlan and Willas had both come back for it, and it would take him hours to list all the presents he'd been given. He felt a little embarrassed though that Renly had evidently been expecting him to turn up rather quickly. He wanted to appear many things to Renly, but _desperate_ wasn't one of them.

“Good. Give me a sec.” Renly turned back to his laptop and left Loras standing there a little awkwardly in the doorway. Loras bit back a sigh. He wondered whether he should just strip now and turn over for him while he waited.

“What are you doing?” Loras asked instead though, watching as Renly logged out of some professional looking website.

“ _Technically,_ I'm applying for internships.” Renly laughed. “But what I'm really doing is hiding. I don't want either Brienne or Jaime to know I'm in.”

Loras laughed. “You failed there. Jaime told me you'd be either writing an essay or hung over.”

Renly grinned and shrugged. “But they've left right? So it doesn't matter.” He stood up and stretched. “Usually Jaime would be right though. That is usually what I'm doing when I've shut myself up here.”

He crossed the room then and Loras found himself tilting his head back expectantly.

It didn't go unnoticed and Loras felt colour rising to his cheeks as Renly laughed at him. “You're no time waster are you?” He grinned and tilted Loras' head back further, bending his head as he brushed Loras' neck with his lips.

Loras just sighed, letting Renly's hand cup his chin. He was quite sure now that he didn't care if this all turned out badly, just as long as Renly kept on touching him, kept his hands on his face and his lips on his neck.

Renly laughed though and took a step back. “In good time Loras. First, I wanted to have a bit of a chat with you.”

“A chat?” Loras frowned. He knew from experience that it was usually a bad thing when people needed to talk.

“Yep.” Renly grinned. “Get the rules sorted out.”

Loras raised an eyebrow. “There are rules then? For this arrangement you've suggested?” He supposed he ought not to be surprised. Margaery was always reading articles about that sort of stuff in her magazines.

Renly grinned. “They're more like guidelines, I like to think I'm rather easy going.” He laughed and sat back down on the bed, taking Loras' wrist and pulling him down beside him. “But it's better to get things straight. Just so we know where we both stand.”

Loras nodded, preparing himself to do a decent bit of lying here.

Renly laughed and lounged back against his pillows. "Well the obvious one is that is has to be safe. Boring I know, and expensive too, but definitely necessary." He grinned. "Especially as we both know from personal experience that neither of us are have any problem with hooking up with random guys in clubs."

Loras rolled his eyes and shrugged. That was indeed rather an obvious rule, though he found it rather disconcerting that Renly was evidently taking it for granted here that this wasn't going to be any kind of exclusive arrangement between the two of them. He'd never really considered the fact that Renly might still like to mess around with other guys when he would be around to have a bit of fun with. He supposed though that it was naive of him not to have realised this.

"Rule number two. No jealousy allowed. If you want to go and screw the hot guy who works in Starbucks then that's fine by me, and if I want to take some other guy back home instead of you one night, then that has to be fine by you too." He grinned. "Of course, that said, I'm not averse to you coming home with that other guy. That's always fun."

Loras tried not to let the horror show on his face. It was bad enough to think of Renly sleeping with other guys at all, let alone when he would be there to watch. His pride wouldn't be able to stand that, he knew, and he was quite sure that any such attempt would end with him punching the other guy in the face. He was rather curious though as to whether Renly had ever done such things before, or whether it was all just talk. It was hard to know with Renly whether he was being sincere or if he was wildly embellishing things.

"Rule number three. No staying over." Renly laughed. "Trust me, it's just a lot simpler like that. No cuddling either."

That really did disappoint Loras. He'd been counting on Renly letting him at least stay over. He'd have liked nothing better than to wake up next to Renly and get to see him with morning stubble and his hair all rumpled from sleep.

Renly laughed. "I think that's about it really. The only other thing is, and I don't think it'll be an issue really, but you'll tell me won't you if what you want out of this ever changes?”

Loras frowned. “What does that mean?”

Renly laughed. “It means that I'm not accepting any responsibility if you end up getting your feelings hurt down the line.” He grinned. “The instant you start wanting to cuddle up and watch the sunset together, you tell me. I won't have anyone say I led you on.”

“And what would happen then?” Loras blurted out. "Say if did start wanting that?"

Renly shrugged. “I guess we'd stop.” He grinned and tugged on Loras' wrist again. “But don't worry. You're quite clearly not the sunset type. Now, come here, we've had half a year of nothing but talking. Let's change that shall we?”

 

…........................................................

 

“We are going to get on well.” Renly panted, grinning down at Loras and leaning down to kiss him once more. “So so well.”

Loras just nodded wearily, which was no wonder, Renly thought, considering how many times he'd fucked him in the last couple of hours. They certainly were going to get on well, Renly thought. The boy certainly knew what he was doing between the sheets, and more importantly perhaps, he seemed quite happy to let Renly top. Switching round was something Renly could never really be bothered with. He'd do it if someone asked, for fairness' sake, but he found he took little pleasure in it. Loras, on the other hand, as he had done that first night they'd hooked up, seemed to show no inclination of wanting to swap roles.

“So,” Renly rolled off him and fished around in the covers for his boxers. “Where'd you learn it all?”

“Learn what?” Loras rolled over onto his side and pulled the covers up over himself.

Renly raised an eyebrow. “You're not bad for a guy who hasn't left school yet.” He grinned. “They definitely don't teach that sort of stuff do they? Or have things changed since I left?” He knew Loras couldn't stand being wound up about the fact he was still at school and yet Renly couldn't resist.

Indeed, Loras rolled his eyes and shoved him under the covers. “Leave me be.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes. “If you must know though, I had a boyfriend last year. Not for that long and it wasn't at all serious, but it was long enough to figure some things out.”

Renly laughed. “I can't imagine you with a boyfriend.”

Loras frowned. “And why's that?”

Renly shrugged. “I don't know? Because you're so independent I guess.” That was true. He just couldn't imagine Loras letting anyone have any influence over what he did. He seemed forceful like that. If the kid didn't want to do something, then he didn't do it. Likewise, Renly suspected that nobody would be able to stand in when he did want to do something. He was quite evidently spoiled rotten, Renly thought, even though he probably couldn't speak seeing as Robert had used to shove fifty pound notes into his pocket in lieu of actually spending any time with him. He was also quite clearly used to getting his own way.

Loras laughed though and merely shrugged. “What about you then. How did you learn to be decent in bed?”

“Decent?” Renly grinned. “You wound me.” He leant down and bit Loras' lower lip gently. “I can do better than decent.”

Loras laughed and squirmed away. “Alright, I concede, you're pretty wonderful in bed. But you avoided my question. How did you learn it all?”

Renly grinned. “The benefits of an all boys boarding school?”

“Really?” Loras' eyes widened a little.

“Nah.” Renly laughed. He rather wished the myths that everyone seemed to believe about boarding school were indeed true. It certainly wasn't true at all that everyone there was so starved of female attention that they were willing to get a little closer to their male peers than most straight guys were.

“Then how?” Loras pressed.

“I just have a lot of practice I guess?” He laughed. “I can teach you if you like.” He didn't imagine Loras was the sort to let himself be taught anything but Renly thought he might as well have a go. “That's one of the benefits of this sort of thing. You get to try whatever you like without some boyfriend you care about judging you.”

Loras frowned at that, his brow furrowing as he propped himself up on one elbow. “Would you know much about that? Judging boyfriends I mean?”

Renly laughed. Definitely not, he thought, and he was much better off for it. “No, but that's what I'm told.” He grinned and pulled on his shirt. “You tell me. You're the one with the ex.”

Loras shrugged. “Nothing much to tell. We split up pretty amiably and that's that. He wasn't the judging type though.”

“He was your first then?” Renly asked. He wasn't really sure why he was making conversation now with Loras. It wasn't a habit of his to make small talk after sleeping with someone and yet he supposed that Loras was more of a friend with benefits than a fuck buddy. That, he guessed, was where the difference lay. He bit back a sigh there. That small fact was probably going to mess with the natural order of things here. Usually, he insisted that anyone he slept with only texted or called him when they wanted to come over, and yet that would quite clearly be very harsh of him if he insisted that of Loras, considering that they were friends and especially considering that the kid quite evidently thought of him as one of his closer ones.

He turned back to Loras who hadn't yet answered his question. "So, was he your fist? The ex boyfriend I mean?"

Loras frowned. “Obviously he was my first. You think I'd lose my virginity in a one night stand?" He snorted. "What kind of self respecting guy does that?”

Renly laughed and raised an eyebrow. “Ouch, well that hurts.” It had never really occurred to him to feel ashamed about such a thing. He'd never wanted a boyfriend and yet he very much had wanted the benefits that came with a boyfriend when he'd been sixteen-seventeen. He remembered it as a good night though. The guy had been Spanish and he still saw him from time to time for a bit of fun whenever he was passing through the area. There had been none of that awkward fumbling around either, Renly thought, where both participants hadn't done it before and neither knew what they were doing. His way, on the other hand, had gone altogether very smoothly.

Loras backtracked. “I didn't mean-"

Renly grinned. “It's alright. You take the moral high ground. I won't be offended.” He laughed and prodded Loras hard. “Although, I might like to point out here that this is coming from the boy I met in a club who added three fake years to his age.”

Loras had the grace to blush a little even as he rolled his eyes. “Are you ever going to forgive me for that?”

Renly grinned. “Probably not. Depends on whether you're willing to let me teach you a trick or two.” The kid was certainly not bad, but Renly reckoned with a bit of prodding in the right direction, he and Loras could have a lot of fun. It was for that reason that he always tried to push for this sort of arrangement rather than rely on one night stands. The sex always got so much better with time, and he knew for sure that within a few months, both he and Loras would have learned exactly what the other liked and how to give it.

Loras shrugged. “I guess you can teach me if you like.” Like Renly suspected though, he didn't look too impressed.

Renly laughed. “Give it a couple of weeks and you won't need to be taught anything." He smiled and glanced at his phone on the bedside table as Loras rolled his eyes. He was rather disappointed to see that it was already evening. The sex aside even, Renly had been rather glad that Loras had turned up when he had. He'd been deliberating all morning whether he could get away turning up very late to to Robert and Cersei's anniversary party and Loras had offered a reason to stick around. He couldn't put going off forever though, and he'd be in the doghouse for sure if he waited any longer.

Sighing, he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. “Now come, up.” Renly took Loras' hand and yanked him up into a sitting position. “I should probably join Brienne and Jaime at some point tonight, otherwise I'll be in trouble."

Loras looked a little put out but stayed sat up as instructed and pulled on his shirt.

Renly laughed and ruffled his very tangled hair. “I'm going to take a shower now, but if you don't mind waiting around a bit I'll drive you home on the way if you like?”

Loras shrugged and lay back down, clearly getting comfortable. “Alright then.” For a brief moment, it occurred to Renly to be worried about quite how comfortable Loas looked in his bed, but then he laughed, dismissing it. Of all the worries he'd have tonight, Loras acting all too much like he belonged in his bed certainly wouldn't be one of his bigger concerns.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to those of you waiting for a One Rose For Another chapter, I got kind of on a roll with this one. It happens right?

The party was crowded by the time Renly arrived, people milling about unsteadily with more than one glass of champagne in their hands. It was as ostentatious as parties organised by Cersei always were, the room decked out with crystal chandeliers and a very expensive jazz band playing in the corner. Renly was suddenly glad he’d worn one of his nicer suits and not only because Loras had evidently thought him the hottest thing he’d ever seen in it.

“Renly.” Stannis’ curt voice seemed to come out of nowhere.

Renly rolled his eyes as his brother came into view.

Stannis looked miserable, holding a reluctant glass of wine in his hand as he glanced at his watch. “What time do you call this?”

Renly grinned and checked his phone. “I’d say that it’s about quarter to eleven Stannis. You?”

Stannis ground his teeth. “Don’t give me your cheek. You’re about five hours late.”

Renly laughed. “And I still remember the time Robert was about _ten_ hours late to collect me from school that one time.” He sighed and tried to look as pitiful as possible. “Everyone else’s parents had come, and gone, hours and hours ago. And yet our brother was too drunk to remember the Christmas holidays had started.” He laughed. “And I suspect now that he will again be too drunk to notice that, indeed, as you say, I am about five hours late.”

Renly smiled wryly to himself as he remembered that particular day. He thought it rather amusing now but at the time he’d been rather miserable about it. He’d only been eight and he’d spent the whole evening sitting in the Staff Room with his suitcase whilst all the teachers who hadn’t yet gone home had argued about what to do with him. Eventually, one of them had managed to get hold of Stannis who had somehow got hold of Robert, and some time past midnight Renly had been shaken awake by one of his teachers and told that his brother was finally here to collect him.

Stannis sighed, pursing his lips. “That was unfortunate yes. If it had been my turn to collect you, then that would not have happened.”

Renly grinned. “I believe you. _You_ never were late.” He laughed. “And so I promise you Stannis, the next time you throw a party, I shall be early.” He raised an eyebrow. “We do know how you love giving parties Stannis.”

Stannis merely frowned grimly at him and so Renly patted him on the shoulder before turning round to accept a drink from one of the waitresses, not oblivious to the way her eyes roved over him before she handed him the glass of champagne.

Stannis eyed him suspiciously. “You’re not driving tonight are you?”

Renly laughed. “Stop fretting Stannis. I’m not stupid, and I’m the most law abiding law student you’ll ever meet. I drove to the station and then got the train.” He’d have probably been less late if he’d driven, but that would have meant an evening of being entirely sober and he didn’t know if he could handle that. This way too, he’d have a decent chance of hitching a free ride with Brienne and Jaime in their cab. Jaime wouldn’t be impressed but Renly knew Brienne was all too fond of him to say no.

Stannis let him leave then and so Renly supposed he should probably go off in search of Robert and Cersei. He’d have to wish them a happy anniversary at some point tonight, irregardless of how much of a sham their wedding had been.

He found Robert easily. He was next to where all the wine was laid out as Renly had known he would be.

“Renly.” He slurred, swirling his wine glass and gazing down at the contents. “When did you get here?”

“Ages ago.” Renly smiled and steadied his eldest brother. “Having a good night?”

Robert grunted. “S’alright.” He pointed to the wine. “Good vintage. Want some?”

Renly laughed. “I’m doing fine with the champagne actually. Spent too much time drinking Tesco value vodka recently. This tastes quite unfamiliarly pleasant right now.”

Robert shrugged. “Well even the cheap stuff gets you where you need to go.” He ran a hand through his beard. “Brought anyone tonight? Any young lad for us to meet?”

Renly laughed. Robert asked him this every time he saw him. He could only imagine the highly inappropriate jokes his eldest brother would make if he actually did bring a plus one. He sighed and poured himself another glass of champagne. “Nah. I don’t really do bringing people to family gatherings. You know that. I prefer to keep things simple you see.”

Robert chuckled. “It’s better that way, I promise you.” He scratched his bearded chin. “You brought a girl once. To Cersei’s birthday party, a couple of years ago Jaime’s girl. The big plain one.”

Renly laughed. “She wasn’t Jaime’s girl at the time. And she wasn’t mine either. She was my moral support for the evening.” He remembered that day well too. It had been Cersei’s 35th birthday party and he’d been dreading it for weeks. It had been shortly after he’d told Brienne he wasn’t interested in women and he’d brought her as his plus one because he’d thought that it would help convince her that he still wanted to be friends. Of course he hadn’t actually ended up seeing much of her that evening. She’d met Jaime that night and they’d bonded over their love of hitting furry green balls over a net.

Robert grunted. “Yeah you’re right. He only started with her after didn’t he?” He laughed “And he’s brought her again tonight. Even despite what my wife said to her at Christmas.”

Renly sighed. Christmas had seemed an utter disaster at best from what he’d been told. Brienne and Jaime had had dinner with Tywin and Tyrion. That had been surprisingly tame. Mainly because Tywin hadn’t spoken more than a few sentences to her and Brienne, being Brienne, had probably been more than good at being seen and not heard like Tywin thought any woman should. Boxing Day, however, had been more than a catastrophe. The two of them had had dinner with Robert and Cersei and the evening had kicked off by Cersei laughing snidely about what Brienne had chosen to wear. Privately, afterwards, when Brienne had shown him the offending dress upon her return, Renly had had to agree with Cersei in that it was foul. Even so, that wasn’t the point, Renly supposed, Cersei should never have kept her opinions to herself, something she hadn’t done at all, finishing the night by telling her that she was a fat ugly cow who had no business dating anybody of her brother’s calibre. Needless to say, Brienne had taken it to heart.

Hopefully, though, Cersei would be on better behaviour tonight. He wasn’t too sure of that though, and so giving his excuses to Robert, he went off in search of Jaime and Brienne.

They were harder to find, having snuck into some corner presumably to avoid socialising with Cersei. Renly was pleased to see though that she was in the dress he’d bought her for Christmas, a dress Jaime’s sister would be able to find no fault with.

He laughed as he came up behind them. “Looking good Brienne.”

She turned round and pulled down anxiously on the hem, nodding a little reluctantly.

“ _What_?” Renly laughed and leant back against the table, sipping his champagne. “I know it’s not your usual style. I knew that when I bought it.” He leant in close. “I bet Jaime likes it though.”

She turned bright pink, but Jaime laughed, wrapping his arms around her and whispering something in her ear that made her turn even redder.

“So where’s your date tonight Renly?” Jaime asked. “Or am I wrong to assume that that curly haired little tennis player is your new plaything?”

Renly laughed. “He’s not a plaything. It’s mutual you know. _Plaything_ would imply I’m toying with him. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.” He grinned. “Trust me, he’ll have just as much fun as me.”

Jaime laughed. “So fuckbuddies don’t get invited as plus ones do they then?”

“Nah.” Renly laughed. “And if I invited him, he’d get the wrong idea, which is totally not fair on either of us.” He grinned. “Plus, if I brought him, I’d have to invite all the other people I sleep with too.”

Jaime grinned mockingly. “Well that would be difficult. They wouldn't all fit n this room.”

Renly rolled his eyes. “I don’t sleep around _that_ much.” It was true-ish, he supposed. Aside from Loras there was only two guys he saw on a semi-regular basis at the moment. One was some guy he went to lectures with and the other a rather dashing man who worked in the local Topshop, very handsome and particularly useful for the fact that he could get Renly a 70% discount there.

Jaime snorted. “ _You?_  don’t sleep around? Yeah… you keep telling yourself that Renly.”

Renly just grinned a little sheepishly.

Brienne turned to him then. “Don’t treat this one like you treat the others Renly. He’s only young.”

Renly rolled his eyes. He’d never been planning on treating Loras quite like the rest of them, not when they were friends too. There was no way that Loras would handle being kicked out five minutes after they were done and being told that he was only allowed to text him if he wanted to come over for a quickie.

“Yes Renly.” Jaime said, mimicking Brienne’s voice and seemingly doing his best to look imploring. “Play nice, he’s only a baby.”

Renly chuckled and resisted the urge to roll his eyes once more. “And how would you know that he’s so very young?” He didn't think it was at all that obvious. He’d spent a whole night thinking Loras was eighteen and it hadn’t been that much of a stretch to believe.

Jaime raised an eyebrow. “You think I don’t know who he is? I can’t say I follow junior tennis _that_ well, but that one would be hard to miss. What with that hair and everything.” He laughed. “I’d hazard a guess that _Loras Tyrell_ is his name.” He grinned. “He reminds me of me actually. Except of course the wanting to fuck you part. That would be very _unlike_ me.”

Renly sighed and admitted defeat. “Fine. He’s younger than I would ideally like for this sort of thing. But it’s legal and I’ve explained how it works, and he’s agreed. It’s that simple. His choice.”

Brienne shrugged, looking a little worried all the same. “Well if you’re sure he understands.”

Renly laughed. “He’s sixteen, not a halfwit. He understands. And if he ever doesn't understand, he'll ask. What's the risk?”

 

……………………………………

  
The first couple of times were the hardest, Loras found. In some ways Renly was the perfect lover, attentive, unselfish, up for anything, but in others, Loras found it all too hard. He’d insist on parting as soon as both of them were done and Loras found it more than a little bewildering to go suddenly from having Renly’s arms wrapped around him and his cock deep inside of him to being left quite alone on one side of the bed whilst Renly busied himself putting his clothes back on.

Those moments before that happened though made it all worth it. Whilst he was screwing him, Renly seemed to disregard his evident hatred for intimacy. He’d let Loras cling to him and kiss him as much as he liked, and as tenderly as he liked.

And it was so easy to pretend, Loras found. He could bury his head in Renly’s shoulder whilst they fucked and imagine away. He had all sorts of scenarios he played out in his head. Sometimes, he’d pretend that Renly was telling him that he loved him, over and over until Loras almost actually believed it was real. Other times, he’d fantasise about stupid things, things that the two of them might have done earlier, or might be going to do after. He’d imagine that they’d just got home from dinner, or that afterwards they would curl up together and go to sleep.

Whatever he imagined though, the reality came crashing back as soon as Renly nudged him gently off him. Never for a moment, though, did Loras ever think it wasn’t worth it. It stung, yes, when Renly would nudge him over to his side of the bed, but Loras would be safe in the knowledge that moments earlier Renly’s arms had been wrapped round him and they’d been pressed together as close as any two people could be. He’d also be safe in the knowledge that in half an hour, Renly would probably let them do it all over again.

And Renly was nice about it, he supposed. He was complimentary and never laughed at him if something was embarrassing or if Loras did something wrong. He’d always offer to give him a lift home too and sometimes he’d be willing to let Loras stick around for a bit afterwards even though it was clear no more sex was on the agenda for the evening.

Those days were particularly weird though, Loras had to think. It was like they’d suddenly gone back in time a couple of months when they were still nothing more than friends, and with nothing sexual at all between them. Renly would make him coffee like he’d always used to and they’d sit down at the kitchen table whilst Loras would tell him about his day and Renly would complain animatedly about how many essays he had to write that week. Occasionally they’d watch a film too though and then and only then would they would be allowed back in Renly’s bedroom. Although, as Loras carefully noted each time, even though they sat on Renly’s bed together to do this, they’d never have sex after they’d reverted back into what Loras liked to think as _friendship mode_. Renly was ridiculously strict about the blurring of those lines: they were either screwing or being friends, nothing in between.

No matter how many evenings Renly let him stick around for a bit though, none of his rules were ever close to being broken, Loras noticed, or at least not on Renly’s side.

The first rule, Loras had had no problem with. He was more than happy to use protection whenever he slept with Renly. He’d never known any different and he wasn’t stupid anyhow. Renly did complain often though that it was an expensive routine they were getting into, and he’d often lament when they’d manage to get through a whole box in one day.

He’d always laugh though as he complained and so Loras figured he didn’t care too much. He certainly didn’t care enough to use the free ones Loras knew he could get from uni.

“They feel terrible.” Renly complained one time. “They’re so thick I may as well use a freezer bag or something.”

Loras laughed and smiled at him, warm under the covers even if Renly’s arms had long deserted him. “I’ll buy half if you like. It’s not fair that you always pay just because we hook up at yours.”

Renly laughed. “Don’t worry about it.” He leant in and dropped his voice to a whisper. “That’s what student loans are for.”

Loras grinned and flopped back against the pillow. “Have you ever done it without?” He asked. “Without a condom I mean?”

Renly laughed. “Barebacking? Once or twice. With a guy I knew for sure didn’t have anything.” He grinned. “And when I say know for sure, I mean know for sure. As in _we’d been together to get tested_ sure.”

Loras sat up, curious. “You’ve been tested. Why? You’re always so adamant about being safe?”

Renly laughed. “Condom split once. You’re right. I’m always pretty non-negotiable on condoms.” He ruffled Loras’ hair.

“So what did you get tested for?” Loras leant into Renly’s touch. The only vaguely intimate thing Renly tended to do was touch his hair and Loras relished every moment of it.

“Everything you can think of.” He laughed. “It’s not one of my fonder memories.”

“What’s it like?” Loras tried not to let his disappointment show as Renly took his hands out of his curls and ran them through his own hair, thinking.

“Well, you make an appointment, obviously, and first they have a look at you.” Renly grinned. “Which was totally fine for me, because I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. The nurse who examined me was definitely having the time of her life.”

He shoved Loras playfully when Loras deigned to roll his eyes. “And then they make you pee on bits of cotton wool.” He shuddered. “It’s the HIV test I hated though. I was all under the impression that I could get a cheek swab for it, some places do let you do that, so I walked in all happily, completely oblivious. _My_ nurse though insisted on giving me a blood test.”

Renly paused dramatically and Loras waited.

“Is that it?” Loras had been expecting some sort of horror story as soon as Renly had shuddered.

“Well it hurt.” Renly insisted, pouting slightly. “ _And,_ what’s worse, because there’s a pretty large window for HIV showing up, I had to have another one three months down the line. All just to be told what I already knew for ninety nine point ninety nine percent certain in the first place. Ie that I didn’t have HIV.”

Loras laughed. “Good to know. So you slept with that guy afterwards without a condom?”

“Mm hmm.” Renly nodded. “Out of curiosity. Only that evening after the test though. He wasn’t the most trustworthy guy in the world so as soon as there was any chance of him having hooked up with somebody else, which knowing him, probably happened the very next morning, we went back to our usual routine.” He sighed. "He was the first guy I slept with, and he must have had more STI tests than he could count on all of his fingers."

Loras merely shrugged. He supposed it was a good thing Renly was so careful. He wouldn’t like to think that he was risking getting his feelings hurt _and_ catching something from him. In fact, he was rather glad that Renly was so strict about his first rule, because as sensible as Loras knew he usually was, he knew too that if Renly had asked him to let him screw him without a condom, he’d probably have agreed without too much of a struggle.

The second rule, on the other hand, hadn’t come into play yet. That was the rule about not being allowed to be jealous and Loras had no idea whether Renly was even continuing to sleep with other people. He hoped not and yet he preferred not knowing and so he never asked. It was better that way, he thought, being blissfully ignorant and assuming the best, rather than dwelling on something that Renly would be completely within his rights to do.

The third rule was of course that he wasn’t allowed to stay over, and so far Loras hadn’t dared ask him to bend that rule. The cuddling, though, Renly was more flexible about. Renly never let them stay entwined after sex, but sometimes on the evenings he let Loras stick around, he’d let Loras lean his head against his shoulder when they were sat on the sofa, or if they watched a film in his bedroom, Loras would occasionally get away with using Renly’s chest as a pillow. It depended on Renly’s mood really, Loras noticed, and yet surprisingly, it wasn’t when Renly was in a bad mood that he was more likely to push Loras off him. It was when he was tired and stressed that he would let Loras stay put and if he was _particularly_ tired and stressed, he’d even play with Loras’ hair for extended periods of time, absent-mindedly twirling strands around his fingers as if he wasn’t quite aware he was doing it. It was when Renly was in a _good_ mood, however, that he’d laugh and push Loras playfully off him.

The fourth rule, no getting attached, however, was broken time and time again, much to Loras’ chagrin. Not by Renly of course, and nor did Loras think Renly had any idea that Loras was breaking it every time they slept together. Otherwise, Loras suspected, Renly would have sent him packing weeks and weeks ago.


	8. Chapter 8

 

June 2013

Loras had never expected Renly to turn up, not when his response had been so unpromising and he said he had an essay to write, and yet all the same, he couldn't help watching the crowd of people filing in through the door hopefully as the girl whose house it was ushered them in.

He supposed that Renly probably had better things to do on a Friday night than come to some teenager’s lame house party, and looking around now, he couldn't blame him. Everywhere, desperate teenage girls were drinking bottles of WKD and Smirnoff Ice, wobbling in the high heels they hadn't learnt to walk in yet. It was still early and a good couple of people were horrifically drunk, queuing for the bathroom to avoid vomiting all over the hostess' floor.

Loras too supposed he was drinking more than he should be and before long he was itching to call Renly, staring longingly at his phone. What he would say if he did call him, he wasn't sure of. All he knew was that he wanted to hear Renly's voice.

The sensible part of him suspected that this longing would get worse with every drink he had, and yet he couldn’t help himself. It was summer, he’d just finished his GCSEs and another part of him, a part Loras wasn’t particularly trustful of, was quite adamant that the drunker he got, the easier it would be to forget all about Renly and have some fun tonight instead, with someone who wasn't Renly for a change.

And he was determined to through with it. He knew that this was what Renly after all would want, for him to have some fun with somebody who wasn’t him. And perhaps that was all it would take, Loras mused, picking up another glass filled with some garish pink liquid. Perhaps making out with some random guy in the garden of this girl’s house would be what he needed to get over Renly a little bit, to help him beat his obsession with him.

Because that’s what it was, Loras thought bitterly, an obsession. When he wasn’t with Renly, he was thinking about him, either daydreaming like some pathetic twelve year old or else scheming about how he could get Renly to return his feelings somehow. He and Margaery had come up with all sorts of plans, each more unlikely to work than the next.

And even though he tried to convince himself that getting with someone tonight would help him move on from Renly, he knew what the truth was.

He was desperate for Renly to be jealous.

And maybe he would be, Loras thought with more than a little excitement as he downed his drink. Maybe Renly would turn green with envy if Loras got off with some random guy this evening. It was a nice thought to dwell on, Loras found, and his vision beginning to blur, he glanced around for anyone who looked like they might be receptive to his attentions. He wouldn’t be fussy tonight, and as long as they were decent looking, Loras would take what was on offer. And maybe the next time he saw Renly, he could drop it into casual conversation, and maybe, just maybe, Renly would actually _care_.

He tried to focus on that thought as some guy caught his eye, his hands then sliding round Loras' waist. _Renly will be jealous_ , he chanted in his head, _Renly will be jealous_. It all felt wrong though, the guy's hands round his waist felt strange, his mouth against Loras' own quite unfamiliar, even the smell of him seemed wrong.

He just wasn't Renly.

 

………………………..

Renly was just sitting down to finish his essay when he got a call from Loras and he was sorely tempted not to answer it. He was quite aware that Loras was out at some post-exams party and he was even more aware that this essay really needed to be finished before tomorrow morning. Loras wanting to drunkenly come after round afterwards would not be conducive to that, no matter how much more of an appealing prospect it was.

He stared at the screen a while before answering, his conscience not allowing him to ignore him. “Hey Loras What’s up?”

He frowned when he realised the voice on the end of the phone wasn’t Loras’. Even so, he listened, biting back a sigh when he realised quite what this stranger was asking of him.

Sighing, he shoved some shoes on and grabbed his car keys. Picking Loras up when he’d gotten too drunk to go home was definitely not part of the deal they had. All the same though, he couldn't just leave him there, and so reluctantly, he got into his car and tried to make it start.

It was only a ten minute drive to the address the girl had given him and as he pulled up outside, Renly couldn't help but feel very sorry for whoever owned the house. Having been to boarding school, he had no experience with the whole house parties after exams thing, but this, he thought, would rival even what fresher’s week had been like, despite the fact that everyone here was underage. Indeed, as he looked about there were two girls vomiting on the pavement outside and one couple were evidently doing a lot more than talking in some bushes around the side.

The door was wide open and so Renly just strolled in, feeling a little out of place amongst so many drunk sixteen year old school kids. He was getting a lot of appreciative looks though and that made Renly smile. He supposed that he’d be considered a definite catch by all of the girls here, being quite evidently a lot older than they were and drop dead handsome to boot.

It was easy to spot Loras amongst the crowd. He was propped up on a sofa with some girl who obviously fancied him tending to him. He wasn’t quite unconscious but did seem rather on the verge of passing out, a cigarette in danger of falling from his fingers.

Grinning, Renly bent down to take a look at him, Loras’ eyes fluttering open slightly as Renly ran his fingertips over his cheek. "What have you done to yourself eh?" He sat down next to him and plucked the cigarette from his hand. “I’ll take this.” He said, inhaling deeply and grinning at him even though Loras seemed completely incapable of responding or noticing that Renly had stolen his cigarette.

“How much has he drunk?” Renly asked the girl beside him instead, laughing as Loras continued to stare rather blankly at him.

Renly raised an eyebrow as the girl told him. It wasn’t all that much from her estimates but he supposed he ought not to be surprised that Loras was a bit of a lightweight. He turned back to Loras, his eyes now closed as he slumped over the arm of the sofa.

"Come on." He sighed. "I'll take you home." Gently, he slipped an arm round Loras' waist and guided him to his feet. He could barely put one foot in front of the other and yet Renly managed to get him to his car, half dragging him and half carrying him.

He strapped Loras into the passenger seat himself as there was no way Loras could do it by himself.

“Thank you.” Loras mumbled, his eyes shutting again.

Renly grinned at him as he got into the driver's seat. “You’re welcome.”

Renly was pretty sure he passed out then and leaning over, Renly rearranged him so he wouldn't bang his head against the window. That would be all he needed, having a concussed _and_ drunk passenger in his car. 

He didn't wake en route and so Renly shook him gently when they were home, not surprised to see that he didn’t get any response. He was breathing normally though and so Renly reckoned he’d probably be as right as rain once he’d slept it off. He'd have a hang-over to be reckoned with, but nothing too serious.

Renly called for Jaime as soon as he got him inside, though on reflection, Brienne would have done just as well, if not better. She was probably a good bit stronger than her boyfriend. 

Jaime appeared on the stairs though and he laughed when he saw that Renly wasn't alone. “Well he’s got himself in quite a state.” He commented, coming down to join them in the hall. He bent down to peer at the passed out Loras and grinned. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to sleep with that?”

Renly laughed. “God no.” He’d be breaking a good couple of laws if he did. Sleeping with Loras in this state would definitely be classed as rape, and not even statutory rape as the first time he'd slept with Loras had technically been, Loras being too young of course to consent. It would be no fun either to sleep with anytone half as unresponsive as Loras was now. The best thing about sleeping with Loras was that he let you know when he enjoyed something, very very clearly. He let Brienne and Jaime know too and recently, Jaime had begun referring to him behind his back as _Maria Sharapova_ , a joke Renly hadn't got until Jaime had helpfully showed him a youtube video of her play.

One eyebrow still raised, Jaime pulled one of Loras’ arms over his shoulder, and together they dragged him up the stairs and deposited him on Renly's bed.

Jaime grinned. "Need help putting poor Maria to bed?"

Renly rolled his eyes. “Thanks Jaime, but I’ll take it from here.”

"Have it your way." Jaime shut the door behind him. "Don't let him choke on his own vomit."

Sighing, Renly pulled off Loras' shoes and his jeans. He figured he could sleep in the rest. He did have to stand back and laugh a little though before he put him properly to bed. The boxers and socks look was just way too good of a look for him to pass up. Whilst Loras would be furious, Renly imagined that photographic evidence would make for hilarious viewing tomorrow morning. As such, feeling mildly guilty, he scrambled for his phone in his pocket and took a photo. That, he supposed, would be decent revenge on Loras for interrupting his essay writing.

His revenge now seen to, he tucked the covers up over him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. It was rather remarkable really, Renly found, how attractive Loras remained even when passed out. He was definitely the hottest guy he’d slept with so far, Renly thought, and to top it off, he was all too easy to get rather fond of. Strange as it was, Renly was rather glad he’d decided to stay friends with him even though they were fucking too now. It was nice sometimes to come home from lectures and have someone other than Brienne to rant to about how bored he’d been in them.

It was odd, he thought as he sat down on the bed beside him. Many of his previous partners had always insisted that friends with benefits arrangements, where _actual_ friends were involved, never worked out, that they always ended badly. They were wrong, Renly figured. As far as he was concerned, it was rather nicer than usual, rather like killing two birds with one stone. You got good sex _and_ good company, two things he’d never really equated before. And that’s exactly what Loras Tyrell was- good sex and extremely good company. With even better hair that was rather fun to play with.

He sighed. Loras had told him once that he’d been planning on going to the States after finishing with school, to pursue this tennis dream of his. That would be a shame, Renly thought, if Loras did end up going. He’d become used to having company in the evenings and being texted on and off throughout the day. The only other guy that he was seeing at the moment after all, the guy who worked in Topshop, was such bad company. He had very good clothes of course, but was distinctly lacking in any other attributes, something that had never bothered Renly until Loras had come along.

Brienne appeared then, interrupting his musings with a glass of water and some paracetamol. Renly grinned at her. Loras was definitely going to need them in the morning.

“I thought you didn’t let people sleep over?” She commented as she set them down on the bedside table for him.

Renly laughed. “I don’t usually. But I can’t take him home in this state.” Besides, Renly thought, that rule didn’t count unless sex had been on the agenda earlier. He had no issue with friends sleeping over, and right now, that was the category Loras fitted into.

He stood up and stretched though. “I still have an essay to finish.” He sighed, more to himself than to Brienne even though she nodded sympathetically all the same. "Tonight is going to be miserable." Sighing, he gathered up his laptop and books from his desk. He supposed it would be kinder to go downstairs and work. Otherwise, he'd probably end up waking poor Loras from his alcohol induced slumber.

It was long dull work and It was four in the morning before he finished, having had quite enough of tax fraud to do him for a good year or two. His head was still buzzing from all the caffeine he'd drunk, and yet he supposed he should try and get some sleep anyway. As quietly as he could, he made his way up the stairs, realising at the top that he shouldn't have bothered. Jaime and Brienne's light was still on and he could hear them whispering to each other under their breath, no doubt bickering about something inconsequental, like Jaime trying to use his bad hand to turn the lamp off or something. 

His own room though was completely silent as he crept in. He undressed as quietly as possible, shoving some pyjamas on seeing as he had company. He wasn't sure why he bothered though; Loras of course had seen him naked more times than he could count by now and Renly reckoned they probably knew every inch of each other's bodies almost as well as their own. That was the benefit, he supposed, of sleeping with somebody regularly rather than picking a new guy each time. You didn't have to just guess at what the other person would like.

He could just about make out Loras under the covers and when he got closer he could hear the soft sound of his breathing. He stirred though as Renly climbed in beside him, and yawning, rolled over to face him.

“Renly?” He mumbled and Renly laughed silently to himself to see that he was still distinctly tipsy. This, he thought, was why sixteen year olds weren’t allowed to drink.

"Mmm-hmm." He replied, getting himself comfortable under the covers. It was quite nice, he found, getting into a bed that was already warm. He supposed that it would be even nicer in winter, when this house got freezing.

“Where am I?” Loras asked, sounding more than a little disorientated, his words slurring together still ever so slightly. 

“We're at mine.” Renly grinned at him even though Loras couldn't see in the darkness. "In bed in case you couldn't guess."

“How did I get here?”

“Your friend phoned me Loras, to come pick you up."

This just seemed to confuse Loras though and he sat up a little wildly, not calming down until Renly shuffled over and took his wrists in his hands, guiding him back down. "Shh." He whispered. "It's alright Loras."

Loras groaned into his shoudler. "No it's not. The bed’s spinning Renly.” He clutched at the covers as if that might make it stop. "I feel terrible."

“I bet you do.” Renly patted his hair sympathetically. “You’re drunk Loras. It’ll pass by morning.”

Loras just groaned again and Renly laughed, shifting closer. “You’ll be fine Loras, promise.” He wrapped his arms round him like he did when they fucked sometimes and held on tightly. “The world spinning less now?”

Loras nodded feebly. “Yeah.” He breathed, burying his head in the crook of Renly’s neck and clinging on as if Renly was some kind of anchor.

Renly laughed into his hair. He hadn’t meant for Loras to stay here; he’d been planning on rolling straight back over to his side once he'd settled. Loras didn't appear to be letting go of him anytime soon though, and he supposed too that you couldn’t really deny drunk people their whims. Loras, he knew, was rather fond of being held, even at the best of times when he wasn't drunk off his face. It hadn't escaped him that Loras was very very clingy whenever they fucked. He supposed that that was a remnant of having learned the tricks of the trade with a boyfriend. And whilst Renly had debated about getting Loras to break this habit, Brienne had made him promise several times over that he’d be kind to this one and so Renly let it slide. As long as it didn’t mean anything, he supposed that it wasn’t really a big deal, just something that would take a bit of getting used to.

Anyhow, he supposed it wasn’t so bad to have Loras pressed against him right now, even if it did make him feel like they ought to be having sex. His hair was rather soft against his face and it was quite nice to be able to feel the gentle rise and fall of Loras’ chest against his own. It was a nice distraction at any rate, seeing as he’d drunk way too much coffee this evening to even be able to contemplate getting to sleep.

 

…………………………..

Groaning, Loras opened his eyes, a little confused when he realised that he was in Renly’s bed. He vaguely recalled having had a conversation with him last night and yet he had no recollection of how he got here in the first place. The last thing he remembered was doing shots with some girl who evidently fancied him. That had been after he'd got off with that guy, an awkward encounter that had done nothing except make him want to drink until he passed out. He remembered thinking that it might make Renly jealous, and yet now, with the clarity daylight brough, Loras was quite sure that Renly would never be jealous of some random guy who happened to have made out with him at a party and had been a bad kisser to boot. Telling Renly about it would be _embarrassing_.

He sighed. His head killed and yet there was a glass of water on the table with some painkillers conveniently placed next to it. There was also a note, evidently written on a page somebody had hurriedly torn out from a notebook.

He took the painkillers first and then turned his attention to the note. It was written in elegant slanted handwriting which Loras presumed had to belong to Renly.

_Gone to hand essay in, will be back soon. Hope you're feeling better. R_

Having no idea when soon would be, Loras rolled over to go back to sleep. He had no idea how Renly thought he'd been feeling last night but he doubted very much that he was feeling better. Frowning, he tried to remember what had happened last night. He came up blank though and instead turned his attention to trying to figure out whether he and Renly had had sex. Looking around, he supposed not. His own clothes were hung over the desk chair, something that never happened when he and Renly undressed each other, and Renly's own were in rather tidy heap on the floor. He supposed too that Renly was probably rather strict when it came to having sex with drunk people. He'd been ever so furious that first time when Loras had been fifteen, and Loras reckoned that Renly put very drunk people in that same category he'd once been placed in- people who weren't capable of consenting.

He'd just decided for sure that they hadn't slept together, upon finding that he was still wearing socks, when Renly came back, clutching a bag of pastries.

"Morning." Renly beamed at him and shut the door behind him.

Loras frowned. “How did I get here?” He asked, sitting up and running a hand through his curls and hoping that they weren't too frizzy.

“You know what Loras?” Renly grinned and chucked a croissant at him, which Loras supposed was Renly’s offering for breakfast. “We’ve already had this conversation once.”

“We have?” Loras cringed inwardly, wondering what else he and Renly could have talked about while he was more drunk than he'd ever been in his life. He supposed it couldn't have been anything too terrible though, for Renly seemed in a perfectly good mood.

“Mmm-hmm.” Renly sat himself down on the edge of the bed right next to him and bit into his own croissant. “You just don’t remember.” He laughed. “I was called upon to deal with you. You were too drunk to go home.”

“But I’m not allowed to stay over.” Loras blurted out. "That's rule number three." For the life of him, he couldn't work that part out. Renly was usually so adamant about following his rules.

Renly grinned. “Amendment to that rule. You’re not allowed to stay over unless you’re too drunk to even be manhandled home.” He laughed. “I brought you up another glass of water?” He set it down on the table and patted Loras' hair. "You must be feeling awful Loras."

Loras drank it gratefully, surprised to see that Renly was also drinking water, something which Loras had never witnessed before.

“No coffee this morning?” He asked. "I didn't think you drank anything but coffee."

“Nah." Renly nudged him over slightly to sit down properly on the bed. "Did an almost all nighter last night, and may have overdosed on the caffeine a little bit.”

“You haven’t been to bed?!” Loras was quite sure he'd be passed out if he hadn't slept all night and yet Renly looked as awake as he always did.

“No I have, just haven’t slept.” Renly grinned. “Key difference there.” He laughed. “I’m planning on changing that as soon as possible though. I am absolutely exhausted.”

“How are you even awake?”

“Caffeine?” Renly grinned, pulling his shirt over his head. “It hasn’t worn off yet I guess.” He unzipped his jeans, tugging them off until he was in his boxers.

Loras just watched appreciatively. He didn't think he'd ever get used to watching Renly undress. Nobody, he thought, nobody should be allowed to be that attractive. Everything about him was perfect. His chest, the trail of hair that led down his stomach before disappearing under the waistband of his boxers, even the way his hair flopped over his eyes slightly as he sat back down.

Loras sighed as Renly climbed in beside him. He could get used to this, he thought.

Renly grinned as he nudged him over to make room for him, rolling over to lie on his front and reaching out to get his phone from the bedside table. "Come here." He laughed. "I've something to show you." He beckoned Loras closer until their bare shoulders touched and Loras had a clear view of his phone.

"What is is?" Loras asked, curious. 

Renly just beamed at him and flicked through his photos until he found the one he wanted to show him. Horrified, Loras cringed as Renly just laughed. It was of him, collapsed on Renly's bed and clearly unconscious, wearing nothing but his boxers and a pair of socks that didn't even match.

"You're going to delete that." He yelped, imagining his embarrassment if anyone aside from Renly ever saw him looking so distinctly unattractive. 

"I so am _not_." Renly grinned at him. “You could use it for your yearbook.” He teased. “I could send it in for you right now."

“If you dare-" Loras reached out to grab the phone, climbing over Renly as Renly merely switched it to his other hand.

Renly laughed and with his one free hand pinned Loras to the bed. “Nah forget the year book, perhaps I’ll just put it on facebook instead…”

Once more Loras tried to snatch the phone out of his hands, ignoring the stabbing pain in his head for a few moments. Renly had longer arms though and every time he dangled it just out of Loras’ reach.

“Don’t worry.” Renly chuckled when Loras eventually gave up. “I’m just going to keep it for personal viewing. When I need to remind myself that you have bad days.” He sighed and ruffled Loras’ hair. “It’s rather irritating how effortlessly perfect you are.”

Loras kept quiet. Renly didn’t need to know about all the special conditioners and serums that kept his hair vaguely under control.

Renly settled back down under the covers. “I suppose I should congratulate you on finishing exams though. When do you get your results?”

"The eighteenth of August.” Loras told him. "I want to forget about them till then though."

“Still going to states after that?” The tone of Renly's question was mild and yet something told Loras that that was deliberate on Renly's part. 

He paused. He was surprised Renly had remembered that he had been planning on going to America. “Not sure.” He said eventually. “My mum’s keen for me to do my A levels first.” That was true, but the real reason, Loras thought shamefully, was that the thought of leaving Renly, painful as their arrangement was, made him lose any interest in playing tennis. He bit his lip. “She doesn’t want me to end up with tennis being the only thing I’m good for.”

Renly raised an eyebrow. “Fair point. That’s what’s happened to poor Jaime. Busted his hand and now he's fit for nothing else.” Renly laughed. “Though I guess it would help if he could read and write...”

“Jaime Lannister can’t read and write?” Loras refused to believe that. He always came across as rather clever if a bit of an idiot.

Renly grinned. “He can, but not very well.” He laughed. “To be fair to him, he _is_ very dyslexic, has to have these plastic sheet he puts over words. Usually though, he just asks Brienne to read out loud for him. Saves him the embarrassment.”

"Oh." Loras said. He continued to be surprised by how well Renly knew Jaime Lannister. He'd asked Renly recently how long Brienne and him had been going out and it was just over a year. Renly, however, seemed to know the man almost as well as his girlfriend did.

Loras didn't have time to ponder it any longer though for Renly yawned. “You can stay a bit if you like. Sleep a little longer?”

Loras cocked his head. "For..?" He didn't imagine that Renly was about to let him stay any longer unless he expected something in return.

Renly laughed though. “I’m way too exhausted for anything right now, but in a couple of hours I might be up for it.”

Loras groaned. The thought of sex right now made his stomach turn.

“Or not.” Renly grinned and pulled the covers up over his bare shoulders, wrapping his arms round one of the spare pillows.

Loras frowned. “You’re ok with me sticking around anyway then?”

Renly laughed. “What? Even I’m not that cruel.” He sighed and turned over to face Loras. “I have a lot of sympathy where hangovers are concerned.” And with that, he rolled back over, leaving Loras to contemplate whether he was right to think that this was a good sign, or whether, like usual, he was merely reading too much into every little thing Renly said and did.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will reply to all your lovely comments a little later- got to dash!

September 2013

It was Jaime Lannister who opened the door and he looked a little surprised when he saw him, that surprise quickly turning to rather mocking pity, an expression so smug that Loras wanted to punch it off his handsome face for no particular reason.

He forced himself to be polite though. “Is Renly in?”

“He is, but-” Jaime jerked his head upwards towards the stairs. “He's a little busy at the moment.”

Loras frowned. “What do you mean, _busy?_ ”

Jaime laughed. “I doubt you want to find out.” He stepped back though to let him pass and Loras made his way into the hall with more than a little trepidation.

He worked out what Jaime meant rather quickly and his cheeks turned pink as he realised that Renly had some other guy upstairs with him. They sounded like they were having a great time, and Loras suddenly wished he'd never come in. He turned around to flee out the door and yet Jaime had already shut it.

“Wait if you like.” Jaime suggested. “They never stay long.” He grinned. “And I'm sure Renly will have enough stamina to fuck you too.”

 _They?_ So this happened often. Loras knew that in their agreement Renly was perfectly within his rights to sleep with other men and yet Loras had never suspected Renly actually _did_ , not recently anyway, now that he actually seemed to take pleasure in Loras' company.

“Does he have people round often?” Loras asked, trying to sound like it was merely a casual question that happened to interest him.

Jaime shrugged. “Not that often” He laughed and it was evident he saw through Loras’ casual tone. “You’ve eliminated the need for that.” He grinned. “With you he gets sex straight to the door, free delivery and everything.”

Loras ignored him and instead glanced up the stairs, wondering more than a little miserably who the other guy was. The distress must have shown on his face for Jaime's expression softened ever so slightly and he rested a hand on his shoulder, guiding him into the kitchen and away from the stairs which would lead him to Renly.

"In here." He ordered.

Reluctantly, Loras sat down on the chair Jaime pointed at, wondering why Jamie had brought him here. It certainly didn’t seem solely to save his blushes. Jaime Lannister just wasn't that nice a guy, Loras thought, Renly was always moaning about something rude he'd said or done.

“Look kid, Loras, is that your name?” Jaime leant back on his chair, blonde hair flopping over his forehead as he grinned. “Let me give you a little bit of advice. Man to man.”

Loras just scowled at him. He had no intention of getting advice from anyone, unless it was Margaery. And he'd thought her advice had been working, until now. 

Jaime raised an eyebrow when Loras didn't answer. “It’s obvious what you want from dear Renly up there, it’s more than obvious to every single person who _isn’t_ Renly. So let me just cut to the chase-“ He paused and looked a little pensive before speaking again.”-you’ll never get what you want you know? Renly will never want you, or he’ll never admit it anyway. He’ll push you away before he ever admits that you might actually mean something to him. It's happened before and it'll happen again.”

Loras opened his mouth to speak, to protest. “It’s different with me and Renly. It's not like th-“

Jaime laughed, cutting him off. “You think you’re the first who’s tried to get Renly to give a fuck about them.” He ran a hand over his chin. “You think you’re different, _special_ , the guy who’s going to get Renly to change.” He laughed wryly. “You’ve got the furthest yet, I’ll admit, a lot further than anyone else, bolding going where no man has gone before and all that.” He laughed. “But it won’t change anything. You’ve only got as long as it takes Renly to realise that he actually likes you before he’ll send you packing like everyone else.”

Loras scowled. That didn’t make any sense to him. “And why would Renly do that, if he realised he liked me?”

Jaime raised an eyebrow. “You really don't get Renly do you? I'll explain. It’s simple really. Renly is terrified of commitment, of anything even vaguely serious. And he’ll be terrified of you too once he realises that's exactly what you represent.” He laughed and stood up to pour himself a glass of wine. “So save yourself a lot of trouble kid, and walk away now, before Renly can break your poor little heart in two.”

“And how would you know?” Loras retorted, not wanting to hear the truth in his words. “You talk like you and Renly have intimate chats every evening. Which is totally not true."

Jaime paused, looking pensive again for a moment before his face cracked into laughter. “You think you know Renly really well don’t you?” Jaime laughed. “So tell me, Loras, what do you know about Renly?

“I know plenty about Renly.” Loras shot back. That wasn’t entirely true though. This was a sore spot in that he was quite aware he knew very little about Renly. He never had done and whilst every now and then Renly would deign to tell him something a little personal, he didn't feel he much closer to knowing Renly very well than he had been last year.

“Go on then." Jaime smirked. "Where did he grow up? How many siblings does he have? Where did he go to school? That should start you off.”

Loras frowned. He’d always assumed Renly was an only child and he had no idea which part of the country Renly was from. “He went to boarding school.” He offered, not daring to meet Jaime’s eye.

“And that’s it?” Jaime chuckled. “Very insightful.”

Loras scowled angrily. “I know him better than you.” He spat.

“Do you?” Jaime asked mildly. “In which case, you’ll be completely aware that I’ve known Renly since he was six.”

That threw Loras. Renly didn’t even appear to like Jaime Lannister and he’d always assumed that he only knew him through Brienne. He'd never even considered the idea that Renly had known Jaime for any length of time.

Jaime continued. “And you’ll also know of course that Renly’s eldest brother is married to my twin sister.” Jaime paused, grinning as Loras just stared at him. “Bet you didn’t know that one either eh?”

Loras just looked away. He hadn’t known that and it was embarrassing that he didn’t. He’d known Renly for a year now, and had been sleeping with him half of that, and yet he hadn’t even known that Renly had a brother, let alone that said brother was married to Jaime’s sister.

Jaime’s face softened slightly. “Look kid, my girlfriend doesn’t want you to end up as Renly’s doormat, so I’ll be kind. Don’t take it personally that Renly won’t give you what you want. That’s just what Renly’s like. He doesn’t care about anyone, not properly. He doesn’t _want_ to care about anyone.”

“That’s not true.” Loras managed feebly.

“And it’s not really his fault I guess,” Jaime mused. “He just doesn’t know _how_ to care about you. You understand that?” He sighed. “Nobody’s ever really given a shit about him you see and now he’ll never give a shit about you.” Jaime paused. “You told me you earlier that you knew he’d gone to boarding school. Well I imagine what Renly didn’t mention is quite how old he was when he was packed off there.”

Loras shook his head miserably. “Eleven, twelve?”

“Renly was five.” Jaime ran his hand through his hair and laughed at Loras' expression. “He was already at school by the time my sister married his brother. And he hardly ever left. I think it was six weeks a year he came home, a week at Christmas, a week at Easter, and four in the summer, all because nobody could be bothered with him.” He laughed. “For thirteen years Renly practically lived at school, and now you wonder why your dear Renly doesn't even see that you're crazy about him."

Loras just stared at him. Loras had always known that Renly didn’t get on with his parents, he’d assumed that from the fact that Renly didn’t go home for Christmas. He’d never imagined though that Renly was one of those few unfortunate children who were shipped off to boarding school before they could even talk properly, just because his parent’s couldn’t be bothered with him. “So you’re telling me not to care just because nobody else ever did?” 

Jaime shrugged. “Basically. If you were smart, you’d walk away before he forcefully pushes you away. Hurts less that way.” He grinned. “Your choice though.”

Loras just stared grimly at the kitchen table. He’d known the risks, he always had done. Even when he had agreed to this stupid arrangement in the first place he’d known that Renly would very likely send him packing the instant he realised that Loras hadn’t ever been after something casual.

“Look, maybe in five years, ten years, when he’s grown up enough to stop lying to himself, you’d have a shot, but now, now you’re on borrowed time already.” Jaime laughed. “If he even had an inkling how you really feel about him you’d be out of this door before you could say-“

They heard footsteps then and Jaime raised an eyebrow and shut his mouth, Loras craning to see what his competition was like, even though he knew he’d probably be happier not knowing. He sighed when he saw that he was hot and a lot taller than him. He was dressed very nicely too, in very expensive clothes that Loras was sure he'd seen in the window of Topman this very morning.

Renly was seeing him to the door. Loras presumed this was the treatment most men got when they slept with Renly. He probably only escaped this treatment because Renly had accepted the fact that they were friends as well.

Jaime laughed when the door clicked shut and went out into the hallway, Loras following him to peer round the door a little gingerly.

“I think I have something that belongs to you Renly.” Jaime said with a smirk, tapping Renly on the shoulder.

Renly grinned and ran a hand through his hair. “Really?” He sounded genuinely excited.

Jaime whistled and beckoned Loras forward, taking a few steps back and pulling him out of his hiding place behind the door when Loras stayed firmly put.

Renly's smile faltered ever so slightly as Loras ventured out.

“Loras.” He looked a little embarrassed for a moment. “When did you get here?”

Loras tried to tell him and yet no real sound came out. He stared determinedly at the floor.

“I’ll leave you guys to it then?” Jaime grinned and clapped Loras on the shoulder before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Renly cocked his head and looked more than a little sheepish. “Come Loras, why don't we be friends without the benefits tonight?”

Loras just nodded thickly.

The bed was a rumpled mess and Renly did have the grace to look a little embarrassed as he straightened the sheets.

Loras supposed there was nothing to be disgusted about as they'd both have used condoms and so the sheets wouldn't actually be dirty and yet the thought of lying on the bed where Renly had just made love to someone else made him want to cry, or hit something, or both.

He sat down though when Renly was done though, fidgeting miserably with the ties on his hoody.

“Do you want to watch a film or something?” Renly asked, laughing. “I mean we can fuck if you like, but I thought you might find that a little weird.”

“A film would be nice.” He let Renly choose which one, not quite sure why he hadn’t just chosen to go home. He was upset and most of all he was embarrassed.

He thought Renly could tell he was a little off and he was uncharacteristically gentle, kissing Loras' hair even though they weren't going to have sex and letting Loras lean against him without pulling away. And later, when they settled down to watch the film, he didn't even seem to mind Loras tucking himself under his arm with his head against his shoulder.

“Loras.” Renly said after a while, resting his chin on Loras' head. “Are you alright.”

Loras nodded and just leant more heavily against him. He wasn’t alright, but Jaime Lannister had been right about a few things at least. Admitting openly that he cared about Renly and what he did with other people would be the worst thing he could do. Renly would indeed freak out, and perhaps rightly so, more than once Loras had insisted that he was totally fine with this, insisted it was what he wanted.

Renly cocked his head and slipped an arm round his waist. “We don't have to continue this if don't want to. If you want to go back to just being friends, we can do that.”

Loras shook his head vehemently. This was dangerous ground. “I'm fine." He insisted. "I just got a little embarrassed. Jaime was a right prat about it.” That wasn't strictly untrue, he supposed, but he could hardly tell Renly the truth, and he knew that if they went back to being friends, Renly would also go back to holding him at arm's length.

Renly laughed and looked more than a little relieved. “Good. Because you're much better in bed than most randomers.” His expression softened. “And I wouldn't like your feelings to get hurt either.”

“You wouldn't?” Loras risked asking. That was news to Loras. He was pretty convinced right now that Renly didn't give a shit.

“Of course not.” Renly laughed and patted his hand, turning back to the film. “We're friends.”

They did make love, more than once, on the same sheets that Renly had taken someone else merely hours earlier. The thought made Loras' skin crawl and yet he’d known that Renly would let him hold him properly while they fucked, not even complaining when Loras pushed himself close against him. And so Loras clung to him, desperately, and then when Renly turned him over to take him that way, he even let himself cry furiously into the sheets, safe in the knowledge that Renly couldn't see his tears as he wondered miserably if Renly held other men like he held Loras, or if he touched their hair quite as much, or kissed them so gently.

He’d thought he was getting somewhere with Renly, but today proved quite the opposite. Still, Loras knew he'd probably let him stay intertwined with him afterwards, something that Renly had recently relented on, and he basked in that fact, thinking that if nothing else, Renly wouldn't have done this with that other guy.

“Can I stay?” He blurted out, once they were both done and Renly indeed had made no move to pull away. “For the night I mean.”

Renly looked a little taken aback at that and then he shrugged. “If you like Loras. But just this one time ok?”

November 2013

It wasn’t just that one time and Renly wondered whether he ought to be worried about that. More often than not nowadays, Loras ended up staying over, and not in the way Renly would ever have any friend to stay over, seeing as usually, he didn’t sleep naked with his friends and wake up with his hands still tangled in their hair. The implications of all that made him feel a little uncomfortable when he dwelt too long on it and yet the morning sex was probably worth it, Renly found. Both he and Loras were ridiculously up for it in the mornings and Renly figured he could definitely get used to being woken up with a blow job.

The other advantage of course was that Loras almost always cooked him breakfast, even on those days where he had to get to school reasonably early. This was a nice change, Renly thought, actually eating in the mornings. Before Loras was around, he’d used to either pick something up on his way to lectures or just raid the fridge for a left over slice of cold pizza.

Loras, on the other hand, cooked properly, and wouldn’t even let Renly help. Unsurprisingly, Renly thought, seeing as that one time Loras had let him help, he’d managed to burn both the bacon and the eggs, something Loras had not been impressed by. Now he knew better and always insisted that Renly stay well out of his way and concentrated on putting the bread in the toaster, a task that Renly could handle and didn’t find all too daunting, even if occasionally he managed to burn the toast too.

Jaime and Brienne, however, seemed to find it all too amusing though. Well Jaime found it amusing, whereas Brienne merely smiled alongside him.

“So Maria’s staying over again right?” Jaime would say. “Time to invest in some earplugs I reckon.”

Renly would just roll his eyes. Loras wasn’t that loud. Jaime just liked to wind him up about it. He could count just as many times when Jaime and Brienne had kept him awake, and that was worse, Renly reckoned, because just the idea of Jaime and Brienne having sex made him want to vomit. The first time that had happened, a surprisingly long time after they'd started dating, Renly had spent the night huddled up under his duvet once he realised, desperately trying to block out the creaking of the mattress and their hushed whispers. That, Renly mused, was one of the downsides of student housing- you almost always had to listen to other people having sex.

To give her her due though, Brienne had been incredibly embarrassed the morning after, much more so than Renly ever was. Renly had found it rather amusing how ashamed she seemed and he'd felt sorry for her. Now though, she was beginning to frustrate him almost as much as Jaime did, for Brienne too wasn’t about to let him off the hook when it came to Loras it seemed.

So?” Brienne said mildly in the kitchen one morning as she made Jaime his scrambled eggs. “Is it official with this guy? With Loras?”

Renly pretended not to hear, glancing down at the newspaper on the table and digging his spoon into his cheerios, cereal bought of course by Loras in his ongoing efforts to make Renly eat breakfast even in his absence.

Brienne cleared her throat, evidently about to ask again.

Renly sighed. “No, it's not. What makes you think that it is?”

Jaime raised an eyebrow. “Of course, because it's completely irrational to assume that you might be in a relationship with the guy who sleeps over at least three times a week and who has his own set of keys.” He glanced sideways at Brienne. “The girl might be stupid but she's not that stupid.”

Renly merely pushed his cereal about with his spoon. “Loras is just a friend.” he took a deep breath. “With certain.. well.. _benefits_. You know that. We’ve been through this.” They had, many times. Him and Loras had been through this too, more than many times. And each time, they reached the same conclusion: that both of them were fine with what they were doing.

Jaime laughed. “Fuck buddies don't have their own set of keys.” He repeated.

Renly sat up, the milk spilling over the side of his bowl. “He does not have his own set of keys.” he retaliated, lying through his teeth. He sighed though when Jaime merely smirked at him.. “How do you know that anyway?”

Jaime grinned secretively. “Ask me again when you admit that the two of you are going out.”

Renly just rolled his eyes and stood up. “We're not going out.” They weren’t. Both him and Loras knew that. He’d only given him a set of keys because it was practical. Renly didn’t have a particular regular schedule; Now that he was in his final year, he was in and out of the library on a daily basis. Loras, too, didn’t have a simple schedule like he had done when he’d still been in proper school. Now, doing his AS levels, he had classes all over the place and so more often than not, he’d be able to come round for a shag in the afternoons as well as in the evening, something Renly was totally up for. The more often, the better had always been his motto when it came to sex. And so this way, Loras didn’t have to rely on Jaime and Brienne being in when he came round and Renly hadn’t got back yet.

“It’s _practical_ that Loras has a set of keys.” Renly told Jaime decisively.

Jaime looked like he was about to argue with that but thankfully Brienne spoke first, putting him out of his misery and changing the subject. She could evidently tell that he was tired of talking about Loras and having the two of them over-analysing every aspect of his life.

“I'm doing dinner this evening.” She said, “Fancy helping me make dessert?”

This was a tempting prospect. Brienne made good desserts and she always let him lick the bowl afterwards.

“Can't.” Renly said though, shoving his bowl in the dishwasher. “Have to pick up Loras from sch-”

“See!” Jaime stood up. “Fuck buddies don't pick each other up from sch-” He grinned. “Wait, what did you say?”

Renly grimaced. “Nothing.”

“No you were about to say school weren’t you.” He laughed. “I always forget how young your little toy is.”

Renly rolled his eyes and tromped upstairs. Loras wasn’t technically in school anyway anymore. He was in sixth form. That was much more acceptable.

“He was definitely about to say school.” He heard Jaime mutter from the kitchen, and irritably, he slammed the door behind him, shutting their words out.

Sighing, he lay down on the bed. It irritated him that both Jaime and Brienne seemed intent on sticking their noses in on his and Loras’ business. He supposed it didn’t really matter what they thought and yet Renly still found himself getting more than a little pissed off every time one of them pointed out that he and Loras were apparently _pushing the boundaries_ as Brienne tactfully put it, or _so all over each other that it made onlookers uncomfortable_  as Jaime less tactfully put it.

And perhaps they _were_ pushing the boundaries, Renly thought. But as long as both he and Loras knew what they were to each other, then it didn’t matter.

It didn't matter at all if the last time Loras had come over they’d done nothing more than sit around on his bed whilst Renly had read through his English coursework and corrected all of the grammar mistakes that Microsoft Word had let slip through. Renly had even rather enjoyed word-cutting for him. He missed those days when you were only allowed to write fifteen hundred words; nowadays if he handed in a fifteen hundred word essay his tutors would just laugh in his face and tell him to double that. It had been decently good fun and Loras had been very very grateful.

And what did it matter either if the week before that, Loras had come over even though Renly'd had the flu and wasn’t up for anything. That had been rather nice too, Renly had found. Loras had brought him Lemsip and cooked him dinner, and had only pointed out once that Renly would be better trying to take his mind off it rather than moping around feeling sorry for himself. He'd stayed that night too, and his presence had been more than a little comforting.

It wasn’t what he usually did with guys he slept with and yet none of it meant anything and so what did it matter, Renly supposed. They were just friends who happened to enjoy each other’s company, nothing more and nothing less. The sex was completely separate from all that.

That said, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept with somebody else since the Topshop guy Loras had unfortunately witnessed leaving. That had been awkward, he had to admit. As much as he was very adamant about not being allowed to be jealous in these sorts of relationships, it was unpleasant for Loras to have to see it.

But that had been months ago now, and that wasn’t necessary, Renly thought, for him to stop seeing people just because it had happened to make Loras a little uncomfortable that one time.

His mind made up, he grabbed his coat and made his way out the door. He had something to prove to himself and he knew the perfect person for it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify. Indeed, this story will in all likelihood be 15 chapters long. And I will get round to updating my other stories in a few days :) I just needed a break from Golden for a little while. Too much miserable Kings Landing atmosphere going on there!

Daemon’s flat was as grotty as Renly remembered it being, the grimy paintwork still peeling and the same dead flowers still in their pots outside.

It was a while before Daemon opened the door and he merely raised an eyebrow when he saw who it was, leaning against the doorframe and chuckling slightly. He was as attractive as Renly remembered, with his dark hair framing his face and his startlingly blue eyes that rivalled even Brienne's. 

“If it isn’t Renly Baratheon.” He smirked. “I was meaning to call you.”

Renly laughed. “Well that’s a lie.”

Daemon shrugged. “Yeah it is.” He admitted, not moving from his spot in the doorway.

Renly grinned at him. “You busy?”

“Now?” Daemon shrugged again, running a hand over his chin and scratching it as if the stubble was bothering him. “Not particularly. I guess you want to come in then?”

“Yes.” Renly replied. This was what he liked about Daemon Sand. The guy was no real fun to be around but everything was simple with him. There were no niceties and they just got on with it.

“Fine.” Daemon turned to walk back inside, leaving the door open behind him for Renly to follow. “I should warn you though.” Daemon continued as he led Renly through to the living room. “I’m not really into what you’d want from me nowadays. Prefer being on top as of late.”

Renly frowned. That was irritating. He gave Daemon his best smile. “Make an exception for me?”

“I could ask the same of you.” Daemon shrugged. “And yet we both know _that’s_ not going to happen.”

“Nah.” Renly laughed. He wasn’t that desperate, nowhere near it. If he wanted someone to fuck him, he’d ask Loras, give Loras a chance to see if he liked it that way round. As far as he was aware, Loras had never tried swapping over with anyone, not even that boyfriend he'd lost his virginity to.

“I guess there’s no point you being here then?” Daemon lit up a cigarette and took a long drag, moving to stand near the open window and wafting the smoke out of it.

“Guess not.” Renly took the cigarette when it was offered though, thinking that he probably ought to stop his habit of smoking whenever a cigarette was offered to him. Both he and Loras claimed to be “Social Smokers”, despite the fact that Loras was still two years two young to even legally touch a cigarette. And whilst Renly supposed smoking socially was better than being a nicotine addict, he still guessed he ought to think about kicking that habit.

“Although-” Daemon sat down on the sofa and lounged back lazily, his dark hair flopping over his eyes. “There is something I wanted to ask you.”

“Really?” Renly grinned. “Since when?”

“Since about five minutes ago.” Daemon admitted with a shrug as he slowly exhaled, the smoke filling the room despite his earlier attempts to prevent this with the open window.

“So, what do you want?” Renly sat down next to him. Daemon Sand wasn’t the type to ask favours. Knowing him, it was going to be something sex related, it always was. The last time Daemon Sand had wanted to ask him something, it was if Renly would come to a swinger’s party with him, an offer Renly had politely refused.

Indeed, Daemon didn’t disappoint.

“Fancy a threesome?” He asked casually as if he was inquiring about the weather. “I’m trying to get a group together and not having much luck.” He wrinkled his nose. “Everyone seems coupled up or not interested at the moment.”

Renly shrugged. He’d done things like that with Daemon before but not for a good couple of years now. He remembered it being good fun though. “You have the third guy sorted then?” That was always the hard part, he found. There was always more guys who wanted to top than bottom.

“I’m working on it.” Daemon said. “The guy I’m fucking at the moment’s not up for it. Says it’s too degrading or some shit like that. Had a bad first experience apparently.”

Renly grinned. “So let me get this straight. Right now, there’s only _you_ in your planned threesome. No one else?” Renly laughed. when Daemon shrugged. “Sounds like it’s going well.”

“You have to start somewhere.” Daemon said dryly. “I’m a third of the way there, you’d get me to two thirds.”

Renly shrugged. “Count me in then. You’d need to find one more though.”

“Yeah.” Daemon agreed with another puff on his cigarette. “Maybe I’ll advertise on Craigslist.”

“Well that’s a good way to attract the weird ones.” Renly laughed. “I’m not sleeping with anyone you find on Craigslist. Just putting that out there.”

“What about Ebay?”

“Who advertises sex on Ebay?”

“Plenty of people.” Daemon said. “So what about it. Ebay?”

“Nah. That’s just as weird as Craigslist.” Renly laughed. Daemon didn't seem to get it. He just simply was not ok with sleeping with anyone Daemon Sand found over the internet. There were all sorts of things wrong with that. Number one, they were all likely to be very strange, number two, they'd be very desperate, and number three, they wouldn't resemble their online photos in any way shape or form.

“Well do you know somebody then?” Daemon laughed wryly. “I refuse to believe that you’ve got nothing on at the moment.” He paused and looked pensive a moment. “That said, you did just turn up on my doorstep, so maybe you _are_ distinctly lacking in partners.”

Renly laughed. “I’m not lacking. I just fancied a change.” He wasn't about to gush about his private life with Daemon Sand, and even if he had been prepared to do that, he wasn't sure what he'd have said. He wasn't even sure why he was here really. Regardless of whatever Jaime and Brienne said and how much they teased him, when it came down to it, Loras fulfilled his purpose-he and Renly had a great time between the sheets.

Daemon shrugged. “So what about it then? Help me ask around for the third?”

Renly hesitated. He hadn’t seen Topshop guy for several months now and to ask him now would be more than a little rude after Renly had ignored several texts from him asking him to hook up. And Loras, he sighed, well Loras was another thing entirely. Loras was a nice boy, not for things like this. Certainly not for people like Daemon Sand. He looked around at the grimy walls and the dusty furniture, stuff Daemon had never cleaned. Loras wouldn't belong in a place like this.

Daemon raised an eyebrow when Renly didn’t answer. “What’s the matter? They ugly or something?”

“Nah. Just, very inexperienced. Young.” That was an understatement, Renly thought. Loras may have slept with a surprising number of people for his age, but he was definitely still what Daemon Sand would scathingly call _vanilla_. He liked to be held and he whilst he was usually up for anything Renly wanted to try, that was always what Loras liked best: to have no frills sex where he could be kissed and he could be held very tight.

“There’s not much to it.” Daemon laughed. “Just get him to bend over and open his mouth and ask him to stay there. It’s not complicated.”

“Yeah, but it’s..” Renly sighed and trailed off. There was no point trying to explain this sort of thing to Daemon Sand. He wouldn't understand that some people found it very degrading and that Loras might be a bit overwhelmed by it all. Daemon didn’t understand those sort of things at all. To him, sex was sex, and _degrading_ didn’t come into it.

Daemon took a drag on his cigarette. “Well you can ask?”

“I could ask.” Renly said a little reluctantly. “But I’m almost one hundred percent sure he’ll say no.”

Daemon shrugged. “Ask. If he says no, then we'll look elsewhere."

It took Renly three weeks to summon up the courage to ask Loras and when he did, he still wasn't entirely sure whether he actually wanted to ask. He picked a moment though when Loras was in a good mood, lying underneath him after they'd screwed, his face all flushed from pleasure and his hair stuck to his forehead.

“I have something I wanted to ask you Loras.” Renly ventured slowly, brushing his hair out of his face for him and leaning down to kiss him.

“You do?” Loras sighed underneath him, warm against Renly's cheek.

“Yeah.” Renly twisted one of Loras’ curls around his finger. “I want to make it very clear though before I say anything that you can say no if you like.”

Loras frowned. “Of course. That’s rather obvious right?”

Renly laughed. “It should be. But you never know.” He supposed he shouldn't have bothered though. Loras Tyrell never seemed to have any problem making his own decisions.

“Then what is it?” Loras laughed. "Spit it out."

Renly took a deep breath. “Well, a friend of mine wants me to have a threesome with him you see..." He watched Loras' expression closely, disappointed to see that Loras' face remained rather blank. "..and he’s looking for someone to make up the third.” He sighed. “He asked me to ask around.”

“And you’re asking me?” Loras asked, nudging Renly off him and rolling over onto his side. "Why?"

“Well, you’re the obvious choice for me to ask.” Renly wrapped his arms around him. “I only top unless someone really begs me to switch, and this other guy's the same nowadays. Obviously we’d need someone to bottom.”

Loras looked a little doubtful and Renly almost wanted him to say no. He wasn’t overly sure at all that Loras would enjoy himself. He’d have been more comfortable with the idea if there wasn’t going to be two tops. It would be an awful lot for Loras to handle, and Loras was used to Renly to being rather attentive to him, not to being passed around two men like a piece of meat. And whilst he doubted Loras actually realised this, Renly was very very gentle with him in a way that Renly knew Daemon Sand would never be. Not in a physical sense so much, although that too could end up being an issue, but in the way Daemon would treat him like an object. He wouldn’t ask if Loras was ok, or particularly care if he was tired and needed a break.

“What would it be like?” Loras asked, sounding more than a little wary.

“It wouldn’t be like having two of me fuck you that’s for sure.” Renly felt he couldn’t stress that enough. “It’d be very impersonal. He’d fuck you, then I’d fuck you, then he’d fuck you, and so on. It’s a bit like playing tag.”

“I thought what we did was already impersonal?” Loras leant his head against Renly's shoulder and frowned up at him.

Renly laughed wryly. Wow, he thought, he has a lot to learn. “No Loras.” He sighed. “What we do is a lot more personal than any threesome Daemon Sand wants.” That had always been true, Renly thought. He'd never had anything but casual sex, but he'd never treated anyone like Daemon did ever either. He'd never been entirely uncaring about what other people wanted. If someone was with him and they wanted to stop, then they stopped. If the same thing happened with Daemon Sand, Daemon would merely raise an eyebrow and tell them to get on with it and shut up.

“And what would the other guy be doing? The one who’s not screwing me?” Loras bit down on his lower lip and drew the covers up around his bare shoulders.

Renly laughed. “It depends.”

“Well what are the options?"

“With Daemon, most likely he’d be expecting some kind of ‘bridge’ between us two tops.” He sighed. “So I’d be fucking you say and he’d be-“ He stuck one of his fingers in Loras’ mouth to better demonstrate.

“Oh.” Loras' brow furrorwed. 

Renly sighed. “And I don’t know whether you’d like that. I’ve only ever done that with someone in your position who really knows what they’re doing.”

Loras raised an eyebrow. “Is that an insult.” He sounded genuinely put out.

Renly laughed. “I don’t mean it like that Loras, but you're different from those sorts of guys. There’s no way round that. I’m talking about the sort of people who are ok with being fucked for hours by guy after guy. That's not you.” He tucked Loras back under the covers and patted his hair. "You're too nice for that."

Loras sighed. “So what would the other options be then, if not this bridge thing?” Loras didn't seem to appreciate Renly bundling him up under the covers and he propped himself up on his elbow, wriggling free.

“Well the option that would be nicer on you is to have the guy who’s not fucking you seeing to your needs, whatever you like, handjobs, blowjobs, plain old kisses." Renly laughed. "And when I say the other guy, I mean me. Because there’s no way Daemon would do that sort of thing for you.”

“So you’d kiss me while this other guy fucked me? You’d be there?” That seemed to be important to Loras and Renly didn't blame him. It might only be casual sex that they had but he'd be the only familiar thing in a whole load of unfamiliar.

Renly patted his hand. “If that’s what you wanted, Loras.”

“And if I just wanted you to hold me? That would be alright?”

Renly hesitated. This wasn’t usually how these things worked and Daemon would straight up laugh at Loras if that’s what he wanted in a threesome. He sighed, knowing he'd have to choose his words carefully or else he'd injure Loras' pride. “I could do that for you if you wanted Loras." He said tentatively. "But I think the other guy would find it a little, well, _amusing_.”

“Amusing?” Loras scowled. "Why?"

Renly shrugged. “Well usually there’s not really any holding in threesomes. It’s more, well, it’s a lot less intimate than that. It’s more fucking without any regard for what the person in your role wants or can handle." He continued when Loras looked a little taken aback. “Obviously, if you did agree to it, I wouldn’t let Daemon do anything to you that you weren’t comfortable with. I wouldn’t let him hurt you.”

Loras’ face softened at that and he cocked his head. “Would you enjoy it Renly?”

Renly raised an eyebrow. That hadn't been a question he'd been expecting. “That’s not the point Loras. That is irrelevant.”

Loras gave him an unimpressed stare. “Answer the question.”

Renly sighed, thinking a little before answering. “Yes I would probably enjoy it.” He said eventually. Truthfully, if he didn't dwell too much on whether Loras would be able to handle it, he couldn’t imagine anything more hot than doing that sort of thing with Loras.

Loras frowned and lay back down. “I’ll think about it then.” He said, closing his eyes and making it clear that he wanted to go to sleep now.

……………………..

“He wants _what?!_ ” Margaery leant back against her pillows and laughed. “Actually? I thought that only happened in films and really bad chick flicks?”

“Yeah.” Loras muttered. He wasn’t the only one who’d been surprised.

“And how do you feel about that?” Margaery leant in curiously, chucking a pillow his way so that Loras could get comfortable.

Loras shrugged, settling against her headboard. “I don’t know? I’ve never really thought about it.” It had been a couple of days since Renly had asked him and he hadn’t known how to feel about it then and he certainly didn’t know how to feel about it now.

“Well you must have seen it in porn.” Margaery laughed, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "I bet it's really common."

Loras raised an eyebrow. “I’m not talking about porn with you Margaery.” In truth, he had seen it in porn though. He’d googled it too the moment he’d got home after Renly had asked him. He wasn’t sure what to think of that either. It had turned him on but at the same time, he didn’t know if it would be all that appealing in real life. He did hope too that what he had watched was an exaggerated version of what happened in reality. He didn’t think he could cope with it otherwise. He was usually a little sore after having just Renly fuck him, let alone some other guy as well.

“Oh because mentioning porn is _so_ much worse than talking about your potential threesome.” Margaery raised an eyebrow back and nudged him hard.

Loras rolled his eyes. “What would you do?” Loras asked, trying to change the subject. “If someone you liked asked you?”

Margaery laughed. “I’d probably be up for it. It’d have to be on my terms though.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t think it would be on my terms.” Loras frowned. “I think, well, that I’d be sort of expected to just, well, _lie there_ I guess, whilst they took turns with me.”

Margaery shrugged. “Doesn't sound particularly pleasant. Well say no then if you don’t fancy it. You can do that you know.”

Loras sighed. “But Renly asked me.” He knew that that was a bad reason to agree to something and yet he couldn't help it. 

“Maybe this is a good sign though.” Margaery pointed out evenly. “We’ve moved from him fucking other people _without_ you, to him fucking other people _with_ you.” She laughed. “Maybe the thought of having sex when you’re not there seems weird for him now.”

Loras shrugged. “Maybe.” He didn’t think it likely though.

“And maybe-” Margaery continued. “-maybe he’ll be overwhelmed with jealousy when he sees you with this other guy.”

“You think?” Loras wasn’t so sure about this even. “Why would he ask then? If he’d be jealous?”

“Well obviously _he_ doesn’t know he’s going to be overwhelmed with jealousy.” She grinned. “ _Yet._ ” She added with a mischievous glint in her eye.

“So you think I should do it?” Loras pressed.

Margaery laughed. “Well you seem incapable of refusing him anything.”

That was true, Loras mused. Renly could probably ask him to jump off a bridge and he’d do it, if he thought that would make Renly want him.

And so, that was how he ended up in the car with Renly the very next week, on the way to some clinic in preparation for their escapade with a guy Loras now knew to be called Daemon Sand. He was Spanish apparently, and very hot, the guy Renly had lost his virginity to, not that he seemed to have any lingering sentiment over it.

“So why are we going here again?” Loras asked. “We both know neither of us have anything.”

“Daemon’s insisting on no condoms."

That was news to Loras. “And you agreed?” That surprised him. Renly was always so strict on such things.

“Nope. I said maybe, that if he gets tested and shows me the certificate, then I shall consider it. I said I’d talk to you about it.”

“Well I might say no.” Loras laughed. “Then there’s no point us going here.”

“True.” Renly admitted. “But I haven’t been for a while and you say you’ve never been. You can never get tested too often." He laughed. "The condoms thing is your call.”

Loras shrugged. He didn’t really feel either way about it. He’d always been brought up with the attitude that he should always use a condom. He supposed too though that there was no real risk if all three of them got tested. Still, it went against everything he’d ever been taught and everything he associated with Renly.

"Does it actually feel any different without?" He asked. "Better I mean?"

Renly took a while to answer, running his hand through his hair as he took a left turn. "Honestly?" He asked. "Yeah it does. But not _that_ much better. I wouldn't let that factor too much into your decision. What's important is that you feel comfortable."

Loras shrugged. He supposed he would have to think about it and he returned to staring out of the window, watching the sheep they passed absent-mindedly as Renly drove them out of the city.

“Why do we have to go all the way out here?” Loras asked after a while. “There’s a clinic within walking distance you know?” He knew this very well because one of Margaery’s friend had recently got Chlamydia and spent a good few weeks going in and out of it.

“Ahh” Renly gave a sheepish grin. “Well… that one doesn’t do cheek swabs you see, and I’m not having another blood test for anyone. Especially not Daemon Sand.”

Loras rolled his eyes. Renly’s squeamishness never ceased to amaze him. “Better never give blood then.” He said. “You’d probably faint before they got the needle in.”

Renly laughed. “Yeah, as if _that’s_ a problem. One, I’d never want to. Two, I’d never be allowed to.” He grinned. “You wouldn’t be either.”

Loras frowned. “What? Because I’m gay. It used to be like that, but you do know that law was changed in 2011 don’t you?”

Renly rolled his eyes, not taking his gaze off the road. “Really Loras??? It’s not like I study law or anything?”

“Well then, why couldn’t I give blood? Educate me.” Loras sat back in the passenger seat and waited for Renly to go on.

“I guess you technically could, one day. When you get old and boring. But right now you couldn’t.” He laughed. “They changed the law, but you’re still not allowed to give blood if you’ve had sex with another guy in the last twelve months.” He grinned, taking his eyes off the road for a couple of seconds to beam at him. “And as for you, I reckon hardly a day goes by where you haven’t had sex with me in the last twelve _hours_ , let alone the last twelve months.”

Loras rolled his eyes. He hadn’t known that ammendment to the rule. “It is because of HIV?”

Renly laughed. “Mm hmm. High risk group and all. The rule even extends to women who have had sex with a man who has had sex with a man in the last twelve months. Complicated isn’t it? And it relies way too much on men confessing to any girl they sleep with about their recent gay encounter.”

“Why is that anyway?”

“Why’s what?”

“That gay men are such a high risk group for HIV?”

“Main reason is because of biology I guess.” Renly sighed pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Let’s say I have HIV right, it’s something like twenty times more likely that I’ll pass that on when I have sex with you, than if I was having standard sex with a girl.” He shrugged, taking one hand off the steering wheel to run it through his hair. “And it’s because gay men swap roles in a way men and women can’t. So, the receiving partner has a way way higher chance of catching HIV than the other one right?” He glanced over. “Sorry about that one Loras. So because we can swap round, that means anything spreads a lot more easily."

Loras sighed. He didn't like talk like this; it made him feel a little uncomfortable. Usually, he just never gave any thought to STIs or HIV. “Does it ever frighten you Renly?” He asked after a while. 

Renly shrugged. “The statistics can be quite alarming I guess. The estimates put it at 1 in 20 gay men at the moment, 1 in 11 in London. But I’m very careful.” He laughed. “I’m usually careful to the point of overkill really.” He glanced over at Loras. “ _You’re_ not frightened are you?”

“I’ve never really thought about it.” Loras admitted. “I guess I always did as I’ve been told and used condoms, and figured that would be fine.” He sighed. “But I guess now I think about it, it is a little unsettling. 1 in 20 is a big number.”

Renly laughed. “It is a big number, but you're right, it will be fine. You’ve no reason to be at all frightened. You just have to be sensible is all. Which you are.” He grinned. "Even if you did go around shagging everything in sight when you were fifteen." He reached over to nudge Loras with the hand that wasn't on the steering wheel. "I guess you get brownie points for that. Underage, but pretty sensible about it."

Loras nodded. He was thinking twice now about letting Daemon Sand get what he wanted in regards to not using condoms, even if he had been tested on the day. It'd be different, he knew, if it was only Renly he was dealing with. He trusted Renly. And even if Renly never decided that he wanted more from him than casual sex, Loras reckoned he would always trust him with this sort of thing. Some of his previous partners had tried all sorts of things- insisting they couldn't get hard with a condom, or that it felt rubbish when they used one, all sorts of excuses to try and get away with not using one. Renly, on the other hand, had never done any of those things. He'd never even suggested not using one.

It didn't take them that long to arrive at the clinic and once there, Loras had to laugh at how many times Renly double-checked with the woman on reception that he wouldn't need to do a blood test. All in all, it was much less of an uncomfortable experience than he'd expected it to be and not just because he had Renly to entertain him and keep him distracted. He had all the tests done within fifteen minutes and Renly had indeed been right about this clinic doing cheek swabs instead of blood tests. Loras wouldn’t have particularly cared and yet the cheek swab results came back almost instantaneously and Loras supposed it would have been rather irritating to wait two weeks for results which he was already almost entirely certain of.

He supposed, too, that it was good to know that both him and Renly didn’t have anything. Whether he actually wanted to still go through with this threesome though, well that was another question entirely and one that Loras thought he probably wouldn’t truly know the answer to until it was too late to change his mind.


	11. Chapter 11

December 2013

“You definitely going to be out tonight then?” Renly double-checked, leaning against the door as he peered round Jaime and Brienne’s bedroom door, something he rarely did for fear of what he might see.

Jaime raised an eyebrow and glanced up from the wad of papers he and Brienne were rifling through. “Yes." He said. "Why? You having a male stripper over or something?”

Renly rolled his eyes. He'd never once hired a male stripper. “Of course not. I’m having a-” He paused, wondering how best to describe Daemon Sand. “-an old friend over. You remember Daemon don’t you?”

Brienne looked blank but recognition flickered across Jaime's face and he laughed. “Of course I remember Daemon.” Jaime grinned. “He was the guy Robert walked in on you fucking when you were seventeen or so. The one you'd insisted was giving you _Spanish lessons_ , in your room, naked." He laughed. "My sister insisted you take your turn at Stannis’ after that little incident, she was that disgusted about-” He dropped his voice and imitated Cersei’s voice. “-your _condition_ , what with the kids in the house.”

Renly laughed. “Is that the reason I did the rest of that summer at Stannis’?" He sighed. "I always thought that it might have been a factor. But to be fair, Jaime, I did pick up a fair bit of Spanish. Loads of very very useful words."

Jaime just laughed and Renly grinned at him. He remembered that little incident like it was yesterday. He'd indeed told Robert and Cersei that the guy he was regularly having over in the summer holidays was tutoring him in Spanish, something they had gone along with until Robert had stumbled upon them one Friday evening, naked and mid-way through something very enjoyable. To Robert’s credit, he hadn’t actually reacted too badly, Renly thought. He’d just shrugged and grunted that personally he preferred them with longer hair and tits, before he'd then shut the door and left them to it. Cersei, however, had avoided him for the next couple of days and thrown a hissy fit whenever he'd entered the same room as her precious children. Renly had always suspected she'd had a hand in making sure Stannis had him for the rest of the summer but he supposed it was interesting now to hear Jaime confirm that. 

“So,” Jaime asked, standing up and stretching. “You abandoning young Loras ce soir?”

Renly grinned a little sheepishly. “Not exactly.” He laughed nervously. “He’s coming as well. He’s downstairs actually.” He had contemplated lying to them, but if they came back early and worked out the truth then Renly knew Jaime would never let him live it down. It was better to deal with the shame now.

Jaime raised an eyebrow and smirked. “How liberating for you.”

Brienne looked worried though. “Are you sure he wants to? That Loras is ok with this?"

Renly rolled his eyes. “Why have you guys decided that you’re suddenly on team Loras or something? He’s not even your friend. He's mine.”

Brienne looked down at the floor but Jaime spoke, clapping her on the shoulder heartily. “Well someone’s got to give a shit about him.” He laughed. “Brienne’s taken that upon her apparently.”

Renly sighed and changed the subject. He had no desire to get into that old age debate again. It always ended with Jaime insisting that there was nothing _friendly_   at all about their relationship, whilst he would just deny it vehemently. “Where are you guys off to anyhow?" He asked. "Very early Christmas party or something?”

“Doctors.” Jaime said bluntly. “Going to see if they can do anything about my hand. More surgery.”

Renly raised an eyebrow. Jaime had had more surgery than Renly could remember, all in a desperate bid to give him his career back. None of it had worked. “What makes them think it will work this time?” He asked.

Jaime shrugged. “New surgeon. Very expensive.”

“Well good luck.” Renly turned to go back down the stairs. “I should probably return to Loras I left him asleep on the sofa."

"That's unlike him." Brienne commented. "He's always the one dragging you out of bed for lectures nowadays."

Renly laughed. That, he had to admit, was true. "Well he came straight from tennis today, some kind of tournament, apparently hitting a ball over a net is really tiring."

Jaime raised a eyebrow. "He's right. It's supposed to be exhausting if you do it properly." He laughed. "And yes, it was a tournament, a very small one. I went to watch him, to see what all the hype around him is about."

Renly laughed. "And is the hype deserved?" He was not unfamiliar with the alleged hype surrounding Loras. Loras, he supposed, just didn't have it in him to be a particularly modest person.

Jaime shrugged. "Technically, he's brilliant. But he's not fit enough, not by a long way."

"Really?" That did surprise Renly. It was very rare indeed that he ever saw Loras tired or worn out. Indeed, he'd been more than a little taken aback when Loras had fallen asleep on the sofa about half an hour ago, insisting that he needed a nap. He laughed. "He's much fitter than me."

"I'd bloody hope so." Jaime muttered. "You're not hoping to become a professional tennis player are you?"

Renly grinned sheepishly. "I guess not." He left them to it then, not wanting to give Jaime any opportunity to tease him for the fact that sometimes the ten minute walk to lectures left him more than a little out of breath. He was surprised though that Jaime let him escape; usually he didn't pass up any opportunity to take the piss out of him. Judging from the way he could hear Brienne and him murmuring softly to each other though, Renly supposed that Jaime probably had a lot on his mind this evening.

Loras was still asleep when Renly came down and so Renly nudged him. “Wake up.” He laughed, shaking him a little harder when he didn't really respond. “I’m bored.” Recently, in fact, he'd begun to get very bored whenever Loras wasn't around. Life just seemed so much more dull when he was stuck all alone with Jaime and Brienne. 

Loras lifted his head and scowled at him. “That wasn’t very nice.” He insisted, and Renly might have felt guilty if it wasn't so obvious that Loras was resisting the urge to laugh.

Renly grinned and flopped down next to him. “Well I didn’t invite you over to sleep. Quite the opposite in fact Loras.”

Loras yawned and sat up, his hair sticking up oddly on one side, still a little wet from the shower. “When’s your friend arriving then? He laughed and let Renly rest his head in his lap, absent-mindedly running his fingers through Renly's hair until Renly's eyes closed.

He prodded him though when Renly didn't answer.

Renly sighed and opened his eyes reluctantly to glance at his phone. “Soon, I should think. Though he’s not the most punctual of guys.” He shut his eyes and relaxed back onto Loras' lap, sighing softly as Loras' fingers continued their work. Loras was good at this, very good, and Renly was prone nowadays to having Loras play with his hair when he came home stressed from lectures. It felt nice, Renly always found, although it did have the tendency to make him slowly fall asleep.

Indeed, he was just dropping off when Loras took his hands out of his hair, most unfairly, Renly thought. 

Renly looked up at him questioningly and pulled Loras' hands back into his hair stubbornly. "Why did you stop?"

Loras laughed. "Stop your whining." He tugged his hands free and nudged Renly off his lap. "I'm not your pillow." He stretched out his legs, yawning a little.

Renly sat up reluctantly. "You made your decision yet then? To condom or not to condom huh?" Loras had been going back and forth with that decision for days. 

Loras bit down on his lower lip. "I'm not sure."

Renly laughed and lounged back against the arm of the sofa, bringing his legs up. "Well would you like me to go through the pros and cons for you? Lay out the facts. I can even write an essay on it if you like?"

Loras rolled his eyes. "Go on then. Not the essay though, I'm not that patient"

Renly laughed. "Well the only pro of not using them really is if you think it's going to feel better for you or if the idea somehow turns you on. Don't factor either me or Daemon into your decision there. The disadvantage, of course, is that there's always a risk, even if it's a very small one, because of the window period some STIs have." He sighed, doing his best to look pitiful. "The other issue is that we'll make a real mess of my sheets if we don't use them, and I'll probably have to swallow my pride and ask Brienne how to get the stains out when my pathetic attempt at washing them doesn't work. But I guess that's my problem and not yours."

Loras laughed. "So I'll be making your laundry easier if we do use condoms?"

"Which is as good a reason as any to make your decision around right?" Renly laughed. "But in all seriousness, it's your choice Loras." He sighed when Loras didn't seem any closer to making a decision though. "What is it Loras?" He pressed. "I can tell the whole not using them worries you, so just make that decision already." He studied Loras' face, a worrying thought coming to him. "You're not worried what my friend will say if you don't want to use them are you? Because if it is that, then I'll deal with Daemon if he kicks up a fuss."

Loras shook his head. "I couldn't give a fuck what he thinks." He laughed. "It's curiosity I guess. I want to know what it feels like. If it actually does feel better."

Renly laughed. "Curiosity? Well if that's the only thing, then we'll just try it together sometime, just the two of us." He wrapped his arms around Loras, guiding him to sit between his legs and kissing the top of his head. "Much less risky. I haven't slept with anyone but you since September, and I was about eighteen the last time, and only time in fact, that I ever did have unprotected sex." He grinned. "Would you like that Loras? That way, you can try that when and if you want to. Though if you do," Renly added with a grin. "Please pick a day when I'm about to wash my sheets anyway."

Loras nodded, laughing as he leant back against Renly's chest. "Can you tell Daemon then? That I want to use them."

"Sure thing." Renly laughed and set to untangling Loras' hair for him. He'd always imagined that it dried in perfect curls, but Loras had shown him recently that it wasn't quite the case. Apparently, it had to be untangled and the curls separated by hand before it looked like it usually did. Otherwise, it was much more wild looking, something which greatly amused Renly. He'd always envisioned Loras as someone who got out of bed looking perfect, and equally, as someone who never had bad hair days, something again which Loras had confided in him wasn't the case. Renly had yet to see Loras on a bad hair day, though, and he had to admit that he was looking greatly forward to it.

Renly took his hands out of his hair quite rapidly though when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs though. He didn't, however, have time to move Loras from in between his legs and he rolled his eyes as Jaime grinned triumphantly at him, as if he and Brienne had somehow caught him in the act.

Brienne, however, seemed worried and she cast an anxious glance over at Loras, still sat with his back against Renly's chest and his head rested against his shoulder. Brienne, he knew, was still convinced that Loras was some sweet innocent child that Renly was taking advantage of. Had Brienne spent more than ten minutes with Loras though, she'd have realised quite quickly, Renly thought, that Loras was neither sweet nor innocent. He was great company because of that in fact. 

Jaime sidled up, hands in his pockets. "Kid," he smirked, tapping him Loras on the shoulder. "I saw you play today."

Loras raised an eyebrow, looking completely comfortable with the fact that he was still sitting in between Renly's legs. "And?"

Jaime laughed. "Not bad." He paused. "But your backhands suck.” He gave Loras a sly grin and made his way back to Brienne at the door. "Keep working at it."

Loras rolled his eyes and Renly grinned at him. “Do your backhands actually suck?” He asked once Brienne and Jaime had shut the door behind them.

“No.” Loras snorted, running his hand through his hair irritably. "My backhands are fine. Perfect, in fact."

Renly laughed and pulled him to his feet. “You'll have to show me sometime. But for now I think you should get changed. I don’t think you’ll want to be introduced to Daemon in my plaid pyjamas.”

Loras laughed and glanced down at the checked garments Renly had given him to wear earlier. “That's probably a good idea.” He followed Renly up the stairs. "Do I have any clothes here though? I'm not putting my tennis stuff back on. That's probably not the look we're going for either."

Renly frowned, trying to think. "You've probably got some here." He opened the wardrobe and rifled through. It didn't take him long to find at least a couple of things that belonged to Loras. Grinning, he chucked them at him, thinking it quite ironic that Loras was getting changed despite the fact that he'd be taking all of his clothes off almost as soon as Daemon arrived.

And of course, as if on cue, there was a knock on the door as soon as Loras had finished buttoning up his shirt.

Renly turned to Loras. "Want to come with?"

"I'll stay here." He rolled his eyes. "Practise bending over or something."

Renly shoved him and grinned. "You've had quite enough practise already I think." That was true enough, he supposed. He and Loras had had more sex than he could even begin to contemplate, although not much of it, Renly had to admit, involved Loras bending over. Loras wasn't quite that submissive, pliable, but not a pushover, perfect in that regard in fact. Smiling to himself, Renly made his way down the steps, skipping two at a time seeing as Brienne wasn't around to tell him off for it.

Renly opened the door. “Daemon” He laughed. “You’re late.”

“Am I?” He stepped inside and trailed a hand down Renly’s stomach, fingers dipping below the top of Renly's jeans in a promise of what was to come. “Where’s your friend then? He hasn’t bailed has he?”

Renly laughed and shook his head. He too had worried that Loras would change his mind at the last minute. So far, though, Loras seemed rather cool about the whole thing. “He’s upstairs.” He told him.

“I hope I won’t be disappointed.” Daemon raised an eyebrow. “You promised me he was hot, _unbelievably hot_ were your words in fact.”

“Which he is.” Renly supplied helpfully. That definitely was true. Loras was probably the most attractive guy he'd ever laid eyes on. He was just one of those rare people he could simply never get tired of staring at. "One small thing, though." He added, figuring it best to get this out of the way before Loras was around to get embarrassed about it. "We're using condoms tonight." He gave Daemon his sweetest smile. "Hope that's alright."

Daemon narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "You said he was rather fond of you, did you even _try_ and change his mind?"

Renly laughed. To be honest, he wasn't sure whether he'd have been able to sway Loras' decision in the opposite direction. Probably, he mused if he'd tried really hard. That said, he didn't think he'd ever have been able to forgive himself for even attempting such a thing. Loras' mind was his own to make up, something that Brienne didn't seem to quite understand when she was always nagging him about the fact Renly slept with him.

"His decision." Renly insisted as Daemon continued to glare at him. "You can take it or leave it?" He gestured to the door.

Daemon just shrugged and headed up the stairs, not even waiting for Renly to invite him up.

Loras was sitting on the bed when they came in, looking characteristically unfazed. He did peer at Daemon a little warily though and Renly got the feeling that Loras was eyeing up Daemon just as much as Daemon was eyeing up him.

What Loras made of their companion tonight, Renly had no idea, but Daemon was quite evidently rather appreciative of what he saw, looking Loras up and down before he then nodded and glanced sideways at Renly with a small grin. Despite being as easy at they come, Daemon had surprisingly high standards, and so Renly was rather glad that he and him were of the same opinion when it came to Loras. That said, Renly was quite sure that no-one could ever look at Loras and not be very impressed with what they saw. He was the sort of guy who wouldn't look out of place as a Cosmo centrefold. 

Daemon didn't waste any time in moving towards him and soon his hands were on Loras' hips and his mouth at his neck. Watching, Renly felt a dull thrill of excitement as Daemon set to taking Loras’ clothes off, tipping his head back and nipping at his neck, sucking at the delicate skin until he seemed sure that he'd left a mark there. Sure enough, when he pulled away, there was a deep purple bruise there, marking Loras as his. That irritated Renly for some reason, to see Daemon mar Loras' beautiful skin, without permission, without asking Loras if he minded. Loras didn't protest though and the two made a very attractive pai, Renly had to admit, an irresistibly attractive pair. His heart beginning to race, Renly watched them from the doorway for a few moments before crossing the room to join them.

It was hot, unbelievably hot to watch, and yet it was on the tip of his tongue to tell Daemon to be gentle with him as he pushed Loras back against the headboard, to be careful with him, and as Daemon leant down to roll Loras over, Renly felt a very unfamiliar feeling indeed wash over him, one that he couldn’t entirely place. He couldn't explain it but he felt rather as if he were back in the playground at school and one of the older kids had stolen his favourite toy, which was silly, he knew, because it was him who'd asked Loras to join in with this in the first place.

All the same, he got the distinct feeling that Daemon was touching his things, things he had no right to touch, and when Loras consented to roll over for him, Renly found he had to look away.

It was a good few moments before he forced himself to glance back over and by now Daemon had Loras out of his clothes, and on his hands and knees, ready for him with his legs spread wide apart. Taking a deep breath, Renly crossed the room to join them. He certainly wasn't going to let himself be upstaged by Daemon Sand, especially not where Loras was concerned.

....................

Loras had surprised himself earlier with quite how nervous he'd been when Renly had disappeared down the stairs to fetch their companion for the evening. He'd been more than a little apprehensive and that was not an emotion he was at all familiar with. He didn't really do apprehension. He'd pulled himself together though by the time they came back and he'd even found it in him to feel a little bit excited. Renly would be there, he'd reasoned, and Renly wouldn't let anything happen. Renly would ensure he enjoyed himself.

Introductions had been brief and oddly, Loras had been reminded of Renly himself when he'd first laid eyes on this friend of his. He had the same dark hair and blue eyes as Renly, his skin much darker though, quite evidently Mediterranean.

Now though, he was revealing himself to be quite _unlike_ Renly. His touch was rough, careless, in a way Renly’s had never been, not even when they'd first slept together as strangers. It didn't bother Loras, not particularly. It was only Renly he ever desired to touch him like he meant something to him, and he didn't really give a fuck if this stranger gently caressed him as he took his clothes off, or if he just ripped them off in one go. He _was_ glad, though, that so far, Renly was merely standing and watching, for although Renly's expression was rather unreadable, Loras didn't think he'd have been able to bear it if he'd had to watch Renly and Daemon touching each other, Daemon's hands roaming over what should be only his to touch. This way, he got to acqaint himself with their new partner for the evening without having to worry too about wanting to rip his hair out with jealousy.

He was a little disconcerted though when he realised that it was Daemon who was going to fuck him first and not Renly. He'd been counting on that little piece of familiarity to cling to and he glanced around a little anxiously for Renly as Daemon pushed him onto his hands and knees. Renly met his eyes and just laughed though, kneeling down in front of Loras and letting Daemon lean over him to undress him in turn, flinging his clothes carelessly across the room as Renly's eyes grew dark with desire.

"Please?" Loras mouthed when Daemon had turned his attention away from Renly. "I wanted you first."

Renly grinned, however, and stayed put, leaning down to whisper in Loras' ear. "You'll prefer it like this." He murmured. "I'm going to be right here. Right next to you"

And so Loras resigned himself to Daemon going first, letting Daemon push him roughly back onto his hands and knees as Renly took him in hand with slow firm strokes that made him close his eyes in pleasure. Most importantly, it made him relax and he only yelped slightly as Daemon pushed into him, grabbing him roughly by the hips as he did so. And actually, it wasn’t as bad as Loras had been anticipating; Daemon Sand evidently knew what he was doing and Loras even found himself grudgingly having to agree with Renly's judgement. This way, he couldn't see Daemon, but he could see Renly and that was the reassurance he needed to relax enough to even have a chance of enjoying himself.

Renly had also been right though about Daemon being very rough with him and Loras had to brace himself as Daemon pushed up into him time and time again, his thrusts unforgiving. It didn't hurt, not yet, and once more Loras was glad for Renly in front of him, holding him up almost as Daemon had his way with him, letting him lean on him as heavily as he liked whilst he continued his soft caresses. 

Oddly, it was much more disconcerting when Renly took his turn. Daemon, as Renly had warned him he would, wanted Loras to pleasure him even whilst Renly took him from behind. The only break he had, in fact, was when Daemon fiddled around with another condom, ripping the packet open a little angrily. The temporary relief didn't last long though, and Loras found himself gasping for breath as Daemon pushed his head down onto his cock, unrelentingly forcing himself into Loras' mouth. Loras was tempted to bite him and yet he forced himself to just grin and bear it. Renly was obviously enjoying himself, and that was why he was doing this in the first place, Loras supposed. And so, he tried desperately to focus on that instead of Daemon, to focus on the soft sighs that Renly was making and the way he was gently tugging on Loras' hair as he got closer.

After Renly was done, it was Daemon again, and after Daemon, Renly. Before long, they had switched multiple times, so many times that Loras began to lose track, his legs beginning to ache as Daemon moved to take him once more. It was beginning to sting now too, regardless of how often Renly reapplied the lube, lathering it on every time it was his turn. It wasn't his turn now though and Loras wished that it was; Renly was much more gentle, didn't push so hard, knew his limits.

That he was currently at his limits didn't escape him. “Are you ok?” Renly mouthed at him, caressing his cheek as Daemon grunted behind him.

Loras nodded, staring grimly at the wall. It would be over soon, he told himself, and there would be nothing more embarrassing that admitting that he couldn’t cope with it. His pride wouldn't be able to bear that. He'd be labelled as the useless sixteen year old who hadn't known how to cope, who had bailed before he was supposed to.

Renly didn’t seem convinced though and he was particularly gentle with him from then on, concern etched upon his face every time he was in the right position for Loras to see it. He took Loras at his word though and didn't insist on them stopping. 

Ten minutes more in, though, even Loras thought he might have to swallow his pride. It burned and his legs ached beyond belief, threatening to collapse underneath him any moment. even as Daemon moved behind him. And whilst he'd almost enjoyed it at the beginning, when he hadn't been sore and shaking, now he just felt used. He'd been passed between Daemon and Renly more times than he could remember now, and it made him feel a little sick to the stomach, like he was one of those blow up dolls that old men bought in sex shops. 

He wanted Renly, Renly with his soft touches and his embraces. He didn't want this other guy, who didn't seem to even notice that he tired, or that he was struggling even to keep on his hands and knees. Desperately, he reached out to clasp Renly's hand as soon as he was in front of him again, not even caring that the movement caused him to collapse onto his elbows.

“Can we stop?” He gasped out, squeezing Renly's hand. "I'm tired."

Daemon just muttered something in Spanish and dragged him back onto his hands and knees, even whilst Renly's brow furrowed. 

"Please?" Loras repeated, feeling shame rise to his cheeks. He just wanted to go home now, to forget he'd ever agreed to this. It hurt and he was sore, too sore to even care that he'd practically just begged Daemon Sand to stop, instead of just turning round and punching him. 

Daemon didn’t even respond at all this time and it took Renly grasping him by the shoulder and yanking him off Loras before he even raised his head. "You heard him." Renly snapped and when Loras lifted his own head, he was surprised to see that Renly was actually angry, something he'd never seen before. Renly, who was usually so cheery and so smiley, was glaring at Daemon as if looks could kill. Quickly, Loras took his chance and crawled up to the other end of the bed, not even caring that he was cowering slightly behind Renly.

“What the fuck Renly?” Daemon panted, sitting back on his heels and pushing his sweat soaked hair out of his eyes. "I was having fun." 

“He asked you to stop.” Renly said coldly, reaching down to the floor and pulling his boxers on.

Daemon shrugged and raised an eyebrow. “Did he?”

“Yes he fucking did.” Renly hissed. He stood up then and Loras realised for the first time just quite how tall Renly was. He towered over Daemon, and he was quite evidently stronger than him too, for he dragged him unceremoniously off the bed to his feet. "Come on" He snapped, picking up Daemon's clothes. "Get dressed."

They both went outside when he was done, Daemon slamming the door angrily behind him. Loras only heard snippets of their conversation, but he could tell it was getting rather heated. He found he didn’t particulaly care what they were saying though, and wearily he just curled up on Renly’s bed, ignoring the ache deep in his stomach. He ached all over in fact, but that wasn’t what bothered him. He felt dirty, his thighs all sticky from the lube and his hair sticking to his forehead uncomfortably. Most of all, though, he felt ashamed. Ashamed for agreeing to something so sordid in the first place, and ashamed for humiliating Renly like this, for not being able to stick it out.

He was relieved though when Renly came back in and he resisted the urge to get up and go to him. Renly had clearly calmed down and Loras wondered whether Renly had seen Daemon to the door as happily as anything once they'd had their little tiff. It wouldn't have surprised him.

“You alright?” Renly breathed, coming closer and looking more than a little worried. “I should have stepped in shouldn’t I? I could see you weren't enjoying it." Gently, he rolled Loras over, inspecting his neck and the tops of his shoulders, deep purple bruises already blooming.

Loras shrugged. "I'm fine." He said shakily. He didn't feel fine though, and he could tell that Renly probably saw through his words, for he sat down on the bed beside him and leant down to kiss his stomach as if he knew he was sore.

“You sure?" He asked, tracing soft circles against his skin. "I won't judge."

Loras nodded thickly. "I'm fine." He repeated.

"Come on then." Renly sighed and leant down to kiss his hair, cradling him in his lap. "Let's get you dressed shall we?" He reached out for the pyjamas Loras had been wearing earlier, neatly folded on his desk chair, before lifting up Loras' feet up one by one to pull the bottoms up. 

Loras nodded once more and let Renly pull the pyjama bottoms up for him, arching his back to give him more space. He still ached, but it didn't feel so bad somehow now that Renly was next to him, evidently doing his best to make Loras feel better. Part of him wanted to feel embarrassed about it though; Renly very rarely treated him as if he were four years his junior, but this was one of those rare times, it seemed. He obviously felt guilty about the whole thing, which was silly, Loras thought, seeing as he'd agreed to it. And now he was going to treat him like some child who he'd forced to go along with his ideas. 

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do Loras." Renly said, pushing his hair out of his eyes for him and tucking him into his side. "We’re going to run you a bath and we’ll watch a film, and we’re going to eat ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream.” He kissed Loras’ forehead. “That sound good?”

Loras nodded and sat up gingerly.

“Or do you want me to take you home?” Renly asked softly, taking Loras' hand in his own. 

“No.” Loras shook his head. “I don’t want to go home.” That was true. Margaery would want him to tell him all about it, something which he didn't feel up to doing right now, and besides, despite his embarrassment over the whole thing and the fact that Renly probably thought of him now as some child who couldn't handle himself, he still felt the dull satisfaction of knowing that Renly was letting him stay, that Renly was going to curl up on the sofa with him when he'd turfed the other guy out into the street. Any amount of pain was worth that. 

Renly disappeared shortly though and soon Loras heard the sound of running water. He reappeared soon with what looked like sheets draped over his arm. “Look.” He said, as he stripped the bed. “Brienne would be proud of me.”

Loras laughed feebly, moving to sit on the floor so Renly could get the sheets fully off. He didn't know if Brienne would be proud of Renly. He'd not spent more than ten minutes with the girl.

“And I tell you what else I want your help with.” Renly said as he tried to make the fitted sheet fit, evidently trying to distract Loras. “It’s my 21st birthday after Christmas. What do you think I should do?”

“I don’t know? As far as Loras knew, he wouldn't even be allowed to come to any party of Renly's because he wouldn't be old enough to drink for another year and a half. He crawled back onto the bed once Renly was done, resisting the urge to simply curl up under the covers and go to sleep, to imagine that it was still yesterday and that he still had time to change his mind.

Renly sighed. “This isn’t working is it?” He pulled Loras to his feet. “Come on then, let’s get you in the bath.” He guided Loras to the bathroom, hand on the small of his back. That felt nice, Loras thought, in spite of everything this evening. It felt protective, intimate almost, the sort of thing Renly wouldn’t have done half a year ago.

The bath was almost full now and Renly poured copious amounts of bubble bath that evidently wasn't his into it. “Shh.” He grinned. “Jaime will never know.”

Loras laughed. It was weird, he thought, Renly's uncanny ability to cheer him up no matter his mood. His pride was on the floor in tatters and yet Renly could still make him smile.

The bath had been a good idea too. The warm water felt good when he stepped into it, and it felt more than a little satisfying to scrub at his skin, desperate to feel clean again, to scrape away every last trace of Daemon Sand.

"You want me to give you some privacy?" Renly asked, running his hand through his own hair and looking almost as worn out as Loras felt for a brief few seconds. The worried look didn't suit him and Loras suddenly felt horrifically guilty. He ought never to have let Renly guess that he was sore, that his legs were unsteady and shaking. He'd wanted to please Renly tonight, to help give Renly the pleasure he had so evidently desired from seeing Daemon Sand fuck him.

"I don't need privacy" Loras muttered. Indeed, he didn't really see the point in any privacy between them. He and Renly had seen every inch of each other's bodies by now and Loras imagined he had a lot more dignity in this bath than he had done for the majority of this evening, bent over and being fucked repeatedly like some brood mare as he had been. 

And so Renly smiled and sat down on the floor next to him, resting his elbows on the side of the bath as he trailed his fingers lightly through the water, making patterns in the soap suds. He didn't move until Loras got out and he was gentle with him even then, finding him a towel and some clean pyjamas to wear, before leaving him tucked up under the new clean sheets whilst he went to have a shower. It was odd, Loras thought, being in Renly's bed without him, and yet it brought him some comfort. Even though the sheets were freshly put on, they still smelled like Renly and he buried his face in the pillow as he waited for Renly to get back, trying not to dwell on anything other than how tonight he would get to lie here with Renly, their limbs tangled up as they slept.

And when Renly did get back, hair wet and dripping into his eyes, he was true to his word. As soon as he'd dressed, he took Loras downstairs and let Loras settle himself in his arms in his hoody, running his fingers through his wet hair as Loras leant back against his chest. He delivered on the ice cream too and soon, Loras was almost able to forget about how sore and embarrassed he was, because here, in Renly's arms and with a tub of Ben and Jerry's on his lap that they were sharing between the two of them, he didn't think anything could ever possibly be wrong. 

……........….

Renly didn’t remember falling asleep. He remembered the film coming to an end and he remembered lying down on the sofa to watch the end credits with Loras still nestled into his chest, but he certainly didn't remember falling asleep there or even thinking that that might be a good idea. Loras too, though, was asleep next to him, his hair fallen over his face and almost dry now. Someone too had brought down the duvet from his room and laid it over them, probably Loras, Renly reckoned, for he was well aware that out of the two of them, it was always him who fell asleep first and not Loras.

Gently, he kissed Loras' curls and wondered whether he was feeling less sore. He hadn't admitted as much, but he hadn't needed to. It had been obvious in every movement that Loras made that he was sore, and yet Renly hoped the hot bath had helped. It had certainly seemed to make him feel a little more like himself. 

Satisfied that Loras was still blissfully asleep, Renly looked around. It didn't take him long to figure out what had woken him. There was the sound of clattering in the kitchen and the hall light was on.

Yawning, he raised his head. “Brienne?” He whispered into the darkness.

There was the sound of footsteps and then the door creaked slightly open, the hall lamp bathing the room in a dim golden light. Nope." Said a voice. "Guess again.”

“Jaime.” Renly sighed and tried to untangle himself from Loras a little, giving up when he found that one of his arms was trapped underneath him.

“So I guess your evening didn’t go too well then?” Jaime sat down on one of the armchairs and peered at him through the dim light.

“What makes you say that?” Renly yawned, resting his head back on top of Loras', not even caring for once that Jaime would probably think this evidence of the clandestine love affair he was convinced was going on between him and Loras.

“You want a list?” Jaime raised an eyebrow. “The two of you are spooning on the sofa in pyjamas and you've been watching Disney movies.” He laughed. “And there's three empty tubs of Ben and Jerry’s on the table. That would be enough evidence by itself."

Renly groaned. “You may be right.” Tonight had indeed been an absolute disaster. There was no other word for it. Brienne had warned him that Loras might not be comfortable with the idea, and deep down, Renly knew that he'd known at well, probably before he'd even asked Loras. He'd known from the start that Loras wasn't the sort of boy that he ought to let people like Daemon Sand get anywhere near. He was too well brought up, too naive, and probably, although Renly loathed to admit it, he was too young to properly understand exactly what Daemon had wanted from him, to understand the fact that he wouldn't be treated very nicely.

And that was his fault, Renly supposed. He'd suggested it to Loras, let Loras go through with it, even though he'd known that there was a fair chance that Loras would hate being treated like that, being passed round from person to person until he was too sore to even stay upright. That had hurt, Renly thought, seeing Loras brought so low that he'd actually begged Daemon to stop. It had been so unlike him and in all their months of friendship, Renly had never even seen him come close to such a thing, not even once. Usually, he was so proud, arrogant almost, confidence evident in every step he took. It had been more than a little unsettling to see him so disconcerted today, to see him more than a little shaken for the rest of the evening.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Jaime's voice made Renly almost jump. He'd almost forgotten he was there.

Sighing, he sat up as much as he could without disturbing Loras, freeing his arm from underneath him and using it to stroke Loras' hair instead. “What time is it?” He asked, deliberately not answering Jaime's question. He had no desire to tell Jaime what was on his mind; he never did.

“It's about two.” Jaime answered. “Both of you were already asleep when we got in." He laughed softly. "Brienne insisted on making sure you were warm enough. I was all for leaving you to freeze.”

Renly sighed and wrapped his arms more tightly around Loras’ chest, under the duvet where he knew Jaime couldn't see. “That's kind of her, I'd assumed it was Loras. How did it go tonight anyway?” He asked, thinking it polite to at least show some interest.

“I’m going to have another operation.” Jaime muttered. “Probably won’t work, but this surgeon thought it worth a shot.”

Renly nodded. “Well you’ve nothing to lose.”

It was Jaime's turn to become uncomfortable with the topic and he rose sharply. “You staying here tonight?” He asked.

Renly stretched his legs out tentatively under the duvet. “I don’t think so.” His back ached and he thought that at some point he'd probably end up pushing Loras off the edge of the sofa if they stayed put, something he wouldn't deserve this evening. “Should probably go upstairs.” He yawned.

“You going to leave him there?” Jaime gestured to Loras.

“Obviously not.” He didn’t imagine that Loras would feel any better in the morning if he woke up alone, having been abandoned on the sofa.

Jaime smirked. “Didn’t think it was that obvious.” He laughed. “I’ll leave you to it then.” Quietly, he shut the door behind him, turning off the hall lamp just to piss him off.

Renly waited till he’d heard Jaime go upstairs before he nudged Loras, rolling him over to face him. It was a shame to wake him, Renly thought, and yet there was no way he'd be able to carry him up the stairs.

Loras lifted his head sleepily, gazing at him for a few seconds before he merely lay his head back down against Renly's shoulder. 

“Bed?” Renly suggested softly, taking his hands in his own and kissing him on the mouth.

Loras nodded, his eyes still half closed. He let Renly guide him to his feet though and up the stairs, the duvet still wrapped around his shoulders. Renly was glad for that. The temperature hadn't got that low yet and the boiler was finally fixed, and yet he didn't think he'd have been able to bear it to see Loras cold and shivering.

He was back to sleep almost as soon as he’d climbed into Renly’s bed and Renly tucked the duvet back around him, watching him for a while before joining him. It was strange, he mused, quite how guilty he felt over the whole thing, and he wished more than ever that he'd never gone along with the idea in the first place, that he'd sheltered Loras a little and never let him find out the hard way that some people had absolutely no respect for those they slept with. He and Loras might have been nothing more than friends who fucked each other and yet Renly reckoned he'd owed Loras that much, to not let any harm come to him whilst he was with him. 

"Loras." He whispered, climbing into bed beside him and slipping an arm round him. "I'm sorry about tonight. I really am. I know we don't do anything more than sleep together, but I shouldn't have ever suggested that. Not with you."

Loras just murmured something incomprehensible in return and settled back into Renly's arms, clearly having not heard a word he'd said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was a bit ambitious with 15 chaps, done a bit of reorganising and working stuff out, and reckon 17 is what I shall end with :)

Late January 2014

Much to Renly's disappointment, Loras didn’t stay over the night before his birthday. He did, however, turn up around midday, in one of his free periods, wishing Renly a happy birthday and lamenting for the sixtieth time that week that Renly had banned them from getting presents for each other.

“You are letting me come tonight aren’t you though?” Loras asked him as they sat down at the kitchen table to make a list of all the stuff he had to buy for his birthday party that evening. “I can’t tell whether you’re joking when you keep telling me that I’m too young.”

Renly grinned, glancing up from the blank piece of paper that was to be his list. Indeed, he’d been tormenting Loras for weeks by pretending he wasn’t going to let him come. “Of course you’re coming.” He laughed, thinking it time to put him out of his misery. “I’m not going to suggest you help me plan it and then ban you from coming. I’m not _that_ mean.”

Loras just laughed and shrugged off his blazer, hanging it on the back of his chair. “I don’t know? You’re always so law abiding. And from the sound of it, there is going to be more than a little alcohol tonight, which as you repeatedly point out, I'm not allowed to have.”

“Well obviously there’s going to be lots of alcohol.” Renly laughed. Taking a deep breath, he tried to keep a straight face, unable to resist teasing Loras a little bit more. “I didn’t say I’d let you drink though, did I?” He pointed out, smirking slightly. 

Loras looked a little put out. “You didn’t.” he admitted grudgingly. “And you probably won’t will you?”

Renly grinned and cupped his chin, laughing when Loras tried to squirm away. “Lighten up Loras." He teased. "I’ll turn a blind eye for one evening.” Besides, he was planning on being too drunk anyway to notice how much other people were drinking, even the lone sixteen year old present who he’d probably end up in bed with before the night was out.

“You will?” Loras seemed a little hesitant to rejoice just yet. He eyed Renly a little warily.

“Yeah.” Renly pulled him to him and kissed his curls. “Come on, I’m not cruel. And I definitely did my fair share of underage drinking too, back in the day.” That was true, the older boys had always been sneaking vodka into their dormitories. The boys who went home at weekends had never come back empty handed and Renly had never been impartial to helping distract the matron whilst they smuggled the bottles in under their coats. He sighed. “Those were the days Loras.”

“You talk like you’re turning fifty today, not twenty one.” Loras scoffed. “ _Back in the day_ my arse.”

Renly laughed. He supposed Loras did have a point, “I do feel old though. Twenty one.” He sighed and ruffled Loras’ hair. “Time flies Loras, enjoy being a teenager while it lasts.”

Loras prodded him and rolled his eyes. “Stop reminiscing. We have a blank piece of paper here that needs writing on. And your birthday or not, I’ve got geography at two.”

“Ok then, let’s get to it." Renly handed the piece of paper to Loras so he could do the writing, courtesy of the fact that Loras always insisted his handwriting was too hard to read. "Let's start with spirits." He suggested. "We’ll be needing Vodka, and rum, dark and white of course. And whisky, we can’t do without whisky. And maybe some wine, for girls who want to pretend they’re classy...” Three pages later, he finally ran out of steam. “I think that’s about it.” He concluded, happy with his list. 

Loras just looked up at him rather amazed. “Right…” He frowned. “And how exactly are you going to pay for all this. This is going to come to hundreds Renly, and you couldn’t even afford real coffee last month. You had to buy instant.”

Renly made a disgusted face. “I did didn’t I?” That had been a bad bad month. Now Topshop-guy-less, he had to spend way more on his clothes than he was used to. Coffee had been the sacrifice that month and it was an experience that he never wanted to repeat again. From now on, he had vowed that proper coffee would never be sacrificed again, even if that meant he had to live on bread for the entire month. Hopefully though Renly didn't think he would be poor for much longer. Dependant on him getting a first in his degree, he'd been offered a job in the city with a big corporate law firm that would train him for free as long as he signed a contract with them. And with a starting salary of sixty grand, Renly figured he probably wouldn't have to scrimp on the coffee much longer. It was going to be brilliant, Renly thought. He'd be earning a good salary and he'd be able to rent a nice flat, where Loras could come and stay with him whenever he wasn't busy with school work and was in need of a decent fuck.

Loras' prodded him once more. “Well come on then," He pressed, "how are you going to manage this? He laughed. You're not earning sixty thousand _yet_." He added, as if he could guess exactly what Renly had been thinking.

Renly laughed. “Money’s not an issue. My brother’s given me a blank cheque to buy alcohol with, on some conditions though.”

"What conditions?" Loras looked a little suspicious.

Renly laughed. “That I only buy what my brother considers _proper_ alcohol. That means alchopops are out, lambrini is out, cheap cider is out. Not that he’ll ever know if I buy all three of those things.” He smiled, remembering what Robert had said to him. "Treat yourself to a decent party." Robert had said, shoving the cheque in his hand. “I want this spent on booze, Ren, none of those textbook things or fancy clothes of yours. And proper booze.” He’d added, laughing as he closed Renly’s fist around it. “Make sure not to tell Stannis.” He’d grunted, giving him a wink. 

“I thought you didn’t get on with your brother?” Loras asked, looking mildly surprised.

Renly shrugged. “We get on alright. We’ve never spent much time together but he chucks money at me occasionally to make up for it.” Renly grinned. “Suits me fine.” It had always suited him well enough, he supposed. Nowadays, he could barely recall the time when he'd actually _wanted_ Robert to spend any time with him. He'd learnt very quickly that that wasn't going to happen and he'd taken the next best option: letting Robert buy him expensive toys and hand him fifty pound notes instead whenever he asked him to play with him.

That explanation seemed to be good enough for Loras and he stood up. “Come on then, you want me to come to get it all with you? Help you carry it?”

“Yep.” Renly grabbed the list off the table and shoved it in his jeans pocket. “What time suits you?” He asked, rocking back on the legs of his chair. He himself had got all of his lectures out of the way this morning and as for finals revision, he was taking a break for the weekend, a well deserved one, he thought, seeing as he'd done about ten hours a day since Christmas. Loras, however, still had classes to go to. And if he didn't turn up, his teachers would phone home, as Loras had learnt the hard way when he'd skived last month to go Christmas shopping with him.

“I finish after geography? We can go then if you like.” Loras pulled his jumper over his head and retrieved his scarf from the chair he'd thrown it over.

“Yeah alright. I’ll come pick you up then." He laughed and ruffled Loras' hair. "You’ll have to wait outside though while I pay, they won’t serve me if I’m with a minor.”

“Fine, fine.” Loras grinned and picked up his bag, slinging his blazer over his shoulder. “See you then then?”

Renly laughed and stood up, stretching. “Fuck it," He decided. "I’ll walk you to class if you like. I’ve got nothing else to do, birthday or not. ” He let Loras pull him to his feet. It was a nice enough day after all, sunny, even though it was bitterly cold. And he didn't like seeing Loras walk all the way there by himself. It was a rather lonely, dull walk which Loras had already done once by himself today.

Loras grinned and wrapped his scarf round Renly’s neck. “Alright then. Though don’t blame me if you’re dying of cold half way there.”

Renly rolled his eyes and followed him out the door, rearranging the scarf over his jacket. He usually steered clear of borrowing other people's clothes, usually finding them lacking in the style department. Loras had decent taste though and his scarf was a rather nice one actually, a thick grey stripy one that he knew Loras’ sister had got him for Christmas one time and that he’d had years.

Loras hadn't exaggerated how cold it was, and yet it was actually rather a pleasant walk to Loras' school. The frost glittered in the sunshine and Loras' hand was surprisingly warm as he all but pulled him down the road, laughing and telling Renly that he was going to be late unless he deigned to walk a little faster.

..........................

Loras wasn't long in geography and he was quite happy to accompany Renly to the supermarket afterwards. They walked, to save money on petrol, though in retrospect, this was the most stupid decision Renly reckoned he'd ever made, even considering the fact that the supermarket had kindly let them borrow a trolley for a couple of days. It took both of them to push the bloody thing up the hill and by the time they got back, Loras' arms were aching and Renly thought he might have to go lie down from over-exertion.

It looked quite impressive when they laid it all out on the table, though, and Renly was rather pleased with all that they had bought. “Tonight’s going to be good.” He grinned as they set out the plastic cups, something Brienne had insisted on very firmly. She'd been fine with him throwing a massive party but she'd put her foot down when it came to letting him use the glasses they already had. "They’ll all get smashed," she'd insisted, "or vomited in." And as she had begged him so nicely, Renly had figured he might as well appease her.

It was dark by the time they set everything up and Renly figured he might as well start drinking before people started arriving. That was Robert’s philosophy after all, it was never too early to start drinking, and it was him who'd paid for all the drink tonight. Grinning, he mixed himself a drink, mixing another weaker one for Loras before collapsing down on the sofa and pulling Loras down beside him. 

He set Loras' drink on the side. “If anyone asks you Loras, I didn’t pour this for you.”

Loras picked it up and sipped it, making a face as soon as he tasted it. “Well I’m not surprised you’re not willing to put your name to this, rotten fruit tastes more alcoholic than this.”

Renly grinned. “Well you’re only a baby Loras.”

“Am I?” Loras raised an eyebrow and put down his drink with a loud clank. Smirking, he climbed into Renly's lap and pressed himself up against him, knotting his hands in Renly’s hair. “You sure about that?” He asked, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

“Mm hmm.” Renly murmured back, tilting Loras’ head back and kissing the hollow at the base at his throat.

“Really?” Loras laughed as Renly nipped slightly at the skin. He was hard now and pushed himself further up against Renly’s stomach, proving his point.

“Hmm” Renly sighed against Loras’ mouth. “I guess we’ll have to do some investigating then.” He trailed his hand across Loras’ stomach, slipping his fingers below the waistband of his jeans and palming him through his boxers. He laughed as he felt just quite how hard Loras was. “This seems like proof enough.”  He admitted. Grinning, he pushed Loras back onto the sofa, leaning down to kiss him as Loras whimpered softly underneath him, forcing his thigh in between Renly’s own in desperate search of friction.

“Ahem.” Jaime coughed loudly from the doorway.

Renly rolled his eyes and sat up, still straddling Loras’ thighs while he laughed underneath him, evidently unfazed by Jaime’s interruption. “Yes?” He asked.

“Well don’t mind me.” Jaime said dryly, leaning against the doorframe and pushing his blonde hair out of his eyes with a flourish. “I was totally enjoying the show.”

Renly laughed and got to his feet, leaving Loras to zip his jeans back up. What is it Jaime? Come to wish me a happy birthday?"

“Nah, just to tell you that you've got guests on the way. Lots of them.” Jaime gestured to the door. “Brienne spotted them out of the window.”

That sounded about right, Renly reckoned, and he supposed he should probably get up to invite them in rather than making out with Loras on the sofa like some teenager who'd just discovered he had a cock. Laughing, he leant down to pull Loras up. “We’ll continue this later.” He whispered in his ear, sliding a hand round his waist to guide him to his feet. “Now come, you’re not going to know anybody this evening, we’d best start on the introductions early.”

“I’ll be fine.” Loras laughed, stretching slightly. “Everyone’ll be too drunk to care before long.”

Renly grinned. He hoped so.

…………………..

Loras found himself a little taken aback by quite how many people turned up to Renly’s 21st. He’d known that Renly had a lot of friends, but this was just ridiculous, he thought. Hundreds of people seemed to be filing through his door, flinging their arms round his neck as he greeted them as if they'd known him for years. And Renly greeted them all, every single person, by name and with more enthusiasm than Loras would have ever been able to muster even if he spent a year trying.

He soon lost track of how Renly knew them all. Some were friends from his course, some had lived with him in halls in first year, and some didn’t even seem to have a reason for knowing him, they just did and that was a reason in itself when it came to Renly.

And once Renly was done with them, he pushed his way back through the crowds and grabbed Loras by the arm, seemingly intent on introducing him to most of them too.

Loras followed him a little hesitantly through the crowd. He’d always been curious as to how Renly would describe him, whether he’d merely be a friend of his, vaguely described as so many others had been this evening, or if Renly would be honest and announce that this was the guy he was sleeping with at the moment.

Renly didn’t seem fazed at all though. “This is Loras.” He told people simply, and Loras wondered rather curiously what that meant. Everyone else seemed to get some kind of clarification when they were introduced. He’d met Bethan from lectures, and Sam the student union president, and Lola the girl from Renly’s tutorials. He was just Loras though, nothing more and nothing less. He had no idea what that meant. 

To his surprise, people seemed more than a little curious about him. One girl pounced on him as soon as Renly had left his side to invite more people in.

“So how did you meet Renly?” She asked, lighting up a fag even though they were indoors, much to the horror of Brienne, standing nearby.

“Um, in a bar.” Loras said, leaning against the door to the kitchen. He figured this randomer didn’t need to know the ins and outs of that encounter and he’d prefer it if Renly’s friends all thought him round about the same age as him rather than realising he was still doing his AS levels.

“In a bar eh?” She asked. “You originally one of his many conquests then?”

Loras laughed. “I guess you could put it like that.” He supposed that after all, that was what he was, even if he spent more time with Renly now than any other person here did.

“So how long you two been going out then?” She asked.

Loras laughed. “We’re not together actually.” He loathed to say it and yet Renly would never forgive him if he found out Loras had told all his friends that they were an item. “We’re just friends.”

A wide smile lit up her face. “Just friends.” She winked at him knowingly. “Sure you are.” She laughed and poured him another drink from the selection on the table.

It took him a good while to shake her off; she wanted to know all sorts of things, mainly gossip about him and Renly. And so Loras smiled politely as she asked him what Renly was like in bed, whether he was moving in with him when Renly went to London, whether he'd met the parents yet, all of which Loras gave decidedly short answers to. Yes, Renly was good in bed, no he wasn't moving in with him, and no neither of them had met each other's parents either.

She left then, when it became clear Loras wasn't going to spill Renly's deepest darkest secrets, and Loras set to tracking Renly back down. He felt rather like he was walking on air as he made his way through the crowd. The girl had been a bore, but she'd thought they were a couple, a real proper couple. And when it came down to it, Loras knew that when all was said and done, they practically were nowadays. Even if Renly hadn’t admitted it yet, they acted like a couple, a particularly nauseating one if Jaime Lannister was to be believed. It would be telling, Loras reckoned, if they still saw each other when Renly went to London, when he would no longer be the convenient option for Renly to sleep with. And they certainly would see each other, Loras reckoned. That was all Renly talked about nowadays when he wasn't doing revision, things he and Loras were going to do in London. They were going to see all the sights and Loras was going to help him find a flat, and Renly was going to teach him to drive as soon as he was done with finals. And whilst part of him dreaded Renly leaving this house, another part of him couldn't help but imagine how nice it would be to spend weekends up in London with him, and to go to the theatre and go out for dinner and argue like normal couples over who should pay.

It took him a long time to track down Renly; there was so many people that every time Loras thought he might have spotted him, it just turned out to be some other guy with dark hair who slightly resembled him from the back. And by the time he did find him, downing shot after shot with a reluctant Brienne, it appeared he'd been missed.

“Loras.” Renly laughed, flinging an arm round him. “Where did you go?” He was just about standing up straight and yet he still had enough co-ordination to pull Loras to him and hold him there, clinging on tightly. It was strange, such affection from Renly in public and yet Loras lapped it up, very conscious of the fact that many of the girls were shooting him jealous glances despite the fact they evidently knew Renly was gay.

“I’ve been mingling.” He told him.

“Mingling?” Renly grinned. “Well now it’s time for shots.” He poured some bright pink liquid into two shot glasses, spilling half of it all over the table. “Together?”

Loras took the glass a little warily. He never trusted any drink that was bright pink. He downed it though when Renly told him to and of all things it was cherry vodka, just the sort of colourful sickly sweet drink he’d have expected Renly to favour. It gave him a buzz though and Loras felt the warmth spreading through his body. Between this and the drinks the girl had poured for him earlier, he was nicely tipsy now, tipsy enough to slip an arm round Renly’s waist and turn him round to kiss him, smiling into it when Renly kissed him back, properly and not seeming to care that they were in a crowd full of people and that the two of them were allegedly no more than fuck buddies.

…………………..

Renly didn't remember finishing the bottle of cherry vodka but Loras told him that he had. Laughing, Renly grabbed Loras’ hand and dragged him to the sofa, smiling sweetly at the couple making out there until they shuffled up to make room for him. He felt unsteady on his feet now, the figures around him beginning to blur into one colourful haze. Loras was here though and that was the person he’d most wanted to see. He hadn't been able to find him earlier, no matter how hard he'd looked.

Unceremoniously, he flopped down onto the sofa, pulling Loras into his lap.

“Loras.” He sighed, playing with one of the curls in front of him. “Where have you been?”

Loras laughed. “You’ve already asked me that.”

Renly grinned. “Have I? Ignore me. Brienne’s drunk me under the table.” That was true, he thought, even though he couldn't remember it all now. All the drinks he'd downed with Brienne had blurred into one long never-ending drink.

“Where’d she go?” Loras asked. "Brienne?"

“To look after Jaime?” Renly laughed. “He’s already been sick twice.” He smiled to himself, thinking how satisfying it had been to see Jaime so humiliated by his girlfriend. He’d made the classic mistake of challenging Brienne to a drinking game earlier. Needless to say, he had lost, and some time ago, Renly had no idea when now, Brienne had put him to bed. Renly hoped to god he didn't end up ever forgetting that by the morning. He wanted to remember the image of Jaime slumped over the toilet until the world ended.

He didn't know how long he sat on the sofa with Loras but he hadn't sobered up by the time he stood up, suddenly and almost hurling Loras to the floor as he did. Jaime had reappeared in the doorway, propped up by Brienne and still quite evidently smashed.

“How you feeling?” Renly laughed, conscious of how his own words were slurring together. He clapped Jaime on the shoulder and grabbed a bottle of vodka, not even tasting it as he swallowed a few mouthfuls. "How was being sick?"

“I’m fine.” Jaime grinned, grabbing the bottle and taking a few swigs himself. “It was tactical.” Behind him, though Brienne was shaking her head. “it wasn’t tactical.” She whispered.

Jaime just laughed and swaggered over to the door where a group of girls from his halls had evidently recognised him.

"Yes." He slurred, prising one of their drinks out of their hands and downing it. "I am Jaime Lannister, three times wimbledon champion, just in case you were wondering."

They all giggled and Renly caught Brienne's eye as Jaime got handed a pen and the girls started begging him for autographs.

"Get in line ladies." Jaime smirked, wobbling more than a little without Brienne to support him anymore. He seemed a little stumped, though, when he realised none of them had any paper and laughing, he consented to signing their bare skin, scribbling a very illegible signature on one of the girl's stomach.

Brienne didn't seem to feel threatened though and she merely blushed a little, standing off tho the side. A few minutes later, though, as Jaime signed the cleavage of one of the girls, she put her foot down, approaching a little meekly and pulling Jaime away, forcing him to sit down on the sofa with a glass of water and some bread.

"Don't worry." Jaime whispered loudly to her, slinging an arm round her shoulder and nuzzling her neck. "I'll sign you later, wherever you like."

Renly grinned and left Brienne to it, looking around for Loras. He wasn't where he'd left him and Renly sighed, staggering forward as he continued his search. He only got as far as the kitchen though before several of Renly's fellow lawyers rounded on him, all clutching a bottle of wine as they tried to make him share a  drink with them.

Renly obliged, glancing furtively around for Loras in a last ditch effort before he took a long swig. It didn't matter too much though, he supposed. Regardless of what time he found Loras, he'd no doubt end up in bed with him anyway before the night was out.

……………………

It was about four when Brienne sought him out, in the back garden and being accosted by another one of Renly's friends who seemed intent on Loras doing shots with him, out of his shoe. She seemed a little desperate and she pulled him aside with an imploring look.

“Can you deal with Renly?” She asked, having to shout over the music. “He’s a little worse for wear.”

Duly, Loras followed her. Renly indeed was more than a little bit worse for wear. He was staggering all over the place, his balance obviously failing him. He seemed to be having a great time though, a bottle of rum now in his hand as he swayed from side to side. He was with a large group, all of which were evidently poking fun at quite how drunk he was, clapping him on the shoulder with every extra swig he took.

"Loras!" He exclaimed when he saw him, clinging round his neck and spilling vodka down Loras' shirt.

Loras steadied him and pried the bottle from his hands. He grinned, pleased that Renly had evidently had more than a good time tonight. “You, I think, need to sit down.” He laughed.

Renly laughed softly and leant in, whispering in his ear, his words running into each other as if they were made of water. “What I need Loras is for you to come upstairs with me.”

Loras rolled his eyes. “Now? You’ve still got guests Renly. Hundreds of them.” That was true. It was four in the morning and yet the house was still packed, every chair and sofa taken and the more ambitious of them dancing wildly despite the hour. Renly was quite evidently popular, and every single on of his guests seemed desperate to spend time with him.

Renly pouted. “Come on. It’s my birthday.”

Loras laughed. “Technically, your birthday ended four hours ago.” He ducked Renly’s playful slap, which wasn't hard seeing as Renly missed him by about a foot. “And anyway," Loras teased. "You’re so drunk I bet you couldn’t even get it up.”

“I’ll prove you wrong.” Renly laughed, leaning heavily on Loras’ shoulder and wrapping his arms loosely round his neck. Without waiting for an answer, he was off, dragging Loras behind him and up the stairs, tripping over his own feet as he went.

“You know what?” Renly laughed as he tripped over a step, trying unsuccessfully to pull his shirt over his head and getting his elbow stuck in the collar. “I don’t think we’ve ever had drunk sex before.” He grinned. “It’s crazy, I thought we’d tried everything.”

“Well obviously not.” Loras grinned, letting Renly push him against the wall with rather loud crash, despite the fact they weren't even in Renly's room yet.

Renly got his Loras' own shirt off surprisingly easily, considering his lack of co-ordination, and yet when he tried to fumble with the zip of Loras' jeans, Loras reckoned that they should probably take this elsewhere. He had no desire for Renly's friends to see him and Renly have sex on the stairs.

"Come on." He said, taking Renly's hand and pulling him the rest of the way up, kicking open the door and having to laugh as Renly instantly dived for the drawer where the condoms were kept.

It didn't take him long to find one and yet he didn't seem to be having much success. He fumbled with the condom packet for a good few moments before he then gave up and threw it across the room in frustration. “My fingers aren’t working.” He complained, laughing and pushing down Loras’ jeans anyway, pulling his boxers down as soon as he'd achieved that. “You ok without?” He asked.

Loras didn’t answer him, just pushed himself up against Renly, and grabbed one of his hands, guiding it to where he wanted to be touched. He didn’t mind, not in the slightest. In fact, since that incident with Daemon Sand that Loras would really rather forget, they’d often not bothered with condoms. Renly had delivered on his promise of letting Loras experience what it was like without a condom, and a couple of weeks later, once Renly was finally satisfied that Loras was as right as rain and that he could touch him again without breaking him (something which had taken way too long and had irritated Loras to the point of wanting to murder him) he had finally let them have a go, to see if Loras enjoyed it. And Loras _had_ enjoyed it, a lot. He wasn’t sure if the sensation itself was that different but it was the idea he had fallen in love with and all it represented. This was the sort of thing couples did, real monogamous couples, and every time Renly let them have sex without a condom, it reminded him that Renly wasn't sleeping with anyone else anymore. It was only him now, and had only been him for months now.

Laughing, Renly pulled him down on top of him, warm arms wrapped round Loras’ bare chest. “You know what?” He laughed, kissing a very unsteady line across Loras' collarbone.

“What?” Loras asked, propping himself up on top of Renly. He was beginning to think that even without the condoms, the prospect of Renly fucking him in this state had been rather ambitious. Renly was sprawled out across the bed underneath him now, and whilst he was definitely hard, Loras didn’t think he had near enough co-ordination to get anyway near fucking him. “What?” He repeated when Renly failed to answer him. “Do I know what?”

“Oh that?” Renly smiled up at him, grinning like an idiot. “It’s nothing Loras. Just that I’m glad you came tonight." He pressed a kiss to his chin, evidently aiming for his mouth and missing. "I’m glad you’re still here.” He laughed, and beaming at him as if he were about to give him a present, licked Loras' cheek.

Loras raised an eyebrow and wiped his cheek on Renly's pillow. “Even if you’re not up to fucking me?” He asked. "Will you still be glad I'm here then?"

“Even then.” Renly agreed, before he then seemed to realise exactly what Loras had said. “Hey!” He protested, flipping Loras clumsily over and pinning him down with his weight. “Who are you calling not up to it?”

Loras laughed. “You?” Renly would make him pay for that, but he didn’t care. Renly had countless friends downstairs and yet despite that, Renly was up here with him, admittedly seemingly about to beat him half to death with a pillow. This, he supposed, to have Renly all to himself, was all he'd ever wanted. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Littlerose and all others interested- a fun fact I read in the paper today: Single men on average change their sheets...*drumroll*... four times a year!

April 2014

Jaime had his eighth operation on his hand at the beginning of April and Renly actually felt a little sorry for him when he came home, all drugged up from the anaesthetic and with his arm in a sling once more. Renly met them from the cab, opening the car door for them as Brienne bundled him out, steadying him as she led him up to the house.

"He needs peace and quiet." Brienne told Renly as they got him up the stairs. "And he needs to rest." She fixed him surprisingly sternly. "That means that if you have Loras over then-"

Renly laughed, cutting her off. "I get it. Absolute silence." That wasn't a problem. He didn't even know if Loras was coming over tonight anyway. He, on the other hand, had a pile of revision to do. He was planning on taking a little bit of a break from work for Loras' birthday and that meant that he had to get more done now to make up for it. He smiled. It was going to be a fun weekend if a very unproductive one. Loras was going to spend the actual day with his family of course but the day after, Renly was going to take him out in the car and teach him the basics of driving. He imagined that Loras would be hell to teach and yet Renly figured it would be good fun too, especially if Loras ended up stalling a lot. Those, he thought, would be memories he'd cherish forever; Loras very rarely failed at anything and it was most amusing when he did.

He had just finished going over his Law and Ethics module when Loras did turn up, though, smiling and holding a Starbucks coffee in his hands as he pushed the door open to Renly's room.

"A revision present." He grinned, pressing it into Renly's hands. "You got time for me tonight?"

"Yes." Renly groaned, pulling him into his arms. “I’m too exhausted to think right now.” He threw one of his textbooks across the room. “Too exhausted to fuck you either though." He laughed. "And anyway, I'm not supposed to anyway, got to be quiet, for Jaime."

“Well that’s a shame.” Loras said, eyebrow raised. “Shall I leave then?” He got up to start walking away.

Renly rolled his eyes and caught his wrist, pulling him back. “Come on then, I’m all yours.” He laughed, lounging back against the bed, putting his coffee on the side. “Do as you will with me. As long as it doesn’t involve me having to think, or you making too much noise.” Which was most things, Renly thought. He'd yet to fuck Loras and have him remain at all quiet.

“Maybe I’ll just leave you there.” Loras laughed, swinging one leg over Renly’s hips all the same, despite his words. He leant down to kiss him, one elbow each side of Renly's head.

Renly just laughed. "You wouldn't leave me here. You're way too horny for that." He didn't quite finish his sentence though, Loras flipping him over and pushing his face into the pillow. "Oi! He laughed. "What was that for?" He tried to sit up and yet failed dismally, Loras doing his best to pin him down. He was surprisingly strong, Renly thought.

“You said do as I want.” Loras said, kissing the back of his head. “Did you actually mean that?”

Renly glanced over his shoulder and was not surprised to see Loras smirking down at him. He groaned, realisation dawning on him. “You want to swap over don't you?” This always happened sooner or later, in any fuck buddy arrangement. People would get tired of what they usually did and want to try the other way round. Loras was no exception, it seemed.

“Well why not?” Loras said. "You've told me to do what I like, we're not allowed to make any noise, and I'm more than a little curious. This is the perfect solution."

Renly sighed dramatically. “I always knew this day would come, that one day you’d grow tired of letting me have my way with you, that you’d want to challenge the status quo...”

“Oh shut up.” Loras kissed the back of his neck. “Can I though? Will you let me?"

“You and your curiosity again...” Renly sighed, grinning into his pillow. “You know curiosity killed the cat Loras.”

“I’m not a cat.” Loras retorted.

Renly laughed. With his elegance and often rather catty remarks, Loras could have fooled him.

“So is that a yes?” Loras pressed when Renly said nothing else.

“Mm-hmm.” Renly nodded. In truth, he didn’t actually mind. He’d bottomed for men far less gentle than Loras. He’d be lying if he said he relished the idea, but it was only fair. And this, he supposed, was the reason he and Loras were sleeping together anyway, so they could try what they wanted, experiment so to say.

He rolled over onto his side and pulled Loras down beside him. “You never even tried it before?” He asked. He was almost a hundred percent sure that Loras hadn’t but he figured he ought to check.

“No.” Loras admitted, loosening Renly’s shirt and slipping it off his shoulders. “But I’ll learn on the job.”

Renly just sighed as Loras unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, Loras’ hands warm against his bare skin. He thought back to the first time he’d done this. It had been in the winter of his last year in sixth form, just before he’d turned eighteen, a year older than Loras was now. That first time had been with Daemon too and Renly had to admit, he had all but loathed it. Daemon had expected him to get himself ready, as Daemon always did whenever Renly fucked him, and Renly hadn't really known what he was doing at all or even where to start. Daemon had offered him no explanations and as such it had hurt, even despite Renly googling how to prepare himself beforehand. The pain hadn't been what had bothered him though. What had really unsettled him was how he’d felt very helplessly out of control. Daemon had turned him over and pushed his face into the bed and Renly had hated every second of it.

The second and third times had been mildly better though, he thought. He'd never agreed to try with Daemon again, but he had with a few guys after him. What had followed had been merely a couple of very uncomfortable experiences, in which Renly had just closed his eyes and thought of England, waiting until it was over.

He didn’t feel quite as apprehensive now though. It probably helped, Renly admitted to himself, that Loras quite clearly had no idea what he was doing, beyond the fact that he was trying to do the reverse of what they usually did of course. That left Renly still very much in charge, no matter what Loras would no doubt tell himself later. As best as he could thus, he guided Loras to where he needed to be, put him in the right place, being very discrete about it so that Loras’ pride wouldn’t be injured.

And contrary to Daemon, Loras seemed perfectly happy to let Renly lie on his back with his legs wrapped around Loras' waist instead of turning him over. That made Renly relax a little; this way he'd be able to see what was going on and not just have to stare helplessly at the wall or his pillow while he gritted his teeth. He supposed he ought not to be surprised, though, that Loras was fine with fucking him like this. This, after all, was one of Loras' preferred positions, most likely due to the fact that Renly could kiss and hold him while he fucked him.

“This ok?” Loras breathed, leaning down to kiss him before fiddling once more with the condom, looking a little worried. "You sure it's going to stay on?" He asked. "With the friction and everything?"

Renly laughed. "Of course it will. And it's not the end of the world if it doesn't." He almost suggested Loras not using one and yet he knew that was a stupid idea. Whilst he felt it posed no risk at the moment, he knew that if Loras' first couple of times doing this were without a condom, he'd most certainly get used to it without a condom. And that could be a big problem later down the line, with any new partners, when he suddenly realised that condoms dulled the sensation a little and that it wasn't how he remembered it. And Loras would certainly need to find himself some new partners as soon as he took himself off of to London, Renly thought. Loras wasn't a patient guy and getting his kicks every other weekend or so certainly wasn't going to satisfy him.

Loras took a deep breath then and Renly had to laugh, even despite Loras then narrowing his eyes at him. He was strongly reminded of how films often portrayed teenagers losing their virginity right now. It was all _where do I put this_ and _what do I do now_. Here he was, lying underneath Loras and mildly dreading what was to come, and there was Loras above him, desperately pretending he knew what he was doing. 

He sighed though as Loras got him ready; this sort of pleasure was unfamiliar to him and yet not lost on him. It helped too that Loras did actually know what he was doing in this arena, curling his finger in just the right way to make Renly whimper slightly, clutching at the bed sheets. This, he supposed, was the part Daemon ought to have done, to ease him into it. He'd tried himself and yet he'd felt awkward and ill-at-ease doing it to himself. Loras, however, didn't seem any of those things as he persevered, adding a finger as Renly's sighs got heavier.

"Can I?" Loras whispered, trailing kisses along Renly's collarbone.

“Mm hmm.” Renly tilted up his hips, preparing himself for the sting of Loras entering him. This was the bit he hated. He supposed, thought, that at least Loras had asked him permission.

He was pleasantly surprised when it didn’t sting much at all, and that Loras, whether for himself or for Renly, went slowly, carefully studying Renly's face as he evidently tried to work out whether he was enjoying it. Loras was much quieter this way round, but not entirely silent, making barely audible little sounds under his breath. It drove Renly crazy and he arched his back so that Loras could get a little deeper, wanting desperately to hear more of those soft little hums and low pitched whines.

“Here.” Renly murmured, tilting Loras’ hips back so that Loras would hit his prostate. That felt good, he admitted, and when he relaxed, it felt even better. He supposed he’d never managed that with Daemon. It was much easier to relax here though. He wasn't in Daemon's grimy little flat and his rough hands weren't gripping Renly’s hips as he pounded into him. Instead, he was in his own room, with Loras’ hands pressed gently against his skin, and all that was more familiar than anything about Daemon had ever been.

"Loras." He groaned. "Whatever you're doing, please don't stop."

…………………….

“Why are you smiling so much?” Margaery asked as soon as he got back in, pulling him up the stairs to her bedroom. "Is there gossip?"

“No real reason.” Loras laughed. “Just feeling good about things. I'd give you details, but I reckon it might be a case of _Too Much Information_." He wasn't particularly up for sharing the intimate details. It had been a great evening, though, that he would admit. Renly had told him so many times that he only ever enjoyed being on top, and yet he had enjoyed it this evening; he'd told him so. And even if Renly hadn't told him, it would have been very obvious. Renly had knotted his hands in his hair and he''d sighed, his eyes tightly shut. And afterwards, Renly hadn't even moved, they'd lain in each other's arms, just grinning at each other until they'd got hungry.

And it had felt good, Loras thought, better than he had even expected. It had somehow felt more intimate than the usual way round, probably, Loras reckoned, because he knew that it took a lot of trust on Renly's part to let him do it.

"I don't care about Too Much Information." Margaery laughed. "Tell me anyway."

"Fine." Loras grinned and swirled her round, feeling a little like he was walking on air. "We switched round today, which is something Renly notoriously doesn’t like, and he liked it. With me he _liked_ it."

“I think we’re getting somewhere.” Margaery said, squeezing him tightly round the middle and grinning. She reached out for her laptop on the desk and started punching something into google, her dainty little fingers tapping away.

“What are you doing?” Loras asked, peering over her shoulder.

“I’m googling.”

“I can see that.” Loras said dryly, rolling his eyes.

Margaery just ignored him. “Here.” She said triumphantly, though, as she evidently found the page she was looking for. “Sit on the bed, and answer my questions.” She turned back to her laptop. “These apparently are the seven signs that your Friends With Benefits relationship has gone further.”

Loras groaned. This was so like Margaery. The only thing he was vaguely surprised about was that she'd used google rather than Cosmo magazine.

Margaery just laughed and hopped up onto the bed beside him, laptop on her knees. "Well come on, will you co-operate?"

Loras laughed. "Go on then." He very rarely refused Margaery anything and this, he supposed, would actually be quite interesting, even if it was a load of crap Margaery had found on the internet.

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Number One-" She read out off the screen. "-You start leaving things other than the occasional pair of underwear and socks at each other's houses." She laughed. "Well, do you?” She asked. “Leave stuff at his?”

Loras thought. There was more than a little bit of his stuff at Renly’s now, he supposed. He very rarely needed to borrow anything from Renly nowadays, save for those plaid pyjamas that were practically his now and that he wore whenever they ventured downstairs in the evenings. He had his own toothbrush, his own shampoo and conditioner, spare clothes in the wardrobe jammed in between Renly’s own. He even had the choice of more than one pair of shoes when he left the house in the morning And there was other stuff too, aside from the basics. He’d left his spare tennis racket propped up in Renly’s room and over half of the food in Renly’s cupboard had been bought by him, and definitely all the fruit and vegetables.

"Yes," He said. "I leave a lot of stuff at his." He filled Margaery in on quite exactly what.

“And does he seem to care?”

Loras shrugged. “I don’t think so, I mean he definitely doesn’t care about the food. For a guy who can’t cook, he sure does like to eat.” That was true. Renly ate portions that were about three times the size of a normal person's and yet he never seemed full. He was always more than encouraging when Loras suggested he would cook, and whilst he did help, he usually ended up setting Loras back whenever he tried. He'd cut his finger or managed to chop things into pieces that were five times larger than Loras had been hoping for, and whenever Loras left him in charge of anything in the oven, food would come out either entirely raw or entirely burnt.

Margaery nodded encouragingly. “Number Two. You start feeling shy about showing your friends naked pictures of your FWB.” She trailed off into giggles. “Well this one is out of touch. Who shows their friends naked pictures they’ve been sent??”

Loras laughed. “I don’t know? That one’s not even applicable to us anyway. I can safely say we’ve never sent each other naked pictures.”

“Really? Not even over Snapchat?” Margaery seemed genuinely surprised.

“Yes really." Loras laughed. "Renly’s not really into that. I think he’s terrified that one day raunchy photos will emerge and his career will be over. He’s ambitious.” Loras said. “Very ambitious. You should see how crazy he’s gone revising for finals.”

"Hmm." Margaery agreed. "Well what about plain old sexting then? Do you do that instead?"

Loras raised an eyebrow. "If we did, I wouldn't tell you." In truth, that was something he and Renly did do on occasions, on nights when he wasn't at Renly's and one of them was desperately horny. They'd always laugh about it when they next saw each other, even though they'd always end up doing exactly what they'd said they'd like to in their texts.

Margaery grinned. "Well that's a yes right there." She laughed. "Moving on to Number Three: For some reason, you stop seeing other people. Well obviously that’s true for you. What about for him?”

“That is true actually.” Loras said, feeling his chest swell with hope. “He hasn’t slept with anyone else since September actually.” Or so Renly told him. Somehow though, Loras was inclined to believe him on that. Renly had no reason to lie; it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to sleep with other people; and besides, he imagined that Jaime Lannister would have rubbed it in his face by now if Renly had had other guys back recently.

“Number Four. You see you FWB more than two times a week.” Margaery laughed. “Well that’s true. You’re there almost every other day now, and I think you’d probably live there if mum and dad wouldn’t flip. Number Five then: there are after sex activities other than one of you putting your clothes and then leaving.”

Loras nodded. “Come on? You don't think we fuck continuously when I'm round there do you? We do all sorts of things. We cook dinner and watch TV and nowadays I quiz him on his revision, not that I understand any of it.” That was an understatement. He could hardly pronounce much of the stuff Renly pored over. 

"Well that's good." Margaery said. "That's the basis for a relationship right there." She sighed. "How can he not see that it's not normal that he and his _friend_ have dinner together every other night and curl up on the sofa afterwards."

Loras shrugged. That was the question he always wanted an answer to.

“Number Six." She put on an ominous voice. "Meeting the family.”

Loras sighed. “That’s something that I don’t think will ever happen." He fiddled with the tassles on one of Margaery's pillows. "I don’t even know what to make of Renly’s family. He doesn’t seem to ever even speak to his parents or even mention them, not that I blame him I guess." He glanced sideways at Margaery. "Remember I told you how his parents shipped him off to boarding school?

Margaery nodded. “And will you ever bring him here?”

Loras hesitated. He knew that all of his family were rather desperate to meet Renly, this elusive boy they thought their son was dating. “I don’t think he’d want to, Margaery. Maybe I should ask though, see if he will.” He sighed. He’d put off telling his parents that Renly even existed until he’d started staying over at his, and that had been the cause of more than a little tension, tension that had only been resolved when his Grandmother had stepped in, loudly asking Loras’ father at dinner if he’d rather his son slept around on the streets than at his boyfriend’s house. That had put an end to it and whilst his parents raised a disapproving eyebrow every time he came back in the morning, nothing more was said, at least not to him anyway. Allegedly, his mother nagged Margaery about it all the time, an argument Margaery always won when she merely pointed out that Garlan had always been allowed Leonette in his room. Albeit, as Margaery freely admitted to their mother, that had perhaps been because Garlan had insisted for many years that Leonette “was like a sister to him”, something that probably had actually been true enough until he and his childhood friend hit fifteen or so and he'd discovered she had breasts. Even so, Margaery and Loras insisted, it was only fair now that he got to stay over at Renly's when Leonette had been allowed to stay here.

It helped too, Loras thought, that his parents didn’t really seem to know how to talk to him about the whole gay thing and so Loras had virtually escaped sitting down and talking about sex with his parents. To give his father his due, he had tried once and yet had only got as far as insisting that he should use condoms before he ran out of things to say, merely clapping Loras awkwardly on the shoulder and bumbling out of the room.

They had met his first boyfriend though, and whilst Loras had never _explicitly_ referred to Renly as a boyfriend, that was quite blatantly what they assumed Renly was. Their knowledge of Renly was very very limited though, something Loras went to great efforts to achieve. He’d told them that Renly was studying law at Uni, but to his shame, he’d knocked two years off Renly’s age, telling them he was in his first year, rather than his third year. Eighteen somehow sounded a lot more acceptable than twenty, or twenty one as January. It would be awkward of course, if his parents ever did meet Renly now, but Loras reckoned that Renly was charming enough that his parents would accept the fact that he was twenty one a little more happily after meeting him, and he could deal with them accusing him of lying.

Margaery brought him from his thoughts, shaking him hard. “Come on, we haven't finished yet. Number Seven, you feel jealous when you see your FWB with other people.”

“Well _I_ do," Loras laughed. "But I have no idea about _him."_

Margaery laughed. “Well, we'll knock off the one about getting shy when showing off your naked picture stash. So you get four out of six, you haven't met each other's parents yet and we don't know whether he gets jealous or not. So potentially," She grinned. "You could have a five out of six."

Loras laughed, smiling at her. "Well that's good then, right? Four or five out of six?" It made him happy anyway, even if it was nothing but rubbish from the internet.

Margaery nodded enthusiastically though. "Of course it is, but we knew already that when it comes down to it, the two of you are already in an unofficial relationship." She laughed. "Now all that remains is for you to bring him round here, meet Mum and Dad." She stood up. "Why don't you ask him to come to your birthday gathering next week. Willas and Garlan will be there, and Garlan's practically the same age as him, might break some of the tension?"

Loras paused, fidgeting again with the tasselled cushion. "I could ask." He said cautiously. "But what if he says no?"

"He won't." Margaery said confidently. "He wont."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a busy week, sorry this has taken longer than has been usual nowadays. And I will reply to all your lovely lovely comments tomorrow when I'm not about to drop dead :)

 

April 2014

Loras put off asking Renly to come meet his family until the week of his birthday. Any sooner and he thought it would seem too much of a big deal and any later, he wouldn’t be giving Renly any time to come round to the idea. 

Margaery had assured him that it would all go smoothly and yet even so, Loras unlocked the front door a little cautiously. “Renly?” He called up the stairs, going up anyway when he got no answer.

He found Renly unsurprisingly in his bedroom, with headphones in and more than a few textbooks stretched out in front of him as per usual nowadays. He looked beyond tired, a little like he hadn't slept in days, and yet Loras was still quite sure Renly was all he would ever want. 

He glanced up and smiled though when he noticed Loras was there, looking pleased to see him in spite of evidently being engrossed in his revision. “Loras.” He laughed, shifting one of the textbooks to make room for him and patting the now empty space beside him. “Come join me if you like.”

Loras duly sat, tucking his legs up underneath him and watching Renly continue to pore over his textbook. He seemed to be almost at the end of a chapter and so Loras figured he’d let him finish before he chanced bringing up the subject. He needed to catch Renly at a good moment. He hoped though that Renly being tired would work in his favour. Ideally, Renly would be too worn out to overthink things and decide that this was a place he didn't want to be going. Collecting himself, thus, he waited as patiently as he could bring himself to, trying to remember how Margaery had told him to put it. _Casually_ , she had insisted, _one small step at a time. Don't make the idea of the two of you being in more of a proper relationship at all scary._

His uneasiness, though, must have showed, for Renly laughed and glanced up from his work after about five minutes.

“You’re fidgety this evening.” He commented mildly, running a hand through his hair as he turned the page. “Come on, spit it out.”

“Spit what out?” Loras asked innocently, rolling his eyes and staring at the wall.

“Whatever it is that you’ve got yourself in a tangle over.”

Loras sighed. Renly knew him too well it seemed, which could only be a good sign in the long run. He took a deep breath. “I was wondering something.” Loras admitted, indeed as if it was a casual thing he and Margaery hadn’t spent the last few weeks obsessing over. “You do know it’s my birthday this weekend?”

“mmm-hmm” Renly didn’t look up.

Loras sighed, fidgeting still a little despite his best efforts. Too much rested on this for his liking. “Well," He started. "I’m having my family over for a meal sort of thing, and I was wondering-“ He took a deep breath, in too far now to back down. “-if, well…, if you would like to come?”

Renly raised an eyebrow, underlining a long word in the textbook that Loras didn’t understand. “Are any of your other friends coming?”

“Well no.” Loras admitted.

Renly laughed. “Then why are you inviting me?”

Loras shuffled a little awkwardly on the bed, fiddling with the duvet cover. He had no idea how to begin to explain that. “I thought it might be nice. You know, we’ve been, well, _close,_ for a year now. And my parents want to meet you.” He glanced up to see how Renly had reacted to that. This would be make or break, he figured. There were some things that fitted distinctly into the relationships category and meeting the parents was definitely one of them.

Renly had put the textbook down and he wasn’t laughing now. “Right…” He said, exhaling loudly.

Loras smiled as encouragingly as he could, flicking his hair out of his face. “And there’d be food, Renly. It’d be a free meal if nothing else. And you could meet my siblings. You'll get on really well with them, I know you will.”

Renly wasn’t fooled and he raised an eyebrow. “I’m not your boyfriend Loras.” He said slowly, meeting Loras’ eyes as he did so.

Loras forced himself not to look away. He couldn't give up now. “Well not _technically_ ,” He took a deep breath. “But we're way closer than any friends who fuck should be. You realise that too right Renly?”

Renly’s brow furrowed and he cocked his head slightly. “No I don’t realise that too.” He frowned. “Where did all this come from?”

“Well we are.” Loras insisted bluntly. That was a fact nobody could argue with and he wasn’t going to let Renly try. Friends did not have dinner together four times a week and share each other's clothes. “Neither of us see anyone else anymore. And we see each other almost every day, and not just because I’m here to sleep with you. Sometimes we don’t even do that anymore, do we Renly?” He raised an eyebrow and laughed, reaching out to grasp Renly’s hand, desperate for him to hurry up and come round on this. “I guess what I’m trying to say Renly, is that I really like you.” He met Renly's eye. "More than I'd ever like any friend."

Renly didn’t say anything; he just looked down at his hand in Loras’, looking more confused than anything. Loras held his breath, waiting for him to speak.

Eventually, he opened his mouth. Loras?” He breathed. “That’s how you feel?” He squeezed Loras’ hand a little. “Really?”

Loras gulped and nodded. This was promising he thought. He could see the cogs turning in Renly's head. He was quite clearly processing this information and what was more, he hadn't freaked out yet as Jaime had warned him he would.

“For how long?” Renly asked quietly, turning Loras' hand over in his own absent-mindedly.

Loras shrugged. “A while, I guess.” That was an understatement, he thought, but to admit to Renly that he'd always felt like this, even before they started sleeping together, would be signing his own death warrant. 

“And why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Renly pressed. 

Loras chanced a smile. “I don’t know. I thought you might be angry.” And that you might freak out and make me leave, he added silently in his head.

Renly sighed. “I wouldn’t have been angry.” He squeezed Loras’ hand once more and Loras’ heart skipped a beat. “And it’s alright Loras, don’t look so nervous. We can stay friends if you like.”

“What?”

“Friends.” Renly repeated as Loras just stared at him. “You’ll always be welcome round here Loras, even if we don’t sleep together anymore.”

“Friends?” Loras choked out. “But I don’t want to be friends?” He wanted so much more than that. If he had his way, he'd fall asleep and wake up next to Renly each and every day. Renly would take him to dinner and they'd walk home afterwards, arm in arm and on the same page.

“No? Well that’s disappointing.” Renly sighed and Loras realised where he was going with this. He wanted them to stop seeing each other, to stop sleeping together. 

“You don’t want to sleep with me anymore?” Loras asked, shaking his shoulder a little. “But you like sleeping with me don’t you?”

“Of course I do. I’ve had the best fucks of my life with you.” Renly laughed. "And I'll miss that if you don't come round anymore."

“The best fucks of your life.” Loras repeated his words a little blankly. “Is that it? Is that all you'll miss?”

Renly looked a little stumped and he got to his feet. “What do you mean?”

“Well is that all you like about me?” Loras got to his feet too. 

“Well no, we’re friends.” Renly offered. “You’re good fun. I’m offering to stay friends. But you’ve just told me you don’t want that?”

“Well I don’t. I want more than that.” Loras tried to take his hands. If he could just make Renly realise that he did care, that they already had what he was asking for. “I love you Renly. How can you not see that?”

Renly withdrew his hands, taking a good few hurried step backwards as if Loras had slapped him. “Well then.” He said shakily, refusing to meet Loras’ eye. “In that case, I think it definitely _is_ best if we don’t see each other for a while. A good long while.” He frowned, cutting off Loras' desperate proests. “Come.” He said “I’ll take you home.” He gripped Loras by the arm and guided him firmly to the door. And for the first time his touch wasn’t gentle. It was hasty and rough, his fingers digging into Loras’ skin painfully.

It was only when they reached the landing that the full impact of what Renly was doing hit Loras. Renly was going to bundle him into his car and take him home, like he had done that first time they met. And then he’d leave him outside his house like he had done countless of times before and only this time it would be the last time he did that. He was going to drop him and leave him, like Jaime had promised him he would. 

Loras couldn't let that happen. “Please Renly." He choked out. "Don’t not let me see you.” He clutched at Renly’s shirt at the top of the stairs. “Please give it a chance. You might like dating me. And anyway, nothing even needs to change Renly. We can do everything like we always did. It’ll hardly be any different.” 

Renly shook his head. “That’s what you want Loras, not me.” He tightened his grip on Loras' wrist. "You need to go home."

“No, Renly, please.” Loras begged as Renly all but dragged him down the stairs. “Forget I said anything then. I don’t care if you come to my stupid birthday party or not. Things can go back to how they were.” 

“No they can’t.” Renly said shortly and the lack of the emotion scared Loras more than any anger could have. “I know that’s what you think you want, but it’s better this way. Better for you in the long-term. Don’t take it personally. I’m just not into relationships.”

“But you’ve practically been in one, with me.” Loras shook his shoulder as if that might make him see reason. He wanted to scream at him, scream at him until he admitted what was right in front of him. “How can I not take it personally? Deny it all you like, but you’ve led me on Renly. You hold my hand when we go out, and you kiss me goodnight, we have baths together. How could I not think you might actually want me back?"

“Now just wait here.” Renly’s calm composure was cracking now and his voice rose. “You want to lay blame now? Well forgive me if you’ve forgotten, but we made a deal. You knew what you were getting yourself into.” 

“Yes we made a deal. A year ago. What? Did I sign on the dotted line or something? What are we? Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey?” 

“We had rules may I remind you. The most important of which you broke?”

“And which one is that? As far as I know, you’ve broken all your bloody rules.”

“The one where you tell me if you don’t want this kind of relationship anymore, so your feelings don’t get hurt. That rule was in place for you.” Renly snapped. “And only you, because I sure as hell was never going to need it. Well the joke’s on you now Loras. See if I care. I went out of my way to make you comfortable in this arrangement, to treat you nicely, to show you respect."

“And how much respect did you show me when you let Daemon Sand screw me like some kind of bitch in heat?” Loras snapped back.

Something in Renly's expression flickered momentarily before his face darkened. “I didn’t see you turning round and standing up for yourself. If you’re not old enough to say no Loras, you’re not old enough to be having sex. You agreed to that too, so start taking some fucking responsibility for your own choices.” Renly pulled the front door open violently. “Brienne and Jaime told me about a hundred times a day that you were too young for this, all wrong for all this, and boy were they right. You were the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

Loras just froze in the hall, Renly’s words cutting through him like a knife. They just looked at each other for a moment, Renly’s words hanging in the air between them as Loras felt tears prick his eyes. 

“You mean that?” Loras whispered. “That I was a mistake?”

Renly took an awkward step towards him. “No Loras, not really.”

There was a tense silence, and Loras just stared determinedly at the floor. He didn't know what to say now. Mistake or not, he clearly didn't mean anything to Renly and that was a hard truth to swallow.

He tore his eyes from the floor. “But you meant it earlier when you said you didn’t want me.” It wasn't a question.

Renly looked away. “Don’t put it like that.”

“But you don’t?” Loras knew he was torturing himself and yet he had to hear it. "Do you?"

“No,” Renly sighed. “I don’t.” He shut the front door with a dull thump. “ But I shouldn’t have lost my temper with you. You're sixteen Loras, young, impressionable. I should have seen this coming." He took Loras' arm again, gently this time. "Come on, let’s talk about this, calmly, logically.” Slowly, he made to lead Loras back up the stairs. Loras followed meekly behind him, feeling more defeated than he ever had done in his life. He hated this, being helpless to change the situation, and yet what could he do? The more he pushed, the more Renly recoiled it seemed. 

Upstairs was eerily silent, proof that Brienne and Jaime were no doubt hushed in their room listening to Loras’ humiliation. They’d probably heard every word, Loras thought miserably. They knew that Renly didn’t want him. He’d never be able to look Jaime Lannister in the eye again now. He’d warned him and Loras had refused to listen. He _had_ thought he was special, had thought he'd succeed where others had failed. And yet he'd finished up exactly where Jaime had told him he would, with Renly trying to throw him out of the door. 

He choked back a sob. He’d been so sure that Renly did want him. It had seemed so clear in everything he did. He was always so gentle, so attentive, so pleased to see him. And yet this evening, Renly had looked him in the eye and told him otherwise. It hadn't even seemed a difficult decision for him.

He heard Renly let out a large sigh in front of him and he turned, taking Loras’ hand and sitting him down on the bed. “Sit there.” He said. He then rummaged around in a drawer and drew out a battered looking chocolate bar. “Here.” He said. "It’s your favourite. I was saving it for when you next came round.”

Loras stared at it. It _was_ his favourite and yet he was dismayed that Renly seemed to think it would cheer him up, that some battered old chocolate bar would be a substitute for him actually caring about him. Even so, he slipped it into his pocket, unable to stop the tears falling now. He knew he ought to be ashamed and yet he didn't think he could sink any lower than he already had this evening.

Sighing, Renly sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him, stroking his hair softly. “I’m sorry Loras.” He breathed into his curls. “And I’ll take some of the responsibility for making you feel like this. I should have seen that you interpreted my actions in a very different way than I ever intended. And I’ll take the blame for that. I’ll apologise.”

“I don’t want you to apologise, I want you to care.” Loras sobbed. He thought he preferred it when Renly had been angry. He could fight against anger, he couldn’t fight against this.

“I _do_ care.” Renly said. “Just not how you want me to.” He pulled Loras close, “Come here.” He sighed, “Don’t cry.”

Loras buried his head in his shoulder, not caring that he was acting like the five year old Renly evidently thought he was tonight. He just wanted to remember how this felt. How it felt to have Renly's arms round him and his hands in his curls, his body warm and solid and real against his own. For all he knew, this would be the last time he'd ever get to do this, the last chance he'd ever have to pretend that Renly was his. 

He didn’t know how long he stayed there in Renly’s arms. But when he finally raised his head and wiped his wet cheeks, it was dark outside and Renly was staring blankly at the wall as if he was bored. He probably was, Loras thought bitterly. He was probably counting the seconds until he was gone and he could go back to his precious revision.

Renly sighed, though, and tilted his face back, kissing the corner of Lor'as mouth. “If you want?” He said, trailing his hand across Loras' stomach to clarify his meaning. “For old time’s sake?”

Loras didn't know what to say. He had no desire for Renly to fuck him, not tonight, when he'd just been told he wasn't wanted. Even so, he shrugged and got up onto his knees, tugging down his jeans. Renly had humiliated him tonight and he was determined that Renly recognised that fact. “Come on then.” He said, his tone more bitter than he ever would have expected it to be with Renly. “Do what you want. Seeing as this was only ever about sex like you say? 

Renly sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Don’t be like that. Yes, it was about the sex, but I never treated you like some kind of object.” He pulled Loras’ jeans up for him and pulled him back into his lap. "I'll take that as a no if you're going to be so childish about it.” He patted his hair a little awkwardly. “But I’ll see you if you like. Just as friends. I don’t think that would be the most sensible option for you, but that’s your decision to make. I'm not going to make it for you.”

Loras just shrugged miserably. He didn’t know if he could deal with that. Renly had made his point clear. His pride was on the floor in tatters and he could only imagine the shame of going to see Renly after this and making awkward conversation with him whilst Renly made them coffee, knowing that he was only there because Renly was allowing it, because he pitied him.

He lifted his head off Renly’s chest a little reluctantly. “I think I might go home now.” He said quietly. He wanted his own bed, where he could cry without Renly seeing him, without him pitying that silly sixteen year old who had been foolish enough to fall in love with him. 

“Ok.” Renly patted his hand. “You want me to drive you?”

“No, it’s alright.” Loras stood up, his legs feeling a little shaky underneath him.

“Wait a moment.” Renly stood up and went to the wardrobe.

Loras watched silently as Renly gathered up all the things in his room that belonged to him, and he knew that if he'd had any tears left to cry right now, he would have sobbed. Instead he just stood there helplessly as Renly packed away what had been his life for the past year in a small bag, his heart breaking all over again when he saw that Renly had folded the plaid pyjamas that didn't actually belong to him on top.

“Here you go.” He said softly.

Loras just took it silently and slipped from the room before Renly could say anything more. He didn’t say goodbye, he didn’t want to. He just wanted to go home.

He'd only made it down the stairs though before he heard one of the doors upstairs creak open. He glanced up miserably, only a very small part of him even daring to think it would be Renly coming to chase after him.   
  
He was glad he hadn't got his hopes up and that finally he'd learnt his lesson perhaps. It was Jaime and Loras scowled, suddenly painfully aware of how red his eyes were, how his cheeks were stained with his tears.  He turned his face away, hurrying to the door. 

Jaime padded down the stairs regardless: “Hey kid,” He said softly as Loras fumbled with the door latch, tears threatening to cloud his vision. “Forget about this one. Leave it all behind and find yourself a nice boy, someone who’ll treat you a little better.”

Loras didn't answer. He just put his keys on the table in the hall and shut the door quietly behind him, the tears falling freely now.

 

 

 

…………………….

  
Renly watched him leave out of the window, running his hair though his hands. He felt like he’d just been told up was down and left was right and he didn’t know what to feel.

What he did know was that he was disappointed, disappointed with the situation but most of all disappointed in Loras. He’d always been open with Loras, about everything. He’d always set everything straight for him, explained things when Loras wanted them explained, and in return Loras had hidden things from him and then just walked in today and turned his world upside down.

He’d never wanted any of the things Loras had asked for tonight and he certainly didn’t want them now. He didn’t want some boyfriend telling who he could and couldn’t see, or telling him he needed to be home at a certain time. He’d learnt that it was better to stay single long ago, and in between Cersei and Robert’s various infidelities and Stannis and Selyse’s dedicated indifference to each other, it hadn’t been a hard lesson to learn. You had nothing to lose when you were on your own, and Renly knew that well. He'd cared once, a long time ago now, cared about the brothers who'd barely looked twice at him and the parents he'd never had any true memory of. It had made him miserable. Robert and Stannis had never heard his tears at night and neither had his dead mother or father. 

He glanced back out of the window. Loras had disappeared now, swallowed up by the darkness that was the end of his road. He wished he’d driven him home now, regardless of what Loras had wanted. He'd never let Loras walk home in the dark on his own before and he shouldn't have started today. 

Sighing, he put his head in his hands. It hurt, he supposed, more than he had expected it to, to find out that Loras had been lying to him, keeping things from him. Miserably, he wondered how long the lies had gone on, how many times Loras had told him that he was fine with how everything was when he hadn’t meant it. He supposed that he ought not to be surprised, though. History always repeated itself and Loras had lied to him from the very beginning, back when he’d been an eighteen year old first year who studied English literature. Renly sighed. He had lapped it up even then.

It made him want to kick something and yet even so, he had to sigh and put his head back in his hands when he thought back to Loras this evening, desperate and in tears.

That had unsettled him more than he was comfortable with. He’d never seen Loras cry before, not even when Daemon had fucked him so hard that he’d left him bruised for weeks. He’d sobbed this evening though and that had hurt more than a little, seeing what he’d considered to be his best friend for the past year cry because of something he couldn’t fix. And whilst  he didn’t think he could love Loras back even if he wanted to, the sight of him sobbing had almost made him want to try, if only just to make his tears stop.

All the same though, Loras had crossed the line today, and so he supposed that now that friendship was pretty much over, and that there was no use getting upset about it. People came and went and Renly was used to that. He was just disappointed that Loras had had to make it so. If he’d admitted it earlier, if he’d actually listened to a word Renly had told him when they'd started sleeping together, they could have salvaged the friendship, stopped sleeping with each other until Loras got over any slight infatuation he had. By tonight, however, it had clearly been too late. Despite his offer to Loras, he knew that the more time he spent with Loras trying to remain friends, the harder it would be for Loras to get over whatever it was he felt. 

Sighing, he sat back down on his bed and picked up his text book. Perhaps this was for the best he supposed. He had finals in a month and Loras had always been a distraction he could do without. Besides, he reckoned, he had plenty of other friends and he’d be able to find plenty of other people to sleep with. Loras had just been one of many when it came down to it. And with him going off to London in the summer and Loras staying here, he and Loras would no doubt have drifted apart anyway once it required getting on a train to fuck one another.

This was for the best, Renly repeated to himself as he put pen to paper. And if Loras wanted to stay friends, then they would he supposed. They’d get coffee together like he did with the rest of his friends and send postcards at Christmas. And that would be nice enough, he supposed. He and Loras would catch up occasionally and it would be fun, nice simple fun without all the drama of this evening.

He’d had every intention to get on with revision and yet concentration didn’t come. He managed to read about six pages before he realised he was wasting his time. It was a case of cruel irony, he supposed. Somehow, the fact that Loras wasn't here right now was distracting him more than he ever did when he was here. Usually, Loras would be content to wait patiently for Renly to fuck him, lying quietly on the bed next to him with his head in his lap, or his hands in Renly’s hair, until Renly had finished his work for the evening and could give him his full attention.

Now, though, every other word he read was punctuated with thoughts of Loras, wondering miserably what he was doing now, whether he'd got home safely and was crying still, alone in his bedroom, or whether he was punching holes in walls somewhere. He sighed. Knowing Loras, Renly thought the latter to be the most likely option. 

Part of him wanted to go to him, and yet he knew that was simply not an option. Loras would interpret it the wrong way and Renly knew that that would just make things harder for the poor boy in the long run. He owed Loras nothing now, and yet he would do this one thing for him and not let him get his hopes up just for them to be dashed again. That was the mistake Robert always made, Renly knew. He’d take a mistress, they’d believe themselves in love with him and he’d go along with it as happily as anything, until he moved on to the next and broke their heart. It was better for Loras now to let him have a clean break if he wanted it. 

All the same, the temptation to call Loras was stronger than he would have liked and so wearily, he pulled himself to his feet, leaving his phone on his bed as he ventured downstairs. Loras going all crazy on him was no reason to starve himself, he supposed, and whilst he didn’t have any appetite at all right now, he supposed he should at least try and eat.

Brienne and Jaime were in the kitchen and they fell silent as soon as he entered, which he knew to be a reflection on him. Knowing them, they probably thought him heartless, that he didn't give a fuck about the boy who'd been his closest friend for the past year. Miserably, he yanked open the cupboard. Loras had screwed him over enough today, he could do without Brienne and Jaime sticking their noses in too.

He’d only opened the cupboard briefly though before he slammed it shut. It was full of food Loras had bought, healthy things that Renly had never bothered eating before Loras came. Seeing it all brought a lump to his throat and he suddenly wanted to chuck it all away, get rid of any trace that Loras had ever been here. 

Head in his hands, he sat down at the table, picking at the wood as he tried to get Loras’ words out of his head, how he’d begged, _pleaded_ with him to give him what he wanted, as if his words could miraculously change how he felt.

And whilst he’d given Loras back all of his stuff, there were reminders of him everywhere, Renly found as he glanced around the kitchen. Wherever he looked, he couldn’t escape that fact. There was half a cake on the side that he and Loras had made a couple of days ago, a jumper of his slung over the back of the chair that Loras liked to borrow, and hung up by the door, a bright pink tea towel that had been white before he and Loras had tried to do laundry together. And no matter how much he tried to push Loras out of his thoughts, he always ended up coming back to him. And he had no idea why. It was disappointing that Loras and he wouldn't be friends any more, but that should have been the extent of it. 

He’d forgotten all about Jaime and Brienne until Brienne placed a plate in front of him, some kind of microwaved pasta dish that had copious amounts of grated cheese over it. He shovelled it into his mouth, not really tasting anything.

He was almost done when Brienne spoke. “Are you alright?” She asked softly, peering warily at him as if he was going to snap at any moment.

Renly nodded. And he was, he supposed. “I’m fine” he said, pushing the plate away from him. “Just fine.” He'd be damned if he was going to sit here thinking of Loras all evening. 

Jaime opened his mouth to speak and Renly sighed. “Not now Jaime.” Renly said wearily.

Jaime just raised an eyebrow “I just wanted to say something.” He said.

“What?” Renly muttered, running a hand irritably through his hair. 

Jaime gestured to the door which Loras had walked out merely an hour earlier. “That, Renly," He said. "-was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

Renly just turned his head away.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for what is essentially a filler chapter, and that I still haven't got round to replying to your amazingly wonderful comments!! Will get on top of things I promise!

 

August 2014

As Renly had expected, he got the first he needed in his exams and he moved to London in the summer, as soon as the lease on his and Brienne's house was up. And whilst he hated to leave Brienne after three years of living together, he had hope that things would be better there, that he could go back to being his usual cheerful self. He'd have a new job there, a new flat, a new life even, where he wouldn't be faced continuously with reminders of Loras that made him want to punch the nearest breakable object.

Things had only got worse once he'd done his exams. Whilst it had been a relief to finally get them out of the way after three years of study, he'd no longer had those hours of revision to fill his days with, and it was only then that he'd realised quite how much Loras had been around before. And as much as Renly had always planned on celebrating the end of his finals in style, he'd found that, instead, he merely spent his newly free time dwelling on how much more fun he would have been having if Loras had still been around, if they'd still been friends.

He was more than glad when the day to move came and yet leaving everything behind was harder than he had anticipated. He and Loras had never really said a proper goodbye, he supposed, and that was one of the things he thought he regretted the most. They'd owed that much to each other perhaps, if nothing more. And so, when his car was all packed and all his possessions sent off in the moving van, he sat at the kitchen table for one last time and debated with himself whether or not to call him. 

He spent a good half hour sitting there before he eventually shoved his phone back in his pocket wearily. For all he knew Loras had no desire to see him, no desire for a call out of the blue after five months of silence between them. Sighing, he left one last note on the kitchen table for Brienne before getting into his car. He'd promised himself that he'd give Loras a clean break if he wanted it and he wasn't going to falter now.

 

...............

Thankfully, his new flat was a far cry from the house he'd just left and Renly couldn't wait to show it off to Brienne. It had working heating, cupboards that shut properly, it even had double glazing. Really, it was all he could have ever hoped for: it was reasonably central, on the other side of the river from both Stannis and Robert, and very convenient for getting to work.

Despite that though, as the days passed one by one and the novelty of being in a new flat slowly wore off, Renly found that it didn't actually make him any happier. It was always empty when he came home, and with no Brienne to chat to or Jaime to annoy him, the evenings seemed unbearably long, unbelievably lonely as he sat down to eat by himself. He’d always thought that he was good at being on his own, that he enjoyed his own company, but now, he found that he hated it, hated it more than he had ever hated anything in his life. Even his bed felt lonely, with what felt like miles of empty space whenever he stretched out, and every morning he would roll over and reach out for someone who was never there.

All in all, it was a huge disappointment, he found. He'd been looking forward to so many things, seeing the sights, sitting in the Hyde Park sunshine, shopping on Oxford street, and yet now, when he thought about it, he supposed that all of those things were things that he'd been looking forward to do with Loras, or at least with somebody else. And regardless of how much he tried, none of the things he had been looking forward to were fun to do by himself. He'd already seen the sights a thousand times, courtesy of Robert's very expensive house in central London, and Hyde Park in the sunshine was just full of irritating kids and people having the fun he wasn't having. Even shopping lost its appeal it seemed, when there was no-one whose opinion he valued there to admire the new clothes he'd bought.

Still, everyday life had to go on, and so the first weekend he had free, he took himself off to Ikea in search of some decent furniture. Whilst he had the basics, he had a salary now, a big one, and going crazy in Ikea had always been something he'd longed to do as soon as he'd hit university and Stannis had clamped down on his handouts. 

It was busy in Ikea and he had to fight to get a trolley. He succeeded though and soon he was making his way through the maze of show rooms, chucking stuff into the trolley at every chance he got, not even looking at the prices. He'd never been any good at being careful with money and he supposed he didn't need to now. So, if he wanted a completely unnecessary set of fancy coloured wine glasses so that he could drink alone each evening, then he bought a completely unecessary set of fancy coloured wine glasses. Stannis would have despaired, Renly thought, but he guessed that that was the beauty of his life now- he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Nobody could tell him otherwise now, not Robert, nor Stannis, not even Loras. Though, Renly had to admit, Loras would probably have llked the wine glasses anyway. Robert might have too, Renly figured, although usually he did just prefer swigging from the bottle. _Less evidence_ , Robert always insisted. 

He amused himself rather well for a time, his trolley full with items he didn't need. Here, he reckoned though, was better than going home to an empty house and a bottle of wine. It got him out of the house at least and made him feel like he was doing something productive. Even here, though, he supposed, only served to make him feel a little lonely, a rather odd feeling, he thought, considering that he was surrounded by people on all sides. 

He sighed, sitting down on one of the many chairs and pretending he was testing it out as he watched the people file past. Some were families, he saw, many with teenage sons or daughters who were evidently buying stuff to go off to university with, cheap things that would be filthy and broken before Christmas. A few were alone, purposefully weaving their way through the crowd in search of what they wanted. Most, however, were couples, and they looked like they were having the most fun out of everyone, Renly thought. They held hands as they made their way through the show rooms, making innuendos as they passed the beds and bickering good-naturedly over what they were going to buy, the women scolding the men more often than not for their allegedly poor taste.

He ran his hands through his hair. He and Loras would probably have been like that, he supposed, if Loras had been here with him, and it would have been much more fun. He wouldn't have had to go home alone either afterwards. Miserably, he contemplated what Loras had insisted so desperately to him back in April, that they were closer than any friends had any right to be. He’d dismissed that as the passing fancies of a sixteen year old then and yet looking round now he supposed that he'd probably led Loras on more than he'd ever realised. It was easy enough to distinguish the people who merely happened to be walking round in a pair and those that were real couples, and when he asked himself what category an onlooker would have put him and Loras in if they'd seen them together, he had to reluctantly reach to the conclusion that they’d have probably, if admittedly incorrectly, been lumped in the couples category.

He didn't know how that made him feel and so Renly just sighed and paid for his things as quickly as he could.

His flat was silent as usual when he came home and he tromped up the stairs miserably, dragging his duvet from his bedroom to sit on the sofa with even though it wasn't even remotely cold. He wished Loras were here and he hated to admit that fact, even to himself. Somehow, the thought that he could no longer be content with his own company terrified him more than anything ever had before. He had never wanted to be one of those reckless people, those foolish reckless people who defied all logic and tied their happiness to other people they had no control over, people who could walk out out of their life just as easily as they had entered it. 

He ran his hands through his hair angrily. This was a path he'd never wanted to go down and yet he couldn't escape the fact that he _did_ want Loras here, if only for a few hours to keep the loneliness at bay. If Loras had been here, he wouldn’t have been sitting watching tv on his own, he’d have had his hands in Loras’ hair and Loras’ bare skin against his own. He'd have probably been pressed against him as closely as any two people could be and Loras would been sighing delicious little sounds into his mouth and tugging on his hair. 

That said, Renly didn’t think he’d have complained either if they Loras was here and they did nothing but order pizza and watch crappy tv. Loras would have made him laugh at least, and his smile would have chased away the shadows from the corner of the room better than any lamp from Ikea could. 

He sighed, wondering what Loras was doing now, whether someone else had their hands in Loras’ hair now and whether Loras was panting some other guy’s name into some other guy’s mouth. The thought made him feel more alone than he had all day.

He tucked his duvet up around his shoulders and sighed, flipping through the channels aimlessly. He wondered now whether letting Loras go had been the best decision. He supposed really that all Loras had ever wanted was for him to love him back. And whilst Renly didn’t really even know what love was supposed to feel like, or how you were supposed to love someone back, now, when he missed Loras so much it felt like someone was tearing a hole in his chest, he was beginning to wonder if he should at least have tried. 

 

September 2014

“You have to pull yourself together.” Margaery told him for the sixtieth time. “It’s a new school year, your last school year. Make the most of it.”

Loras nodded, running his hands through his hair wearily. He knew she was right. He needed to be able to walk down the street without desperately hoping every dark haired man walking towards him was Renly. He had to stop looking at his phone and wishing Renly would call him, or even just send him an innocuous text. It had been six months now and Margaery was right- he had to move on.

She’d been optimistic at first, convinced that he’d change his mind and come crawling back. But as April had drifted into May and May had drifted into June, even she had had to admit that she was wrong. Renly was not going to come crawling back. Playing hard to get didn't work with Renly. He wasn't going to come chasing after something he didn't want in the first place, not even if Loras played impossible to get. 

And yet forgetting all about him was easier said than done, Loras found. Perhaps it was testimony to how spoilt he'd been as a child, how he'd always got his way, but nothing had ever hurt as much as that rejection back in April had. It had been the most miserable walk home of his life and then he'd had to unlock his front door and be confronted immediately with Margaery's excited questions, how had it gone, what did he say, and once she'd quietened, he'd had to swallow his pride and tell her that Renly didn't want him, that he'd wasted the past year of his life loving someone who didn't want to be loved.

He’d cried for days afterwards, burying himself in his room and refusing to come out. The shame of it had been too much to bear. He didn't remember the last time his parents had seen him cry, and having to lie to them and tell them that he and Renly had broken up had been more painful than he would like to admit. They'd of course wanted to know why, and Loras had had to mumble some rubbish about them having an argument rather than admit that he was crying over some guy he'd never actually been in a relationship with. 

He’d surfaced only for his birthday. He’d told himself that it was because he needed to put on a brave face for his parents, who’d spent ages organising things for him to cheer him up, and yet really he’d known that it was because he’d still been holding out for something from Renly.

His birthday had come and gone though, and there had been nothing from Renly. No birthday card, no note through his door, no text, nothing to mark the fact that the boy Renly had spent the better part of the last year with had just turned seventeen.

He’d cried that evening too, once his candles were all blown out and his family had stopped pretending not to see through his hollow smiles and had let him go to bed. 

That had been the last time he’d cried over Renly though, and Loras had vowed never to let anyone ever make him feel like that again. Then had followed the months of hating Renly. He’d hated him for so many things, Loras supposed, for suggesting they sleep together in the first place, for breaking all his rules and letting Loras hope for more, but most of all for the sheer fact that he hadn't wanted him. Deep down, he supposed he knew that you couldn't force someone to love you back, that Renly couldn't force himself either, but he'd hated him for it anyway. 

And slowly, once he’d punched enough brick walls and called Renly all the names he knew, that had faded too, leaving him with a desperate ache where Renly had once been. He’d missed Renly properly then, missed his company and his jokes, missed the time they’d spent together. He'd come home from school with stories he was desperate to tell Renly about, with jokes he wanted to share with him, things he wanted to show him. And suddenly, now that he couldn't even preoccupy himself with hating Renly, he'd been left with evenings that stretched on forever, evenings where he’d sit in his room testing his will power, Renly’s number deleted from his phone and yet knowing all too well that he knew it by heart.

Margaery told him it would get easier and yet it didn't, Loras found, it didn't at all. Despite every day he got through, every evening he managed to put himself to bed without giving in and calling him, he couldn’t stop himself thinking about him, couldn’t shake that desperate hope he had, that somewhere, Renly was thinking of him too. And sometimes, when Margaery wasn't around to tell him off, he liked to sit on his windowsill and daydream about that, about Renly scrolling through his contacts on his phone and pausing at his name, smiling a little fondly. In his mind Renly would stare at it for a good long while, contemplating whether to call before he’d then pick up the phone and go through with it. 

His phone never rang though and so Loras forced himself to accept the fact that Renly wasn’t going to call, that he probably wasn’t going to hear from Renly again. And whilst he accepted it, that had hurt as much as the initial rejection, the fact that Renly had never called, not even once, had never even sent him one text to see how he was getting on or what he was doing. Somehow, it was if Renly had never existed, as if their friendship had never existed either.

Still, Margaery was right, he supposed, that he was perfectly capable of moving on and that he just wasn't trying hard enough. And so wearily, the day before school was about to start, he let her sit him down and go through the things she had planned for what she called his _fresh start_. It was hopeless, Loras reckoned, and yet he supposed that if anyone had a shot at getting him to move past this, to get him to find somebody else and be happy, it was definitely his sister.

She'd been wrong the last time he'd put his faith in her but Loras couldn't afford for her to be wrong this time. 


	16. Chapter 16

June 2015

It felt good not being chaperoned by his mother, and for the first time he felt every one of his eighteen years as he made his way over to the practice courts set aside for the junior competitors. He knew that his mother would have been here regardless had it not been for Margaery still being midway through her exams, and that Willas was waiting for him back at the hotel, and yet even so, he felt unusually good. His A levels were over, he didn't care particularly how well he'd done in them and he was in Paris. To top it off, a very hot guy who worked in the bar here had just asked him out for a drink. He hadn't even thought about Renly for at least a week.

Smiling, he sat down on a bench at the edge of the courts, surveying his competition. Most of them he recognised, from previous tournaments and various events, and yet there were a few new faces whose skill was a mystery to him. Even so, he didn't think he had anything to worry about and he reckoned that if anything, tomorrow would be rather dull. He could probably beat most of his opponents with his eyes closed. Indeed, looking around now, he was pleased to see that nobody looked even remotely as good as him.

He grew bored quickly though, and was just enjoying the sunshine when the bench where he was sitting was cast into shadow. Frowning, he glanced up, surprised to see a figure looming over him. He bit back a sigh when he saw who quite it was. Today had been going so well and he had no desire to make any kind of small talk with Jaime Lannister. He was most definitely a reminder of a time and place he'd really rather forget nowadays. 

“Loras Tyrell.” Jaime peered curiously down at him before he then took a seat beside him, not waiting for an invitation. “I wouldn’t have recognised you.”

Loras raised an eyebrow. “So how did you then?” 

Jaime raised his own eyebrow. “You’re wearing a name tag." He said simply, flicking the offending badge with a finger. "So then," He asked. "What happened to the curls?” He leant back casually against the back of the bench and waited for his answer.

Loras ran a hand through his hair. “I fancied a change.” He told him. That was true-ish, he supposed, though it wasn't him who'd decided to cut his hair. That had been the first thing Margaery had insisted he do in his efforts to move on last September. New hair equalled a new start in Margaery’s books and he hadn’t changed it since. Whilst he'd liked his curls, it was pleasant now to be able to get up in the morning and not have to worry about it being a frizzy mess. And Margaery had had a point, Loras had had to admit. Renly had always had such a strange fascination with his hair and it had felt somehow liberating to cut it all off and do the one thing he knew Renly would have hated. 

Jaime shrugged. “Way more manly. So, you here to play, or just to watch like a little girl from the side lines?”

“I’m playing tomorrow." Loras told him. "In the juniors.” He added reluctantly, knowing that Jaime would find this all too hilarious. 

“Aww.” Jaime laughed. “Still not eighteen yet?” He patted Loras' head like he was a puppy.

“I am eighteen.” Loras protested, indignantly pulling away from Jaime's hand. “But it’s done on what year I was born, not my actual age.” This was something he'd spent more than a little bit of time arguing with officials over. He was easily good enough to play in the men's singles, something every single one of the officials had admitted, and yet _rules were rules_ he'd been told. There were to be no exceptions.  

Jaime laughed. “Of course that's how it's done. How could I forget?" He laughed and scratched his head, his blonde hair flopping over his forehead. "Oh yes, I know. Those rules weren’t in place when I was your age. That let me be the youngest player to win Wimbledon of course.” He gave a sly smile. “And now nobody can beat my record. Not that anybody would.”

Loras scowled. “Well it’s not my fault I’m not allowed to play.” 

“Of course not.” Jaime laughed and got to his feet. “So come on then, let’s see you in action.” He helped himself to one of Loras' tennis rackets and inspected it. "Not so bad. Though I loathe other people's rackets." 

Loras frowned. “I thought you couldn’t play anymore.”

Jaime shrugged. “I'm on my twelth operation now and some surgeons can work small wonders." He twirled Loras' racket gingerly round in his hand, testing its weight. "I’ll never win a grand slam again, but I can have a knock about with the likes of you.”

Loras raised an eyebrow. "The likes of me?" That sealed it and he got to his feet, prepared to beat Jaime Lannister to a pulp ruthlessly, irregardless of the fact that it was never going to be a fair match. That was a shame though, he thought, and part of him hated Jaime Lannister for messing up his hand. He wanted to beat him at his best,  he wanted people to know that he was better than Jaime Lannister had ever been. Now, sadly, he'd never be able to prove that.

Jaime served, necessarily, Loras thought, as Jaime would never have been able to return his by any strech of the imagination. And whilst Jaime was right about him never winning a grand slam again, Loras was grudgingly able to appreciate just how great he had once been. His shots had no power, but they were effortlessly accurate, the ball going excactly where Jaime intended it to go. And he certainly knew how to make Loras’ life extremely difficult, Loras had to admit, repeatedly sending him the most awkward shots possible. And whilst Loras had been determined to just smash him into the ground, he just about managed to restrain himself. They had attracted quite a crowd, unsurprising, seeing as Jaime had officially given up all professional tennis three years ago, and Loras didn't want to forever be seen as the player who took advantage of an injured guy who couldn't fight back. Image was just as important as skill here and so he gritted his teeth and deigned not to put any power behind his shots either.

They got a decent volley going in spite of Jaime's hand and yet the man himself laughed after about ten minutes and caught the ball with his left hand, bouncing it a couple of times before walking up to the net and handing him back his racket. “Not bad.” He commented. 

Loras raised an eyebrow. As if that was something he didn’t know already. “So?” He asked sarcastically. “Do I stand a chance tomorrow?”

Jaime laughed and glanced over to where a couple of the other juniors were standing watching them. “You’ll steamroller them.” He said under his breath. He then smirked. “You’d probably steamroller most of the big boys too." He sighed, fake concern etched all over his face. "It's just _such_ a shame you're still stuck in the kiddies pool isn't it?"

Loras just rolled his eyes and walked off the court, a little irritated when Jaime seemed insistent on following him still. 

“I got asked about you in an interview the other day," He said conversationally as they walked alongside the courts. "-asked what I thought of the up and coming Loras Tyrell. The wonderkid.”

“And?” Loras kept on walking.

Jaime smirked. “I told them that I thought you were tolerable enough, save for the fact that you’re disgustingly loud in bed and have a silly fondness for men who treat you badly.”

Loras stopped in his tracks and whipped round to face him. “You didn’t?”

“Nah.” Jaime grinned and Loras let out the breath he'd been holding. “I think the media would go a little crazy if they found out that their up and coming young whippersnapper had by coincidence practically shared a house with me for a year.” He clapped Loras on the shoulder. "Let's keep that little bit of info to ourselves shall we?" 

“So what did you tell them then?"

Jaime smirked. “That your backhands suck."

Loras just rolled his eyes. At that moment his phone buzzed. It was a welcome distraction and he smiled to see that it was the guy who'd asked for his number this morning, following up on his offer of drinks.

“Who’s the guy?”” Jaime asked. 

Loras scowled. "Do you have to read over my shoulder?"

Jaime shrugged. "Nope. But I can." He laughed. "So who is he?" He dropped his voice. "You're not sleeping with the umpire are you?"

"No." Loras scoffed. Even if it was possible to fix his own victories, he hardly needed it. 

"The ball boys?"

"No." Loras narrowed his eyes at him. “He’s a guy I’m going for a drink with. Nothing more and nothing less. Now get your nose out of my business.”

“French?” Jaime sighed fondly and ran his hand through his hair. "I used to love french girls. They could never get over my name. They used to hold big signs with _J'aime Jaime_ on it. Quite clever right?"

Loras rolled his eyes. “He's American.”

“Rebound off Renly?”

Loras hesitated and tried to ignore Jaime's triumphant grin. He was surprised actually that they'd managed to get this far _without_ explicitly mentioning Renly. Still, that didn't mean he found it easy to talk about him. Somehow, one whole year on and it was still a sore subject. "No." He sighed. "The rebound was the last one."

Jaime laughed. “Glad to see you took my advice then. Did it work?”

Loras shrugged. “I guess.” He said, wishing that that was as true as he'd like it to be. If actual truth be told, that relationship had been a complete disaster. He'd spent his time persistently comparing him to Renly, dismissing the poor guy as less funny, less attractive, not worth his time. The only good part of the relationship had been when it ended, very aimiably and on very mutual terms.

He sighed and leant back against the fence. "So...?" He asked. "How is he? Renly, I mean."

"I see that rebound worked so well." Jaime remarked dryly. 

Loras just rolled his eyes. Jaime was right, but even if he had been completely over Renly, he reckoned there would be nothing wrong with inquiring about the well being of an old friend. 

"He's fine." Jaime consented to tell him. "Gone a bit crazy with how many guys he's screwing right now. But I guess you did't want to know that part?"

Loras sighed. "Renly can sleep with whoever the fuck he likes." That was true, Loras thought. He wasn't in Renly's life anymore and nor did he didn't want to be. If anything, the fact that Renly was screwing his way through London made it easier to want to keep it that way. It would have been a thousand times harder, he reckoned, to learn that Renly was settled, committed to someone in the way that he had downright refused to Loras. 

"But he's happy?" Loras pressed. Somehow, he just had to know that. After all the pain Renly had caused him, the thought that Renly might not be happy still struck a nerve. He thought it unlikely though, Renly wasn't the type to be unhappy. He had a lust for life, he just liked to smile. 

"And why would you care?" Jaime asked.

Loras shrugged. "I'm curious is all." 

"Lies." Jaime laughed. "You care."

"Fine." Loras snapped. "I care. Big deal." He sighed. "So what? Is he happy or not?"

Jaime shrugged, leaning casually against the wire fence that was supposed to keep stray tennis balls under control. "I've no idea. Seems happy enough, but Renly would never admit he wasn't to me. And Brienne wouldn't spill."

Loras sighed. "Are things at least better with his family? With his parents?" He still didn't think he'd ever seen anything as sad as someone spending Christmas by themselves rather than going home, something Renly had done twice in the time that he'd known him. 

Jaime raised an eyebrow. "His parents?" He frowned. "Renly told you he doesn't get on with them?" 

Loras shrugged. "Not exactly I guess. But he never phoned home, never went home either. I assumed as much." Come to think of it, he supposed, Renly had never really mentioned his family at all. Occasionally he'd brought up his brothers, but that was about it. A toddler could have deduced that Renly didn't get on well with his parents.

Jaime sighed and flicked his hair out of his face. "Wow..." he exhaled. "Seriously?"

Loras' brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" He joined Jaime in leaning against the fence. 

Jaime's face softened ever so slightly. He sighed. "You mean to tell me that you spent almost every day with Renly for a year and he never told you that both his parents are dead?"

"What?" Loras just looked at him, a lump coming to his throat.

"Mmm hmm." Jaime laughed wryly. "Both of them. In a car crash. When Renly was about one."

Loras didn't say anything, just stared at his hands a little bewilderedly as he waited for Jaime's words to sink in.

It took a while and Loras leant back heavily against the fence as he wondered miserably what it was like to grow up without parents. Just thinking about losing one of his own was unbearable, to think about Renly losing _both_ , well didn't know how to process that information. He felt more than a little conflicted. A large part of him wanted to lash out at Renly even though he wasn't here, for keeping him the dark, for shutting him out even though he'd always insisted they were friends, and yet the fact that he was even thinking those thoughts consumed him with guilt. Renly was an orphan and here he was feeling hurt because Renly hadn't shared that with him. 

Looking a little shakily up at Jaime, he bit back a sigh. For all these years he'd thought Renly estranged from his parents, that he'd fallen out with them. Now he supposed that he understood why Renly had ended up in boarding school. Perhaps he even understood why Renly just hadn't seen that he cared about him. 

"It was a real tragedy," Jaime continued. "They crashed on their own road, seconds from home whilst their kids watched out of the window." Jaime raised an eyebrow at his expression. "Sad, I know. And here you've been, wondering why he's so messed up."

“Does he remember? Seeing it I mean?” Loras hoped for his sake that he didn't.

“You know what, I asked him that very question, when he was about fifteen, sixteen maybe. And he told me that yes he did, he remembered a flash of green light and somebody laughing, and that he’d tell me more but he had to go clean out his cupboard under the stairs.”

Loras rolled his eyes. That was such a Renly thing to do, to make light of anything rather than give a serious answer. “Harry potter right?”

Jaime laughed. “You got it quicker than me. I’ve never read the books, and it wouldn’t have been unlike my sister to put him in the cupboard.”

Loras raised an eyebrow. "I did hear some pretty bad things about your sister." He sighed, still unable to get away from the fact that Renly's parents were dead and he'd never known. "Does Renly not even miss them?" 

Jaime shrugged. "I don't know. Can't miss what you can't remember I guess."

Loras sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Does he miss me?" He asked quietly. "He doesn't have the excuse of not remembering me." It was selfish of him to think like this at such a moment and yet he couldn't help himself. 

"I don't know." Jaime admitted. "He doesn't speak about you."

Loras nodded thickly. It hurt to know that Renly had likely wiped him out of existence, that he didn't even think of him anymore. 

Jaime hesistated. "Me and Brienne, well we're having a sort of get together thing next month, and Renly will be there." He laughed. "You can come if you like?"

Loras began to nod and then shook his head. The offer was so tempting and yet he knew how easy it would be to fall off the wagon, to let himself become obsessed once more with someone who would probably do nothing but reject him time and time again and again until he finally learned. Renly's parents being dead didn't change anything. It might help Loras understand him a little better but it wouldn't change the fact that Renly still wouldn't want him. 

"No thank you Jaime." He muttered and made to walk away. He'd come too far to fall now.

 

 July 2015

 

Renly slammed his car door shut and hurried to knock on Brienne's front door, knowing he was a little late and hoping that it wouldn't matter. Brienne's father opened it with a smile though and he didn't seem stressed at all, so Renly assumed that everything was going to plan and that he being five minutes late wasn't going to put a spanner in the works.

Even so, he ran up the stairs two at a time, finding Brienne in her bedroom busy fumbling with the buttons on the back of her bodice. She looked more than a little awkward in her white gown and he knew that if Brienne had had her way, she’d have probably got married in her usual jeans and t shirt combo. Tradition was tradition though and so despite her masculine frame she had the usual white dress on with dainty little white shoes to match on her hoof like feet.

Brienne had rejected the idea of having her own stylist and make up artist for the day, and whilst she'd evidently tried to do her best with her close cropped straw locks herself, she hadn't achieved much at all. She'd tried to pin it in some kind of style, but to no avail. She had managed to cover her freckles with make up though and Renly thought she actually looked quite radiant as she stood in front of her bedroom mirror still fiddling with her buttons. 

Renly laughed and slapped her hands away from the buttons before she broke them. "Let me do it."

Brienne smiled and let her hands drop to the side. "You're late." She commented. "I knew you would be."

"Am I?" Renly grinned at her in the mirror as he did up the last button. "Cut me some slack. The Victoria line wasn't running, and then I couldn't find my car in my road and then there was loads of traffi-"

Brienne laughed. "It doesn't matter." She picked up her bouquet and looked at it solemnly. "I chose the blue ones." She admitted gravely. "Jaime's sister told me to choose the pink."

Renly grinned. "Fuck what Cersei thinks. It's your wedding, not hers." For months now, Brienne had had people on all sides telling her what she ought to choose and how she ought to do things. And in place of the mother-in-law from hell, Brienne had been cursed with the sister-in-law from hell. Unhappy with the fact that she hadn't been able to prevent the wedding altogether, Cersei had made it her life's mission to domineer over the arrangements. Everything Brienne wanted was dismissed as tacky or cheap, and more often than not she'd flat-out overruled her, giving her own orders to the church and to the venue, telling them that it was going to be down her way.

Brienne nodded. "Yes." She agreed. "And Jaime will like the blue."

"He will." Renly grinned and kissed her on the cheek,. “You still wish it was me though right?” 

Brienne blushed and looked down at the floor. She shook her head though as if Renly had asked a serious question.

“I’m joking.” Renly laughed. “I get it, Jaime is your heart’s desire, your light in the dark, your reason for liv-” He shut up when Brienne clamped her hand over his mouth. 

She smiled as she released him. “Please Renly, just be quiet. For once in your life.”

“Fine fine.” Renly grinned and glanced at his phone. "There's still time to fix your hair I reckon." One by one, he began removing the thousands of hairpins Brienne seemed to have stuck randomly into her hair. 

"What experience do you have with hairpins?" She mumbled. 

"None whatsoever." Renly admitted. "But I have vision." Laughing, he swept her frige off her face and pinned it in place, stepping back to admire his handiwork. Granted, Brienne would never be what you'd call _pretty_ , but now she didn't look like she'd been dragged backwards through a hedge full of hairpins either. 

Smiling at her, he gave her one last hug, and smoothed down her skirts for her. “Come on then," He said. "Let's see if you can avoid creasing your dress in the car." Doubtful, he figured. Brienne would probably stumble over her train at least three times getting down the stairs, let alone getting all the way to the church. Still, he'd agreed to help her and that was what he was going to do.

 .......................

It didn't take long for them to get to t he church and Renly left Brienne outside with her bridesmaids, a girl from Brienne's course who had Myrcella's hand firmly in hers. Tommen too was hanging around as the wedding's only page boy and Renly had to admit that he looked more than a little cute despite how much of a bitch his mother was. Renly supposed that he could only be thankful that Joffrey meanwhile had considered himself too old for such things, for which Renly would be eternally grateful. Renly could only begin to imagine how well Joffrey would have been able to ruin the service if he'd put his mind to it.

Jaime was at the front of the church with his brother and Renly gave him a grin as he chose a seat, smirking at him as he decisively chose the bride's side. He'd known Jaime for far longer, and Robert was sitting of course on that side, but it was Brienne he was really here for. And anyway, this would be decent retribution, Renly thought, for the fact that Jaime had spent the past four months trying to convince Brienne that Renly would make a better flower girl than Myrcella. 

He was willing to bury the hatchet today though and Renly resolved that he would be nice to Jaime even if he did make continuous quips later about how their niece had been missing a flower girl partner in crime.

Smiling, he glanced around. They'd chosen a rather small church and yet it looked very pretty, Renly had to admit, even despite his lack of imput as a flower girl. There were wreaths woven around the ends of each pew and Jaime of course made up for any elegance his bride lacked. His suit was impeccably well cut and he looked ridiculously handsome in it even if Renly loathed to acknowledge it. 

Everyone shushed then and Renly heard the doors swing open as they announced the arrival of the bride. He twisted round in his seat to watch. He'd waited four months to see this.

Brienne looked beyond nervous and Renly smiled at her as best as he could even though he had to admit though that this was the strangest wedding he'd ever attended. Brienne wasn't wearing heels and yet Renly knew that when she reached the altar she would still stand a good four or five inches above her groom. In sharp contrast, the best man only came up to the middle of Jaime's chest and yet Tyrion looked cool as a cucumber as he stood next to his brother awaiting his bride.

Cersei had called it a _freakshow of a wedding_ , the only outburst of hers that had actually made Brienne cry in the run up to the ceremony, and yet despite how odd Brienne, Jaime and Tyrion looked standing next to each other, Renly had to think that it was one of the nicest weddings he'd ever witnessed. It was certainly more of a genuine wedding than Cersei's had ever been, and as Jaime and Brienne repeated their vows to each other, Jaime looking up and Brienne looking down, for the first time Renly felt rather quite envious of what they had. The church was full of people and yet Brienne and Jaime clearly only had eyes for each other. They seemed caught up in each other's gaze and Renly imagined that it would be impossible to ever feel lonely if you had someone who looked at you how Jaime was looking at Brienne right now.

Renly smiled to himself wryly as Jaime kissed the bride. For such a long time, he'd thought that he'd never wanted anything like Jaime and Brienne had, and yet looking at them now, he was sure that he'd been wrong. Somehow, there seemed something incredible safe about the way they were looking at each other, like it was them against the world and like no-one could change that. Brienne's whole face had lit up and she had Jaime's hands in her own large ones, and despite the fact that she was both wider and taller than him, they looked so right together, so happy.

Just looking at them made Renly feel so terribly alone. He was only twenty two going on twenty three and yet everyone he knew seemed to be coupling off, inviting each other to dinners where almost everyone had a significant other to come with them even if they were only dates they'd found for the evening. And whilst he had a ridiculously long list of people now that he could call to come spend the night with him, he had no-one to invite to that sort of thing, even if the idea didn't still slightly terrify him. 

Sighing, he turned back to staring at the wedded couple. Brienne was about to throw her bouquet now and she was hovering, the offending blue bunch of flowers clutched in her hand. Renly could see Jaime whispering in her ear and he groaned when he saw Jaime point enthusiastically in his direction. Thankfully, though, Brienne looked disapproving and she shook her head in her usual manner. "He'd hate it" He saw her mouth.

Face set and feet planted firmly apart, Brienne tossed the bouquet in Myrcella's direction who promptly blushed and held it tightly in both hands.

...............

 Renly felt more in his element at the reception and he was knocking back the champagne when he saw Jaime ambling towards him, evidently seeking some relief from the dozens of people who were attempting to congratulate him. Brienne, he saw, on the other hand was fully engrossed in a conversation with her old school friends. 

Renly smiled at him. "Congratulations. It was a lovely ceremony. You looked so happy together." He said, using as many cliches as possible just to piss him off a little.

Jaime grinned. "Why thank you." He plonked himself down on the chair next to Renly's. "And yes, it was a lovely ceremony wasn't it? I have to admit. I was rather surprised that Brienne didn't trip over her own feet or tear her dress, but I was pleasantly surprised."

Renly laughed. "You and me both."

"Speaking of you, you’ll never guess who I saw the other day.” Jaime reached over and stole Renly's glass of champagne, sipping it absent-mindledly.

Renly rolled his eyes and decided to let him have it. “Who?”

Jaime put down his drink. “Loras Tyrell. At the French Open."

“Oh.” Renly sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He had no desire really to talk about Loras, not now when just the sight of Brienne and Jaime looking so happy together made him feel more lonely than usual. He'd gone a good while now without thinking about him and he'd have liked it to stay that way. He'd realised quite sometime ago now that there was a definite correlation between how often he thought about Loras and how decidedly shit he felt. 

Jaime raised an eyebrow. "Is that all you're going to say?"

Renly sighed. “Is he well?” He asked lamely.

“He’s alright.” Jaime said. “Shacking up with some American dude now."

Renly gave a weak smile. "How lovely for him." He said quietly. He supposed he should be happy that Loras had found someone else. After all, that's what he'd wanted for him when they'd parted, he'd hoped that Loras would move on and find someone who could make him happy in a way Renly simply couldn't. Unsurprisingly though, Jaime's news brought him no pleasure. He stared at his champagne glass as images he didn't want to see ran through his head. Loras with his legs wrapped round some other guy's waist, with a stranger's hands knotted in his almost wild curls, Loras kissing somebody else. It was strange, Renly thought, he hadn't so much as laid eyes on Loras for over a year now and yet he could still picture him as if it were yesterday. He sighed. God, that boy had been beautiful, Renly thought to himself. Beautiful and kind, and so very very lovely. 

"I asked him to come tonight actually." Jaime commented.

"You did?" Renly looked round hopefully. He was sure that he'd had noticed already if Loras had been here but even so he scanned the surrounding tables, hoping that he'd missed him. He had no idea what he'd say to him and yet even so the idea of actually seeing him sent a thrill down his spine. 

"He didn't want to come." Jaime admitted.

"Oh." Renly stopped his frantic searching and returned to staring at his champagne glass, embarrassment creeping into his cheeks. Of course Loras wouldn't have wanted to come, he admitted to himself sadly. The last time they'd seen each other, Loras had ended up sobbing into his shoulder before he'd then crept out without saying goodbye. It was hardly like Loras would have any remote desire to see him again.

He bit back a sigh. He  wished now that Jaime had never told him that he'd seen him. It hurt to know that Loras had outright told Jaime that he didn't want to meet up. 

Jaime sighed after a few moments. "Maybe he was busy." He suggested, swirling his champagne glass.

"Maybe." Renly agreed quietly. He didn't buy it though. Loras had every reason to not want to see him and he couldn't blame him for that. Jaime had told him that night that letting Loras walk out of his life had been foolish and now Renly was inclined to agree with him.

.............

Renly drunk a little more champagne than he intended that night and that was how Brienne found him, sat alone at the table and feeling more than a little sorry for himself.

"Are you ok?" Brienne tapped him on the shoulder and sat down next to him, her gown making a loud ripping noise as she evidently got it caught on the chair leg.

Renly sighed and leant down to free her dress. "Brienne, can I ask you something?"

She smiled. "Yes."

Renly leant his head back on his elbow. "You love Jaime right?" It was a stupid question, he knew. He sincerely _hoped_ she loved Jaime. She had just got married to him after all. 

"Yes." She said simply, reaching out and nudging Renly's champagne glass out of his reach.

"Well how do you _know_ that?" This was a mystery to Renly and it always had been. People talked of love all the time and yet Renly was clueless as to how they realised this. 

She sighed. "I just do."

Renly sighed. It seemed that most people simply did understand these things. It was him who was the odd one out. "And what does it feel like? Loving someone like you love Jaime?"

She hestitated and Renly waited. Brienne wasn't very good with words and yet Renly hoped this meant that she'd explain it to him in language he understood. She wouldn't ramble on with stories of love at first sight and instant chemistry. She'd tell him in the only way she knew how, honestly and practically. 

"It feels like I would do anything for him." She said as she looked down at him solemnly. "And I know he'd do anything for me too." She paused. "And when we're together, I don't think I could ever be happier."

"But isn't that terrifying?" Renly blurted out. "How do you know  that one day he won't just decide to walk out? Not that he's going to." He added hurriedly, realising that this wasn't a topic best suited for a wedding that had just happened. This conversation shouldn't even be happening he thought. Brienne had just got married and here she was listening to him blather on about some rubbish that didn't matter.

Brienne thankfully wasn't offended. "I don't know that he won't. Nobody can ever truly _know_. You just have to trust that they won't."

Renly laughed wryly and put his head in his hands. "What's wrong with me Brienne? Everybody else seems unable to understand this stuff. And what if I never learn to Brienne?" Renly sighed. "I'll end all on my own and be miserable, just like Stannis. He's married and he's still alone and miserable."

She gave a small smile. "You won't. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean you'll end up alone and miserable. I don't think anyone really understands love." She glanced over at Jaime, standing at the bar with his brother. "It doesn't always make perfect sense."

Renly laughed. "That's because you're in love with Jaime Lannister."

She smiled. "Perhaps." 

Renly sighed. "I envy you Brienne. You look so happy together. And it comes so naturally to you." He ran a hand through his hair. "Why do I feel like I have to be taught all this stuff?"

"It'll come." She told him simply.

"But how?" Renly groaned. "I've no-one to teach me."

She shrugged. "What do you think Loras spent all of our final year trying to do?"

Renly sighed. "Well if that's what he was trying to do, then he failed miserably. He told me he loved me and I told him to get lost."

Brienne shrugged once more. "I don't think he failed that badly actually." She patted Renly's hand and stood up, heading back over to her husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if you hate it, you have to be nice today as it's my 21st birthday :) (so going to be less boring than the one I envisioned for Renly- definitely needed his and Margaery's party planning skills!) Also, preferences please. Do you want me to finish this (3 chapters to go) or alternate chapters with Golden? One rose for another is on hiatus for a bit. Please don't hate me :D


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right... So I've spent a very long time staring at this and trying to work out where to chop it in half, and I failed miserably. So here you go, enjoy what, at 10,000 words, happens to be the longest chapter I've ever written.

 

  
December 2015

 

Renly didn't complain when one of his co-workers insisted on shoving a sparkly pair of reindeer antlers on his head. It was Friday and glancing over at the rest of the group, it seemed that everyone else had been made to look just as festive. Some were in Christmas hats, some had tinsel halos, others merely had fake holly draped round them. There was a lot of variation. What didn't vary, however, was quite how ridiculous they looked; a group of city lawyers sitting together at a table in a pub, all still in their exquisitely tailored suits and yet all sporting very interesting headwear. 

He was in a good mood. It was nearing the end of the year and Renly quite honestly couldn't wait to have a tiny bit of a break from work. He wasn't actually taking any of his allocated holiday, someone needed to work over the festive period and seeing as he had nowhere to be, he supposed it might as well be him, and yet even so, he'd get three days at Christmas and one at New Year.

And to top it off, it had been his turn to choose the pub for their after-work drinks for a change, and of course he had chosen the one nearest to his flat. It would be his turn too now to laugh at his drunken co-workers as they did their best to get on the tube at closing time. He, meanwhile, would saunter back the five hundred metres or so to his road and the only obstacle would be figuring out enough co-ordination to unlock his door and get himself up the stairs. 

He managed too to dodge buying the first round and he laughed as one of his female colleagues, a girl named Jeyne who was a rather useless PA, reluctantly got up and reached for her purse. 

They had a good time whilst waiting for their drinks, and for once, they even managed to avoid talking about work. Renly supposed that it was because it was Christmas and so everyone really would rather talk about their seasonal plans than about the stacks of paperwork that they'd all left on their desks. And whilst he was happy enough to hear about what everyone was planning to do, he did his best to avoid being asked about his own plans, or lack thereof he supposed he ought to say. 

He was almost relieved when he saw Jeyne returning, balancing a tray laden with beers on her arm and yet looking more than a little put out.

"No luck then Jeyne?" One of the new interns laughed as she sat down. He grinned when she evidently tried to pretend she had no idea what he was talking about. "Don't lie. I saw you trying to chat up those two guys at the bar. Rejection hurts eh?"

She rolled her eyes. "One's married and the other one flat out told me he's gay." She grinned wickedly and Renly sighed dramatically as all of the group immediately turned towards him, as they always did without fail whenever this topic came up.

"I think Renly should buy the next round." She insisted, turning to him too. "What was it you were complaining about loudly at lunch? How you haven't got laid for a grand total of _three_ days?"  
  
Renly laughed and let the guy next to him high five him. "Four days actually." He said. He turned back to Jeyne. "Was he hot?" 

She sighed deeply. "Yes." She set the beers down on the table. "Why is it that the handsome ones always turn out to be gay?"

Renly grinned, lounging back against the back of his chair. "It is hard I admit. But I make do." He ducked her slap and stole a beer off the tray, drinking deeply. He hoped that Jeyne was right. The last couple of guys he'd slept with hadn't been all that hot at all, they'd been a considerable drop in his standards. If he played his cards right here, though, then he reckoned he'd have a pretty decent chance of getting some tonight. He knew he was hot and it was Christmas, everyone wanted a decent shag at Christmas.

Laughing, he took off his reindeer antlers. Even looking like he did, he figured that it was unlikely he was going to pull in those. 

He was forced out of his seat as soon as he'd finished his beer and he headed over to the bar. It didn't take him long to locate the two guys Jeyne had tried to hit on. They were sat at the bar with their backs to him and they seemed to be having a good time. Edging closer to them, Renly snuck glances at them as he waited to be served. Courtesy of a very obvious wedding ring, he quickly worked out which one was the married one, and he thanked his lucky stars when he saw that it was the other one who was the real looker of the two of them. Oddly, he vaguely reminded Renly of someone and yet in the dim lighting Renly couldn't quite put his finger on it. 

He shrugged. He was quite clearly hot and so Renly supposed it didn't really matter who he had a vague resemblance to. 

Grinning, he leant over slightly and got the guy's attention. "Hey," He started. "You turned my friend over there down, but I was wondering if I could potentially get you a drink?"

The guy evidently wasn't in the habit of getting drinks bought for him as he looked more than a little taken aback at Renly's offer and cocked his head to the side. Slowly, he raised an eyebrow. “You don’t recognise me do you?” He said flatly.

Renly peered a little closer and came up blank still. He shrugged. "Should I?"

"Yes." Was the disdainful reply. 

That tone of voice was instantly recognisable and Renly just stared at him in shock for a few seconds. "Loras?" He ventured.

Renly still had trouble believing it even when he nodded, and yet looking at him now, it was quite evidently Loras, just without his most recognisable feature. “What have you done to your hair?!” He blurted out without thinking. 

Loras’ other eyebrow shot up. “Nice to see you too.” He muttered and with that he turned back to his drink. 

Renly wanted to kick himself. He could barely go a day without somehow managing to end up thinking of Loras and now he was in front of him and he'd just outright insulted him.  “I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” He insisted hurriedly, talking to Loras' shoulder now. “It looks nice.” 

Loras sighed and looking like it took great effort, turned back towards Renly. "Thank you." He said. Behind him the other guy was watching them very curiously, sipping his drink with an amused sort of lopsided grin playing at his face. He had the curly hair Loras now lacked, and so Renly supposed this must be one of the brothers that he'd refused to meet, an awkward situation if Renly had ever seen one.

Renly's beers arrived then and yet he hung there at the bar little awkwardly, holding out for Loras to say something else. When he didn't, Renly plucked up the courage himself. "So," He asked as casually as he could manage. "It's been a while. How have you been?"

Loras’ expression softened slightly and yet he still seemed in no mood for a chat. “Renly,” He said, sighing deeply. “It’s been a year and a half. Can we not pretend now that you have any interest in my life? ”

“Oh.” Renly couldn’t help exhaling a little disappointedly. “Alright then.” Taking his tray of beers, he shuffled away, trying not to let on quite how much Loras’ remark stung. He'd often wondered how it would play out if he'd ran into Loras out of the blue one day and that sort of exchange certainly hadn't been what he'd imagined.

Biting back a sigh, he turned back towards his colleagues. He'd clearly already outstayed his welcome. 

 

 

............

 

"Well you were terribly rude." Garlan commented once Renly had disappeared into the crowd of people. "What was all that about?"

Loras sighed. Of all things he had been expecting when he came to visit Garlan and Leonette's new house, bumping into Renly had not been one of them. He put his head in his hands. "That," He said, "was Renly." 

Garlan's eyebrows shot up into his hair and he peered in the direction Renly had just disappeared in, evidently trying to spot him amongst all the other customers. "Well he wasn't what I was expecting at all." He remarked. 

"No?" Loras picked his drink back up and swallowed a large mouthful. "What were you expecting then?"

"Someone who looked more like a typical jerk?" 

Loras laughed wryly. "Was it me who called him that?" He supposed it could have been. "But nah he's not your obvious jerk, just so much of a commitment phobe that it makes him inevitably act like one." Sometimes, he rather wished Renly genuinely hadn't been very nice. That way, his attempts to forget all about him and move on with his life would have been much more successful. 

Garlan laughed. "Then why were you so harsh?"

Loras sighed. He supposed he had been a lot harsher than Renly really deserved. “I don't know?" He admitted. "I guess it's just that if I sit here talking to him, and he buys me a drink, then I know I'll let myself remember everything that I Ioved about him." He sipped his drink miserably. "And I can’t do that Garlan. I just can't. Being rude seemed the better option."

Garlan nodded unusually solemnly and placed a hand on Loras' shoulder. "You want to go home?" 

Loras shrugged. "Nah. I'm not going to let him spoil our night." He had a feeling that he already had let Renly do just that, though. Just seeing him was bringing memories flooding back, some of which made him smile and others which made him want to cringe painfully with embarrassment as he remembered how young and desperate he must have seemed to Renly in their final couple of hours together. Mainly, though, he just felt an overwhelming sense of regret, over how that last night had gone and how things had eventually turned out between them.

"You sure?" Garlan pressed. He wasn't near as perceptive as either Margaery or Willas, and yet he could still evidently tell that Loras was more than a little unsettled right now. 

Loras put his head in his hands. "No?" He admitted, draining his drink as if it might make him suddenly feel better, or at least forget that Renly was less than ten feet from him. "Every bone in my body wants to run after him, Garlan." 

"Then do." Garlan offered with a smile.  
  
Loras just sighed. This was why he always asked Margaery for advice instead of Garlan. Miserably, he twisted round on his stool. Unlike Garlan, he found he could pick out Renly instantly, even though he had his back to him. He was sitting near the door with a large group who equally looked like they'd come straight from work. Somebody had put reindeer antlers on his head and he looked ridiculous. Even so, Loras longed to be over there with him, for Renly to be holding his hand under the table like he always had done in his daydreams. 

Ignoring Garlan's amused smile, he allowed himself to stare for a little while. Just a little while, he promised himself, and then he would go back to pretending that Renly didn't exist. 

 

 

 …………..

 

As embarrassing as it was being evidently turned down as all of his colleagues looked on, that wasn't what bothered Renly. As much as he tried to tell himself that it was probably for the best that he and Loras hadn't had a chit chat over a drink or two, he didn't even succeed in half heartedly convincing himself of this fact. 

He only lasted another half an hour trying to pretend that he was still in good spirits and once he'd finished his next drink, he got to his feet. “I’m going home.” He muttered to his nearest co-worker as shrugged on his jacket, ignoring their protests that the night was still young. He'd been a fool to think that he could even pretend to sit there as happily as anything whilst Loras was merely a few feet away from him. He was a fool too to think that he could even try to pretend that he didn't care.

It was freezing out and Renly wrapped his jacket round him as tightly as possible as he made his way out. He'd been counting on being drunk enough not to notice the cold by the time he left, and yet here he was, having only made it to half ten in the evening and still stone cold sober. 

He was just reaching the corner of his street when he heard a familiar voice calling him back, though. Refusing to get his hopes up, he spun around. 

“Wait.” Loras called, his voice almost drowned out by the passing cars and buses. He wasn’t wearing a jacket and he was shivering in the December air. “I’ll have that drink.” He said as he came to a stop, thrusting his hands in his pockets as if that might help him keep warm. “If you’re still offering?”

Renly hesitated, torn between wanting to hurry on back home and flinging his arms around him. “Don’t feel you have to.” He muttered as Loras got closer. “I understand why you might not want to see me.” Even if he hadn't figured out a few of his mistakes on his own, Brienne had gone over everything he'd done wrong where Loras was concerned more than once. 

Loras shrugged and came a little closer, stopping when he was a couple of feet away from him. “It’s Christmas Renly." He said quietly, his breath turning to frost in the cold night's air. "Let’s not talk about the past.” 

Renly gave him a small smile. He could see the reflections of the Street's Christmas lights in Loras' eyes and it was almost enough to fool him into thinking that it was something he should be looking forward to. He sighed to himself as Loras continued to smile back at him. He'd had so much he'd wanted to say to him and yet now that he was here in front of him, he could only stare silently at him. His memory didn't do him justice and even without the curls that he had loved, Renly was quite sure that Loras was beyond perfect.

Eventually Loras broke the silence. "Where were you going?" He asked, taking a hesitant step towards him, his hands still deep in his pockets. 

"Home." Renly breathed. He hoped it wasn't obvious that it was Loras' who'd made him want to return there.

Loras raised an eyebrow. "Because of me?" 

Renly sighed. "I guess." He admitted. Even after all this time, it seemed that Loras still had that uncanny ability to pick up on what he was thinking. "So," He said, almost letting himself reach out and touch him. Resisting, he looked Loras up and down, biting back a sigh when he saw that Loras was still doing his best not to shiver. "Come here," He mumbled, shrugging off his jacket and slinging it round Loras' shoulders. "You must be frozen."

Loras rolled his eyes and yet indulged him, even shrugging his arms into the sleeves for him. He waited until Renly had finished smoothing down the collar before speaking. "So," He said. "Where is home for you nowadays?" He smiled when Renly pointed vaguely down the road. "Can I invite myself round?" 

Renly searched his gaze, trying to work out whether Loras had just suggested they hook up for the night, or whether he was just hoping that that was what he was suggesting. He didn't really know what he wanted from Loras and yet he knew he wanted that. He'd always want that. Anyone in their right mind would want that.

"Just for a catch up." Loras added as if he knew what was running through his mind. "And that drink you promised me."

Renly nodded. Part of him was disappointed; he wanted to fuck him so badly it almost hurt. With Loras, though, he was more than prepared to take anything he could get. And if Loras wanted to sit at his kitchen table and ended up letting Renly do nothing than stare at him, then Renly was still going to be grateful. 

 

 

…………

 

Despite what Loras had insisted, they only made it into his hall before Loras’ hands were around his waist and Renly’s hands were in his hair, the two of them entwined together as Renly's hands tried to knot in curls that weren’t there anymore. Sighing, Renly pushed him gently up against the wall, sliding his hand further into Loras' hair regardless and forgetting how to breathe as Loras' lips parted under his.

This hadn't been what Loras had wanted five minutes ago and yet Renly wasn't about to question it. Loras' hands were deliciously warm on his waist even through his shirt and his touch was more familiar than Renly would ever have imagined anyone's touch could be. It was comforting and somehow safe, and Renly found himself torn between wanting to rip Loras' shirt off and wanting simply to put his arms around him and hold him there. Just the brush of Loras' fingers against his skin took him back to a time and a place where everything had seemed so much simpler, a time when he'd been able to come home and not had to worry about what he was going to eat because Loras would worry about it with him, a time where he had hardly ever gone to bed alone, and where he didn't remember being lonely. 

Sighing, he tipped Loras' head back, cupping his chin as he kissed a path down his jaw, Loras' breathing loud in his ear and his pulse pounding erratically under his tongue. This was less familiar. Loras' neck was slightly rough now and as he bit down softly on the sensitive skin there and heard Loras whimper, Renly supposed he'd now missed that last part of Loras growing up. He'd missed him having his first shave, and drinking his first legal drink, missed him leaving school and passing his driving test. He'd probably missed quite a lot. 

And if Loras would let him, he wasn't about to miss anything else. He didn't really know what he was after and yet he knew at the very least that he didn't want Loras to leave. He wanted his best friend back and he wanted that more than anything. 

Loras closed his eyes as Renly lifted his shirt over his head, and Renly exhaled deeply as he ran his hands down Loras' sides, now bare under his fingers. He really was perfect, and Renly wanted to kiss every inch of him, to leave nowhere untouched until he'd memorised Loras' body again. He wanted to do it slowly, to savour how good Loras' skin would feel against his own and to let himself lose himself in memories of how good it had always felt.

Loras, though, appeared to be less patient and his hands were in Renly's hair now, his fingers tugging on the strands with every breath he took. 

His message was clear and Renly could refuse him nothing. Arms around Loras' waist, he guided him to the sofa, his breath hitching as Loras pulled him down on top of him, his hands grappling with the collar on Renly's shirt and his fingers fumbling to loosen his tie. Renly just sighed, shutting his eyes blissfully as Loras abandoned his now undone shirt to slide his fingers under the waistband of Renly's boxers, dipping teasingly lower and lower with every breath Renly took. 

It was clear now exactly where this was going and Renly tugged Loras' hands off him a little reluctantly. “Wait here.” He panted against Loras’ neck. “I’ll be literally five seconds.” He ran up the stairs for the box of condoms, skipping three steps at a time in his haste.

He was true to his word and yet Loras was no longer on the sofa by the time he came back down. He was stood by the door to the hall, midway through putting his shirt back on. “I’ve changed my mind.” He admitted quietly, glancing up at Renly with a rather doleful expression on his face. “This is a mistake. I should never have come here.”

“Oh.” Renly breathed, his heart sinking as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Alright then." He didn’t know what else to say after that so he just buttoned his own shirt up in silence, sitting down on the sofa when he was done. He waited a while, expecting Loras to come and sit down next to him and yet Loras was still standing where he'd left him, fully dressed too now and seemingly without any intention to join him at all.

"I'm sorry." Renly said under his breath. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I thought that's what you wanted."

"It was." Loras admitted, hovering a little awkwardly by the doorway. He stood there for a good few moments before he spoke again. "I should go." He murmured. "Leave you in peace."

Renly leapt to his feet. "Please don't," He said, his voice sounding plaintive even to his own ears. "We don't have to do anything, but please don't leave. Not yet. You've only just arrived." He didn't think he could bear going to bed tonight knowing that Loras had gone home when there was so much left unsaid. For indeed, whilst Renly still wasn't sure quite what he wanted to say to Loras, the fact that he needed to say _something_ to him was evident.

Loras didn't look convinced, though. "I have to get the tube." He said. "It closes soon."

"But I need to talk to you." Renly protested. "Please just hear me out. I'll get you a cab if it's after the tube shuts. Or I'll drive you."

Slowly, Loras nodded, although it took a good few moments before his eyes left the door. 

 

 

……………

 

Renly took him into the kitchen once he'd agreed to stay, pouring him the drink he'd promised him. He told himself that it was to be polite and to avoid the temptation of wanting to fuck him again, and yet really, he knew that he was stalling for time, trying to figure out what he wanted to say before Loras' patience ran out and he left again. He rather wished Brienne were here. She always explained things to him so well and he imagined that she probably had a better idea of what he was after than he himself did.

His hands shook as he poured Loras a glass of wine, and he went through his options as best as he could do alone. What he wanted really, he knew, was for things to simply go back to how they had been before, and yet he knew he couldn't ask that of Loras. He knew that that would be unfair. Loras had always been so kind to him and he didn't want to ever end up hurting him again. Renly supposed it was out of the question anyway, for Loras would never agree to it, and nor should he, Renly thought. He had learnt now that people did not simply come over almost every day and stay the night without wanting a lot more commitment than he'd been willing to give Loras back then.

And commitment was what Loras had really wanted, Renly supposed. And whilst Brienne had told him time and time again that commitment wasn't as scary as it seemed, Renly still wasn't sure. Looking now at Loras, though, all Renly knew for sure was that he didn't want Loras to leave. He wanted things to be how they had before, with Loras and he making dinner together and with him not having to go to bed alone. He wanted to hear Loras laugh again, and see him smile. He'd been happier when Loras was around, and he missed him and all that had come with him more than he'd be able to explain to Loras. 

The fact that he was stalling must have been evident, though, for Loras sighed audibly when Renly remained silent. “You said you had something to say to me." He said. "Well do you or don't you?"

Renly fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves. “Yes." He insisted. "I do."

"Well spit it out then." Loras glanced at the clock at the wall, evidently noting that he'd long missed the last tube now. "What is it you wanted to say to me?"

Renly bit down on his lip. "I'm not sure." He admitted quietly.

"Well that's useful." Loras sighed, draining his glass. "Let's get to the point then. What do you want from me? A shag?"

Renly cringed a little. He sighed deeply once he'd recovered. “I’d be lying if I told you that I haven’t been desperate to fuck you all evening." He admitted. "But no, that’s not what I want." Loras wouldn't stick around just for the two of them to hook up, Renly knew that all too well, and that was what he was desperate for, for Loras to come and spend time with him, to be part of his life again. And he supposed that that definitely required some commitment on his part. The idea made him nervous and yet it unsettled him a lot less than the idea of Loras walking out tonight and him never seeing him again. 

He took a deep breath. “You remember, don't you, what you asked me for that last night we saw each other?"

Loras raised an eyebrow. "I've done my best to erase that night from my memory." He admitted, his cheeks flushing pink slightly. "But yes Renly, of course I remember."

"I said no that night." Renly said. "But, I was thinking, maybe, that we could try now? Give it a go?” It was out now, he'd said it, and he froze, waiting anxiously to see what Loras would say back to him, fidgeting still with anything he could get his hands on. 

To his horror Loras laughed at his words, and it was a hard laugh, not a sound he was used to hearing come out of Loras' mouth at all. “You really do think the world revolves around you Renly." He said bitterly. "It’s been practically two years and you assume I still want that?”

Renly hadn't thought about that. “I guess not.” He muttered, looking miserably down at his hands. He felt embarrassed now. “It was just a thought. Forget about it then."

Loras didn't say anything to that and so Renly continued staring at the table, wondering if he ought to be ashamed of how dirty it was. He then decided he didn't care; Loras had made it quite clear that he was going to leave soon. And now, after being laughed at, Renly thought he'd actually be ready to let Loras leave, if only to spare his own embarrassment. The more he thought about that, though, the more he realised quite how awful it was going to feel tonight, when he was alone in bed and he knew he hadn't really even tried to convince Loras.

He took a deep breath, opening his mouth to speak and risking glancing up. His confidence left him, however, as soon as he saw how impassive Loras' face was. The words caught in his throat and he promptly fell silent again.

"No, go on." Loras prompted and his voice was surprisingly gentle this time, as if he might have regretted laughing at him. 

Renly sighed and swallowed what was left of his pride. "Well, I guess Loras, what I meant to say is that when you left.." He paused, wondering how to phrase how miserable he'd been. "...well it was awful. And I don’t know how I felt about you then, I wish I did, but what I do know is that I missed you. I still do." He admitted as he ran a hand through his hair wearily. "And tonight, well I thought you might let me change my mind about what I told you, that you'd come back if I asked you to." He looked up at Loras hopefully. 

Loras sighed. “So you’ve decided you want me now, now that you’re lonely and you’ve got nobody else?”

Renly shrugged miserably. “I’ve never had anybody else Loras.”

Loras’ face softened and for a moment he looked like he was about to reach out and take Renly's hand. He seemingly thought better of it, though, and instead he sighed, his hand falling limp to his side. “What made you change your mind?” He asked quietly. 

“I don’t know? It sounds terrible but I guess now, seeing Brienne and Jaime settled down together, and all of my friends finding people of their own, I guess I realised I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, and you, well, I’ve never cared about anyone the way I cared about you." He stared longingly at Loras' hand, wishing he could take it. "And I don't know if I felt as strongly as you said you did, but I really did care Loras. I did."

Loras stared at him a little sadly for a few moments. “You’ve never cared about anyone the way you cared about me.” He repeated blankly, Renly's own words echoing back to him across the table. “I hate to break it to you Ren, but I left your house for the last time on the Wednesday and it was my birthday on the Saturday. You never even sent me a card.”

Renly bit back a sigh. He'd debated about whether that was cruel at the time. He supposed all he could tell Loras now, though, was the truth. “I didn’t want to toy with you, Loras." He admitted, not really having the courage to look him in the eye when he said that. "I couldn’t give you what you wanted, so I figured it best to leave you be. Now, though," He raised his gaze nervously to Loras' face. "Now, I want to try." He waited anxiously for a few seconds. "If you'll let me?" 

Loras was still for a good few moments and then he sighed, running a hand over his short hair and looking very tired all of a sudden. “I can’t.” He said eventually. “ _Try_ isn’t good enough Renly. You’re asking me to forget the fact that you haven’t so much as texted me in almost two years and put everything on the line for you.” He tilted his face up towards Renly’s, his expression earnest, honesty in his voice. “I have no way of telling you how much it hurt last time. I can’t go through all that again.”

Renly wished he could do better than promising to try, and yet he knew he couldn't, not without lying. “I’ll try hard?” He offered. 

Loras laughed a little sadly. “I'm sure you would, Renly. But I just can't be sure that next week you won’t run a mile.” He reached out again and this time he did take Renly's hand, turning it over in his palms as he'd often used to. "I'm sorry, Renly. And I'm glad you asked me, but I just can't. Not now."

Slowly, Renly nodded, staring down at his hand in Loras' a little miserably. Those words, as much as they hurt, he could understand fully well, for it was something he feared as well. Loras was right, he knew. How could Renly expect Loras to trust him on this, to trust that he wouldn't change his mind when Renly didn't even trust himself? 

Neither of them spoke for a good while, until eventually Loras dropped Renly's hand a little awkwardly. "I should call myself a cab." He said. "Let you go to bed."

Renly shrugged. Despite everything Loras had said, he still didn't want him to leave. "Could we try for friends instead then?" He asked in a last ditch effort. "Do what we used to without the sex?" It would be torture and yet Renly thought it would be better than nothing. 

Loras, though, shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea." And with that got to his feet, the sound of the chair scraping against the floor echoing loudly throughout Renly's kitchen.

"Then just give me one day then." Renly protested a little desperately. "You accused me earlier of not giving a fuck about your life now. But I do. I want to hear about what you've done, who you've seen. I want to hear about everything Loras." His words caught in his throat as he thought back to just quite how much he must have missed in Loras' life these last two years and quite how little he'd have to tell Loras about his own. "Please, Loras, stay, let me take you out for breakfast tomorrow. For old time's sake if nothing else?" 

Loras sighed. "Is that code for let me fuck you one last time?" 

"No." Renly shook his head miserably. He couldn't blame Loras for assuming that that was what he wanted and yet he wanted to nonetheless. "You can even take my bed if you like, Loras. I'll stay down here. I won't bother you." He didn't think he'd be able to sleep anyway tonight. He had too much on his mind, too much to feel embarrassed about.

Hesitantly, Loras shrugged. "Fine." He agreed, getting out his phone to text someone. "But for old time's sake and nothing else."

 

 

…….

 

Loras found Renly's bedroom easily. Renly had left the light on and the drawer that he evidently kept his condoms in was still open. 

Loras shut it with a dull thump, noting from the amount of boxes in there that either Renly was desperate to save money by buying in bulk or that Jaime Lannister had not been mincing his words when he’d said Renly was screwing his way through London. He wondered now if he'd been silly to not opt for a quick shag with Renly, if only indeed for old time's sake. He thought not, though. It would have undoubtedly been good, very good, and yet Loras didn't think he'd have been able to bear it, being that close to Renly and yet knowing that he'd decided to walk away from him tonight.

It was ironic, he supposed, that what Renly had ended up saying to him tonight had been exactly what Margaery had predicted he would say, all that time ago when he'd been about to turn seventeen. She'd been right after all, just a little out with the time frame, and now, Loras found himself torn over words which he knew he'd have rejoiced over if Renly had simply said them eighteen months ago.

He sighed and sat down on the bed, kicking off his shoes miserably. Renly had changed his duvet cover since he’d known him and yet a lot about his room was still very comfortingly familiar, objects that he recognised scattered about here and there. The most familiar of those was Renly's old university hoody and unable to resist, Loras went to pick it up, turning it over in his hands as remembered the countless times he'd seen Renly in it. In fact, if Loras recalled correctly, Renly had been wearing it that very first morning after they first hooked up, sitting across from him as he had been and judging him silently from across the room for the pack of lies Loras had told him the night before. It was a very familiar jumper and Loras pulled it over his head, remembering too the times that Renly had let him wear it. There were too many to count and yet Renly had definitely given it to him that night after Daemon Sand had come round, Loras thought, along with those plaid pyjamas of his that he'd eventually let him keep. Loras knew he still had those somewhere, tucked away in his wardrobe where he wouldn't be tempted to wear them.  

Taking his jeans off and yet keeping the jumper on, he climbed into bed, trying not to think about how much both the hoody and the sheets smelt exactly like Renly did. He knew he’d made the sensible decision tonight and yet despite everything he'd told both himself and Renly tonight, the non-rational part of him was screaming at him to take a chance on Renly, to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He pulled the covers up tightly around his shoulders and willed himself to stick with his decision. He'd been surprised by what Renly had said tonight and yet he supposed really that what all this really boiled down to was the fact that Renly was quite evidently lonely. Indeed, it didn't take an expert to work out that the person who lived in this flat both lived alone and was rather useless at it. When he'd poured them both a drink, Renly had had countless bottles of bottles of alcohol to choose from in his fridge, he'd even had several unopened bottles of champagne, and yet as far as food was concerned, Loras had seen nothing except four oven pizzas, a mars bar and a block of cheese. He imagined that either Renly just ate out most days or, and this was more likely, he just shoved a pizza in the oven and ate it by himself on the sofa. After all, that had been what he'd used to do back at uni, whenever he or Brienne hadn't sorted something out for him instead.

And his kitchen had been more than a little bit of a mess, Loras had seen, with plates stacked up all over the place that Renly had evidently not got round to washing up. From the looks of it, when Renly needed to do the washing up, he simply didn't bother and just bought more plates instead. Part of Loras couldn't understand how anyone could live that way and yet he supposed it made sense really. He knew from Jaime that Renly had spent almost his entire life almost in school, where he'd have eaten in a canteen and his laundry would have disappeared into a chute and reappeared several days later miraculously washed and folded. He'd probably never really learnt how to look after himself.

And whilst Brienne had clearly been being kind when she'd done it all for him back at their old house, Loras reckoned that she had done him no favours in the long run. He hadn't either, he supposed, back when he'd always insisted on not letting Renly give him any real help when they made dinner, instead giving him some innocuous task like pouring them drinks or making toast. It had seemed logical at the time, because Renly would always burn things or end up cutting his fingers, and yet Loras supposed he ought to have let him try, let him learn. Clearly, now, he had absolutely no idea how to look after himself on his own, and indeed when Loras glanced around this room, he could see that Renly had stashed a pile of clothes he should have washed behind one of his chairs. And like the plates, Loras suspected that Renly just bought more clothes when he ran out of clean ones. 

All in all it seemed a miserable existence to Loras, and part of him longed to help Renly put it right, to go back to buying decent food for him and forcing him to at least attempt the laundry even if the two of them had more often than not achieved nothing more than a tie-dye effect with the clothes they'd tried to get clean. 

But what had upset Loras the most was that regardless of how much he looked was that, aside from the mess, there was nothing _personal_ in this house, no pictures on the walls or framed photos of loved ones. It was only a week till Christmas and yet there was nothing even remotely festive about Renly's flat. He had no Christmas tree, no decorations, not even any tacky tinsel or fake holly hung up in bizarre places. And Loras knew that come the day itself Renly would probably treat it like any other day, maybe adding a couple of mince pies if he was feeling like pretending to make an effort. 

That said, though, there were a couple of presents on Renly's bedside table and Loras rolled over to take a look at them. There were three in total, all stacked up on top of each other. The first two had labels on them, informing him that they were from Brienne and Jaime, or _BJ_ as what Loras assumed to be Jaime had signed one of them, accompanied appropriately by a wink face. This had then been crossed out neatly and replaced by _Love from Brienne and Jaime_. The other didn't have a label, but someone had scrawled the words _From your_ _Secret Santa_ across the wrapping paper and so Loras assumed it had been given to Renly by one of his colleagues in the sort of group present-giving offices always seemed to do.

It was a sad collection of presents and thinking back to the huge pile of presents he and his siblings had already accumulated under their tree, Loras wondered if these were all the presents Renly would get. The thought made Loras' heart ache and he wondered again if he'd been more than a little bit cruel in refusing Renly earlier. He quite clearly needed someone, and he'd chosen him. And for the first time, perhaps, since Loras had known him, he'd witnessed Renly admit that he didn't like constantly being like himself, that he was actually aware of the walls he put up to keep other people out and that he didn't actually want those walls to be there anymore. 

Renly had laid himself vulnerable tonight and Loras hated himself a little for shooting him down. There was no way round the fact that he'd most definitely been cruel when he'd laughed at him, when Renly had anxiously and painstakingly asked him if they could give having a relationship a go. It had been what he'd been trying to get Renly to do for the whole year they'd spent together and finally tonight Renly had done it. He'd been willing to put aside his evident fear of commitment and ask, and as his reward, Loras had laughed in his face. He'd known even at the time how hard it must have been for Renly to make himself ask for that and now, he didn't think he'd ever forgive himself for laughing at him. 

That regret aside, though, he knew his doubts were stupid. He'd come so far in moving on from him now, one painful step at a time, and to trust Renly on still wanting what he claimed to want in a month's time would be like trusting Garlan to guard a plate of bacon for him whilst he was gone for the weekend

That said, what he also knew was that the choice he was making now was one that Renly would typically make. It was the choice of someone who was too scared of being hurt, of being abandoned, to let himself feel anything. It was the choice he'd attempted to force Renly _not_ to make for an entire year. And as Loras turned off the light, he wondered whether this choice made him more of a hypocrite than he'd ever wanted to be. 

 

 

................

 

It was three in the morning by the time the last pieces of Loras' resolve gave in and sighing, he padded down the stairs, pushing the door open as quietly as he could. The lights were turned off and yet Renly had evidently not even bothered to shut the curtains. The light from the streetlamps outside was streaming in through the windows and Loras could easily make out Renly's on the sofa. He hadn't even undressed and he was still in his shirt and tie, looking more than a little out of place curled up on his sofa. 

“Renly?” He breathed.

“Mm.” Renly clearly hadn't been properly asleep for he sat up and yawned, his hair sticking up on one side and his tie very askew. “Do you need something?” He asked, his tone a little resigned.

Loras stood awkwardly in the doorway. “No. I was just thinking about what you asked earlier."   
  
Renly laughed feebly and rubbed a hand across his jaw. "Don't." He said wearily. "I should never have asked."

Loras took a deep breath and inched a little further towards him. "But I’ve changed my mind Renly. We can make a go of it if you like.” It felt odd sumarising in one sentence what he'd spent the last three hours in Renly's bed agonising over, but then again, Loras supposed he had never been any good with words. Somehow, too, admitting this out loud to Renly felt a little like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. As much as he knew he might later regret it, Loras knew now that he'd never be haunted by the possibilities he'd no doubt invent in his imagination, the _what ifs_ that would forever hang over him if he walked out on Renly today.

Loras knew it was far from the sensible choice and yet he was eighteen; he wasn't Willas and he didn't want to be sensible yet. Renly was a risk, one where the stakes were impossibly high, and yet he was a risk he just had to take. 

Renly looked a little taken aback at his words and yet he didn't say anything, seemingly torn between giving Loras a half smile and looking away. Loras thought he looked pleased of sorts though and he sat down next to him, taking his hands in his own when he still didn't respond. "You haven't changed your mind already have you?"

"No." Renly shook his head, loosening his tie even further and turning to face him. "I'm just surprised." He looked down at their hands as if the sight of them confused him. "You had every reason to say no. You still do."

Loras shrugged. "I suppose I do. But I'm not going to say no." He sighed and linking his fingers with Renly's, took a deep breath, glancing up at Renly to check he was listening. "I'm going to make this very clear though Renly. You've got one chance. The moment that you _push_ me away is the moment that I’m walking away." He met Renly's eyes. "And I won't come back this time.” He felt harsh saying that and yet he couldn't afford to be Renly's doormat, not anymore. He could guess all too well one of the potential routes this could take, quite possibly the most likely route this would take. Renly would of course panic and tell him that this wasn't what he wanted after all, and then three days later, he'd change his mind when he was all alone again and pathetically, he'd come grovelling and begging for another chance. And that could happen over and over, Loras thought, until eventually Loras had given him more chances than either of them could count.

He watched intently as Renly took this in.

“Ok.” He said slowly. “One chance.” That seemed to unsettle him a little and yet after a few moments he gave a rather hesitant smile, looking more nervous than Loras had ever seen him. “So?” He ventured, fiddling with his hands. “Do I take you on dates now or something?”

Loras resisted the urge to sigh. It was rather sad to see how clueless Renly was when it came to this sort of thing. He was almost twenty three and he reminded Loras of the girls who’d asked him out on dates to the cinema when he’d been twelve. And whilst Renly was probably the most charismatic man Loras had ever met, with all the social skills in the world, now, though, he was floundering, helplessly so. He evidently didn't know what to say or what to do and it was painful to watch.   
  
Loras didn't say anything, though. He imagined that Renly was probably already quite aware that he was out of his depth here without him pointing it out. It was not the time for teasing. Instead, he squeezed Renly's hand a little. “You can take me on dates if you like.” He said. “But why don’t we start by you stopping sleeping on your own sofa and by us actually getting some sleep tonight.” As he said that, he was reminded of one of Willas' pearls of wisdom, how he'd always told Loras not to make decisions late at night when you were tired and not thinking straight. Loras hadn't even contemplated heeding that advice tonight and yet, now, looking at how exhausted Renly looked and noting how exhausted he felt, he wondered whether he ought to have done.

Yawning, he got to his feet, reaching out for Renly’s hand and pulling him up when he took it. 

The stairs were a challenge and Loras got back into Renly's bed as soon as they were up them. He watched, though, as Renly undressed, unbuttoning his shirt and kicking off his trousers unceremoniously until he was in his boxers. He looked a lot more like the Renly he remembered without the shirt and tie and that was reassuring, Loras found. For a moment even, he could have believed himself sixteen again, back in Renly's bed in that old house he'd shared with Brienne and Jaime. He was surprised, though, when Renly didn't come to bed immediately, instead going to his wardrobe and pulling pyjamas on. That was something Renly had very rarely done, except when they'd wanted to sit downstairs after he'd showered, or when the heating had been broken.

He raised an eyebrow as Renly slipped in beside him. "Pyjamas huh?

Renly ran a hand through his hair, laughing a little. "I didn't know if you were a first date kind of guy?"

It was a feeble joke and Loras rolled his eyes. Usually he wasn't actually, not when he wanted more from the other guy than just sex. With Renly, though, he didn't think it counted, not seeing as he reckoned that he'd probably slept with Renly more times than all the other times he'd ever had sex combined. Despite that though, lying in bed with him now felt a little strange and Loras wasn't sure whether he should stick on his side of the bed or do exactly what he wanted to do and curl up with Renly on his side. That was definitely what he wanted and yet it felt odd now to just try and pick up where they'd left off two years ago, as if nothing had changed and as if this wasn't a big deal for both of them.

The same thing must have been running through Renly's mind, though, for tentatively, he slipped his hands round Loras’ waist. “Can I?” He asked.

Loras didn't answer. He just pulled Renly’s arms properly around him, his heart swelling when he saw that made Renly smile. It felt as good as he remembered and Loras no longer knew why he'd even considered refusing Renly this evening. He was warm and solid against him, and even after eighteen months of telling himself that he deserved better, it only took Loras a couple of minutes of lying in Renly's arms before he was quite sure once more that Renly was all he ever wanted. This was dangerous, Loras knew, letting himself feel all this again, and yet he supposed he had no choice but to trust him now, trust in Renly that he wouldn't break his heart all over again. 

Renly smiled and rested his forehead against Loras'. "I know It's late. And I know I must be infuriating." He whispered. "But can we be clear on exactly what is it you’re expecting from me?” He sighed, the warm air tickling Loras' cheek. "I don't want to do anything wrong."

Loras bit back a sigh. It was going to take a lot of work, it seemed, before Renly was going to accept that there didn't have to be a list of rules for him to follow. A list of rules, however, or at least a few guidelines, appeared to be what Renly needed at the moment though, and Loras supposed he could sort of understand that, he could see why Renly found the absence of those rules a little terrifying. He imagined that for Renly this probably felt a little like walking into darkness without any kind of light to see by, just hoping that he wouldn't walk off a cliff.

“Alright.” He shifted a little closer, sighing into Renly’s neck and holding him close. “I guess what I'm expecting, Renly, is for you to actually try, and for you to talk to me if you ever feel like it suddenly gets too much for you-" He lifted his head to look properly at him. "-instead of just panicking and telling me you don't want to see me anymore."  
  
Renly looked a little guilty at that, and Loras reckoned he was right in thinking that that was something they could both see Renly doing. 

"And are you going to come live here?" Renly breathed, nodding. "With me?"

Loras brushed his lips against Renly's. "Do you want me to?"

Renly gulped and nodded. "Yes." He whispered. "I think so."

Loras smiled, and with that he tucked himself back into Renly's side like he'd always used to, wrapping his arms around Renly's chest as Renly leant over him to turn the lamp off. The room fell into darkness with a soft click and then Renly's arms were back around him, holding him tight as if they'd never parted. 

It was an illusion, Loras knew, how safe he felt in Renly's arms, and yet deep down something told him that Renly would come through for him this time, that he'd prove both Loras' and his own doubts wrong. It was going to be take more patience than Loras had, and he'd probably have to lead Renly every step of the way, taking tiny tiny steps until eventually Renly learnt to walk on his own, and yet despite all that, the thought that, one day, Renly might be able to look at him and tell him that he loved him, without it frightening him and without him wanting to push Loras away, made it all worth it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter + an epilogue. And then back to what I usually do :D

 

Three Days Later

 

For one of the first times in his life, Renly awoke before his alarm clock went off. It was the weather that did it, and he yawned loudly as he stretched out in bed, the distant rumble of thunder reverberating through his chest. He rubbed his eyes wearily. It sounded like it was pouring outside, the rain hammering heavily against the window panes, and Renly wished more than anything that he didn't have to go to work today. It would be cold, wet and windy out, and knowing the English weather, it probably wouldn't let up all day.

He sighed as another crash of thunder shook the walls, closer this time, drowning out the rain as it rumbled. Personally, Renly thought it was loud enough to wake the dead and yet glancing down, Loras seemed to be still sound asleep, tucked into his chest with one arm trapped underneath him and the other wrapped loosely around a pillow.

Renly let him sleep, laying his head back down on the pillow to wait for his alarm and running a hand through Loras' hair absent-mindedly, wishing there was a little more of it to twirl around his fingers. And whilst he contemplated moving him, because he surely couldn't be comfortable with his arm stuck under Renly's chest like that, he decided otherwise in the end. He didn't want to accidentally wake him up, and besides, where he currently was, he was doing a very good job of keeping Renly warm.

Renly sighed deeply as he looked at him, watching the soft rise and fall of his chest. Every morning so far, he'd woken up expecting to feel apprehensive, and yet still, it didn’t actually feel any different than waking up next to Loras ever had done. If anything, Renly found that the most disorientating thing by far was that every time he glanced down at Loras, he still expected to see corkscrew curls falling over his forehead, or Loras pushing his hair out of his eyes. And whilst Renly couldn't escape the fact that Loras was still decidedly gorgeous even as he was now, somehow, it seemed to Renly that Loras looked almost naked without his curls.

He had imagined that things being what Loras called _sort of official_ would seem worryingly different to everything he'd ever known, and yet, quite honestly, it didn’t actually seem too bad at all now, especially now that he was wrapped up in his duvet with Loras pressed against his chest. It felt quite nice, somehow, to look out of the window and watch the torrential rain outside, knowing that he was inside, warm and dry and with someone to come home to tonight.

He’d have to brave the weather soon, though, and so reluctantly, he rolled Loras gently off him just as his alarm was about to go off, silencing it with his palm so that Loras might have a chance of sleeping through him getting up. 

Loras groaned even so though, and Renly did his best to dodge the arm that immediately came back to loop itself round his waist.

“Loras,” He protested, unable to keep the laugh out of his voice. He batted his hands away once more and sat up, pushing his hair out of his eyes and rubbing his jaw, debating whether he should bother to shave this morning. 

Loras raised his head sleepily and yawned. He didn’t look all that impressed. “What?” He demanded.

“It's a Monday, I have to go to work.” Renly laughed. “You know, Loras, some of us actually have jobs."

Loras sat up, pulling the duvet tightly round his shoulders. “Well that sucks.” He said, yawning slightly.

Renly laughed and ruffled his hair, ignoring Loras’ smirk when it did absolutely nothing. “Come on, go back to bed.”

“Fine.” Loras laughed and collapsed back against the bed. “I’m back in bed. Happy now?"

Renly smiled down at him. "Well stay there. If I didn't have to be at work, I would be there too." That was very much true. If he had it his way, then he wouldn't emerge from his bedroom before midday on any day of the week, let alone a Monday morning. It was something he and Robert had in common and something which Stannis of course disapproved greatly of.

"Five minutes?" Loras lounged back against the pillows and got his attention once more, looking up at him through half-closed eyes and looking all too much like a cat begging to be stroked. Yawning, he pulled the covers up over his shoulders, and whilst Renly supposed that it could be interpreted as a modest gesture, Renly knew Loras and his teasing ways all too well to be fooled. There was nothing modest about Loras and this was a gesture intended to tease him through and through. 

Renly rolled his eyes even as he sat back down. He couldn't really resist going back to bed at the best of the times, let alone when there was someone as attractive as Loras half-naked in it. "Five minutes." He agreed.

He let his eyes roam over Loras for a good long while, picking out his form through the duvet, and thinking about how gloriously bare he'd be underneath it. Grinning, he pushed the covers down deliberately slowly, running his hands across Loras' bare shoulders once he was done. Loras closed his eyes at that, sighing deeply as Renly traced his collarbone with his fingers. It was a uninhibited sound, one that wasn't calculated like so many of the things Loras did were, and it made Renly smile. 

Still smiling, Renly tipped Loras' head back and kissed a path up to his mouth. It had been three days now that Loras had been here and Loras definitely needed a shave. Renly bit back a laugh, though, as he realised just quite how patchy Loras' stubble was. It was the mark of a typical teenager, Renly thought, and it was somehow satisfying to know that regardless of how perfect Loras otherwise appeared to be, that he couldn't quite escape all of the pitfalls of being young.

It was endearing somehow, and Renly sighed against his skin as Loras arched his back to lift his hips up for him, the muscles in his stomach pulling taught under Renly’s hands as he did so. This _was_ a calculated move. He wanted Renly to slide his hands underneath him, to push his boxers down, and yet Renly knew if he did that then he'd never get to work. Instead, he just traced the grooves of Loras' stomach with his tongue, moving upwards once more as to not to be accused of teasing.

“You’re beautiful Loras.” He whispered against his skin, sucking gently on the delicate skin at Loras' neck, being as careful as he could not to leave a mark.

Loras just sighed softly, his eyes fluttering closed. “You said that yesterday.” He breathed. "And the day before."

“Well it’s still true.” Renly told him. Even as a fifteen year old, Loras had been all too attractive for his own good, and it was certainly even more true now. And whilst Renly worried that he was all too capable of changing his mind about almost everything he thought that he wanted right now, that was one thing that he knew his opinion on wouldn't change.

Sighing, he pressed his face into the crook of Loras' neck, smiling against his skin as Loras wrapped his arms back around him. It was quite clear now, that upon realising that Renly wasn't going to fuck him, that Loras was all too ready to go back to sleep. Yawning, he leant his head against the top of Renly's, his bare skin warm against Renly's as the rain continued to crash against the window panes.

Renly stayed there for a good few minutes, until reluctantly, he disentangled himself, ignoring Loras' renewed protests with much difficulty as he padded off to the shower. It seemed almost like old times again, back when he'd used to get up to hand his work in and Loras had done his best to convince him that he had time to fuck him first, or. vice-versa, when Loras had had school to drag himself off to and Renly had in turn refused to let him leave until both of them were more than a little satisfied.

Renly felt a little like he was reliving a memory right now, and oddly, despite everything being different this time round, it didn't actually feel any different at all.

 

 

……………….

Despite having seemed all too keen on staying in bed, Loras was sat at the table by the time Renly came down from his shower, Renly's duvet still wrapped round him and probably not wearing much, if anything, underneath. Renly smiled. He'd learnt long ago that Loras wasn't too keen on clothes in general and he'd never had any complaints about that. He wasn't about to start now.

Laughing, he walked over to him, prising the duvet from around his shoulders a little and finding himself disappointed that Loras was, in fact, wearing something underneath. He was shirtless, though, and Renly supposed he should be grateful for that alone.

Loras raised an eyebrow as Renly ran his hands once more along his shoulders, moving behind him to trace circles with his palms.

"Why do you always assume I'm naked." He asked, leaning into Renly's touch all the same. "You always used to do that."

Renly shrugged and laughed. "Wishful thinking I guess." He abandoned Loras' shoulders to go to the cupboard. Usually, he didn't bother with breakfast and yet he imagined that Loras would judge him if he didn't eat anything at all before going off to work.

"Well wish all you like, and I'll still be wearing pyjama bottoms." Loras rocked back on his chair and laughed at him.

"Er _my_ pyjama bottoms." Renly corrected, finding the box of cereal and shoving it on the table.

"Fine." Loras rolled his eyes. " _Your_ pyjama bottoms. As if you care though."

Renly laughed. He didn't really care in the slightest. Of all the thing he had to fret over, the fact that Loras had borrowed his clothes for the last two days wasn't one of them. He'd grown a couple of inches since Renly had last seen him, and yet still almost everything they'd found him to wear swamped him a little. It was likely, Renly thought, that Loras would never be as broad in the shoulder as he was. 

Smiling, Renly went to the fridge to find some milk. He still didn’t really recognise his kitchen, he thought, as he opened it. Loras had been ruthless over the weekend and everything had been washed, some things even twice or three times. He supposed he'd needed the shove, though, and that it was actually quite a lot nicer now that he could actually see the surfaces in his kitchen. And deep down too, he thought he'd known that the state of his kitchen was a little unacceptable. He supposed that that was the reason why he always insisted he and Brienne go out to catch up whenever she was in town, rather then ever risk inviting her round here and her seeing the state his flat was in. 

His fridge, too, had been revamped. On the Saturday afternoon, Loras had gone through it all with him and thrown most of what he'd had in there out.

“This is past its sell by date Renly.” He’d said for almost every item, chucking it unceremoniously in the bin while Renly watched on helplessly.

“Sell by dates are a load of rubbish.” Renly had insisted. “It’s for supermarkets to cover themselves, I'm a lawyer, I know about this sort of thing.”

"I'm sure you do." Loras had agreed, raising an eyebrow. “But you sure as hell don’t seem to know anything about mould.”

Loras had won that argument and that afternoon, Loras had dragged him to the supermarket, where they'd replaced all the things he'd thrown out and added what Loras called essentials. Quite why anything other than pizza and bacon counted as essentials, though, was quite a mystery to him. He'd supposed, though, that if he wanted Loras not to leave, the only thing he was quite sure he did want, then he guessed that letting Loras buy what he thought necessary in the supermarket was a step in the right direction.

His fridge did look quite impressive, though, Renly had to admit. There were even vegetables in it, and he imagined that Brienne would have been proud.

Loras sat with him while he had breakfast, half-heartedly picking at a piece of toast.

“Are you still going to be here when I come home?” Renly asked between mouthfuls. He wished greatly that he would be. It was miserable out and he'd most likely get soaked going to and from the tube station even with the aide of an umbrella. Having Loras and a warm bed to come home to would make that much more bearable. Somehow, nothing seemed as bad, when there was the promise of very good sex to follow after.

“Mm hmm.” Loras pushed a box of cereal towards him as Renly reached for seconds. “I’ll go tomorrow morning. Garlan's driving home for Christmas and I'm hitching a ride. It's how I was always going to get back.”

“And when will you come back?” Renly asked, trying to hide the note of panic in his voice. He wasn’t looking forward to Loras going home. He hadn't seen him for almost two years and now Loras was going to disappear almost as soon as he'd reappeared. And whilst Loras _had_ offered to stay here with him, he could hardly agree to that, Renly had thought. Loras clearly adored his family and to ask him to give up what sounded like an important day in their household, to come and sit here with him and open his three presents would be cruel, Renly reckoned.

That said, Renly still couldn't bear to think about him leaving. It wasn't that he gave any sort of a damn about spending Christmas on his own again either. It was more that part of Renly, a large part if he was honest with himself, was quite sure that Loras would disappear back off to his family and then not come back. He said he would and yet Renly knew that words didn't mean anything. He couldnt count on both hands how many times people had promised him similar things. And at home, Loras would be surrounded by people who'd talk sense to him, people who would tell Loras what Renly feared he himself might already know, that this wasn't the right decision for Loras, that trusting him on this was just plain idiotic.

“Soon.” Loras said, though. “Depends how my parents take the fact that I’m going to come live with you. They’ll probably be more than a little taken aback.”

“About that.” Renly paused and put down his spoon. This too worried him, though admittedly less than Loras going home did. Yesterday, he'd had an, admittedly brief, chat about that with one of his co-workers, when she'd rang to check one of the facts on the case they were working on and they'd had a bit of a casual chat with her after. She'd been more than a little amazed, horrified even, that he was going to let someone move in so quickly, even considering the fact that it wasn't like they were strangers. He sighed. “I told one of my co-workers that you were going to come live here, Loras, and she was really shocked. She said it was really hasty." He took a deep breath. "Is it?"

Loras laughed. “Yes Renly, it is very hasty.”

“I hadn’t realized.” Renly admitted.

“I know.”

Renly gulped. His co-worker had alarmed him a bit when she’d said that and Loras agreeing with her alarmed him even more. The idea of Loras coming to live with him hadn’t seemed at all scary, it still didn’t really, and yet he felt like it ought to be now. He sighed. “It just seemed normal, you know? Because you practically lived with me before. You don’t mind do you?”

“No." Loras shrugged and took another bite of his toast. "Not unless you do. I can always go back home if it doesn't work out."

Renly smiled. “Ok, you sure?” He felt quite relieved. That was really what he wanted after all, not to be all by himself in his flat and to have Loras' company again. He'd have agreed to anything for that.

Loras laughed. “Yes, I'm sure.”

Renly smiled and glanced at his watch. Usually he got in early because overtime was a way of life where he worked, and yet technically he still had a while. “We should do something nice tonight." He suggested. "I said I’d try and I haven’t taken you anywhere yet.” He felt a little guilty about that. He’d told himself that he would genuinely try for Loras, actually attempt to be in proper relationship with him, and so far, he’d cheated by just letting himself be content with things being how they always had used to be. Him and Loras had done little more than watch reruns on TV and lounge around in bed together, nothing at all special. 

“That’s not what I meant by saying you had to try.” Loras laughed and ran a hand over his hair. “I didn't mean you have to dote on me like I’m some kind of princess.” He grinned. "Though, feel free if you want to."

Renly rolled his eyes. “What did you mean then?” He asked.

“I don’t know?" Loras sighed. "That you’d actually talk to me about stuff, let me in, rather than holding me at arm’s length?” He laughed. “That’s pretty much all I want to change.”

“And that’s it?" That didn't really make any sense at all to Renly. "But then how is it really much different than how it was before? Is it just that it’s officially exclusive?”

Loras shrugged. "I guess that's part of it." He laughed. "But Renly, what we did before was in no way, shape or form anything like what friends usually do. We basically were in a relationship Ren. I told you that. You just refused to listen.”

Renly thought about that for a few moments. It rang true, he supposed, when he thought back to what Jaime and Brienne had already been telling him. They'd constantly teased him that he and Loras acted like they were together for the better part of a year. Still, he'd always dismissed that as just the two of them not really understand how things worked between him and Loras. He sighed, still not really understanding. “But surely there has to be some differences?” He insisted. "Proper differences? Not me just being me and not telling anyone anything ever."

Loras laughed. "That's you alright." He agreed. "But I'm telling the truth, there's not many differences. I’d quite like you to agree to come meet my family this time round but that’s about it for what you call proper differences.” He looked Renly in the eye and Renly tried not to look away. “Is that going to be alright?”

“I guess it has to be, right?” Renly didn’t feel too enthusiastic about that. In fact, it was altogether a bleak prospect, something he could never see himself doing voluntarily in a million years.

“Yes it has to eventually be alright." Loras said shortly. "I’m not going to pretend that that’s not important to me.” He reached across the table and brushed his fingers over Renly's cheek. "Why do you hate the idea so much?"

Renly shrugged. "I don't know, I won't know what to say I guess." He sighed. "And let's not lie. I'm just not the sort of guy your parents will want for you." He knew he must already be very unpopular with Loras' family and meeting them wouldn't improve matters, he didn't think. And he knew all too well that Loras clearly valued what his family thought. He imagined that he could probably count the days on one hand before Loras would walk out on him, once his family had got the evidence they'd always wanted and decided, quite rightfully so, that Renly was not who they wanted for their son.

“That’s not true.” Loras insisted. "Why would you think my parents won't like you?"

Renly raised an eyebrow. “Come on, your parents want what’s best for you. And that’s not me Loras. You know, you should be with someone reliable, and well, stable, I guess.” He sighed. “And I’m equally likely to bolt at any minute than be any of those two things for you. I wish that weren’t true, but it is Loras, and you know that.”

“Well nice to know you’re looking on the positive side.” Loras rolled his eyes.

Renly sighed. “I’m just pointing out that I’m definitely not what your parents have in mind for you Loras. And it seems such a big step to meet your family.” He knew that Brienne and Jaime hadn't met each other's family until it was very clear to everyone involved that they weren't going to be going their separate ways any time soon.

“Well I’m not asking you to do it now." Loras scoffed. "We can take things as slowly as you need to, wait till you're ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?” Renly blurted out, thinking it all too real a possibility.

Loras smiled weakly. "You will be." Renly wasn't sure, though, if Loras was trying to convince him or convince himself. He hadn't quite managed to keep all the disappointment out of his voice and his shoulders had sagged a little as he spoke. It made Renly's heart ache a little. 

Renly took a deep breath. He supposed this would be where the _try_ would come in, that somewhere down the line he'd have to do things for Loras that he didn't really want to. “It'll be Loras." He said with as much confidence as he could muster. "I’m just nervous is all. You're family seems pretty close." That was an understatement, Renly knew.

“And will I get to meet your family?” Loras asked quietly.

Renly hesitated. He supposed he'd have a lot to fill Loras in on when it came to his family, and he wasn't quite sure how he'd take that. “I guess," He said, a little reluctantly. "If you really want to?”

Loras nodded. “When you want. Take all the time you need.”

Renly grimaced. “I’d rather get that over with.” He was quite aware that no amount of time was ever going to change how comfortable he was introducing Robert and Stannis to anyone whose opinion he remotely cared about. And he supposed too that he should try to be open with Loras from the start, and by taking him to see Robert and Stannis he'd be forced to tell Loras about his lack of parents.

He sighed, reluctantly trying to remember when he was next invited to one of Robert's extravagant parties, invitations he usually ignored more often than not. “I suppose I could take you on New Year’s day.” He said eventually. "If you'd rather do that than go and do whatever your own family will be doing."

“I’d like that.” Loras said.

Renly made a face. “You won’t. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He sighed and got up to grab his jacket, almost glad he got to cut this conversation short. “I should go.” He said reluctantly, shrugging his arms into the sleeves.

Loras raised an eyebrow and yanked on his tie. “You’ve forgotten something.”

Renly racked his brain, stooping a little so that Loras didn't strangle him with his own tie. He thought back to what little he'd seen of couples over the year. Robert and Cersei didn't really say anything to each other when they went out, unless it was to continue arguing. Stannis, though, dutifully kissed Selyse on the cheek every morning without fail. He bent down to kiss Loras. “Was that it?” He asked.

Loras laughed. “Well I was talking about the fact that you hadn’t put your bowl in the dishwasher, but that’ll do instead if you like.”

Renly grinned sheepishly and put his bowl in the dishwasher. “Promise you’ll be here when I get back?”

Loras rolled his eyes and wrapped the duvet around his shoulders a little more tightly. “Yes.” He grinned. “Now just go to work Renly.”

 

 

………

As much as Loras was tempted to go back to bed, he forced himself to get showered and dressed once Renly had gone. He spent a good amount of time rummaging through Renly's wardrobe trying to find something that wouldn't obviously look like it didn't belong to him. He didn't imagine, though, that there was any real chance of succeeding with that, and so he shoved the first casual shirt he found on. His jeans, at least, were his, which he was thankful for as Loras didn't fancy walking around London in jeans that were several inches too long for him. Even if he wouldn't look ridiculous, in this weather he'd ruin the bottoms entirely.

He grabbed Renly's spare key from where he'd left it for him as soon as he was done, and headed off in search of the tube station, wishing all too much that Renly was the organised type who owned spare umbrellas.

Garlan answered his door with a lazy smile.

“Fancy seeing you here.” He laughed. “I thought you’d disappeared off the face of the earth for good.”

Loras rolled his eyes. “Its been two days and I’ve sent you like fifty texts.”

“Yeah yeah,” Garlan rolled his eyes back at him and ushered him inside. “But so much for our plans for brotherly bonding this week." He grinned. "I guess I can understand, though. If I had to choose between brotherly bonding and getting laid all weekend, I know what I’d pick.”

Loras shoved him roughly, a push that did nothing to topple Garlan.

Garlan grinned. "And you're looking good?" He tugged on the collar of Loras' shirt. "Nothing like a good old walk of shame eh?"

Loras raised an eyebrow. "It's only a walk of shame if you're wearing the same clothes in the morning as you were last night. This is not what I was wearing Friday."

Garlan laughed. "Nah, it totally counts if you're wearing clothes that don't belong to you either."

Loras scowled and tried to push him again. “Did you tell mum and dad?” He asked, still pushing slightly against Garlan even though he knew he couldn't even make him budge.

“Which part?” Garlan just stood still and let Loras lean ineffectually against him.

“That I’m going to come back here after Christmas." Loras had been dreaded telling them himself. He knew how they'd react. And so he'd got Garlan to do his dirty work for him. 

“Oh that.” Garlan laughed and attempted to ruffle Loras' hair. “I did. I left it up to you to face their wrath though. They’re not happy. More than a little horrified. Apparently you’re behaving like a child. Moving in with someone you barely know anymore and who-” He imitated their father’s voice. “-is most definitely a bad sort.”

Loras sighed. Renly was certainly not a bad sort, as their father would say, not really. He was just someone who didn't really understand how to go about trying to be what Loras needed him to be. “What do you think?” He asked. "Of what I'm doing?"

Garlan shrugged and led them into the living room, collapsing back against a floral print sofa that Leonette had obviously chosen. “I think you should do what makes you happy. It’s nothing to do with me.”

“But I’m asking you for an opinion.” Loras insisted, sitting down beside him. To be honest, he didn't know why he was asking; his sibling's opinions meant a lot to him and yet he didn't think anyone's view could sway his mind right now, not even Margaery's, although that did remain to be seen. His sister did seem to have a way of changing his opinion whenever and however she liked. It was a dangerous skill of hers, Loras thought. 

Garlan sighed. “Loras, I’ll admit I’ve never seen you more miserable than you were when the two of you fell out. And I’d hate to see you like that again.” He shrugged and patted Loras on the shoulder. “But at the same time, I remember the times I used to come home in that year that you were seeing each other, and you were happy Loras, so very very happy. If you trust him, then I’ll trust him.”

Loras sighed. That was such a Garlan answer. He always gave anyone the benefit of the doubt. He ran a hand over his hair again. “I don’t know if I trust him Garlan." He admitted. "I trust him that he’s going to try for me, but whether I can trust him to deliver is another thing entirely.” He thought that that would always be up in the air, and it was quite possible, Loras reckoned, that he'd never get anywhere with Renly, that Renly would wake up one morning and wonder what the hell he'd done by agreeing to this. He'd agreed to take the risk, though, and so he tried not to think too much about how this could end. It seemed too much like it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

He sighed and leant heavily against Garlan's shoulder. “And do you think mum and dad will come round to the idea of him? Eventually?”

Garlan laughed. “Depends. What are his table manners like?”

Loras smiled, biting back a laugh. “Not great as a habit, but I reckon he’d scrub up pretty decently if he needed to. He’s from a posh boarding school. I’m sure secretly he knows what cutlery he’s supposed to use for each course. He just doesn’t care most of the time.” That was one thing nobody could deny about Renly- he scrubbed up very nicely. He could go from looking very scruffy when he got out of bed in the morning to looking very polished in no time.

Garlan laughed. “Well if he’s as charming as you say, Mum will be alright. Dad is always going to be awkward no matter how nice your boyfriends are. Our grandmother on the other hand…” He grinned. "Well I don't know about her."

“Well that’s one sure fire way to make any potential boyfriend of mine freak out.” Loras grimaced. “But you think they’d give him a chance?” He sighed. “I think the idea of meeting them was always going to be terrifying enough for him as it is, and now, he’s already convinced they’ll hate him. That he’s not what they want for me.”

Garlan shrugged. “Well that proves he's not an idiot at least. No parent wants someone they think will break their kids heart. And sadly, history does often repeat itself.”

Loras scoffed. “Stop quoting Willas.” He insisted, sighing all the same, though. “Well, I said that he could take as long as he wanted before I introduce him. So I guess they’ll probably have some time get used to the idea?” Too much time, Loras thought to himself. If Renly's reaction this morning was anything to go by, it would be years and years before Renly even remotely felt comfortable with the idea.

Garlan nodded happily, though, and Loras supposed that he'd have to give Renly time, was all, and just pray that one day Renly would come round. That, after all, was all he could do.

 

 

…………..

Loras was back later than he’d hoped, and Renly was sitting at the kitchen table, not seeming to be doing anything in particular. He looked surprised to see him and Loras wondered a little sadly whether Renly had thought he'd done a runner. After all, he'd promised him he'd be here when he got back, and whilst Renly couldn't have been home all that long, Loras supposed that the thought that he'd just gone back home had probably crossed Renly's mind.

Indeed, that was the first thing Renly said to him as he came in the door. “I thought you’d ran out on me.” He admitted quietly, and Loras couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not. It was always hard to tell with Renly. All the same, he wished he'd ran a bit faster back from the tube station with his purchases. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Loras scoffed, shrugging his wet jacket off. “Anyway, come look what I have.” He dragged the Christmas tree through the door, pot first, trying not to let the branches get stuck. Abandoning his family had never been a feasible option and he supposed that this was the least he could do to try and make up for letting Renly spend Christmas alone.

Renly laughed when he saw it. "You didn't?"

"I did." Loras grinned at him. “You wanted to do something special tonight. Well here you go, I even brought decorations.” They'd got a little wet in the rain and yet Loras supposed baubles were pretty hardy. 

Renly looked a little stunned and yet he smiled. "Where should we put it?" He scratched his head absent-mindedly as he thought.

It appeared, though, that Renly wasn't very good at making his mind up, and Loras dutifully helped him drag it from spot to spot before eventually, once they'd placed it in the corner of Renly's living room, he seemed happy.

Yawning, Loras sat down on the floor, beginning to drape the lights around the bottom-most branches. He'e learnt long ago that the lights needed to go on first. Otherwise you knocked off all of the decorations. It was a shame, though, he thought, that he'd had to buy Christmas decorations in a set. His own family had a tradition of buying a new one each year, and over the decades they'd built up a huge collection of them, all unique and all bringing some memory or another back for Loras. Today, though, he hadn't really had any choice but to buy a large box of generic, if albeit, luxury, Christmas baubles.

“I’ve never decorated a Christmas tree before.” Renly admitted absent-mindedly as he hung a red bauble on one of the branches.

“What? Never?” Loras laughed. He shouldn't be surprised and yet he couldn't help it. He didn't understand how anyone could have possibly made it to twenty three and have never decorated a Christmas tree, even Renly.

Renly shook his head. “We had one, a big one, but I always came back from school too late in the month to help decorate it. It was already done.” He looked lost in memories for a few moments and Loras wasn't all too sure they were good ones. Frowning slightly, he shuffled closer, going to sit in between Renly's legs on the floor and leaning against his chest. He didn't know if that was what Renly wanted and yet he supposed he should try.

Renly seemed happy enough to have him there and yet he didn't say anything. He just leant his chin on Loras' shoulder and continued hanging the baubles. He was quite fussy with where he put them, making sure that there was never a bauble of the same colour next to each other on a branch. 

It was a comfortable silence and yet eventually, Renly spoke.

“I’m glad you’re here Loras.” He said quietly, reaching down for another decoration to hang up.

Loras just leant back against Renly's chest, twisting slightly to tuck his head into the crook of his neck. It didn't sound like much, he supposed, but those words meant a lot to him. They were hardly a declaration of love and yet it was definitely a start.

Renly continued, his breath warm in Loras' ear. "Even if I doesn't work out, Loras," He said hesitantly. "I want you to know that. That you've made me happy these past few days, and that I'm grateful for it."

Loras smiled. "It's going to work out Renly. I know it will."

Renly laughed softly. "I hope so." He leant up to balance the star on the top of the tree and then leant back to admire their handiwork. It looked nice, Loras thought, if a little impersonal. That would come in time, though, Loras supposed, with every year he and Renly spent together, if indeed they stayed together as he hoped they would.

He tried not to dwell on that, though, figuring he should take every day as it came. Laughing, he stood and pulled Renly to his feet, grasping him by the wrists and heaving. “Well," He grinned. "Shall we put those presents you’ve got upstairs on your bedside table under here then?”

“Alright.” Renly went upstairs to get them, his footsteps loud on the stairs. It wasn't long before he brought down the three presents Loras had seen when he'd first arrived, and indeed, Loras reckoned that was probably all the presents Renly was going to get this year.He wasn’t going to be seeing any of his family before Christmas and unless they were going to give him late Christmas presents, three was indeed going to be the grand total for the presents Renly got this year.

“Me and my family agreed not to bother with Christmas presents.” Renly said as way of explanation as he came into the room, and Loras wondered if he was slightly embarrassed. He must have known that most people got more than three presents. But that was the thing with Renly, Loras supposed, he had thousands of friends and yet almost no close ones. That had always been a bit of a paradox to Loras.

“I haven’t got you anything.” Renly admitted as he shoved them under, stacking them neatly when he saw Loras watching him.

“Well that’s convenient,” Loras laughed. “Seeing as I haven’t got you anything either.” He’d debated about finding something for Renly this afternoon and then decided against it. He knew that Renly wouldn’t have time to get him anything before he left tomorrow and Loras reckoned that there was nothing more awkward then when someone got you a present and you hadn’t anything to give them in return. Renly would be embarrassed, and then he would be embarrassed for him, and that helped nobody.

“But you just got me a tree?” Renly laughed. “With decorations.”

Loras raised an eyebrow. “What?" He gestured to the tree, flicking the switch so that the lights turned on. "This is all yours is it?”

“Ok,” Renly laughed. “It’s ours.” He gave Loras a small smile, looking mildly nervous.

Loras grinned back. He liked that word. He got a kick whenever Renly referred to the two of them as a pair. He always had done. Now, somehow, it seemed to carry much more weight. The implications this time round were real, not merely fabricated in his imagination.

“I’ll tell you what.” Loras said, after thinking for a moment. “Can I ask you for a present?”

Renly laughed and sat back down on the floor, stretching out and propping himself up on his elbow. “Yep.”

“I'd like dinner sometime.” Loras told him with a smile.

“You want me to take you out for dinner?” Renly clarified, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

Loras just grinned at him. “That would be way too easy." He insisted, moving to lie opposite him and not caring that he was getting pine needles over the clothes of Renly's he'd borrowed. “I want you to _cook_ me dinner. And it’s not allowed to be pizza either, or out of a packet." He laughed. "And I want dessert too.”

Renly looked mildly horrified. “What? Even the dessert can’t be out of a packet?” He asked, looking a little stunned.

“Nope.” Loras said, his smile widening. It seemed that the idea of making desserts which didn't come out of a packet baffled Renly more than a little. He knew that this would be throwing Renly in at the deep end in regards to testing his cooking skills and yet Loras imagined that however terrible Renly's food was, it would be more than a little hilarious to watch him try.

Renly rolled his eyes. “Fine." He said. "It’s going to be epic. Just you wait and see.” He seemed genuinely determined and Loras had to try not to laugh. He imagined that Renly’s definition of epic and his own would differ greatly. He supposed, though, that he would give points for effort. He might even help him a little if he asked.

“Can I ask for something in exchange then?” Renly asked once he seemed satisfied that Loras indeed wasn't laughing at him.

Loras shrugged and grinned at him. “I guess that’s acceptable.”

Renly paused for a few seconds and then he smiled too, lifting his hand to fiddle absent-mindedly with one of the branches on the Christmas tree. He looked at Loras then, a teasing look back in his eyes. “If you don't mind," He started, his smile widening. "Could you grow your curls back for me?”

Loras hadn't known what he was expecting Renly to ask for, and yet it hadn't been that. He laughed, and ran his hand over his hair, trying to remember what it had felt like when he'd had his curls. He'd almost forgotten now, and he couldn't help but think that it was much more convenient this length. Letting it grow too would mean an inescapable return to the ridiculous amount of special shampoos and serums he had to use in order to keep his curls under control, something which had been an almost daily nightmare.

That said, though, he didn't think he could really refuse Renly, not when it had been such a simple request. Somehow, too, it seemed almost fitting seeing as the only reason he'd cut off his curls in the first place had been to get over him.

He smiled. “Of course I can Renly.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last proper chapter. Just an epilogue left now guys :)

1st of January 2016

“I’m doing fine.” Renly growled when Loras just raised his eyebrow as he walked past what was going to be his dessert. “It’s supposed to look like this.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I think?”

Loras leant against the doorway and laughed. “Is it?” He grinned.

"It is." Renly answered firmly, trying to keep his mind on the cake and not on the fact that Loras was wearing jeans that were much too tight for his own good. They clung to his arse more than a little bit and the more Renly let his eyes rove up and down his body, the more Renly wanted to take him then and then, on the kitchen table if need be. He didn't give a damn about the cake.

Loras clearly wasn't oblivious to the attention he was getting. A small smile came to his lips and he stretched a little in the doorway, one arm behind his head and his shirt lifting up slightly. "I should go." He said, lounging back lazily against the doorframe once more. "I'm quite clearly a distraction here."

Renly nodded appreciatively, not really listening in favour of staring instead at the patch of bare skin that had appeared in between the top of Loras' jeans and the bottom edge of his shirt. He wanted to kiss it and then push the shirt up further, or the jeans down lower. He wasn't fussy.

Loras laughed. "I'll go." He said, tugging down his shirt with a sly smile. He made to turn, his head still tilted in Renly's direction. "And by the way, Ren," He smirked. "-you've got cake mix in your hair.”

Renly rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get it out. Indeed, it was horrible and sticky and Renly tried in vain to untangle the strands of his hair that had stuck together.

“And now you’ve got more cake mix in your hair.” Loras commented as he struggled, his grin widening. He still hadn't left and Renly reckoned he had no intention to do so, not when he could pass his time here laughing at him. That, indeed, seemed to be one of Loras' favourite pastimes and ever since he'd come back after Christmas, Renly didn't think a day had gone by where Loras hadn't poked fun at him, albeit very affectionately.

Now was no different and Renly sighed as he let his hand fall from his hair. The cake mix would have to stay there now. He’d need to shower anyway before dinner and before they headed off to Robert's for the evening. Usually, he wouldn't make the effort for Robert and his guests, but right now, he felt like he had more of the cake mix down him than in the bowl.

“It’s a cake right?” Loras asked, strolling over casually. He wrapped his arms around Renly's waist and rested his head on his shoulder, his chest warm against Renly's back.

“Mm-hmm.” Renly leant back against him a little and looked at his bowl sadly. It was supposed to be what the recipe called a _dropping off the spoon_ consistency and yet his was almost entirely liquid.

“And this is supposed to be ready to go in the oven?” Loras asked, kissing the nape of his neck absent-mindedly as he reached around Renly to take the spoon from Renly's hand.

“Well I’ve followed all the steps.” Renly insisted. “I’m sure I did.”

Loras peered at it a little sceptically, stirring it a few times. “I think you might have forgotten the flour.” He commented idly, taking his arms away from Renly's waist and pressing one last kiss to the back of Renly's neck before he wandered away, laughing slightly to himself.

Renly looked at the table, a mess now of cracked egg shells and spilt sugar. Indeed, after a few minutes searching, he spotted it. The bag of flower was sitting behind the half-melted butter, not even opened. Ripping it open, Renly poured some into a bowl and weighed it. He tossed it in hurriedly, glad Loras had actually gone into the other room now. He had offered to help him with the cake and yet Renly had insisted that he didn’t need his help, something he’d started to sorely regret about ten minutes into cooking.

The flour improved the consistency considerably and Renly poured it into the cake tin quite pleased with his handiwork. He realised then, though, that he’d forgotten to pre-heat the oven, but reckoned that probably couldn’t do too much harm so he shoved it in anyway, mindful of the time. They were supposed to be at Robert’s for nine and he and Loras had to have eaten before then. He'd chosen tonight to cook for Loras purposefully, imagining that it would take his mind off having to introduce him to Robert and Stannis. In hindsight, though, that had been a stupid decision. It was already almost seven, though, and he hadn’t even put their dinner in the oven yet.

Cake seen to, he turned to the fridge, thinking he should put their dinner in now too. He’d attempted to make lasagne and yet what he’d ended up with was more like layers of pasta and cheese than anything vaguely authentically Italian. Renly reckoned it would taste alright though and so he shoved it in the oven with the cake anyway. They were supposed to be cooked at different temperatures and yet Renly didn’t have much choice in the matter now. Both needed to cook at some point, and it had to be soon, otherwise he and Loras would never eat and he'd fail on his promise to cook him dinner.

Hurriedly, he cleared the kitchen table, shoving everything back in its respective cupboard and wiping it clean of cake mix. He was determined for the table to look nice, and so he laid out some of his nicer plates and cutlery, making sure they matched. He then added wine glasses and a bottle of red, feeling a little bit more confident as he did that. The wine he’d chosen was one that he knew that Robert favoured, and whilst you could say what you liked about Robert, Renly reckoned you couldn’t deny that he knew his wines very well.

He debated for a few minutes, though, over whether he should put candles out. He'd bought some pretty ones for this purpose and yet he couldn't help but wonder if Loras would find that all too amusing. He thought that that might perhaps be going too far.

Hesitantly, he placed them in the centre of the table anyway, though, and leaving everything to cook, he dashed off to shower before dinner.

………..

Loras came when called, and he didn't laugh at the candles. Instead, a sort of strange expression came to his face that Renly didn't know what to make of. It was an expression he didn't really recognise and yet it was soft, and it made Renly want to smile.

"It looks lovely." He said quietly as he sat down. He looked like he meant it too, and Renly suddenly felt hopelessly disappointed at how useless the rest of it would be. For some reason, his cake hadn't risen, and although, Renly had tried his best to ice it, it still looked like a child had made it. His lasagne too, somehow, had managed to end up burnt on top and yet with the pasta sheets still crunchy in the middle. Quite honestly, he was a little embarrassed of everything he'd made.

Loras kept a straight face as Renly served his lasagne and Renly tried not to study his expression as they both took mouthfuls. It wasn’t unpleasant, Renly guessed, and yet it did just taste like crunchy pasta with cheese on it.

Loras didn't say a word, though, and glancing up at him, Renly saw he was smiling. He looked particularly beautiful tonight, Renly thought, the candlelight making his eyes shine like molten gold. It was quite a wonder, Renly thought, that someone that beautiful would ever want to be with someone like him, someone who couldn't even bake a cake without fucking it up.

They didn't say much as they ate, and yet it was a comfortable silence, with Loras often reaching across the table to take his hand. His hand was warm and Renly closed his fingers around Loras', not even caring that that meant he had to eat his crunchy lasagne one handed. He had to let go, though, when it was time for dessert, and taking it out of the tin, Renly had to laugh at it a little as he put it on the table. "Umm," He apologised. "I'm sorry about this." Even Loras couldn't keep a straight face then and he laughed. “Is that the cake?” He asked, grinning widely from ear to ear.

Renly scratched his head. “Er.. yeah.” He admitted sheepishly, prodding the monstrosity with a knife. “It didn’t rise. I think I should have added something to make it do that.” He laughed. "Something called baking powder or something."

Loras laughed and prodded it with his knife too. "Maybe you'll have accidentally made something wonderful?" He suggested, looking a little doubtful.

Renly just looked at him and then back at the cake. That was all it took for both him and Loras to burst into laughter. No amount of pretending, Renly thought, was ever going to make this cake look even vaguely appetising. “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.” He told Loras as he tried to cut into it, still chuckling slightly. "I won’t be offended.”

Loras laughed. “Of course I’m going to eat it.”

“But why?” Renly grinned. “At best it’ll be edible, but it’ll hardly be enjoyable.”

Loras shrugged and smiled at him. “You made it for me.” He said simply.

…………

They’d eaten the whole cake by the time they set off to Robert’s. It hadn’t actually been that bad, Renly had to admit. The cake itself tasted a little odd, and yet with the icing it had been perfectly edible.

Loras ate the last piece of it in the car, and It was only once that they were properly en route that the realisation of what he was actually doing this evening began to set in for Renly. He was going to take someone to meet Robert and Stannis, something he'd thought he'd never do. And it would all be for nothing, Renly knew. Loras would be disappointed with his family, they wouldn't be at all what Loras was expecting.

Renly sighed deeply as they neared Robert’s road, thinking he should get this over with. He took a deep breath, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. "I don't know how much I've told you about my family." He started nervously, glancing sideways very briefly at Loras' face. This was a conversation he didn't really want to have and yet one that he supposed was necessary. He'd let Brienne find out the hard way that he didn't have any parents, and she'd spent a good hour at the party he'd taken her to off in search of a Mr and Mrs Baratheon to say thank you to. She'd found two sets of Baratheon couples and yet neither Robert and Cersei nor Stannis and Selyse had been the Mr and Mrs Baratheon she'd been looking for.

“Not much.” Loras said, turning his head towards him.

“Well, I probably ought to have told you a lot more a long time ago.” Renly admitted. He supposed he was taking the cowardly route here. He'd waited until they were in the car and on their way to somewhere where it would be very difficult for Loras to stay angry at him before telling him. They'd spent a year being close friends and quite honestly, Renly had to admit that it had never occurred to him to fill Loras in on his parents. Loras wouldn't like that fact one little bit. 

Renly sighed when Loras didn’t say anything, looking steadfastly out at the road ahead instead of at his face. “Well, I guess what I want to say," He said "-is that if you’re expecting to meet my parents tonight, then you shouldn't get your hopes up too high.” He ran a hand through his hair a little anxiously, thinking how to best phrase this. Every way of putting it just seemed wrong, too blunt and too insensitive, despite the fact that he wasn't even capable of missing them.

He was surprised when Loras spoke first. "I already know Renly." He said, voice quiet, his tone gentle. "Jaime told me."

"Oh." Renly wished he could see his face. He forced himself to keep his eyes on the road, though. It would be more than a little ironic, Renly thought, if he crashed his car whilst on this subject. Part of him was more than a little relieved that he already know, and yet it stung a little to think of Jaime and Loras talking about him behind his back. He hadn't really wanted to tell Loras himself, but he hadn't wanted anyone else to either.

Neither of them said anything for a while, Loras quiet in the passenger seat.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Loras asked a few roads on.

Renly hesitated. He'd never liked talking about it, not even as a child. And he never really had had the opportunity to anyway, Renly mused. It had been almost like a banned subject with Stannis and Robert when he was growing up. Neither of them had mentioned the gaping holes in their lives that had once been mum and dad, the parents Renly had never known. There had never been any memories of them shared when Stannis and Robert were together, or pictures hung on the walls, and growing up, Renly had learnt at a very young age that Robert became uncomfortable and angry at the mention of them, and that Stannis grew sullen. And so still, to this day, Renly supposed he didn't really know anything about them. He'd been curious once, and reluctantly, Stannis had shown him a photograph of them, the smiling man and woman who'd been complete strangers to Renly when he looked at them. He'd spent a good hour that day pouring over it, imagining what they had been like in his head before Stannis had taken it away again, looking more miserable than Renly had ever seen him look and telling him that it was no good dwelling on the dead. Now, Renly couldn't really remember their faces and sometimes he wondered if Stannis had indeed known what was best for him. He couldn't miss anything when he didn't know what to miss.

"I don't tell people about it because I have nothing to say." Renly said honestly, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "They're dead and that's it. I've never wanted people to feel sorry for me."

Loras just nodded and Renly was glad that he didn't seem to take it personally that he had no desire to talk about it.

..........

Loras let him drop the subject and they talked of happier things until Renly drew up outside his brother's house. Loras wondered whether he ought to be nervous then, before hurriedly correcting himself. It was not in his nature to be nervous and he wasn't about to start now, not for some brothers of Renly's that he claimed not to give a damn about.

Renly was clearly not looking forward to this, though, and he was uncharacteristically quiet as he led Loras up the driveway and knocked on the door. He forced a smile then, though, and Loras reckoned that would be the last time he saw Renly look under the weather tonight. He knew Renly well enough to know that he was very practised at pretending to be in good spirits. He wore that mask well and it was that mask he put on as they waited in the porch.

The door was opened by a nauseating boy who was very blond. He wore his clothes with a casual arrogance, his jacket tailored to perfection despite the fact that he looked a little like a schoolboy playing dress up. This was obviously no intimate affair and behind him, Loras could see equally glamorous people milling around behind him, people he knew he and Renly would have blended in with perfectly had it not been for the fact that they had each other on each other's arm's instead of a pretty young lady.

“Uncle Renly.” The blonde boy sneered. “And who’s this?” He proclaimed when he saw Loras, almost rubbing his hands together in glee and glancing around at anyone who appeared to be listening. “I see uncle Renly’s brought a friend.” A sly smile tugged at his lips as he looked Loras up and down.

Renly laughed, though Loras saw it didn’t reach his eyes. “And Happy New Year to you too Joffrey.” He said cheerfully, taking Loras’ arm and guiding him through the door with more force than he would usually use.

The blonde boy gave a twisted smile and lounged back carelessly against the door frame, pointing at Loras. “And are you a degenerate too?” He asked with a cruel laugh. “Mother won’t be happy. Perhaps we ought not to be letting you in the house.”

Loras didn’t know what to say to that. Usually if someone spoke to him like that, he’d waste no time in punching them, in making them hurt until his fists were bloody and his anger sated. Now, though, he forced himself to keep himself under control. Renly had brought him here today, against his own wishes, and Loras couldn't cause a scene. Taking a deep breath, he gritted his teeth and merely glared at the boy.

“Come on,” Renly muttered, pulling Loras properly inside and making a beeline for an unoccupied sofa on the other side of the room, away from the blond boy.

“What was all that about?” Loras couldn’t help asking furiously, still itching to put a fist in the boy’s face. "Does he want me to punch him?"

“My nephew-” Renly explained, sitting down heavily and pulling him down next to him. “-is a little shit.”

Loras just nodded. Had Renly told him that before he would have laughed and insisted that no kid could possibly be couldn’t be that bad, but having just met him now, he could find nothing to argue with. Swallowing his anger, he looked back over at him. He was still opening the door to people, that sly smile painted on his face like a clown's make up.

“Little shit sums him up well.” Loras agreed, anger still coursing through him. “Who does he think he is? Talking to us like that when he probably shouldn't even be up this late.” He balled his fists up and tried to refrain from punching the sofa. He'd never been spoken to like that before and it pained him more than anything to have to sit here and take it.

Renly laughed at that, proper amusement coming to his face. “He shouldn't be up this late? Is that what you said?" He grinned. "My nephew is fifteen, Loras.” He raised an eyebrow patronisingly as he allowed those words to sink in. "Seems young now doesn’t it?”

Loras hesitated, biting back a protest and glancing back over at the boy. He supposed he probably did look round about fifteen, if he judged him fairly. Somehow, though, he just seemed so young, younger than he could ever have looked three years ago. The boy hadn’t filled out yet and he still had that baby face kind of look.

Renly’s smile widened. “And you’re, what, eighteen almost nineteen now?”

Loras nodded reluctantly. He knew where this was going.

“Well there’s a smaller age gap between him and you than there is between the two of us.” Renly said, laughing. “Now just imagine how I felt that morning after we first hooked up.” He patted Loras’ thigh fondly. “I’m betting your perspective’s changed a little on that, right?”

“I never looked that young.” Loras protested. He was quite sure he hadn't. As far as he was concerned, he hadn't really looked any different back then, the hair not included.

Renly grinned. “You so did.” He laughed. “Not when we first met, I admit. You have shitty lighting and a lot of vodka to thank for that, but in the morning, on closer inspection, you definitely looked that young.”

“Did not.” Loras muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Er yes you did.” Renly corrected him with a grin and putting an arm round his shoulder even so, pulling him close. “Just imagine if you woke up next to my nephew, how horrified you would be?”

Loras winced and leant into Renly's shouder all the same. “I’d be horrified," He admitted. "-but him being young would be the least of my worries.”

“True,” Renly mused with a laugh. “He’d probably be standing over you wish a machine gun rather than doing anything remotely sexual.”

Loras was about to agree when he almost was almost startled out of his seat by a loud voice booming Renly’s name. He sat up properly hurriedly, Renly's arm falling from around his shoulder as he did so. Renly stood then, and Loras followed his example, looking the man to whom the voice belonged up and down a few times.

He was about to ask who it was, and yet taking a second look, it was quite evident that this was one of Renly’s brothers. He was a great fat man and very unshaven, and yet even so, Loras could see the family resemblance. It was rather terrifying, he thought, as if he were looking at a picture of what Renly could potentially look like in twenty years time.

Renly laughed as the man approached. “Robert.” He said, letting the older man clap him on a shoulder. Loras watched warily, surprised to see that Renly's smile wasn't as forced as it could have been. He'd have had more contempt for the what Loras supposed was one of the men who'd shipped him off to boarding school aged five.

“So who’s this then?” Renly's brother asked, his eyes falling on Loras as he shoved glasses of wine into both of their hands. “Joff said you’d brought a friend.”

“This is Loras.” Renly said, putting a hand on the small of his back and pushing him forward slightly. He seemed slightly less confident now, and Loras didn't miss the way Renly's fingers were digging into his back a little painfully.

“Your current partner in crime?” Robert laughed, guffawing loudly and shaking Loras' hand with a sweaty palm.

Renly laughed a little nervously. “I guess.” He didn’t take his hand off Loras’ back though, and Loras reckoned that was a good sign. He'd expected Renly to be distinctly unaffectionate around his family, and yet it didn't seem to bother him too much.

Robert just took a long drink of his wine. “A boyfriend huh?”

Renly nodded and Loras almost let out a sigh of relief. He’d almost been expecting Renly to disagree, or at least to dodge the question. He couldn't help smiling now, his chest swelling a little with pride to see Renly admit publicly that they were together.

Robert turned to him. “So tell me, Loras, was that your name?" His face broke out into a large grin. "What’s my brother like in the sack?”

Loras tried not to visibly cringe. Of all the questions, that had to be the one he wasn't expecting. “Average.” He said coolly, ignoring Renly’s outrage next to him. “Yeah I’d say definitely average.”

Robert clapped him hard on the shoulder and roared with laughter. “You’ve got yourself a keeper there.” He said to Renly, still guffawing. With that, though, he pressed the whole bottle of wine into Renly’s hands and was gone, disappearing in the crowd and making a beeline for a girl carrying a tray of champagne.

“You didn’t mean that did you?” Renly hissed as they watched him leave. “I am definitely not average.”

Loras smirked and leant back against the wall. “Ask me again this evening.” He laughed. Truth be told, though, he certainly had been lying through his teeth. Renly was more than a little skilled in bed. He proved it at least a couple of times a day. He smiled, though, as Renly rolled his eyes and led him to a table where fancy looking canapes had been laid out.

The food was nice, and yet Loras was more than a little disappointed when nobody else approached them. In fact, aside from a few people waving at him, him and Renly were left entirely to their own devices as they stood in amongst the crowd, Renly occasionally pointing out faces every now and again, mostly friends of his brothers that he knew vaguely from his childhood. There were what seemed like hundreds of people here, and yet to Loras' dismay, nobody seemed interested in meeting him. And though Robert passed them every now and again, his face getting redder and redder as the night went on, he didn't seem to have any more interest in speaking to them again.

The most excitement they had was about an hour in, when two blond children came over to beg Renly to entertain them. They addressed him too as _Uncle Renly_ , something which sounded very very strange to Loras' ears, and so he supposed these must be the siblings of the unpleasant boy. They seemed more interested in Loras than anybody else had been this evening.

“Are you a friend of Uncle Renly’s?” The boy asked, sweetly holding out his hand for Loras to shake.

“I guess I am.” Loras grinned, taking it and laughing when he heard the girl hiss in her evidently naive brother's ear that he was obviously Uncle Renly's boyfriend and not just a friend.

The boy then begged them to come see a litter of kittens he'd been given and Renly happily obliged, laughing and taking Loras' hand as they followed Renly’s younger nephews and nieces. They didn’t get far, though. Both children were promptly rounded up by an elegant blonde lady, her blonde hair loose past her shoulders and a dress that Loras thought he might recognise from the cover of Vogue. She raised an eyebrow as she saw Renly.

“It’s their bedtime.” She said dryly. “And please,” She looked pointedly at Loras’ hand clasped in Renly’s. “Not in front of my children.”

Renly dropped Loras’ hand. “If you insist, Cersei.” He grinned. He didn’t seem fazed. Loras, on the other hand, he wanted to put a fist in her face too, and once more he fought to keep his control. He supposed that now he could understand why Renly preferred to spend Christmas on his own.

She swept off after that and Renly laughed, taking Loras’ hand back in his as if nothing had happened. “Sorry about her. _Bitch_ isn’t a strong enough word for her."

Loras stared after her, realisation suddenly dawning on him. “Is that..?"

“Jaime’s twin sister?” Renly laughed. “Yes it is, and she makes him look like an angel doesn’t she?” Grinning, Renly stopped a passing server and grabbed another plate of canapes, offering them to Loras even as he ploughed through them one by one. Loras supposed he could understand why. As much as he'd been touched by the effort he'd obviously gone to, Renly's meal this evening had hardly been particularly edible.

Renly had just finished scoffing the entire plate when a figure tapped him on the shoulder. Judging from his vibrant blue eyes, Loras assumed this was the other brother. He stood less tall than Renly and to his surprise, he was entirely bald despite the fact that he couldn't yet be fourty. Ideally, Loras hoped that Renly would inherit this brother's waistline as he aged, and the other's hairline.

"That's not appropriate, Renly." The man said, so sternly that Loras thought he was being sarcastic until he saw the man's face. He was deadly serious, looking down disdainfully at the empty plate of canapes that Renly had just wolfed down. 

Renly just grinned at him, looking sheepishly down at the empty plate. “Stannis." He laughed. "Just the person I was hoping to see.” He dropped his voice and turned to Loras. “We can go home after this.” 

“You’ve brought someone.” Stannis said, looking from Renly to Loras. It wasn’t a question.

Renly laughed and mockingly looked around him. “Have I?” He grinned. “I hadn’t noticed.”

His brother merely grit his teeth, his jaw visibly tightening at Renly's tone.

Renly sighed, looking resigned. “Stannis, this is Loras.” He said simply. He turned to Loras. “And Loras, this is my second brother. Stannis”

Stanis held his hand out solemnly and Loras shook it. Unlike Robert, his palm wasn't sweaty. His hand was cold, and his grip steel-like. Loras was amazed that he could possibly be related to Renly. Renly was such a warm person, his voice enough to bring a genuine smile to your face. This man, however, had nothing warm about him. He was icy, his posture stiff and unforgiving. Loras had to wonder, though, whether Renly had inherited his reluctance to get attached to anyone from this particular brother.

“You’re his partner are you then?” He asked dryly.

“I guess.” Loras laughed, thinking that was a rather formal way to describe himself. The word _partner_ just made them sound really old, Loras thought, like they were fifty year old men who thought themselves too mature to have boyfriends anymore. It was a cold and impersonal word in his opinion.

They stood staring at each-other for a moment and Loras tried to think of something to say to him. “So are you married?” He asked eventually, thinking that suitable material for small-talk.

“Yes.” Stannis said simply.

“And do you have children?” Loras asked as politely as he could.

“We have a daughter.”

He didn’t elaborate on that and a rather tense silence descended over them despite the chatter of the other guests around them. Stannis didn't appear to notice, though. He was perhaps the most socially awkward man Loras thought he'd ever come across, the polar opposite from Renly.

Renly eventually stepped in. “Stannis' daughter is not usually very well.” He explained to Loras. “She and her mother usually stay home for this sort of thing.”

Stannis nodded curtly. He didn’t ask questions of Loras and Loras got the definite impression that this brother wasn't any more interested in getting to know him than the last one had been.

Renly tugged on Loras’ sleeve. “Can we go now?” He asked, not seeming to care that his brother was still in earshot.

Loras nodded, feeling a little disappointed. They’d been here almost two hours and nobody had really showed any interest in either of them. Loras found it all very unsettling. Whenever he brought anyone back to his house, even people who were just friends, his family would have all sorts of questions. They’d be genuinely interested. Here, though, nobody seemed to think it was strange that Renly had just walked in with the first boyfriend he’d ever had. Perhaps they didn’t even realise that he was Renly's first. Or more likely, Loras thought, perhaps they just didn't care.

“Are you and your family always so short with each other?” He asked as Renly led him towards the door, nodding his goodbye to Stannis.

Renly shrugged. “We weren’t particularly short. You being here meant they had something to show interest in for once.”

Loras didn’t stay anything. To him, that had been anything but showing interest. He supposed, though, that he didn’t know the usual benchmark for how much the brother’s spoke to each other. He wondered if all of Renly’s childhood had been like that. He supposed it probably had been. He could see why Renly was in no hurry to see much of his family. Neither of his brother’s had even asked how he was, or bothered with the innocuous small talk all families went through with questions about work and other such banal things. Though, to be fair, Loras hadn’t seen Renly asking any of those things either.

He followed Renly out feeling a little subdued, holding his hand a little limply as they made their way through the hall.

They were just getting their coats when the front door opened loudly, a familiar voice complaining about how cold it was out. Both he and Renly recognised it instantly, and looking at each other, Renly pulled Loras further behind the open cupboard door. For a split second, Loras was even quite sure Renly was going to try and make them actually get in the cupboard and yet Renly seemed to come to his senses, merely making a big show of putting his coat on in a way that shielded his face mostly from view.

Loras just resisted the urge to sigh. He was about to inform Renly that this was never going to work due to the fact that people coming in from outside usually hung their coats up right where they were standing when a hand tapped Renly on the shoulder and he reluctantly turned round, looking more than a little defeated.

“Renly.” Jaime laughed, looking more than a little astounded. He recovered quickly, though, one eyebrow raised in a perfect arch. “Is this what I think it is?"

Renly turned bright red. “Um,” he stammered. “Well, it depends on what you think it is I guess.”

“The eternal bachelor has finally brought someone to a party?” Jaime smirked at him, leaning against the cupboard door and running a hand lazily through his blond hair. “Come on then, Renly, introduce us will you. I’m dying to meet him.”

Renly rolled his eyes. “Stop being stupid Jaime.” He shrugged on his coat properly, handing Loras his.

Jaime just raised a mocking eyebrow though and tapped his foot impatiently. "Well?" He asked.

Renly was silent for a good long while and then he sighed. “Fine.” He murmured. “Jaime, this is Loras." He looked more than a little uncomfortable and Loras couldn't help but roll his eyes at Jaime for insisting on being such an arse. He seemed determined to get Renly properly flustered.

Jaime ignored him. “And who is dear Loras?” He grinned, talking still to Renly. “A colleague, a friend? Maybe a little more than that?” He leant back against the wall to wait for Renly's answer.

Renly seemed suddenly to find his shoes very interesting. “He’s my boyfriend.” He mumbled, glancing a little helplessly at Loras and biting down on his bottom lip.

“Didn’t catch that.” Jaime grinned.

Renly rolled his eyes. “We’re going out. He’s my boyfriend. That’s what you want me to say right? Well there I’ve said it. Now leave us be.”

Jaime grinned and held out his hand to Loras. “Well nice to meet you Loras. It’s not every day Renly brings a nice young man home.” He turned to Renly. “See, I’m being nice. I haven’t even said I told you so yet.”

He strolled lazily over to the door, where a large woman Loras recognised even from the back was unwinding a scarf from around her thick neck. “Brienne," Jaime called. "You have to see this.”

She glanced up and she too looked more than a little startled.

Jaime grinned. “Look what the cat dragged in eh?”

“Jaime.” She hissed. “That’s rude.” She came over, tripping over an expensive looking rug and yet holding out her hand even so. “It’s nice to see you again Loras.”

Loras shook it. This was odd, he found. He had never been formally introduced to the girl the first time round, nor had he ever spent any significant amount of time with her. Here she was, though, greeting him very sincerely like an old friend.

She turned to Renly then and embraced him. Unlike Jaime, she didn't tease him or make a big deal out of the fact he wasn't on his own like he usually was. She just acted like she always did, which was kind of her, Loras supposed. Regardless of how well Renly was doing so far, Loras imagined that it was still more than a little hard for him to stand up in front of the two of them and admit openly that he and Loras were going out now. He felt awkward on Renly's behalf.

Jaime sidled up to him once more as Renly spoke to Brienne, and Loras raised an eyebrow. "Finished tormenting him have you?" He inquired.

Jaime laughed. "I think so. I admit I'm shocked." He smirked, flicking one of the buttons on Loras' shirt. "I guess I underestimated you- a mistake which I shan't make again." He ran a hand through his hair, swishing it out of his face. "And you better not let me down on that. I've already got money on you to win a Grand Slam this year. Figured I'd get in there before your odds get lower and I win less money."

Loras raised an eyebrow. "How do you know I'll even play in any?" With everything that was going on with Renly, he had to admit that he'd let everything else fall by the wayside. He hadn't given much of a thought to anything aside from Renly in the last few weeks.

Jaime raised his own eyebrow back. "You're joking right? When I last saw you, you were miserable because you couldn't play with the big boys. Well this year's your chance."

Loras shrugged. "True, I probably will play in most of them. What were my odds?"

"Of winning?" Jaime laughed. "Twenty to one. Pretty shoddy if you ask me. five to one, though, that you'll reach a semifinal."

Loras rolled his eyes. "Well maybe I'll lose on purpose so you don't win anything."

Jaime snickered. "As if. You're the most competitive player out there. Which paradoxically, perhaps, is exactly why you won't win, not for a long while at least. You'll go to pieces as soon as you're down a set and your temper will get the better of you." He laughed. "We'll probably see footage of you breaking your racket angrily every time you lose a point."

Loras tried to ignore the fact that Jaime's word rang true. He'd played so below his level for so long that he'd got used to winning very easily. "What are you?" He snorted. My coach?"

Jaime shrugged, smirking. "Nope. If I was your coach, then your odds of winning a Grand Slam this year would be much better. It would be practically guaranteed."

Loras raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" He laughed dryly. "How confident are you on that? Because I bet you couldn't even coach a school girl to win a school tournament."

Jaime's jaw set. "Is that a challenge?"

Loras shrugged. "I'll give you a week's trial if you like." He raised an eyebrow coolly, meeting Jaime Lannister's eyes.

Jaime looked him up and down for a couple of seconds, eyebrow raised in turn. "Challenge accepted." He said. "I bet you won't last a week, though. I'm ruthless and you're unfit." He grinned. "And no, sex does not count as a workout." He glanced at Renly with a laugh. "And god do I bet you two have been having a lot of that if he's agreed to go out with you."

Loras was about to shoot something back when Renly tugged on his hand once more. “Can we go?” He asked again, more petulantly this time. "If you've quite finished flirting with Jaime?"

Loras' mouth fell open and Renly laughed. "Brienne and I were getting quite worried." He admitted, grinning and slinging an arm round his shoulder. "Now come on, I've fulfilled my end of the bargain, you've met my family. Let's go home."

Loras smiled and leant heavily against his shoulder. "Home." He echoed back to Renly. The word felt good on his tongue.

 

March 2016

Renly still wasn’t quite sure why he’d agreed to this. Taking Loras to meet Robert and Stannis had been awkward enough, but he thought that this would be a good lot worse. Sighing, he gripped Loras’ hand as Loras led him up the driveway. He’d dropped Loras outside this house more times than he could remember and yet he’d never so much as stepped foot inside. The idea of doing so now was not a pleasant one.

He halted on the path. “I've changed my mind." He muttered. "I can't."

Loras raised an eyebrow. “Why can’t you?”

Renly shrugged miserably. “I don’t know?” He admitted. “Because they’re not going to like me?”

Loras sighed. “Why wouldn’t they like you?” He said wearily and Renly felt a little ashamed. He and Loras had been over this more times than he could count. And each time, Loras insisted that there was no reason why his family wouldn't like him. It was surely a lie, Renly knew, and yet one that he was grateful for.

“It doesn’t matter what they think anyway." Loras pressed, changing tack when he saw that Renly wasn't going to be convinced by his previous words.

“Yes it does.” Renly insisted.

“And why’s that?”

“Because you care what they think, and I care what you think.” Renly looked at the house again miserably.

Loras sighed and ran a hand through his hair, the ends just beginning to curl now. “Alright then.” He said. “I’ll tell them you were ill or something.” He squeezed Renly’s hand. “Run on back to the car then. Before anyone sees you. I'll get the train back tomorrow.”

He gave Renly a smile and a push down the driveway and yet he couldn’t fully hide his disappointment. This was important to Loras, he knew. He couldn’t really understand why, why Loras was intent on Renly eventually meeting his family, but he knew it was important to him, perhaps even the thing that was most important to him. It was for this reason that Renly had agreed to coming here today in the first place even though Loras said he could take as much time as he wanted. This logic of Loras' was wrong, Renly knew. He seemed to think that more time would make him slowly come round to the idea and yet Renly knew himself better than that. More time just meant that he had more opportunity to talk himself out of it. Even the walk up the driveway had been long enough for Renly to talk himself out of it today, and Renly wondered wryly if he'd have gone through with it if Loras' driveway had just been that little bit shorter.

He glanced down at Loras once more before turning back to the car and was pained to see that Loras too looked like he'd rather be anywhere else too. Renly supposed he couldn't blame him. He knew that Loras had spent quite a bit of time trying to convince his family that he was reliable, that he wouldn't walk out on him, and now he was going to have to walk in and break the news that Renly hadn't been able to come today despite the fact that he'd said he would. He'd tell them that he was ill, and yet Renly didn't think any of Loras' family would buy that.

Pausing, Renly felt embarrassed for him and he suddenly wondered whether he was being more than a little bit cruel, agreeing and then bailing at the last minute, leaving Loras open to the scorn of his family for picking someone so clearly not good enough for him. 

He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m being stupid aren’t I?”

Loras laughed, some of his usual spark coming back. “I’m giving no opinion. But make a decision and do it now.”

Renly gulped and glancing back at the car and then back at Loras, slowly nodded. “Come on then, I had job interviews with all sorts of terrifying people. Your family can’t be worse right?”

Loras shrugged. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “You haven’t met my grandmother yet.”

“Not helping, Loras.” Renly let Loras pull him the rest of the way up the path.

Loras laughed. “You’ll be fine. I’ll be there. I'm not going to let anything too terrible happen.”

………..

A woman with long fairish hair opened the door. She didn’t have any resemblance to Loras and yet Renly assumed she must have been his mother from the bright smile that lit up her face when she saw him.

“Loras,” She smiled, looking like she was going to embrace him and then evidently restraining herself. She turned to him. “And this must be Renly.”

“Pleased to meet you.” Renly told her, taking the hand she offered. He took a deep breath, pretending that this was just like meeting anyone else. He’d yet to find someone he hadn’t been able to win over, save his brothers and their wives of course, and Loras’ parents would be no different, he tried to tell himself.

He wasn’t very successful with his attempts to reassure himself, though, and Renly was quite honestly surprised that Loras didn’t wince from how tightly he was clutching Loras’ hand as they were invited in.

Renly knew Loras had done his bests to make this a gathering he would be comfortable at, and as such, Loras seemed to have stuck to the immediate family. Somehow, though, this seemed much more terrifying than if there’d been crowds of people to Renly. They were all sat down, on various chairs and sofas, and to Renly they seemed an impenetrable group, one he could never be part of.

Loras was leading him towards them regardless, though, and so Renly tried to compose himself. He wanted to make a good impression, if only for Loras' sake.

“This is Willas.” Loras said, pointing to a man who Renly reckoned was a little older than himself. He was sat down and Renly saw a pair of crutches leaning against the back of his chair. This was obviously the brother injured in a horse riding accident, the one who Loras always fondly complained was too sensible for his own good. "And this is Garlan." He gestured to the man sitting next to Willas who Renly recognised. "You two have sort of already met."

Garlan laughed and stretched out his hand. "Happy to make your acquaintance properly." He grinned. "My little brother seems to have deigned to be a little more polite this time round."

Willas smiled at that and he too shook Renly's hand. "It's a pleasure." He said. He was softly spoken, and somehow, Renly found that a little reassuring. Neither of them reminded him at all of Loras, though. Whilst they had a visible resemblance, that was where the similarity seemed to end. Loras was neither as quiet as Willas nor as loud as Garlan, and neither of his brothers seemed to have that very sharp tongue Loras most definitely possessed.

He smiled, though, and sat down next to them when asked to, taking the pint glass Garlan pushed into his hands. He hadn't been planning on drinking and yet he supposed he could do with a few to loosen himself up a little. Besides, Garlan looked like a man who enjoyed a couple of pints and so Renly figured he might as well not look like the spoilsport he definitely wasn't.

And it wasn't actually so difficult, Renly found, making small talk with Loras' brothers. He was feeling quite confident for a few minutes, even though Loras had temporarily left his side to cross the room.

That confidence disappeared instantly though as soon as Loras returned, a very petite girl standing at his side, long brown curls falling almost to her waist. Renly knew who this was too. It would be hard not to considering the fact that Loras invariably called her every evening. This was Margaery, Loras' younger sister and his pride and joy, the girl that Renly knew could probably sway Loras' opinion however she liked if she were so inclined.

He gulped.

Loras was beaming, though, and Renly wondered if he ever made Loras smile like that. Probably not, he reckoned.

Margaery sat down next to him, though, as if they were old friends. "Hi." She said. "It's nice to finally meet. I've heard so much about you."

Renly laughed a little awkwardly. "Lots of it bad I suspect." Usually when people said that, it was a joke, and yet Renly knew that his words were probably more true than he'd have ever liked them to be. He could only imagine some of the scathing conversations Loras must have had with his sister about him.

She shrugged lightly, smiling a little wickedly. "Well no-one wants to be like Willas." She said lightly, earning a laugh from Loras. "Too nice equals very very boring." She flicked her hair over her shoulder and smiled up at him.

There was no malice in her smile, and all in all, she appeared to be the sweet sort of younger sister anybody might want. Underneath all that, though, Renly thought he could detect another side to her, a much harder one, and he was quite sure that if he ever hurt Loras again that she personally would hunt him down for it and make him suffer.

He laughed nervously. "I'm sure even Willas must have a little bit of a dark streak no?"

Loras and Margaery shrugged and both glanced over at their eldest brother. "Nah." they said in unison. They were about to say more when a sharp voice cut through the room, an elderly voice but certainly not a frail one. They both fell silent and Loras looked like he was biting back a sigh.

"Why is is Loras," The voice said. "-that I feel like I'm being purposefully ignored." It was an old lady who was speaking, sitting in the corner where Renly hadn't noticed her. She had some knitting draped over her lap and yet on the table next to her there was a surprisingly large glass of whisky. Renly gulped once more. He got the feeling that this old lady was not a typical old lady, and that she definitely wouldn't coo over him and call him a nice young man.

"Of course not, Grandma." Loras said, and Renly was mildly panicked to hear how politely Loras spoke to her. It was rare indeed that Loras seemed to have respect for anyone.

“So, _Renly_ is it?” The wisened old lady beckoned him over with a crooked finger. “I don't care what Margaery says, but I've heard worryingly _little_ about you.”

Renly laughed more than a little nervously and got up, sitting on the sofa next to her. He was pleased to see Loras watching them warily from next to Margaery. He didn't want to be left completely alone with her.

“Closer, boy.” She demanded. “My ears aren’t what they used to be.”

Renly edged closer. It was the last thing he wanted to do and yet he couldn’t exactly say no to Loras’ grandmother.

“So,” She started, taking one of Renly’s hands in her own, her grip surprisingly steely. “Do you have a job?”

“I’m a lawyer.” Renly told her. “In the city. Corporate law, very dull.”

“Well at least he’s not a layabout even if he has sold his soul for money.” She commented dryly across the room to Loras as if Renly wasn't there.

Loras got up at that, and came over to him, rolling his eyes. “Ignore her.” He said under his breath to Renly, taking his hand and sitting down next to him so that their thighs were touching. It was comforting, Renly found, and he squeezed Loras' hand a little.

Loras' grandmother didn’t seem discouraged, though. “And how old are you?” She asked, peering at him intently.

“Twenty three?” Renly replied.

“Odd,” She said dryly. “They do say that children grow up fast nowadays, but to be twenty three now when you were only eighteen two years ago. Well that’s a marvel indeed.” She threw a glance in Loras’ direction. “Loras?” She inquired. "Anything to say to that dear?"

Renly turned to look at him too. That was something Loras never had told him, and yet it wasn't such a stretch to believe that Loras had lied to his parents about how old he was. Renly imagined such proper parents as Loras' would have been more than a little shocked if they'd known Loras was seeing a twenty year old when he'd been but sixteen. The age gap had never really felt that large, Renly thought, and yet on paper it didn't sound great.

Loras just rolled his eyes and shrugged. "I did almost fail my maths GCSE?" He offered helpfully.

“Well then, I suppose we can’t blame you for that one.” Loras' grandmother said, patting Renly’s hand and still looking a little sceptical. “He’s always been a rascal.”

Renly laughed, hoping that would be the end of it. He was soon proved wrong, though, as Loras' grandmother continued with her questioning. She was relentless, and never had Renly felt more like he was on trial for something. She wanted to know all sorts of things, where he'd grown up, where he'd been to school, how many sibling she had. He answered all her questions well enough, though, ploughing through them until he hit one he really didn't quite know what to say to, not without getting Loras into trouble.

“So, how did you and Loras meet?” She repeated, studying her face with her beady eyes. "I've always wondered and I imagine it must be quite the interesting story."

“Um.” Renly stammered, turning slightly to Loras. “How did we meet? You know what, I can’t remember. Maybe in a café. Yes it was a café wasn’t it Loras?”

“Definitely.” Loras nodded solemnly. “The one all the students always frequent. That one where you can get hot chocolate for a pound."

He sounded convincing enough to Renly, and yet his grandmother didn't look like she even remotely believed him. “And when was that?” She asked.

Renly forced himself to smile. “In my second year sometime.” That was true, though he definitely wasn't going to mention that it very early on in his second year. Hopefully, she'd assume that it had been some time after Loras' birthday.

She still looked sceptical and yet she let it drop, eyeing Loras a little before she picked up her knitting.

Renly almost breathed a sigh of relief.

...........

Renly immediately regretted having a few beers as soon as he realised that he'd be over the limit to drive home tonight. And whilst he insisted repeatedly that he and Loras could get the train and that that wasn't a problem, Loras' father, a man who evidently loved the sound of his own voice, wasn't having it.

"Don't be silly, my boy." He said, clapping Renly on the shoulder. "You can't even get a direct train from here. You must stay."

Renly did his best, and yet talking to Loras' father seemed to be like talking to a brick wall. Words just bounced off him as he rambled on. It was very reluctantly, thus, that he agreed to stay. He was more than a little bemused too when he was given a bedroom, though. He’d assumed he’d just sleep with Loras in his room, seeing as the two of them lived together and everything. Instead, though, he was taken to what was evidently their spare room whilst Loras no doubt was going to sleep in his old room.

He didn't say anything, though, and just thanked Loras' mother profusely for letting him stay as Loras rolled his eyes at him from behind his mother’s shoulder and mouthed that he was sorry. They left him then, and Renly watched Loras walk across the landing with his mother before he shut the door. He wanted to tell Loras to come back and yet he knew he couldn't.

Renly felt a little lonely as he pulled off his jeans. Loras’ family had been friendly enough, but seeing them all together, with their matching curly hair and big smiles, he couldn’t help but feel he didn’t fit in with these people at all.

He knew now too that Loras would be without a doubt discussing him with his family. That, terrified him more than coming here in the first place ever had.

………….

“So,” Loras asked once they were back in the kitchen. “What do you think?” He'd been dreading this conversation all evening, and yet he knew he wouldn't be able to go to bed until his family had given him their opinion. He knew that he'd lie awake and worry about it, and tomorrow morning was going to be miserable enough as it was without him having not got any sleep. He was supposed to be meeting Jaime on the courts at eight in the morning and he wouldn't be impressed if he was late. Him and Renly would have to leave ridiculously early. 

Her father shrugged. “Seems pleasant enough.” Willas and Garlan murmured their assent too.

His mother, though, seemed less convinced. “He was rather charming.” She admitted. She looked rather worried regardless, though, and she put a hand on Loras' shoulder. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing, though, Loras? I mean, he seems lovely, but I can’t help but remember how upset he made you.”

Loras sighed. "I know you can't. But I've wiped the slate clean for him, so you need to too."

Margaery laughed. "I liked him." She decided. "He gets points for being sensible enough to clearly be terrified of both me and Grandma."

Loras rolled his eyes. Her words soothed him, though. He'd been dreading Margaery passing her judgement for weeks now.

"And grandmother?" He asked, holding his breath.

She was quite for a good long time and Loras waited anxiously, the whole family turning to stare at her.

"He'll do." She said eventually. And that, coming from her, Loras knew to be the best he could have hoped for.

……………

Loras waited until he'd heard his parents shut their door before he crept out of room and onto the landing. Renly's door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open.

“It’s me.” He whispered. "You asleep?"

"No." Renly replied and in the near darkness Loras saw him sit up, his hair all ruffled on one side. Loras smiled and crossed the room to the bed, slipping in beside him. The bed was warm and he really didn't give a fuck that he wasn't supposed to be here.

He shuffled over to Renly and wrapped an arm around him, running the other up the back of Renly's neck and knotting it in his hair. He sighed as Renly rested his head against his shoulder, his breathing warm against Loras' neck.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" He whispered.

Renly sighed. “I guess not." He raised his head slightly. They didn’t like me, though, did they?”

Loras paused ever so slightly and Renly sat up a little wildly, running his hands anxiously through his hair. “I knew they wouldn’t." He said. "And now you’re going to leave me aren’t you?”

Loras winced. Those words stung a little and yet he wasn't surprised. Renly seemed to apply his struggles with commitment to everyone else too, universally and without much logic. Throughout the last couple of months, if Loras had been late home or had forgotten to text him back, Renly's automatic assumption seemed to be that he'd left and wasn't' coming back. It was sad, Loras thought, that Renly seemed utterly convinced that Loras was going to walk out on him sooner or later. And while, usually, he'd later backtrack and admit that he'd panicked unnecessarily, it still stung to know that Renly definitely had more than a few issues with trusting people.

He was getting slowly better, though, and so Loras tried to be patient. He pulled him gently back down beside him. You don’t actually think I’d do that do you?” He laughed softly against Renly's ear. "Leave you just because my parents don't approve?"

Even in the dark Loras thought he saw Renly's cheeks turn pink slightly. “No,” he admitted quietly. “I don’t think you’re going to do that. It’s just,” he gestured around the room. "-I don’t belong here Loras. You and your family are so close, and I’m, well, I’m always going to be that dick who broke your heart.”

“Shhh.” Loras soothed. “Don’t think like that.” He put his arms round Renly’s waist and slid his hands up the back of his top, tracing reassuring circles with his palms. “And anyway," He laughed. "They liked you.”

Renly lifted his head, his expression odd. “They did?”

“Mmm-hmm. Even my grandmother." Loras laid his head against Renly's chest, his heartbeat loud under his ear through his shirt. It was still beating erratically.

“Oh.” Was all Renly said, the sound hanging in the air.

Loras laughed, not raising his head from Renly's chest. “So will you be quiet now?”

“You’re going to stay?” But your parents?"

Loras smiled. "I don't care." He didn't either. In his opinion it was stupid to insist on giving Renly his own room. Everyone in his family knew that shared a bed back in London anyway. Loras supposed it was to do with their father's Not Under My Roof stance, a rule that was invariably applied to all of them except Garlan and Leonette, for marriage apparently changed things in his father's book.

"So you'll stay?" Renly clarified, and Loras was pleased to hear his heartbeat slow considerably after he nodded. The tension too went out of Renly's arms and he relaxed against him, sighing deeply into Loras' hair and evidently glad that he wasn't going to have to sleep alone in a strange house tonight.

"I'm grateful, Renly." Loras sighed softly as sleep began to take him. "I know you didn't want to come." He'd never admit it out loud, but he'd been proud of Renly this evening, more proud than he'd ever expected to be.

Renly didn't reply and from how steady his breathing was, Loras guessed he was already asleep. Closing his eyes, he curled a little closer to him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, at the final chapter. I'd love to say a massive thank you to everyone who's been so encouraging! Also, a clarification for those non tennis fans out there. Getting a Grand Slam refers to winning the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon, and the US Open, all in one calendar year. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

 

September 2017

“What are you doing now?” Loras asked impatiently from over his shoulder, rolling his eyes and grabbing his wrist to drag him away from the display. “We’re already late and you’re looking at hover-boards of all things? It’s a baby we’re buying for, and I believe it was _you_ , not me, who drunkenly promised to decorate the nursery.”

Renly grinned sheepishly. “I did, didn’t I?” He admitted, remembering all too well how enthusiastically he'd made the offer to Brienne after one too many glasses of champagne. Sighing, he tore himself away from the hover-boards and thought back to the nursery him and a very heavily pregnant Brienne had spent all of last weekend laboriously painting, a nursery that was almost ready and would be needed tonight. “Well all we need now is the curtains." He said. "But I just don't know what colour to choose. We don’t even know if it’s a girl or a boy yet.”

“Yes we do.” Loras' interlaced his fingers with Renly's as they walked. “It’s a girl. Jaime texted me about half an hour ago.”

“Of course he did.” Renly said, rolling his eyes and laughing. He’d had to just accept the fact that Loras probably spent almost as much time with Jaime as he did with him. They claimed still not to get on and whilst indeed, Renly would often see footage on television of Jaime ripping into Loras on the rare occasion that he served a double fault or something, this was clearly not the case. “But nobody told me?” 

Loras laughed, squeezing his hand fondly as they passed the kitchen showrooms. “Stop your whining. I thought Brienne had told you. But I guess she’s feeding the baby or something. Or asleep.”

Renly didn’t doubt it. Brienne had been in labour since last night and Renly had seen enough of that sort of thing on tv shows to feel more than a little sorry for her. They’d gone too to see Leonette and Garlan’s baby earlier this year and whilst she'd only been in a labour for a few hours, she'd seemed more exhausted than Renly could have ever imagined anyone could possibly be. As soon as the euphoria had worn off, she'd apparently slept on and off for days whilst Garlan ran around helplessly, trying to look after the new baby and failing miserably.

“Now come here.” Loras slipped an arm loosely around his waist and rested his head against his shoulder as they came to a stop in front of the curtains aisle. “You’re choosing the colour.”

Renly laughed. “Why me?” He asked, leaning back against Loras. Grinning, he tried to ignore the odd looks he was getting from passers-by as he did so. Nowadays Loras seemed to get recognised everywhere, which was no surprise really, considering that he'd won virtually every tournament he'd played in during the last year. As odd as it was, thus, Renly supposed that he could understand why people were rather surprised to see one of the best ranked tennis players in the world walking casually around Ikea hand in hand with another man.

"Why you?" Loras laughed, the sound low and warm. He grinned. “What was it you told Brienne? That you have _vision_ when it comes to baby's nurseries?”

Renly grinned “Well I do.” He said defensively. 

“So, in this vision of yours?” Loras asked, smirking slightly up at him. "What colour are the curtains?"

Renly laughed, glancing down at the array of fabrics. He wasn't quite sure what colour the curtains were in his vision for Brienne's nursery. Definitely not pink, though, he mused, even if it was a girl. Brienne would hate that and yet Renly knew she'd be too polite to just tell him that it wouldn't have been her choice. At the same time, though, blue would make everyone think it was a boy, something Renly reckoned the baby could do without when it had Brienne for a mother.

He settled on the purple, and taking Loras' hand again, they wove back through the crowds of shoppers to find the tills.

 

……………. 

Brienne was sat up in bed when the midwife showed them to her room, a small bundle of white blankets in her arms. Loras thought her the strangest mother he’d ever seen and yet there was a big, if very tired, smile plastered on her face. For all her lack of femininity, she seemed to have the same maternal instincts most women had, Loras supposed.

Jaime too looked exhausted, and for once he looked every one of thirty six years. He was sat on a chair by the side of her bed, a very satisfied smile on his face and Brienne's large hand, the one she wasn't cradling the baby with, in his own.

“I’m sorry we’re late.” Renly said as he hurried to her side, perching on the side of the bed and handing her a big card with _Congratulations_ on it. He grinned. "I won't ask how painful it was."

Brienne looked a tiny bit embarrassed and yet that didn't stop her beaming up at him. Loras hung back, letting Renly have his moment with her. Brienne was Renly's friend after all, and whilst Loras saw an awful lot of her nowadays, he didn't want to intrude, not now, when she'd just had a baby. He drew up the only remaining chair and pulled it over as quietly as possible to where Jaime was sat.

"You look terrible." He laughed to Jaime. "Tiring night by any chance?"

Jaime rolled his eyes, pushing a hand through his blond hair. "Thanks for the congratulations." He said dryly, laughing slightly. "But yeah, you have no idea." He glanced over at Renly, who was peering curiously still at the bundle in Brienne's arms. "Trust me. You should thank your lucky stars you'll never have to go through it with that one."

Loras laughed and turned too to watch Renly. Brienne had handed him the baby now and he looked quite baffled by it, endearingly so as he peered down at it on his lap. "Does she have a name yet?" He asked Jaime.

Jaime nodded. "Alysanne." He said. "After one of Brienne's sisters."

Loras nodded. "Well congrats." He reached into Renly's bag and pulled out the packet of doughnuts Renly had insisted on stopping for earlier. "Want one?" He said, offering the packet to Jaime. "Probably better than hospital food?" He himself was starving and he took a large bite out of one of them.

Jaime raised an eyebrow even as he took one out of the bag. "What did we say about this sort of thing?"

“Fuck off Jaime.” Loras took another large bite, not caring he was supposed to be eating healthily. “I’m hungry.”

Jaime laughed. “Renly’s a bad influence on you. Keep your focus. You’ve only got the US Open left and I’ll kill you myself if you fuck that one up.”

Loras rolled his eyes. “Sure you will.” He said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. “We’re both well aware that if I win the US Open then I’ll be the first player to get a Grand Slam since you. And you just love the fact that you’re the only one to have done it in the last fifteen years.”

Jaime just shrugged and didn't deny it. "Your funeral." He said with a smirk. "And I'll still be the only one to have done it three times in a row even if you do win. Even with my coaching you'll never beat my records. Especially not if you scoff doughnuts the week before the last hurdle."

Loras begged to differ and yet he sighed and put down the doughnuts just as Renly got up from Brienne's side and walked towards them. He handed the one he'd started dismally to Renly who ate it without question. He then tugged Loras unceremoniously up out of his chair, sitting down before Loras could even protest and then pulling him back down onto his lap. "Sorry.” He grinned, wrapping an arm lazily around Loras' chest. “I’m tired and you're lighter than I am."

"Not for much longer." Jaime quipped, kicking the bag of doughnuts with his foot.

Loras rolled his eyes and settled back against Renly's chest. He didn't really care that he'd been forced out of his seat. Renly's lap was comfortable enough and it was nice to have his arms around him, especially when Brienne and Jaime were staring at each other a little sickeningly across the room.

“You are so whipped.” Jaime commented as Brienne passed the baby to him now, a big smile coming to his face that didn't suit him. 

Loras shrugged and didn't even bother to deny it.

 

……….

It was late when they got home and Renly wearily put the kettle on as Loras went straight up the stairs, no doubt to climb into bed. Fighting to keep his eyes open, he made himself a coffee, miserably opting for a decaffeinated one as he knew that it would let him get to sleep even if it did taste like shit. That done, he shoved some instant hot chocolate in a mug for Loras too. He had hoped that Loras would grow into liking coffee, as most people did, and yet at half way between twenty and twenty one, Loras showed no signs of doing so.

Loras was indeed in bed when Renly came in, pushing their bedroom door open with his foot. He was stretched out lazily under the covers, more on Renly's side of the bed than his own and his curls falling over his eyes.

Renly smiled at him. It had been five years now since he'd met Loras and still he hadn't managed to get used to quite how irresistible Loras could be without him even trying. Still smiling, Renly got in under the covers beside him, placing the tray of mugs precariously on the bedside table as he swung his legs into bed and beckoned for Loras to sit up for him. 

"Here." He said, pressing the hot chocolate into Loras' hands. "So you don't feel left out while I drink my coffee."

Loras smiled lazily at him, taking it and slipping under Renly's arm to lean against his side, his head against Renly's chest and the covers pulled up around both of them.

They drank in a comfortable silence, Renly's spare hand rifling through Loras' hair absent-mindedly. It had been a busy day, and he'd had a lot on his mind ever since they'd left Ikea. Sighing, he decided to voice this out loud. 

“Today got me thinking,” Renly said slowly once both of their mugs were empty. “-that maybe we should get a bigger place? You know, some place nice with more than one bedroom." He laughed softly and taking Loras' mug, set them both on the bedside table. "God knows we can afford it.”

Loras hummed his consent against his chest. "That would be nice." He sighed, the sound warm against Renly's neck.

Renly smiled. "You'd like that? Really?"

"Mm-hmm." Loras yawned softly, stretching his legs slightly under the covers. "Any particular reason why you've decided you suddenly want this, though?" He asked, laughing under his breath and moving to lie down properly, rolling over onto his stomach and resting his chin on Renly's thighs. "You’re not getting broody are you?" He smiled lazily up at him once more. "If I pry into your internet history will I find you've been browsing adoption applications?”

Renly laughed. “No, you won't." Brienne's baby had been sweet, cute and sort of soft looking, and yet he'd been quite happy to hand it back to her after a few minutes, even if it did tug on more than a few of his heartstrings.

“Good.” Loras sighed sleepily. “I’ve got you to look after, let alone some screaming baby.”

Renly smiled. Loras had meant it as a joke and yet Renly knew that the reality was far from it. He knew all too well that his daily life would disintegrate rapidly into a complete shambles if he didn't have Loras around. It almost did, in fact, on those occasions that Loras went without him to one of his tournaments. Usually, Renly would just about manage to hold on and cook the basic meals Loras had taught him without him for a few days, instead of just ordering pizza every night like part of him was always inclined to do. That said, though, they were getting easier, Renly thought, Loras' occasional trips without him. It probably had something to do with the fact that now Renly found he could be almost entirely confident that Loras would return each and every time. Even so, thoughm Renly didn't think it was possible to be more relieved than he always was when Loras came back. When Loras was around, he had structure to his day, someone to come home to whose company he adored. When Loras wasn't around that all fell to pieces.

“Well then, if you're not broody, why the sudden desire for a bigger place?” Loras asked, his eyes fluttering closed even as he spoke.

Renly sighed. “I don't know.” He admitted hesitantly. He guessed that it was probably because he wanted something more permanent, a place he and Loras could really make theirs which would be a proper home rather than something they were renting. He couldn't be sure, though.

He ran his hands through Loras' hair as he thought, the curls silky under his fingers. Loras' eyes were properly closed now and his breathing soft, a sure sign that he was halfway on his way to sleep. Gently, Renly shifted his head off his lap and lay down next to him, resting his cheek against Loras' and listening to that steady sound of his breathing that was always so reassuring. 

“I guess," He said quietly, more to himself than to Loras. "-that it's because my future’s with you now. And because-" He sighed, wondering what he really meant to say. He didn't know the words really for how he felt about Loras, and yet he did know that he'd never felt like this about anyone before, and that it seemed more than unlikely that he'd ever feel like this about anyone again. He supposed, though, that when he really thought about it, that most people would be inclined to call it love, that strange word that Loras bestowed on him so generously nowadays without even seeming to expect to hear it back. It felt nice when Loras told him that, terrifying and thrilling at the same time, and yet it was a word that Renly didn't think he'd ever really known the meaning of.

Now, though, looking at Loras with his eyes closed and his hair all tangled from Renly's hands, Renly thought he might have grasped that meaning, or at least a little bit of the essence of it. Silently, he kissed the corner of Loras' mouth and took a deep breath, brushing the curls from his face.

"Quite possibly, Loras, it's because I love you." He whispered, trying the words out in his mouth. 

The words felt unfamiliar on his tongue and yet Renly found he had no desire to take them back. Wistfully, he gazed down at Loras. He wasn’t quite sure if Loras had heard and yet there was a small smile on his face that hadn't been there before, a tiny movement of his mouth that Renly didn't think he'd have noticed if it wasn't for the fact that he knew the contours of Loras' face better than his own. It made Renly want to smile too, and yet more than anything, it made him think that Loras had heard every word he'd said.

That was good enough for Renly and he pulled Loras properly into his arms before settling down to go to sleep.


End file.
